Category Archives: housewifery


I have many plans for today: cleaning and paring down the kitchen, cleaning the livingroom, steaming the carpets in the main rooms… but I am so tired. Sleepy, that is. I can hardly stay awake. I asked Frank if he drugged me, and he claims that he didn’t.
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the J house has been severely neglected since the big push to get the book finished. now that i’m done with my part (Frank’s gotta go through a few of my changes), i can finally clean!

this house needs serious TLC. the funny thing is, i know it’s clean on the inside, so i don’t think it’s going to take that long. the guest room is still clean, and all the closets are still orderly (except the den closet, because i want to add one more shelf and organize it even better). but most things in the house actually have a home now, so it’s just a matter of getting everything to its home and then dusting, cleaning the floors really well (steam, it does the flooring good, pass it on), and cleaning the ceiling fans and light fixtures. oh, and the paper. i have lots of shredding and filing to do.

ok, i know that sounds like a lot, but the worst part for me of cleaning the house is putting things away, because if it doesn’t have an actual home, i’m resistant to put it anywhere, because i hate clutter in my closets. ok, that’s the 2nd worst part. the worst part is the paper. dealing with the paper.

i really don’t think it’s going to take me that long. maybe a week to get this place sparkly. then i clean out the garage, and i mean really clean it. then the painting resumes. i can’t wait to get back to the painting. and replacing light fixtures (but that will happen after we start getting book money). replacing light fixtures and blinds will really spruce up the place, which is full of default fixtures because Frank forgot to pick out his light fixtures. more fun for me!

i don’t really know why, but i’m so excited about being able to clean. probably because that will make me feel more like the housewife that i am on the inside.

oh! i’m also going to really pare down the kitchen. get rid of appliances and gadgets and excess mixing bowls that sit in the primo cabinet space and never get used. anybody want a salad shooter? i haven’t used it since Fort Worth. plus i must go through the pantry and ditch the expired food. the pantry is so full.

fun times are on the horizon, peeps. i am woman. watch me clean.

new guest bedding

I finally finished the guest bedroom about 30 seconds before I left to pick up Tarina at the airport. And after we ate Chipotle for dinner, Tarina and I went up to Walmart to pick up a new comforter for the guest bed, because I was very unhappy with the current one and just needed a new one. The one I had planned to get (i.e., scoped a couple of weeks ago) was sitting on the shelf right across from the most perfect one for this room. And whereas the already-scoped-out comforter was just the comforter, the perfect one was a whole bed in a bag complete with sheets, pillowcases, shams, and bed skirt for only $35 more. $75 total. And it looks pretty stinking nice for a $75 bed-in-a-bag. (Kitty not included.)

The colors in the comforter go with the curtains, the metal in the bed and decor, the chair that I had planned to get rid of and now will keep, and the red flowers in the basket on the wall.

scrub scrub scrub

Atlantis launch scrubbed again. Next chance is sometime next month. Finally I can put on some Natalie Merchant and really clean the house.

UPDATE: Oh, now they’re saying it could happen Saturday or Sunday? Ok. That means Tarina could actually get to see a space shuttle launch in person! That’s pretty cool. Kind of a once-in-a-lifetime thing, unless you live here for more than a few years.

Frank J.: World’s Biggest Baby

I started to make my husband’s lunch this morning, and he said he still had his lunch that I made him 2 days ago. Wednesday, they all had lunch catered, so he left his lunch in the fridge for Thursday. What about yesterday?

FRANK J.: Eh, I just wasn’t feeling well and didn’t feel like eating.
SARAHK: You didn’t want to eat your sandwich because I used wheat bread.
FRANK J.: [the following look on his face]

SARAHK: You are such a big baby.
FRANK J.: I just didn’t feel like eating.
SARAHK: You are such a big baby. It is not that bad. You eat your sandwich today, or I’m going to stop making your lunches.
FRANK J.: I just didn’t feel like eating.
SARAHK: I’m never buying white bread again if you don’t eat your wheat bread today, you big baby.

My goodness, I’m eating a peanut butter sandwich right now, and it’s not that bad. It’s actually pretty decent wheat bread.


i’ve been working really really hard on the office/den. yesterday i bought wire shelves for the closet and had them cut down to size. today i went to install them. they’re .5 inch too long. even though i measured the closet before i bought the shelves. i guess i didn’t measure good.

so now i have to go back tomorrow and get them cut another half inch. but really i want to just give up. and i don’t have a lot of time. i think i’m going to have to save it for after vacation. * sigh *

I didn’t know what to do

So Sizzle is here for a visit. She’s not actually staying here at our house, but they came for linner Sunday, so I spent 5 days or so cleaning. Yes, we’re complete slobs. Yes, we hate being so.

Anyway, we’re reeeeeeeally going to make the effort this time to keep it clean. Actually, before our trip to Idaho at the end of the month we have to keep it clean, because Tarina comes to visit a week after we get back. And we both feel so great having it this way. We’re being very careful. Frank even took the Amazon boxes straight to the trash in the garage last night after he opened them. :-O

I was cooking last night after we walked the dog, and I was a little lost. Generally, I unload and reload the dishwasher, clean the counters, keep the kitchen in somewhat working order. Not preferable, but workable. But I didn’t have anything to do in the kitchen last night. The dishwasher was mostly loaded and waiting for our after-dinner dishes. Counters were sparkly. Sink was clean. Floors were clean. Um… I guess I could throw in a load of laundry while I wait for the meat to brown… now what? Read Harry Potter? Do tricks with the dog?

We settled on doing tricks with the dog and then feeding her. Finally the meat was browned and I was ready to do the rest of the cooking. Whew! I’ll have to take up needlepoint again if I keep this up. I’m sure that every other day this nasty shedding dog will cause me to have to sweep the floor, so that’ll give me something to do, but it didn’t need it last night.

I really want it to stay this way. Especially once the place is painted, because it will be totally awesome.

angular ceilings

i don’t know, maybe house designers and architects think people will like them because they look cool. from this day forward, we shall never own a house with funky angular ceilings. maybe Rachel can find out for me what’s the deal with the stupid angular ceilings?

in other news, my whole body hurts and my head hurts.

there was something else, i know there was.

oh, i remember. all the internet instructions on cleaning paint brushes (yes, i need help on every stinking thing, i’m a girl) tell you to use a wire brush to get off stingy paint. i don’t have an abundance of wire brushes, so tomorrow i shall call my gynecologist and see if he has a spare.

i really am funny. i was reading the internet and saw that about the wire brushes and thought “well i don’t have any wire brushes, but i know who does.” it just came to me like that. i laughed at that one myself. then i said, “SarahK, you’re funny even when you’re thinking to yourself.” i always wondered why so many of you visit here daily. i’m such a nutcase. a funny one!

well. the painting must continue. but i’m painting much smoother tonight. so i’m thinking this is the last coat on the ceiling. if not, i’m going to find neighbor Bill and punch him in the face.

my frequent breaks

So I bought the ladder. It’s a doozy. I had decided on it before I ever got to Lowe’s. I’d done a couple days’ research, and this was it. I was done, this was my ladder, and no painting could recommence until the ladder was in my possession. The expense is considerable but justifiable, considering that we will never no never buy another ladder as long as there is breath in our bodies unless the cats manage to break it, as I’m sure they will.

This sucker does everything, and really all I want is one that will get me up to those ceilings so I can do the edges without bending over backward, doing the splits, feeling like I’m losing a game of Twister that’s being played on my ceiling. At the same time, it’s ridiculous to pay $120 for a clunky aluminum stepladder that goes up to 13 feet, gets me to 11, and is impossible to maneuver in small spaces. This one collapses to about 5 feet tall, so I can carry it without dinging every wall in my path (no really, you should see the walls betwixt the garage and the bathroom), plus if we need one to go to the attic, no more hopping up from the last step to actually get into the attic. This one’s tall enough and folds out to an extension ladder. And the best part is that I don’t have to move it as often, because you can stand on both sides of the stepladder. So I can paint the edges, go to the other side, paint more edges, then move. Beautiful. Frank and I can actually both stand on it at the same time. And I can work up on a plant ledge more easily. Yay! Gravy: If we ever need such a thing, it breaks down into 2 and we can throw on a plank and use it as a scaffold. Plus we can adjust the two sides of the stepladder to 2 different lengths for working on stairs. So it’s like that Little Giant Ladder thingy that I always saw at the Texas State Fair (and which Laura mentioned in the comments), but no annoying ads that I’ve seen, and half the price, plus I picked it up at Lowe’s.

Oh! Also, I can make it 5′, 6′, 7′, 8′, 9′, 10′, and 11′ as a stepladder, which is awesome. I can just pick however tall I want it. So no crouching because it’s too tall in spots (this actually happened to me once!). No overreaching because it’s too short. Our tallest ceiling is 12′, so we’re good to go.

One thing. It’s 50 pounds. That’s light, say ye? P’shaw! Funny, it’s getting lighter the more times I carry it, but I have to take a rest break after every carry. I carried it from entry way to bathroom, I had to take a break. Figured out how to work it, took a break. Carried it into shower, took it out of shower because I realized the shower needed drying. Took a break.

50 pounds for the SarahK is very heavy. BUT! No dings. I didn’t hit anything while moving the ladder. This is huge for me, because the other stepladder has scratched so many walls and doors. Seriously, I’m going to spend so much spackle time before I can paint any walls or doors in this house. Oh. Then I remembered to carry with my monster Popeye legs, which could once upon a time press 400 pounds in my weight training class, and I’m not lying (and it was only 8 years ago). Not so heavy anymore. Hitch onto shoulder and I don’t have to use Wimpy arms at all.

The ladder’s easy enough to work, but I’m going to wear gloves when moving positions. I’m ascared I’m gonna pinch my fingers.

Next week I’ll tell y’all why I hate this ladder. You know me.

completely botched

The first attempt at painting turned out utterly wrong. The edges of the ceiling are rather darker than the remainder. I diligently avoided leaving any white spots on the ceiling, so naturally there are several today. Then there is the case of the non-blended rolling. I was apparently all over the place with that thing, between all my shortness and ladder movements. We’ve got angles and varying degrees of coverage and shade… it’s a disaster. I do like the color better today.

But it does have to be redone. So here’s yet another painting question.

Should I just paint over it, since I’m doing the same color? Or should I prime it since I have so many shading issues? Or should I paint over only the interior areas? Or should I just cry?

Oh, here’s another thing. We went by Home Depot this afternoon for paint brushes, real live brushes. And I looked at ladders. The 12 ft. ladders, which have max height of not high enough for me to be able to paint the ceilings in the livingroom and kitchen and which I will be incapable of carrying considering my miniscule strength and them being twice my size, are so expensive that I could hire someone to paint the house. I was so sad by the time we left Home Depot that I had to have a whole bag of Skittles.

What about those telescoping stepladders? There’s one at Lowe’s for under $200 (sad to say that makes me happy, because it’s cheap) that goes up to 30 feet or something, and it’s the delta-shaped kind, not the lean-on-the-wall kind, so it’s probably stable-ish. I dunno. What kind of ladder will make me less sad and hopeless?


Ok, I have the greatest washing machine ever. Whereas appliances go, it is beaten only by my Kitchenaid mixer and my greatest dryer ever.

A couple weeks ago I noticed that the greatest washing machine ever has a whole function I’ve never used before. The powerwash function. It takes up the whole bottom half of the dial, how could I have missed it for 2 years?

So later that evening, I decided to wash our mattress pad and one of the blankets that we use regularly on our bed. I decided they needed some power washing, get out all those dust mites.

Big mistake.

We were sitting on the couch, and I heard a sound coming from the kitchen. It was pretty low but growing louder. Within 10 seconds, it had built to the point that I jumped off the couch, and Frank was asking, “What in the world is that?” Seriously, it sounded like aliens were landing their big giant space ships in our kitchen.

I knew what the noise was, and I was at the washer turning it off before Frank had even finished asking what it was. It was the spin cycle, and the washer had moved over a few inches, the drain hose was almost out of the drain, and the noise! The noise was bad.

So I’m going to just go back to forgetting that bottom half of the dial.

UPDATE: As the King of Negativity pointed out in my comments, “Whereas” was incorrectly used in the 2nd sentence. I agree that it is the incorrect word. I guess that’s what happen when you blog with the flu. Give me a freaking break.


Well the big sleeper sofa in the den is gone. It would have been a while before I was able to get to it, but I decided the best way to have room to declutter (because you need room to move the stuff to in order to sort through the stuff and get rid of it) was to get rid of the biggest piece of clutter.

I’ve still not painted the bathroom. But the bathroom is still clean.

Master bedroom is still relatively clean from when I cleaned it back at the beginning of May, go me. Livingroom stays clean enough, and I rearranged the whole thing to give us more space. Rowdi still believes that my nice rug in the middle of the floor is there specifically for her to chew rawhide chips. Guest room is clean enough. Closet door closes, and the bed is made. Do we need more than that? The kitchen is clean except for dishes that wouldn’t fit in the dishwasher last night, plus the bar, which catches all of our empty water bottles. And they’re legion since my farewell to Cokes.

clothe thyself

Dear Self, Next time you decide to spend 2 hours dusting, make sure you’re in long sleeves, long pants, socks, and a mask over your face. You are off-the-charts allergic to dust mites. Dust mites make you itch and close off your throat.

i’ve gotta get some color in here

seriously. i love this house. it’s great. however.

i hate living in Florida. great place to vacation and not pay state income tax, but it’s horrible to live here. and for me, it’s all about the weather. if it weren’t so humid that you feel like someone is trying to suffocate you every time you open the door to go outside, it wouldn’t be so bad. we’re in a nice community, 20 minutes from the beach, and at most an hour from the touristy spots (plus 45 minutes from the cruise port). but the weather is unbearable. maybe i got spoiled living in Amarillo, where at my company picnic, the girls were complaining about the humidity when it was at 15%. that was heaven. or maybe those vacations to the Grand Canyon, where it feels better in the inner canyon in the heat of the day than it feels here at 10 a.m.

anyway, the house. since going outside is nigh to death, and since i don’t like going other places where there are people (seriously, the rude old men who shop at Home Depot are enough to keep me shut-in), i’m in the house most of the time. and i have to do something about it. i hate the white walls, they make me feel claustrophobic and exposed at the same time. everywhere i look is white.

anyway, i’ve come to the sad realization that we’re going to be in this wretched state longer than i want to be. and that’s fine, but if i’m going to be inside all day, i have to fix the walls.

so i picked out colors for the master bathroom, and today i dragged myself to Home Depot (where the rude old men hang out – come on, Gramps, if i move over and stand back so you can see the machine screws, too, don’t get up in front of me and stand two inches from the display so i can’t see, when i was nice enough to let you in!! jerkface.). anyway, i bought paint, rollers, a drop cloth, tape, trays, all that stuff. dangit, forgot the paint stirring sticks. so i’ll make sure to do before and after pictures. it won’t be finished until i get the new towels and accessories. but i’m excited. after the bathroom, i’ll be moving on to the bedroom. then the great room, where we spend all of our time. hmm, i wonder if i should have done the room we spend the most time in first.

eh, no matter. i can just go sit in the bathroom when i need to feel warmth. not stifling, suffocating warmth. cozy warmth.

we are so on the same page today

i don’t know if it’s the migraine, or the climbing 213 steps yesterday with my out-of-shape calves, or the fact that it’s been raining lightly most of the day. but i’m so sleepy.
Rowdi is, too, but i think that has something to do with being tired out from the dog spa. she slept all day after we brought her home yesterday, and she’s slept all day today, most of the day at my feet. she’s been going into deep sleep, too. dreaming, and running in her sleep. earlier she was doing what looked like a pushup with one of her front legs – maybe sprinting around the pond in her dreams? she wakes up every now and then, grunts, shifts positions, and goes right back to sleep.

she’ll probably be like this Friday, too, because she’s going to daycare at the dog spa on Thursday, because after my sleep-deprived EEG, i imagine i’ll want to sleep all day and would rather let them exercise her than me try to walk her in my sleep.

we have air!

it’s cool air! i’m currently not perspiring and feel like i can actually do stuff. yay!

my boss gave me the day off

i probably won’t actually take the day off, but the fact that i can means that any work i do is bonus work that i get to feel twice as good about.

on cleaning the house

As a housewife with only a million other projects going on, I feel the house should be 95% clean 100% of the time. We all know that I’m just not there yet.

But I’m so close now.

My kitchen is always about a half hour from clean, and if I’m cooking it’s only 15 minutes from clean (I do the dishes and clean the counters while I’m cooking, so all that’s ever left is current dinner dishes and the floor). Big improvement from Bikermommy coming to my house in Amarillo and stroking out over the state of my kitchen.

The master bedroom. It’s so beautiful I may take a picture. No longer will I stub my toe or trip over piles when I get up in the middle of the night to pee (yeah, I’m old, shut up). I don’t wake up when it’s dark and draw a mental picture of the map I need to navigate the floors in the dark. Right now, the only things on the floor are the decorative pillows for the bed (because I’m in bed) and the curtain rod that I still need to install. The dresser needs dusting, and I still need to get the decorations in order and on the walls, but this room is now so relaxing. And clean!

Master bath? Not in bad shape. Not in great shape. About 30 minutes from sparkling.

Den? It’s my next project, but I see it has carpet. That’s progress.

Guest room. Bed is made. Closet is organized. The only things out are items to be donated or freecycled and bins for the den that I can’t yet get into the den.

Guest bath is sparkling.

And the scary part? I love cleaning now. It relaxes me like cooking does. I schedule time for it every day, and it’s my favorite job on the schedule.

Life is good and getting better.

it’s working

it’s only been half a morning, but it’s working so far.

today i’ve showered, moisturized my face, brushed my teeth, made Frank’s lunch, poured Frank’s coffee, done a load of laundry, put stuff in my hair, walked the dog, fed the dog (after the walk), pet the kitties, gotten dressed twice, read a couple of blogs, checked email, edited some IMWs, unpacked a box (yes, i still have 10 or so boxes to unpack and a garage to empty), and taken the dog to pee.

yay me!

what’s on my mind

Got an email from Martha today (Martha of Hank and Martha from the cruise). Of course, I haven’t yet responded, because I’m bad, but I got such a kick when she gave me a message from Hank:  they had fish tacos this week, too. Haha, we were eating them for lunch when I read the email. Also, she called me her adopted daughter, so that put a huge smile on my face. It’s crazy how alike we are.

The goals. On the Saturday dog walk, we talked about needing to get a plan for getting out of Florida (hmm, I wonder who brought that up). The goal is to be writing for a living by the time we move. We’re suspecting either Idaho or Texas, since the next place we live is probably where we’ll have our kids, and we definitely want grandparents around.  So. This has turned into a strict schedule for me, because my #1 priority is getting the first In My World compilation edited, plus editing his short story that has received interest from a sci-fi magazine.

The schedule.  It’s strict but doable. The main reason for the strict schedule is to keep the dog on a strict schedule, but the benefit is that my days are mapped out so I’m super-productive. Tomorrow is the first day, and I’ll let y’all know how many minutes it lasts. Actually, I’m very committed, so I’m going to make this work.

Dog Yeller with SarahK. That would be the show if I were Cesar Millan. Anyway, yesterday morning we were lying in bed, and the phone rang. It was Vickie, my massage therapist. Her neighbor Vickie has a German Shepherd who pulls her all over the place, and she’s at her wit’s end, with tears and everything (sounds like me the day Rowdi made me chase her through the neighborhood and I was a big sobbing mess). So Vickie told her about me and said she should talk to me about it, because my dog is so much better now. This made me laugh so hard inside (I mean, she is better, but the thought of me being someone to go to on this is hysterical). I haven’t talked to her yet (she missed my call and is supposed to call me next), but I’ll of course tell her about the Gentle Leader, the Dog Whisperer TV show, Cesar’s DVD, and Cesar’s book. Maybe when she gets her dog under control, our dogs can play together (he’s a boy). All the dogs in our neighborhood are mean to Rowdi. The little ones nip at her nose and yap yap yap until she leaves, and the big dogs growl and bark. Poor bad dog.

Speaking of Cesar Millan. I quickly jumped ahead in the book (we received it the day it came out) to see how he got to the U.S. It turns out, he came here illegally (though he’s now legally here and working on becoming a citizen). I’m all kinds of against illegal immigration, but I did get a new perspective on it reading Cesar’s reasoning for why he had to come illegally. It had nothing to do with the U.S. and everything to do with the corrupt Mexican government. I’m still against illegal immigration, but now it’s not completely black and white for me. Yeah, I know, it’s one man’s account. But the thing about that man is that he learned English, doesn’t run around protesting with Mexican flags and throwing our hospitality back in our faces, contributes to society, and is not a tax burden.

On TV’s LOST.  I’m getting bored with LOST. Everything is a mystery. From what’s up with the island, to who’s cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs, to who Kate’s going to be in love with today, to who’s going to be stupid enough to ask Sawyer for help. There’s not enough action. Jack and Locke are fighting like a couple of females. Really, why don’t they just go out to the ocean and have that peeing contest. And quit acting like girls fighting over who gets to be captain of the cheering squad. The second most annoying thing about LOST, though, is that I’m having serious Rambaldi flashbacks. The ALIAS peeps never really knew what the whole Rambaldi endgame was, so at the end of season 4, they had the stupid big red ball making people evil. That’s it? Are you kidding? And now, the writers (and probably creator) of LOST don’t have a clue what’s going on with the island, so they make it like a Monday through Friday soap opera. Nothing happens on Tuesday, Wednesday, or Thursday (hello, Days of Our Lives), so people really only get any entertainment out of Monday and Friday. Problem is, and this is the #1 most annoying thing about LOST, they only show it every 4 weeks or so. So one week we get a decent episode, then they’re off for 4 weeks, then 3 inconsequential eps in a row, then off for 4 weeks, then one decent episode… and so on. After the most recent hiatus, I had no desire to get back into it.

And on 24… I still think Audrey’s in on some bigger plot, the DHS lady (Mr. F) is evil, Tony’s not dead, and we haven’t seen the last of Walt’s widow. Oh, and the Chinese government – I’ll bet they figure out Jack’s not dead, if they haven’t already.

And in Melbourne, Florida, we got rain! It was fantastic, around 4:30 Saturday morning we started having major thunder and lightning, and the rain lasted a couple of hours. I was so happy to see the rain. And I’m pretty sure my Gerbera daisy plant outside was happy to see it too, because now I not only have the one big flower standing tall, I also have two new babies making their way up!

The weather today was fabulous. And we have mucho clouds, so I’m hoping this cooler weather will continue.

Gotta go to bed now. The new schedule says so.

It’s hot and gonna stay hot

I’m so fed up.

So the 1st a/c man (from the company that installed the a/c) said it was the compressor the first day and that we’d need to pay a labor charge of $500 for that warranty replacement because it’s been 3.5 years, and their labor is only warrantied for a year. And after we called the builder, it was miraculously nothing to do with the compressor, so someone must have sucked the freon out of the compressor late at night for huffing purposes (no really, that’s what he told me). And his amp-meter must have been tricked because it rained that day, and that can fool the amp-meter. Seriously, he said that. Except that it didn’t rain that day until after he left, but whatever, I’m just a dumb housewife, so logic is completely lost on me.

So a month later, it was hot again. So Monday a/c man #2 (from the same company that installed the a/c) came out here. He said there was a leak in a cap tube (which a/c man #1 called a “feeder tube” today), so he repaired the leak and recharged the a/c unit, so yay, we had freon. That was Monday.

Yesterday afternoon it was really hot in here again (after 1 day, this time it didn’t even last 30 days).

So today a/c man #1 came back out. He said that he checked everything, and there wasn’t any leak in a feeder tube and that that guy didn’t know what he was doing (I paid $132 for that leak and have just called the a/c company and told them I want the refund for Monday’s work since their #1 guy just said there was no leak for #2 guy to fix, and the owner’s gonna have to call me on that one because he’s the only one with authority to discuss refunds). #1 said he recharged it again this time, and that last time, the reason he thought the compressor was bad was because he had to dig under to get to this copper tubing that would indicate freon so he would be able to tell from that if there was no charge in the compressor (so he didn’t use the amp-meter at all the first time, dumb housewife).

Then he told me that I now have freon, but it’s gonna go away again, because he’s checked everything, and the only thing it can be is a leak under the house. A leak in the copper tubing. Then he said, “That’s completely normal, it happens a lot.” I said, “Then why do you use copper?” “It’s the only thing we can use. And it corrodes.” “You don’t cover it with anything?” “No.”

So he estimated that we have about 60 feet of copper tubing, asked if I know the dimensions of my house, and I said, no, not off the top of my head. He stumbled around for a while until I said, “And how much does that cost?” and yes, it was in a bit of an accusing tone, because by now, my BS-meter was shooting into the red zone. “About 60 feet, that’s going to run you about $600.” Then he looked a little surprised when I reached down toward my feet and came up with our house survey and started looking at it. It actually just happened to be there. But I can’t do geometry in my head like I can do algebra (dumb housewife that I am), so I eventually put it down.

Then I told him I’ll need to discuss it all with my husband, and thanks for coming out. I left out the part about me thinking he’s feeding me a different big bag of bullcrap every time he comes out. He left and said he’ll let the office know his findings. Frank and I are both starting to think that they’re trying to screw us, and we’re about a tick away from reporting them to the Better Business Bureau.

it’s what i do

i’m sitting on the couch planning the menu for the week so i can go do a big grocery shop — wait, lemme sidetrack for a minute. i did this last week, bought exactly what i needed, and only improvised twice, because both days, i couldn’t make myself make the mexican shredded pork, because i was just not in the mood for eating that. the kitchen was clean by the end of the week (and the sink empty), because everything was so well organized. i’m even on this kick of throwing out the leftovers when they’re a week old and throwing any bad veggies out of the crisper each week. i HATE cleaning out a syrupy crisper when something leaks all over it. it’s 20 straight minutes of gagreflexes while i clean it, so i just prefer to avoid the scenario altogether.

ok, so i’m sitting here planning the menu, and i’m doing what i always do when i’m thinking and have a pen in my hand. that’s right, i’m chewing on the pen cap. and i guess i made a sucking noise, because i tend to suck on the cap too. Rowdi turns around and gives me a look. like, “what was the noise? can you recreate that sound?” so i do it again, and she’s satisfied that it’s not a cat making the noise.

“What’s a ballsy?”

Give me a big fat break, you phony inbred backwoods imbecile. Now she’s not even trying to fake it properly. What kind of complete retard hears someone call her an adjective and says, “What’s a ballsy?” What a Mr. F.

I’d like to apologize to all the retards out there; you should never be brought down to the same level of such a halfwit.

And how about America actually sending home one of the two people who should have been gone weeks ago? Hooray for that. Goodbye Scrappy Doo, I wish you many years of not being on my television. Now everyone pray for Kellie, because it’s going to get worse, as the Vote For the Worst people are going to be supporting her now. I thought it was comical until Kevin got sent home… Oh, and wow. Lisa knew absolutely that she was going home. Then she was safe, and Bucky knew absolutely that he was going home. Kevin was the only one who didn’t know he was going home.

Hi, nice to see y’all. I’m in a mood. If y’all would like to join the pity party, there’s a cover charge. Amount to be determined later.
Hellen Buttigieg is my hero. Hellen Buttigieg and Horatio Caine.

You know what’s fun? Watching the dog do something she shouldn’t and then having someone else tell you that she didn’t do what you just saw her do.

I guess I’ll go put away the dishes and reload the dishwasher.

it’s as wonderful as they say

i used the new Kitchenaid Pro HD mixer (in shiny metallic chrome) last night. i just couldn’t wait to make something with it. i made Grandma Shirley’s Oatmeal Raisin Cookies. they were good, and it took maybe 10 minutes to make them.

if i were eating bread, i’d make some just so i could use the dough hook.

in other food news, yesterday marked a week since i went on the easy diet, and the only non-sugar non-dessert white carbs i had were the Friday night Indian food and the Saturday lunch of leftover Indian food. so i completely stuck with it. oh wait, i did eat about 5 croutons in my salad at Uno’s on Friday.

yay! less clutter!

Jamie came today and finally took away Frank’s old dryer. it was actually only used for 2.5 years, and then i got here and took over. i’m just so happy to have it out of the garage! and Jamie and her sister are so happy to not have to drag their wet clothes to the laundry room to dry them. win-win! she also took my old laundry sorter.

speaking of that, i got 2 new laundry sorters this week. that’s 6 compartments. i need 1 more sorter. maybe i have too many categories, but my stuff lasts a lot longer this way.  i have jeans, darks, lights, delicate lights (this includes my handwash, which i always wash in the machine on gentle cycle), delicate darks, reds (i easily have more red clothes than any other clothes, and since i look good in red, the red sorter always fills up first), yellows (because if you wash bright yellows with other colors, they become dim and dingy), and a spot for dry cleaning. yeah, so one more sorter should do it. if i don’t sort as i go, i can’t keep up with the laundry. that’s why the new sorters. must keep it off the floor.

i had already cleaned one Target out of the smallish under-bed storage bins (which is now where all bed sheets and blankets will go). so yesterday when i had lunch with Jamie, i got 5 more from the Target near where she works too.

you know the great thing about having someone come over to pick something up on a weekend? the house is clean for the weekend and next week. i swept all the floors and vacuumed the livingroom, and Frank cleaned our bathroom (i hate toilets, and he doesn’t mind, so yay!). there’s no laundry on our bedroom floor, either! (well, not much.)

so it’s good.

update on the cabinets

they’re fixed. the cabinet man came out this morning at 7:45 and fixed them. there were only 2 screws holding up the left side of the cabinet. now there are 6. i asked if that would hold them, and he said something about managing to get one of them into a stud or something. he said if they don’t hold, they’ll have to pull out the cabinets, and the builder will have to come out and install backing on the wall.

you know what’s cool about this whole thing, though? i had to pull everything out of those cabinets, so now i get to reorg everything (one of my favorite things to do). i think while i’m at it, i’ll pull everything out of the pantry and redo it. i love this stuff!

housewife bad!

yesterday i was at the Sheriff’s Office on Merritt Island getting fingerprinted, and i picked up the only reading material, Glamour magazine. well, i did first read the pamphlet on personal safety, but since it recommended sitting on the ground so your attacker can’t push you down and injure you, and didn’t recommend defending yourself with force, i just rolled my eyes and picked up Glamour instead.

so anyway, it was from June 2005, and it had the results of an internet poll. something like “Should people call themselves housewives?” and 67% said no, while 33% said yes.

housewifey here was slightly amused. I’M TAKING THAT WORD BACK!

my new flowers

for Valentine’s Day, hubby got me a really pretty flower arrangement in an awesome red mosaic vase. so Tuesday at Publix, i bought 3 bunches of lilies for ten bucks and reloaded the vase (yellow, orange, and stargazers). i called him to tell him how pretty they looked. i said, “so any time you want to just pick up some flowers for my vase, you feel free to do that any time, too!”

so yesterday, UPS showed up around 6 to deliver me a huge bunch of lovely new stargazers for my vase. there was a really sweet card included, too.

and it turns out that Frank had ordered the flowers in the morning, and i’d bought mine in the afternoon. so when i was calling to tell him about my wonderful bargain, he was biting his tongue not to tell me he’d already ordered me flowers.

btw, the new lilies are all buds, so i took the orange and yellow lilies and put them in a pretty glass vase, then added the buds to the red vase with the other stargazers. both vases look precious, and the house is starting to smell fantastic.

we’ll see how long this lasts

i’m now officially on a schedule.

before Frank goes to work, i do what he does. read blogs, watch the news, etc. oh yeah, and eat breakfast (it’s almost a habit for me now!). when he starts getting dressed, i make his lunch. (i make the coffee the night before.)

when Frank leaves for work, i start working for my husband, until lunchtime. by working for hubby, i mean whatever he considers my priority. editing his short stories, proofreading the IMW compilation that we’re working on, editing the podcast, making upgrades and doing maintenance on the IMAO blog… all that stuff. ya know, it’s kinda cool when your job is reading comedy all morning.

then i’ll have lunch at lunchtime. and read blogs and blog myself.

after lunch is my time. clean house, run errands, go to Curves, do any grocery shopping that needs to be done for dinner, make pies, whatever i want.

then when Frank gets home, i’m done for the day and get to spend time with my sweetie.

we’ll see how long it will last, but i think it will work for me.

my job

i try to do it well, i really do.

yesterday i was so proud. new coffeemaker, yay. so i made Frank’s coffee for when he got home. after that, i set it all up for this morning. set the clock, set the timer, added the coffee, added the water…

at 6:20 Frank woke me up by not snuggling me, and i told him he should have coffee, because i set it to be ready at 6. i wondered why i couldn’t smell the coffee, though.

so at 6:45 when Frank was out of the shower and ready for his coffee, he told me that in order to have the coffeemaker make the coffee, i have to push the On button.

yeah, so best intentions and no coffee. and i was so proud of myself.

cool stuff of the day

(in no particular order)

1) i really like my mail lady. she’s very sweet. if she has even the tiniest package (that could easily fit in the mailbox and doesn’t require a signature), she brings the mail right to the door. and today i really like her, because she brought me some wedding presents.

a lot of our wedding presents have been residing at my sister’s since the ceremony, awaiting shipment or whatever. and we really wanted the coffee maker to get here, so i told Sizzle to fill a box and surprise me with what’s in it. so today i received the awesomest coffee maker ever (eat your heart out Tammi!)… and this really awesome throw blanket that matches the livingroom colors soooo well… and photo albums and picture frames and measuring cups and towels and an awesome shadowbox and a crystal vase that is just begging for a flower arrangement.

2) we refinanced the mortgage at 5.5% for 15 years today. and it was cool, because the title company was on A1A, and the ocean is so pretty today.
3) the Soundscapes channel from Brighthouse. it’s so calming to sit here and listen while i work. (yes, work, i know it’s shocking.)

4) i don’t have much of a headache. there’s just a tiny hint of one. which means that i’ll go to Curves, which will be twice this week, and as long as i go tomorrow or Friday, i’ll get in three workouts this week. Curvy update: this is my fourth week. week 1 – 2 workouts, week 2 – 2 workouts, week 3 – 3 workouts. my body is starting to feel a little firmer, and my boobs are getting smaller, which means it must be working.
5) no one has driven a golf cart on my lawn today.

6) i got to eat lunch with my husband today. we ate at Smokey Bones, and it was good. i told him we should do this more often. “you know, have lunch, not refinance.”

7) Minerva and Sydney are very loving today. and Minerva has been watching herself in the mirror by the pool table that i need to hang. it’s so cute. and she’s lying flat on her back with her belly straight up in the air. Sydney’s watching intently.

8) the mail lady also brought the remote to our karaoke machine today. Rachel and Jim had kept it for ransom to be determined later.

9) a very special cool email i got from a very special musee. but that deserves its own post. more on that later.

10) this is a really cool magmathmom: the day of the month and the non-zero digits in the year are the same. (26/2006). and that’s gonna happen 12 times this year! pretty sure it will happen 12 times each year of the aughts except 2009 (stupid February!).