Category Archives: Tweets

Twitter haters

I love all these people who say “I don’t get Twitter” and then get all presumptuous and say “All people do is post that they’re in the car or looking at birds.”

Clearly, you do not get Twitter.

Tracey wrote a post asking people to tell her why she needs to be on Facebook or Twitter. For Facebook, I’ll just say: Twitter totally owns Facebook, and I have to make myself go to Facebook these days for anything other than playing Scrabble. But hey! Online Scrabble! So I do play Scrabble on Facebook. But I got so tired of everyone throwing sheep at me and asking me to feed their Farmtown cows and suggesting that I join their cause or become a fan of their hotel (no, really–someone suggested that I become a fan of some hotel in Dallas) or whatever that I stopped going there very much after I became obsessed with Twitter. Facebook is nice for sort of staying in touch with family and old friends and people whose names you recognize but you’re not sure where you know them from. It’s nice to see what people you’ve wondered about over the years are doing these days. And I used to like it because it was more private than my blog, so I could be more personal there, but Facebook’s new privacy policy makes it less private. But Twitter is better for news, politics, entertainment, hilarity, and conversation. And talking to all these bloggers I’ve been reading for years.

Yes, there are people who post only the “I just ate breakfast” types of updates. Unless I have a personal relationship with them, I don’t follow those people. See, you get to choose who you follow. You don’t have to read anyone’s tweets if you don’t want to.

The following is a sample of tweets currently in my tweetstream:

“Nothing good can come out of Obama, Holder, and Napolitano being in the same room… If Biden is there we’re definitely screwed.” — Informative about what’s going on in the world and also snarky.

“I know you need these shoes. Link” — These are shoes made out of bread, and I never would have known they existed if not for Twitter. (I retweeted this, and someone replied that they’re loafers. Get it?)

“By Valentine’s someone will come up with some edible Snuggie suit made of chocolate, I’m sure. Stay in. Hide.” — Funny. My main reason for being on Twitter is that there is so much funny on Twitter.

“You ever get drunk and buy something online but forget all about it until she shows up on your porch, yelling something in Russia-talk?” — Again. Funny.

“Michael Yon arrested for not revealing his income at the airport Link” — Information on how much our border security sucks.

“The tens digit changed so it’s a new decade. Get over it.” — This was a tweet by my husband which set off a squabble that turned into Twitter psychological abuse when I threatened to punch Frank in the face. Because he’s wrong about this.

“Gosh, but it’s cold! Throw another Global Warming Alarmist on the fire!” — these are the one-liners you don’t get on blogs. Very few people write blog posts that are just one-line zingers.

“BONG BONG BONG BONG” — This is a tweet by the Big Ben Clock, and it cracks me up every hour when it tweets the time in London.

Last night my tweetstream was dominated by 1) The Fiesta Bowl. I did much of the dominating here. 2) Erick Erickson’s (of RedState) appearance on the Colbert Report. 3) Brit Hume on O’Reilly. I ignored #2 and #3 because I was watching football, but I made note in my head that I would need to watch the clip of Brit Hume and DVR a later recording of the Colbert Report. I wouldn’t have known to watch either otherwise.

I follow a ton of people who only do politics or news. I follow a lot of people who only do random, funny thoughts. I follow a lot who do a number of things. Some sports people. A few authors. Paula Abdul. A few politicians. A few celebrities. Me? I tweet politics, news, football, hockey, pecan vs. pumpkin pie debates, my loathing of Elvis and “Blue Christmas”, my excitement over American Idol, Twilight, and I play a lot of hashtag games, which require their own explanation. I tweet a lot of the conversation snippets between Frank and myself. I also tweet when I burn myself or eat something exciting, but I try to make it interesting. Like “I simply DO NOT CARE how much I will suffer for eating this deviled egg” or “Tip: If you grab onto metal in the fireplace when the fire is blazing, you will burn the crap out of your finger.” See, much better than “Eating a deviled egg–yum!” or “Ow! I burned my finger in the fireplace!” Some people find me boring, so they don’t follow me, or they follow for a while and then unfollow. Some people think I tweet too much. They don’t have to follow me either.

And when you go look at someone’s Twitter profile, you’ll see a lot of @Bob @Mary, etc. That’s when the person you’re following tweets a reply at someone’s previous tweet. But when you follow someone on Twitter, you’re only going to see that reply in your tweetstream if you’re following both the replier and the original tweeter. You only see all of a person’s replies if you go to their profile page, which you usually don’t unless you’re going there to follow them or unfollow them. Or if you both follow all the same people, which would be rare.

You’ll see people throw out a question to all of their followers. I did this when I sparked the great pie debate of 2009. Another tweeter recently asked for fantasy book recommendations.

Hashtag games are my favorite part of Twitter. A hashtag game is where someone picks a topic and tweets it, and then it just spreads all over Twitter. For instance, I once picked the topic #GlobalWarmingMovies, where we took movie titles and changed them up to be about Global Warming or the religion of Climate Change (Harry Potter and the Half-Baked Science, etc.). So I tweeted a few, and people who followed me picked up on it and tweeted their own global warming movie titles, and then people that they followed did the same, and we all played along for a while. Those are fun comedy jam sessions where everyone tries to be as creative and funny as possible. I love them because they make me exercise my funny bone and creativity and keep me from going stale. And because I usually get several new followers during those games, because I’m fairly good at them, so I get a lot of retweets during those. A retweet happens when I tweet something, and one of my followers decides that all of their followers should see my tweet, so they copy it, put an RT and my name in front of it, and tweet it. So that tweets my comment to their followers, and their followers see that I’m funny (or lame), and sometimes they decide to follow me.

Twitter is not blogging. Twitter is tweeting lots of different thoughts in 140 characters or less. And a lot of thoughts only need 140 characters and not an entire blog post. I can write an entire post on how little I want to see the movie Avatar and why. Or I can just tweet, “I have less than zero interest in seeing Avatar because it’s leftist and the smurf people look stupid.”

On the aesthetically displeasing Twitter pages: You can customize your own page, and you only go to other people’s pages when you follow or unfollow. You go to your own page to see what people you follow are saying and you go to your own page to see your replies. And you install a desktop app like Tweetdeck or Twhirl, anyway, so you never actually go to Twitter on the web unless you want to check your follower count, see what lists you are on, or follow/unfollow someone.

One of Tracey’s commenters got it right, though–it’s very ego-centric. But it’s not only about egos and telling everyone what you ate for breakfast. It’s news sharing, riffing on each other, exchanging ideas, and going crazy over a football game with like-minded people (and a few token liberals). And no one sends you stupid little hearts and asks for your help in finding their lost turtles.


Yeah, so most of my time right now is spent on Twitter, because I’m addicted. Also because I love the memes that get going over there. When I’m not on Twitter, I’m mostly on Snark Raving Mad! making fun of TV. My life is boring these days. Anyway, here’s what I’ve been thinking since about… Saturday-ish. (BTW, yes, Twitter has turned me into a political junkie. You’ll see.)

*My congressman voting no on Pelosicare. Good boy.
*Isn’t it nice to have such an eloquent prez who really cares?
*Ok, Blow Pops, that’s enough. I’m quitting you. Okay, just one more. Bag.
*I can’t believe I’m voluntarily watching C-SPAN. When did I turn old?
*Heh. Pelosi just said “new direction.”
*Yeah, because Social Security and Medicare have turned out soooo well. [Apparently, someone was talking about how we need the health care bill because of Social Security and Medicare or something.]
*Come on, Blue Dogs. Save the economy. [They failed me.]
*Van Hollen, you are so very full of crap. [He's like a congressman or something.]
*What’s in our grasp right now is the bankruptcy of America. Let’s do it!
*Can’t bear to watch. Putting on football. Y’all let me know when my kids’ future gets sold to the most mediocre bidder.
*No one cares that you can’t go to Vegas. I’m watching C-SPAN on a Saturday. My job’s worse than yours.
*Housecallers are fearmongers!
*”And if we’ve learned anything from H1N1 epidemic,” it’s that the government can’t even handle facilitating vaccines.
*Thank you, Northwestern. Step up, San Diego State. [I've moved on to college football, see.]
*So Oregon’s better than Stanford, right? They just had a bad game way back at the beginning of week 9 or something.
*I can’t believe there’s even a DEBATE over whether tax dollars should fund abortion. [Back to the health care bill. Twitter brings out the ADD in me.]
*I’m gonna be sick and clinically depressed. [The bill passed, you see.]
*Blerg. I’m officially depressed. Health Care passes. [Oh, I guess the sickness and depression were preemptive.]
*Who’s the douchebag republican that voted yea?
*I’m just glad that veterinarians won’t have to pay back their school loans. Load off my mind.
*Historic has a hard H and should never be preceded by “an” unless you’re British or a pompous tool.
*Holy crap! These pajama pants aren’t nearly as tight as they were last year! It’s a Pelosicare miracle!
*Really, NyQuil? All these years on the market, and no one’s thought to change the way you taste?
*Yay Cowboys! Thanks for not sucking much tonight.
*Heroes is still on?
*Twilight fans MUST watch this. Taylor Swift as Bella–she’s perfect.
*My skin crawls every time I hear a terrorist referred to as a “mastermind.”
*This is not a rock concert. Please refrain from wolf-whistling for anyone but the fallen. [Memorial yesterday.]
*I can still remember saying to my X that DVRs were dumb, unnecessary toys. Now I need a 2nd one. [NEED.]
*Men don’t seem to understand: just because I have a complaint about the food I make doesn’t mean you get to agree with that complaint.
*I bet that Cylon lady is one of the Visitors. [Oh, TV?]
*The dishes are dunnnnn, man.
*Insomnia, you ugly whore. I hate you.

There’s a little something there for everyone. Discuss.


*I’m not lame like all those people wishing Edward Cullen a happy birthday. But if it were Jasper’s birthday, I’d be all over it.
*I love this illustration.
*Had a really long nap today. Dreamed I had a baby with Justin Timberlake. Baby was black. ??
*Gave in and ordered HBO w/ allowance money so I can watch True Blood. I don’t understand me sometimes.
*Watching Empire Strikes Back w/ RiffTrax until True Blood starts. Sook-eh!
*Snark and horny vampires. Who could ask for anything more?
*Wow, is Empire Strikes Back the longest movie ever, or what?
*Am I the only one who thinks the True Blood logo looks like a kindergartener with a crayon wrote it?
*More Eric, please.

*My coworker is leaving for a new job. I know it’s so I’ll be miserable w/o her. But the good news is, I’ll inherit her work and actually have something to do!
*Bryan Fuller leaving Heroes. I’m out. We only stuck with it because Brian Fuller was on board and we hoped it would get better. The writing has sucked for while.
*I don’t like it when Rowdi barks at the door, but it is nice that solicitors understand I just can’t talk long because of the dog. (I purposefully grab her by the collar and hold her right behind the door.)
*HE: I can’t believe you got revenge on me for not listening to you by doing exactly what I asked you to do when I wasn’t listening to you.
*If they’re still married, it’s cheating.
*I never trust blinkers.
*11 more minutes and I get to go stalk the new house again!
*Ha. Ha. Ha. They want to show the rent house tomorrow. Ha. Ha. Ha.
*How difficult can it be to buy DMB tickets? When my sister is involved, VERY.
*Mentioned flash mobs to my sis. She asked if that’s where a bunch of people go streaking together. Was serious.
*Hours later, we finally have DMB tickets for the Gorge. My head is tired. Also, Ticketmaster? You suck.

*Dude. I swear Rogue (one of our cats) just started whispering to me. She kind of scares me. [Asked if she barks] She’s more of a wheezer than a barker. And she sneezes and ends up with green snot all over her face. She’s gross.
*”You have a level of sophistication that so fitting with your beauty,” S.C. Gov. Sanford says. [Yeah, whores are like that.]
*Blerg. I’ll be surprised if his wife doesn’t change her mind on the whole open-to-reconciliation thing.
*Try not to weep. I dare you. [Link has graphic picture. Do watch the vid.]
*Heart of a poet, soul of a wanker. [Sanford.]
*Watching 2nd X-Files movie. The subplot is boring, and Scully’s The Official Debbie Downer. Why did they bother making this again? Come ONNN. Enough, already, Scully! I think I’d have preferred Doggett and Reyes for the movie.
*Wow. That movie kinda sucked. Made the paperwork I was multitasking seem like an episode of House.
*What was with that plot? And the subplot, which I think turned out to relate to the plot, but bleh.

Recent thoughts

*It feels like Friday. Thursday has turned from a day of hope to a day of deceit! Bad Thursday! Bad!

*All I want to know is: Is Billy Burke’s ‘stache in New Moon?

*Just heard “It is what it is.” Restrained myself.

*I’m so ready to see DMB at the Gorge! (Not literally, though, since I haven’t yet bought tickets.)

*In husband failure news: we’re getting a Futurama movie next from Netflix, NOT anything involving vampires. [Husband failure turned into me buying season 1 of True Blood.]

*Found out that R-Patz’s middle name is Oxford. That’s brill.

*Why does someone need help because they don’t like crowds? Some people just don’t like crowds.

*It’s never okay to call someone asterisk ampersand carrot percent sign!


*I LOVE these boys.

*Saw “Could I Have Celiac?” as a post title in celiac forum. Thought, “Why would someone ask for that?”

*Kellie Pickler is on Twitter. My life is complete.

*”I ain’t waitin’ for the world to change, gonna change the world for you.” Much better lyric than Mayer’s “waiting on the world to change.”

*FREAKY: I’m listening to “Funny the Way It Is” and I get an email from DMB about the FTWII video.

*Going for a walk with Frank, Rowdi, and the GrooGrux King. [Frank bailed.]

*Right on, Granny.

*Still weird to me that twilight (the time of day, not the sparkly saga) falls after 10 here. Off to bed, and it’s still light out.

*Obama on Iran: “The world is watching.” Obama on True Blood: “The world is watching.”

*My ipod is skipping. Like a cd. Srsly.

*Oh, DMB, your new song “Funny the Way It Is” is SO funny the way it is! Yes, I DO remember winters. We had it for 6 mos this year!

*Just witnessed bathroom stalking at the office. WEIRD.

*I have made the final decision: GrooGrux King comes in 4th of all of DMB’s studio albums. You wanted to know.

*Couldn’t they have just asked five guys in the NIH office?

*You should never run when your hair is on fire. Stop, drop, and roll.

*Puppy’s running in her sleep. Also panting as if she were actually running.

*Season 1 arrived. I wonder what we’re doing all weekend? [That only lasted until this afternoon. Guess we'll watch Gran Torino.]

*Cox and Turk centered Scrubs! I hope they’re keeping that new girl with the blonde ponytail, the one whose fake name I can never remember.

*Having cats means sometimes losing food you weren’t quite finished with.

*Awwww yeeeeeeaaahhhhh. Slept in till noon.

*He holds a press conference if he changes hair stylists, but not for this.

*He’s a great president… of his own house.

*At least stand up and say it’s wrong to murder your citizens. Don’t issue a three paragraph statement and go for photo ops. Act like a prez.

*They’re killing them in the streets, shooting people in the head, shooting women through the heart. He shouldn’t say it’s wrong?

*Srsly, Cable One, how hard is it to get a price quote on ordering HBO? Do you want my money, or don’t you?

Yesterday’s and today’s thoughts

*Good morning, all ye slatterns!

*Fickle? Heck yes. I’m female.

*Ah, clients. So glad I don’t have those anymore.

*Hate vampires?! Why don’t you go join the Fellowship of the Sun!

*My mom says to me, re: my FB quiz: “What else don’t I know about you? I know you had a boyfriend with one eye.” Ah, yes. The cheerleader. He turned out gay, like all my other ex-BFs.

*True Blood season 1 disc 2 in the mail today! Netflix, I heart you.

*I sure wish those sloppy joes would make themselves so I could start True Blood!

*Has anyone used Gluten-Free Pantry’s old-fash cake mix to make snickerdoodles? Thoughts? [Update: They were yummy.]

*I refuse to call it G-Free.

*HBO, you can’t fit more than two eps on a disc? You make me roar in anger!

*Correction: HOT effeminate vampires. RT @IMAO_: it ends up what women want are effeminate vampires.

*Off to bed. I hope to wake up withOUT DMB’s “Shake Me Like a Monkey” stuck in my head.


*I’m freezing! Can this company afford so much a/c?

*Encouraging: When Celiac Diagnosed in Adulthood, Intestines Don’t Always Heal Completely

*Wahoo! Something to do at work!

*I was so excited when Jonathan Jackson was on Terminator:SCC this season as John’s dad. And then the show got cancelled. Boo. He was only on for a couple of episodes. I was hoping it would turn into a regular role in season 3. Alas.

*Give me a word, any word. [This is for a current writing project I'm working on.]

*If I were going to be made vampire, and I knew it was going to happen, I’d eat a giant gluteny mess of garlic na’an.

*I’ve found a way to get Frank to eat brown rice: He loves it.

*Green + red bozo = blerg.

*HE: I don’t like unintentional soup. ME: Well, I don’t like your FACE!

Bask in the greatness of that BURN. Goodnight.

Yesterday’s thoughts

*I’m two years gluten-free today! And still thankful to my blog readers for diagnosing me when the docs were treating me like a hypochondriac!

*I’m considering getting HBO for the next eleven weeks for True Blood. Stupid free preview, stealing my allowance!

*Gloomy day in Boise. My favorite kind of day! If only I were in my hammock in my new back yard.

*I can’t run any reports today. Why did I bother coming to the office?

*Fox premiere dates: Glee 9/16, Bones and Fringe 9/17, Dollhouse 9/18, House (two-hour) 9/21, Lie to Me 9/28

*Teen outsmarts doctors, diagnoses self with Crohn’s disease. Wish I could act surprised! Good for her.

*You don’t bathe kittens without a deathwish. But if you must, put on your motorcycle leathers before going in.

*Network drives and acctg software have been down all morning. Thank goodness the internet works.

*Leaving office. Dancing jig.

*In i can’t believe this happened news: IRS sent us money. Party! We paid the penalty for not filing quarterly, and they refunded that. Yay!

*Trying to decide which is worse: hangnail on finger or hangnail on toe.

*Just saw real life Goode Family at Costco.

*Wow! Amazing picture of 5 mile long crowd in Iran

*4:30 comes in the a.m.? I didn’t realize there were two.


I know there are a few of you who don’t follow me on Twitter, and I have a feeling that most of you don’t park yourselves at mountaineer musings all day and refresh so you can see my tweets. So here, I’ll post them for you so you’ll know what’s on my mind. It’s like reading the newspaper and getting yesterday’s news, but at least you eventually find out really important stuff.

Some of these will be in response to someone else’s tweet, and I’m not giving context.

And don’t worry. This is four days of tweets, and I plan to post these once a day. (Yet another reason to never come back, right?)

*I’m gonna google “thingie.”

*I get the point of smoked paprika–it makes everything taste like heaven. But I don’t get the point of regular paprika.

*I’m always up for a good kill! I hope there’s decapitation like in the book. Elsewise I’ll demand Netflix send a refund.

*I’m not ok with Lionel Richie songs on Idol, and I don’t think I’m cool with them on Twitter either. Song stuck in head now!

*Sunflower seeds are underrated as a breakfast food.

*No, I’m turning on Eminem. [Hmm, I see three different ways you could take this. I'll leave it up to you, musees.]

*I like Thursdays. Thursdays give me hope.

*Once again, I’m compelled to ask: Turkey Bacon, will you marry me?

*There’s something inherently wrong with pitchers being on base period. I grew up American League, and I’ll stay American League!

*I think the peppers are missing from my “hot” sauce.

*Dude. Why’s there no Toby Keith on my computer?

*Linkin Park must really want me to shut up or they wouldn’t yell it so loudly.

*Where’s the UPS guy? He owes me Big Whiskey and the GrooGrux King.

*Yay! True Blood in the mail today!

*Definition of awesome: I started my evening walk listening to ‘NSYNC and ended listening to the Backstreet Boys.

*Zo and Steven Crowder together as “Everyday Normal Republicans!” Brilliant.

*Made it up to 8 minutes on the elliptical! Moving ever closer to my unattainable goal of 10 minutes!

*Dang. Frank escaped upstairs before I could ask him to put away the leftovers. Sneaky bad husband!

*End of pay period today. Tempted to wear pajamas to office in case I get laid off and have to come right back home.

*I’m convinced there’s nothing in the world better than the Kindle 2. Not even turkey bacon. Maybe not even guacamole. Chicken tikka masala is a harder choice.

*Eating green pasta gives me a bit of a wiggins.

*Blue canary in the outlet by the light switch, who watches over you?

*So why are there no good-looking hockey commentators?

*Oh, I’m all about correcting people. Just ask Frank.

*I have no hope that Frank will ever be as smart as me, but I can make him marginally smarter over the years.

*Yay Pens! Congratulations!

*And here’s my favorite tradition in all of sport, one that without fail makes me cry at the Stanley Cup Finals. The handshake. Yep, boohooing over here. Yamahama [with apologies to Tracey], that’s a beautiful trophy. Ok, crying harder now. And I don’t even care about this team.

*You look at the Stanley Cup, and you see nothing but greatness. And a giant champagne chalice.

*Mario Lemieux should always wear facial hair.

*Okay, It is ON! Anti-Texas ads? I’ve never been more motivated to buy Texas products. And your cowboy boots? Payless, right? Yep, this is what Texans are like. Dumb bimbos and cowboys.

*”Do ya make sweaters or do ya kill people?”

*Wanted. Great dumb action. On SarahK’s Jason Statham Dumb Action Scale, I give it a 9.8.

*I think I’ll pack some boxes. You wish you were me.

*We’re actually gonna socialize tonight. I guess it’s been a few months, so we’re up for that again.

*I’m going to become murderously angry if I don’t find my packing tape soon.

*Well, of course! The TV tray should have been the first place I looked for the packing tape!

*My fingers are crossed, too, Paula! AI needs you!

*On first pass, I really like Big Whiskey and the GrooGrux King. Much better than Stand Up. Much.

*Watching the short “Drugs are Like That” with RiffTrax. This is one of the funniest shorts of all-time. Where are the people’s faces?!

*Just saw Star Trek again, this time at IMAX. Loved it again. Friend was having contractions at dinner and in the movie. Eventful!

*Protest. It kills me.

*Agh. Nerve pain in my leg almost unbearable–sitting, standing, walking so uncomfy. I promise to never eat GF cheesecake again.

*Well, isn’t that serendipitous. True Blood premieres tonight, and who’s getting a free HBO preview? I am!

*Every time I see an ad for “My Sister’s Keeper,” I want to barf. And I don’t particularly like barfing, so that’s saying something. It’s the heartwarming family kidney-for-sister thing that makes me want to barf.

*Local peeps only: Anyone need a non-HD TV? It’s free!

*RiffTrax DVDs now available on NetFlix! And Amazon

*If only there were a more powerful government that could put pressure on Iran's government.