I’ll reward you with a meme later. You can’t wait.
Ok, so notes on the Olympics. Expect it to be this way until the games end. If this doesn’t make you writhe with glee, you’re unpatriotic and most especially unAmerican.
*Yay to Kristin Armstrong, who won the women’s time trial today! I’m so glad I didn’t fast forward through the cycling! (Not that I have been… ok, just through the long stretches when nothing’s really going on.) Armstrong lives in Boise, btw. We’re like BFFs.
*I get women’s synchronized diving. It’s a beautiful ballet all the way to the water. Maybe Cirque du Soleil. Whatevs. And then there’s men’s synchro. Perhaps the gayest event in the Olympics. I expressed this opinion to Frank, and he kind of shrugged me off. Until he saw two men jumping up and down and doing somersaults together. “Yep. This is definitely the gayest sport at the Olympics.” As Frank says, “It’s pairs of men wearing almost nothing, trying to move together in beautiful precision.” When the Chinese did their first optional dive, I said, “Wow. They’re so good.” Frank: “I credit their lack of individuality.” I made a poster.
Yeah, I can’t stop. I now understand why Rachl Lukis is addicted (profanity warning).
I’ll post now but continue my DVR-delayed liveblog. I heart the Olympics.
*I’ve been rolling my eyes at the fact that the women’s beach volleyball teams wear attire barely suitable for a strip club while they’re playing, and finally there was a big hubbub about how the men are required to wear actual clothes and the chicks wear less fabric than it takes to make a cloth diaper. Think of our textile industry! And if you’re wondering, the black oil spider thingy living on Kerry Walsh’s shoulder is kinesio tape. She had shoulder surgery. Of course, when I see it, I always just wonder if she has a tan line in the shape of an ink blob. I’m sure she does. Poor blobby Walsh.
*Yay, May-Treanor/Walsh win! Congratulations, blobby tan line! Now give me swimming and gymnastics.
*Phelpsie is up next in the 200 IM heats (from earlier). I love his superstitious arm slappiness. What’s insane to me is that the freestyle isn’t even his best stroke, and he keeps killing everyone there. He wins his heat easily. Ooh, squee! NBC is showing all eleven of his gold medal finishes. And now it’s on to live swimming.
*First-time Olympian Scott Spann swimming against that dangerous Kitajima in the 200M breaststroke. Spann is pretty far behind, not looking like he’ll medal. Kitajima does win, Spann in sixth.
*I totally just confused myself with the DVR. I don’t even know what’s being recorded anymore, but I’m pretty sure we’ll have to catch Mythbusters on the repeat due to my DVR FAIL.
*Natalie Coughlin, thrice medaled in Beijing is up in the 100M freestyle semis. Coughlin wins the semi, and Libby Trickett, the Aussie, is fourth! No Americans in the second semis, so I don’t care. Wow, Trickett didn’t even make the final. Rowdy Gaines says that has to be the biggest shock of these Olympics, but I have to give that one to the big old comeback victory by our men’s relay the other night. Duh. Ouch, China’s Pang is out. She took first in the semi and has been disqualified for a false start. That’s gotta hurt. Libby Trickett gets a break and a trip to the finals.
*Aaron Piersol & Ryan Lochte in the 200M backstroke semis. I’ll have you know, we’re hours into prime time, and no sign of men’s gymnastics. Maybe NBC is waiting for the Chinese gymnasts to perform or something. Gotta say I’m really happy to not be on the east coast with these late shows. Ok, I’m always happy to not be on the east coast. Meanwhile, we’re watching heats and semis. All-around finals notwithstanding. Piersol’s in, Lochte’s in, they’ll be in the middle lanes. Oh. The men’s all-around hasn’t started yet. My bad, NBC.
*Jason Lezak, my big Olympic hero, swims soon in the 100 freestyle. Meanwhile, two American girls, Breeden and Hersey, are in the 200M freestyle. Wow. That was unfortunate. China 1-2. At least they’re of competing age, so congratulations, China girl swimmers. Americans 7th and 8th. A fan threw a drum into the water during the race. Stay classy, Olympics fans.
*Here’s hero boy, Jason Lezak, in the 100. Go, you veteran stud. He ties for the bronze, his first individual medal ever! That mouthy humiliated frog, Alain Bernard, is so happy to have won. Yes, Bernard, but in four years, no one will remember this race. They’ll remember that Jason Lezak pwn3d you in the 400 relay. But congratulations anyway.
*Getting ready for my Olympic boyfriend, Sasha Artemev, and another Olympic crush, Jonathan Horton, to go in the men’s all-around. Fast forward through the spotlight segment on the Chinese athlete — must be my patriotism kicking in. My Sasha is up first on the rings, and it’s not his best event, but he’s done pretty well. Good going. Whew, that Japanese dude on the tumbling was awesome. Oh, of course. Sasha under 15 on the rings, because the gymnastics judges are all full of shenanigans this week.
*We leave the men’s all-around to watch Michael Phelps in a semi. ? I adore him, too, but it’s like NBC is just hoping that there’ll be a big shocka! And the only shocka! would be that Phelps wouldn’t make the final in a race. Which basically means that NBC is rooting against Phelps; it’s the only explanation. Phelps wins the semi (200 IM) with water in his goggles again. Lochte, easily the cutest of our swimmers, swims in the next semi, and he wins.
*After one rotation, Sasha is in 20th, and Jonathan is in 21st. They both did their weakest events first.
*More swimming. Normally I welcome it, but I’m too excited and hopeful about the gymnastics. US women swimming the 800 medley relay. So while this is going on, I have plenty of time to tell y’all: David Cook has not yet confirmed me as a friend on Facebook. I am crushed. We get the bronze. Does Katie Hoff ever smile? Just wondering.
*The coverage of the men’s all-around is abysmal. Even when they show us the events, they go ahead and spoil them for us and tell us whether the athlete in question fell off or not, while we’re watching the routine. It’s taking away from the whole thing, so I’m ready for the commentary gang to just shut their pie holes and let us watch some gymnastics. Ok, tell me why I want to watch two Chinese swimmers have their gold medal ceremony. Why?
*After two rotations, Sasha is 12th, Jonathan 20th. But they didn’t bother to show us Sasha’s second rotation. Too busy showing the Chinese swimmers in their medal ceremony and showing a Korean gymnast warm up on the rings — not even participate on the rings. I don’t know why I’m so annoyed tonight, but I am. Boo, hiss, putrescence, all that. Finally. Jonathan Horton to vault. He prays at the chalk bin before starting (though NBC analysts call that a “moment of reflection”). Big hop on the landing, but a sweet vault. Yowza, 16.1. Big score for the big Olympic stud, who looks a lot like Mark Blucas, yes?
*Our precious little Sasha has been scarcely mentioned, and we’ve only seen him once. They’re showing the Russians, Chinese, and Koreans quite enough, but only one American warrants a mention. Whatevs, when does Fox News get the rights to the Olympics? They’re patriotic most of the time. OOCH. What a horrible fall the Japanese guy just took from the rings. Is anyone surprised the Chinese make shoddy rings? Oh, there’s Sasha! So he got almost a 16 on the vault, and they didn’t bother to show it. I guess he’s not Chinese enough. We do get to see him on the parallel bars. Lovely until the dismount, which was hoppy. 15.2.
*Three down, and Sasha is in 12th, Jonathan in 14th. It’s midnight. I’m staying up, because I’m stupid. 15.275 on Jonathan’s parallel bars. Sasha coming up on the high bar. He’s doing and redoing and redoing his grips. It’s almost a nervous tic. Beautiful stuck landing! What the heck? 15.075??? 9.075 on execution, and I don’t get it. After four rotations, Jonathan is 12th, and Sasha is 14th. They switched places.
*Jonathan on the high bar now. Small step on the landing, but the routine was excellent. 15.35 (8.95 execution, which is bullcrap). The gymnastics judging and age cheating is making me bitter. I realize this, but I don’t care; call me crazy, but I don’t think you should get extra deductions for being an American. Maybe for being a communist, but not for being an American. Sasha is on the floor routine, and I’m just amazed at his ability. Those helicopter thingies he does make me all fluttery. That was solid. He’s so cute. He looks so Russian and then he starts talking to me through the TV (hi, SarahK, thanks for all your support), and he sounds so… American. You’re just never expecting anything but broken English to fly out of his mouth. 14.625.
*Sasha goes to his final event, the pommel horse, on which he is so amazing and, I hear, spotty. Whatevs, he’s totally going to pwn this thing. NAILS IT! The best he’s been the whole Olympics. I can’t wait to see him in the individual event finals. I’m so proud of him. 15.525. Mwah mwah mwah.
*Jonathan is on the floor routine. Does a good job. Who knows what the score was, thanks, NBC. So China, then Japan, then surprised France. Jonathan finishes 9th and Sasha 12th. And SarahK gets to go to bed!