there’s this girl Julie at work. she and i get along really well and i have a swell time talking to her. i’m even willing to overlook her anti-W bumper sticker on her wall, ’cause hey, she’s otherwise really cool. :-)

but today our friendship suffered what i fear is irreparable damage. i was in her office talking about my Grand Canyon adventure and Mr. Cutie Pie, and for some reason — i wish i hadn’t — i looked up and to my left and caught a glimpse of what is on her bookshelf.

two hockey figures.

of Colorado Avalanche players. Peter Forsberg and Teemu Selanne (former Shark at that!). she looked shocked at the speed of my recoil, but a sight like that would make any Stars fan want to retch.

there’s a lot i can tolerate, but a Texan likin’ the Avs — that’s just not acceptable. she even hearts them. the horror! even worse, she told me she used to like the Sharks. the Sharks!

we were able to agree that hating the Red Wings and Devils is appropriate, thank goodness. further wounds were suffered, though, when she didn’t understand hating the Crude. so sad. y’all pray for Julie and our friendship.

go Stars!

day 1 - Thursday - Frank stood me up
day 2 - Friday - Frank snores

Saturday morning, Frank didn’t want to get up, even though he slept quite soundly Friday night. “SarahK, i don’t really want to hike the Grand Canyon. i just came out here to try to talk you into cuddling for warmth! speaking of that, why don’t you come over to my tent…” he went on like that for a while, i’m not sure how long, but when i got back from brushing my teeth and washing my face and putting all my Mary Kay stuff on and dressing, he was still in his tent saying “so all i’m saying is, we would be much warmer today if we just cuddled in my tent instead of hiking to the bottom of the Grand Canyon.”

eventually, he got up and got ready while i packed up camp, and he looked so cute in his new hiker clothes! now, Frank still hadn’t seen the canyon, so before the hike, i drove him over to the Lodge so his first view of the Canyon would be the overwhelming view from the Lodge. Frank was amazed (hooray!) by the view until he saw a ground squirrel just out of his reach; his eyes took on a menacing glow, and he was completely distracted until the squirrel was out of sight. we he bought bananas and Frank’s morning coffee and we were off to the trailhead.

since we’d arrived so late at the Canyon Friday night, our packs weren’t yet ready, so Frank stood there drinking his coffee while i packed for both of us. (Frank just happened to delete the picture of me doing all the work.)

SARAHK: here, make yourself useful. one scoop of Gatorade in each ziploc bag.
FRANK: i’m sorry, i don’t understand. you want me to do something?
SARAHK: would be nice. while you’re at it, bag the Oreos and the SPAM.
FRANK: but i do–

SARAHK: i should never have told you last week that i was bringing SPAM.
FRANK: but i don–

SARAHK: stop saying that!

later

FRANK: wow, it’s getting late. we’re not going to get on the trail until 9. it sure is taking us a long time to get ready.
SARAHK: us?
FRANK: i don’t want my coffee to get cold!

Frank continued to eat his banana and drink his coffee until we were ready to go. at one point, i tripped over someone’s pack and busted my pinkytoe; as i was getting up, Frank yelled, “SarahK! you made me spill my coffee!”

finally, we were all ready to go. notice who is carrying more stuff, and who looks the sleepiest. Frank and his stupid snoring.

we started off with me hiking in front, because hey, i know what i’m doing; but soon after we started, Frank started taking pictures, which i thought was just peachy. here’s one he took of me at the Coconino Overlook (.8 miles down); you can see even better in this picture that i was carrying pretty much everything. we marched on, and at the Supai Tunnel (1.8 miles down), Frank started up again. “ooh, SarahK, it’s dark in here! we should cuddle for light!” yeah, that was getting a little old. :-)

somewhere after the Tunnel, Frank had an incident with a ground squirrel that is seared — seared — in my memory. see, i made the mistake of telling him a while back that the ground squirrels at the Canyon carry bubonic plague. big whoop, right? who was ever hurt by a little bit of plague? it’s probably good for you, makes you stronger, like when you get the chicken pox as a child. anyway, to ease Frank’s mind, i had armed him with a bottle of SarahK brand Squirrel Away, my own homemade formula. sometime before we got to the Redwall Bridge, a squirrel attacked. i didn’t see the event transpire, as i was still hiking in front of Frank, but i heard it, an exchange i’ll not likely ever forget. there were high-pitched voices, a few screams, a deep, manly voice, and lots of evil laughter; if i didn’t know better, i’d have thought the puppy blender was making a protein shake… Frank came away from the exchange mostly unscathed, but he wouldn’t leave my side after that, and i was so scarred that i just kept grabbing my head trying to make the voices stop.

we hiked along without incident for a while, just enjoying the fabulous views. i was still hiking in front, but then Frank kept disappearing. i would turn around and yell his name, and when he didn’t answer, i’d have to run back uphill looking for him. “i was just taking pictures,” he would say, and i’d yell at him for making me worry that he’d fallen off a cliff. then i’d threaten to push him off a cliff if he made me worry again. we had a nice lunch at Roaring Springs (4.8 miles), and Frank started renaming every spot in the Canyon. here’s a view from Rory Springs. as we neared Camp Cottonwood (7 miles), we realized we were going to be hiking in the dark if we tried to make it to the river, and i was shaking my fist at stupid Delta Airlines. the shaking only lasted half a second before i realized that camping at Cottonwood meant i could take off my 60-pound pack. so we decided to camp at Cottonmouth and dayhike down to Ribbon Falls (8.4 miles).

we tried to check in with the park ranger at Cottonmouth, who wasn’t home (grocery shopping?), and then we set up our tents and had a lovely dinner of ground beef and tuna fish. i, still reeling from Frank’s Encounter, wanted to call it a day (at 5 p.m.), but Mr. J would hear nothing of it.

FRANK: i didn’t hike all the way to the bottom of the Grand Canyon so you could sleep all day!
SARAHK: we could cuddle for warmth…
FRANK: NO! we’re going to Rainbow Falls, and you’re gonna love it there!
SARAHK: yes sir.

i was happy to be hiking now without the pack, and i was glad that the slavedriver made me continue on. because i got to see stuff like this, this, this, this, this, this and this. how FABULOUS!

we finally got to Rainbow Springs…
so. romantic. and a little overrated. Frank also decided to be a daredevil and hike up higher to get a closer look, putting my life in jeopardy, but the view of the Falls was so pretty that i didn’t mind; the scenery in the other direction was nice too.

we trudged back to 100% Cotton, an uneventful trudge (notwithstanding Frank’s fight with the harmless Canyon vegetation), and the stars came out not long after that. we watched the stars and satellites, and Frank refused to share his shooting star with me, so i had to find my own. then it was time for night-night.

FRANK: goodnight, muffin.
SARAHK: goodnight, pancake. say, it’s scary in my tent. we should cuddle for unscariness.
FRANK: go to sleep. and no snoring!

i haven’t read Frank’s version yet, but you can here.

today i was driving to work and had to pull over and turn on the hazards. apparently, it rained and the wind blew last night, because my windshield was so covered in gunk that i couldn’t see 2 feet in front of my car through all the sap and dirt.

luckily, i’ve not unpacked the car from the Grand Canyon trip, so i had cleaning supplies with me. yay! see, Bikermommy? unpacking is overrated.

my neck and shoulders are paining me.
my head is throbbing.
i keep switching between too hot and too cold.
my body is getting achy.

i might be getting sick. and that would totally suck.

now i go to bed and hope to feel better tomorrow. night night, musees.

UPDATE: temp is 99.3, and i’m usually 97.1. wah, feel sorry for me!

Spidade’s computer is actin’ all freaky and stuff. we’ve decided he needs a new one. anyone know of good deals? i’m too lazy to search myself. :)

CLARIFICATION: this is Spidade, who’s still learning computer stuff. dell is expensive, i want to find him a good, cheap computer. thanks for y’all’s help.

i heart pulpy orange juice; in fact, when i went grocery shopping Saturday night, i didn’t see the “Lots of Pulp” Tropicana at first and got real mad and started stomping my feet and pounding my fists on the floor and wailing loudly. but then i spotted one last jug on the shelf and shouted “hooray!” and pumped my fists and hi-fived the produce boy.

anyway, i went to pour myself some super-pulpy orange juice this morning (wha? i always start the day w/ a Coke and end it with OJ), and it was so pulpy it came out in chunks????? nasty.

hey, anyone know what “shake well” on the top of the carton means?

i still have many more to make, but i did make a couple of blog changes this weekend.

• i finally have the recent comments and recent posts lists up on the left sidebar. still want to move them all around and whatnot, but i first have to figure out how i can separate my links lists.
• Chad made me such a cute little favicon that if you can’t see it in IE, first of all, you should leave the dark ages and stop using IE anyway, and second, you need to download Mozilla just so you can see my cute little favicon. i heart it! (it’s that cute little “m” on your bookmark and/or tab.)
• made the comment window bigger, though i still need a “watch the pre-muse” button and need to get the cookie stuff working so y’all don’t have to put in your info over and over.

… from my 10-year reunion. until then, here’s the favorite one i took. Jared (Mensa’s beau) was wearing a great shirt, and i tried to steal it.

also, Renee and i went and growed up, so we made up from our 8-year fight. awwwww.

and i reconnected with my old good friend Patty O’Furniture. it drove him crazy in high school when i called him that, but he told me he’s missed it. Patty, i’m willing to tease people at any and all times.

CASINO GUARD: Sir, I have an urgent message for you… outside.
DIXON: Yes, of course.
[guard throws Dixon against wall.]
DIXON: Hold on! What is the meaning of this?
GUARD: Your attache just called. Apparently, you’re stuck in Jamaica.
[long pause]
DIXON: I suppose there are worse places to be stuck.

i am craving carbs like mad. ever since i’ve been back from my trip (all 4 days!), i’ve been craving nothing but carbs. i even went to Sharky’s Burrito the other day (Chipotle w/ more selection but not quite as tasty), and had the tortilla AND had potatoes in my burrito. have been eating nothing but spaghetti-o’s, ramen noodles, chocolate almond ice cream, etc. what is wrong with me?? so here’s what happened at the grocery store tonight…

• oh! look! spaghetti-o’s w/ meatballs! must have! must buy every can on the shelf!
• heeeeeeyyyyyy! beef! i heart beef like any good Texas girl, and that beef looks yummy! oh, but no carbs in beef! NO NO, beef! stay out of my cart!
• ah, clams! need clams for my clam sauce!! what, no carbs in clams? i don’t want them!! oh, but wait! clam sauce is for linguine! pasta, hooray! must buy clams!
• oooooh! Coca-Cola! wait, nevermind, that’s always on the list.

remember when i told y’all my hair was falling out in clumps and i was getting all ugly and stuff?

after however long of using the Garnier Fructisse recommended by reader Drew, my hair is soft, shiny, priiiitty, yummy-smelling and healthy. so Drew, thanks again, and the resta y’all, if you have a hair clumpy falling out problem, do try the Garnier stuff. it rocks.

my good friend Chad, who designed my banner and is the most helpful guy ever on computer stuff and web stuff and other stuff i don’t know stuff about, has moved his blog… Pass the Ammo is now at its new location.

and The Viet Cong Candidate, also by Chad, is up and running and all about our favorite idiot presidential candidate.

and his Stop John project is still up in its same spot.

now if you’ll excuse me, i’ve gotta find Chad; i’m envying all those bells and whistles on his blog and should like to have them for my own. :)

i bought my plane tickets for the AI auditions. non-refundable, so i can’t chicken out.

i think i’m gonna be sick.

please continue with the music suggestions, but remember this is a pop music show, and i sing country and pop better than anything else. especially the wailing songs.

alrighty, i’m off to puke now.

Friday, August 20
Frank does, indeed, snore

but i left out some stuff about Thursday night, so let me first backtrack. the hotel i stayed at (i was too tired to go find another) had only smoking rooms available, oh joy, and the purple haze over the landing outside my room told me there were hippies next door. so i slept in my jeans and combat boots… in defensive mode with tear gas, tie dyed torreador flags, and brownies at the ready.

my 7 o’clock wakeup call from jonag came at 8 o’clock (::shakes fist::), so it was t-3.5 hours to pick up. i spent a little while getting pretty again. i had to wear something red and feminine and make sure i had a good hair day, WHICH ISN’T EASY 2 DAYS IN A ROW! but i managed. i drove around Albacarkey (yes, i can spell it, but it’s more funner to pretend i can’t) for a while looking for Wal-Mart so i could pick up some last minute preparations; they apparently like to keep their Wal-Marts secret in Alabarky, so i found a K-Mart instead. meanwhile, i was on the phone with Sa (that creepy hilarious chick who makes random weird comments on my blog) divising a code system for when she called after i picked Frank up. got that all worked out and headed to the airport.

i stood anxiously outside the terminal waiting for Mr. J to arrive. butterflies galore, i say! finally he emerged from the sea of people… the man attacked me! hugged me so fiercely that i had no air left in my body!

FRANK: i read your post about hugging, so here, i’m hugging you.
SARAHK: can’t… breathe…

i passed out; Frank, not worried about his precious t-shirt babe, left me there while he went to lost luggage to claim his suitcase. i caught up with him there, and we hopped in the ‘Splorer and went shopping.

it only took us a half hour to find REI after we got to the REI neighborhood; someone was too distracted by Arby’s having free Wi-Fi to help me spot the REI sign, so i blame him. in the meannicetime, Sa called, and i told her that things were Chipotle. anyway, we got to REI, and though i told Frank we were there to get him a pack and a Thermarest, i really just wanted to find a pretty, colorful bandana so i could look uber-cute while hiking. mission accomplished. :-) after Frank embarrassed me at the checkout counter (making armpit noises), we set out to eat Indian food for lunch. it was yummy, and i ate 3 platesful of food, while Frank was so nervous he only nibbled his food. what a waste! glad i wasn’t paying.

we finally took off on our 8 hour drive to the canyon, and Frank immediately started digging around in my glove box. “what’s this?” he asked, and sprayed tear gas in his eyes. after he came to, i said, “NO NO! just because it has a button doesn’t mean the button has to be pushed! give me that, i’ll turn the safety on for you, Junior.”

we had a nice drive to the canyon, listening to music most of the way (we’re musically compatible, awww); and Frank talked a lot about himself, so i got to listen. that was nice. but then this bird-sized moth slammed into my windshield, and i was so afraid. Frank patted my hand, said “there there” and told me everything would be okay. at Marble Canyon, he took care of the moth (which had decided to homestead in my windshield wiper) while i held the flashlight for him, and i got such a crush on him! what a man!

anyway, i also watched a tarantula crawl around on the sidewalk there at the Navajo Bridge while Frank was being all manly. it was neato.

we got to the canyon around 10:30, and since we were so late getting in, we didn’t have to pay, hooray!

so we arrived at the North Rim campsite and started to set up camp. everyone was asleep, it was pitch black outside, and the only lights for miles came from the campground bathroom, serendipitously close to our site. Frank held the flashlight this time while i set up our matching tents, got the blankets and sleeping bags from the car, hooked him up with a nice fluffy pillow, etc.

SARAHK: hey, a little help here…
FRANK: but you look so cute setting up the tents, you should do it all by yourself!
SARAHK: okay, Boss.

it was time for sleepy. and stinkin’ cold. Frank kept yelling at me.

FRANK: i know i already have your warmest blanket over here, but you give me your sleeping bag too! right now!
SARAHK: NO NO! i’m cold, you shut up and go to sleep!
FRANK: we should cuddle for warmth!
SARAHK: you wish!! stop yelling, you’re gonna get us thrown out!
FRANK: nighty night, sweet t-shirt babe. i’ll miss you till morning.
SARAHK: nighty night, my sweet prince. i miss you already.

finally! he went to sleep immediately, and i know this, because he started snoring. LOUDLY. it didn’t bother me, it was kind of soothing, but i was afraid he was going to attract bears or ground squirrels, and the note on the bathroom door said “WARNING! SQUIRRELS AND RAVENS ARE THIEVES! THEY HEART STEALING CUTE BLONDE CHICKS, SO DON’T SNORE, OR YOU’LL ATTRACT THEM AND GET YOUR CUTE BLONDE CHICK STOLEN!”

to no avail, i spoke his name from my tent over and over. he wouldn’t stop the snoring. so i unzipped my tent and pulled out his tent poles, collapsing the tent on him. that shut him up.

UPDATE: you can also read Frank’s partly fictional side of the story.

i’m gonna audition for American Idol in Vegas.
i’m crazy, yes, but if i don’t do it, i’ll always wonder, or so everyone tells me.
here’s where y’all come in. i need help picking out a song.

i sing Celine Dion, Martina McBride, and other such wailers really well. so keep that in mind, and please make suggestions in the comments.

one of these days i’ll get my amazon gift box up so y’all can help me with airfare, too. ;-)

but most important are song suggestions. so please help!! thanks, musees!

Brandon and Ashlee don’t live here at four o’clock in the stinking morning!!!!

and five minutes later, they still don’t live here! and when i say “they don’t live here i never heard of them and i’m trying to sleeeeeeee-eeep” in my whiniest voice, that does NOT mean “hey have your mommy call back and check just to make sure that Brandon and Ashlee STILL DON’T STINKING LIVE HERE!!”

NO NO!! BAD AMARILLOANS!! GO TO SLEEP!! ALLA Y’ALL!!

according to Mr. Sitemeter, i’ve now topped the 10K hits mark since moving over here 17 days ago. thank y’all, musees, for coming to visit so often! i heart y’all!

and thank you, Mr. Bossman, i owe 89.4% of it to your Frankielanches.

i never thought i’d find a chocolate almond ice cream as good as Braum’s, but Scoops gives my old fave a run for its money. the almonds, as the name suggests, are toasted (and plentiful at that!). the chocolate is rich and fudgy. the ice is nice and creamy.

this ice cream is so wonderful that i got my sleepy tired pinkytoe up out of bed and trudged to the kitchen on a whim, just because i knew that i had this stuff waiting in my freezer.

i heart Scoops toasted almond fudge ice cream. hooray for it. i heart it so much that when Minerva, my beloved bebe calico, tried to go for it just now, i pushed her away with recklessness and abusiveness that would rival Joan Crawford. hooray for ice cream!

i sleep now.

Previously on ALIAS: Part I

BANGLADESH

Mistuh Sahhk and Irina sit at a table in a Parisian bistro in the vicinity of the Bangladeshian Regional Forest.

SARKYPOOH: You know, Muthah, I’ve grown quite tired of escaping from the CIA. There’s nothing left to the game. I’ve saved the princess, I’ve won the Stanley Cup, I’ve… what was the point of Pitfall? Anyway, I’m thinking about letting them capchuh me and actually incahcerate me. For a while anyway. They have nice cells, feed the prisonuhs well, I would be quite comfuhtable. Then you could spring me. What d’you think about that? Mix it up a little?
IRINA: Don’t call me Mother. If the CIA is listening, we’ll be found out. I never told Jack about you.
SARKYPOOH: I don’t see why you would. He’s nothing to you; you used him to obtain infuhmation about Project Christmas and accidentally had my brat sistuh in the process.
IRINA: Don’t talk about Sydney that way. She’s still my daughter even if she’s not evil. And your sister.
SARKYPOOH: Yes, well, she’s a nuisance and a smaht–

IRINA: Enough. [sips coffee] Have you figured out a way to gain access to Pucky Cheese’s pizza dough refrigerator?
SARKYPOOH: Yes. There is a trash chute from the kitchen that empties into the Bangladeshian Regional Creek. We’ll entah through there.
IRINA: No, dear boy. You’ll enter through there and once you’ve neutralized the staff, you’ll let me in through the front door.
SARKYPOOH: Won’t you be seen.
IRINA: No. I’ll be in disguise.
SARKYPOOH: Why don’t we both enter through the front door in disguise?
IRINA: It’s not a proper mission if there’s not a wacky entrance plan.
SARKYPOOH: Very well. We’d bettuh prepare.
***

Back at the mothership…

MARSHALL: Uh, Mr. Bristow, hi. What are you do– uh, nice to see you sir. Would you like a flavored candy?
JACK: Yes. Strawberry. Have you seen Dixon.
MARSHALL: Uh, he’s in his office, sir, but he asked to not be disturbed… Say, Mr. Bristow, what’s that on your tie?
JACK: Blast it! Barbecue sauce. Marshall, you must procure a new tie for me immediately. This is an urgent matter, as I am going to a concert tonight and have arranged to have backstage passes.
MARSHALL: Oh, uh, what concert… sir?
JACK: You don’t have clearance.
MARSHALL: I’ll find your tie. Can I make you a device too, sir?
JACK: Yes, actually…
***

BANGLADESH

SYDNEY: Boy Scout, this is Mountaineer. Do you copy?
VAUGHN: Go, Mountaineer.
SYDNEY: I see my mother. She’s sitting outside Pucky Cheese dressed as a hockey goalie.
VAUGHN: What? They don’t have hockey in the Bangladeshian Regional Forest. That’s a terrible disguise!
SYDNEY: She’s Russian. She assumes there is hockey everywhere.
VAUGHN: As there should be.
SYDNEY: I don’t see Sark.
SARAHK [flits in covered in an Invisibility Cloak, whispers]: Did you say Sark?
SYDNEY: I don’t see him, do you?
SARAHK: Of course I see him; I have a sixth sense for recognizing hot guys. He’s crawling up the trash chute behind the restaurant.
SYDNEY: Boy Scout, I’m going in.
VAUGHN: Be careful, Mountaineer. Hey, where’s Weiss?
SYDNEY: He’s not with you?
SARAHK: He’s already inside sampling the buffet.
VAUGHN: Blast it! He hates barbecue pizza! We’re going to have a radioactive Weiss!
SARAHK: I’ll take care of Weiss. Sydney, you handle up on Mistuh Sahhk and your mother. But don’t harm Sahhk, or I’ll have to protectorate you.
SYDNEY: Who put you in charge?
SARAHK: I take orders from no one. I’m SarahK. Guardian Butterfly Ambassador of Hot Guy Protection. I do as I please.
SYDNEY: Fine. Just stay out of my way.
SARAHK: You’re mean.
***

Back at the mothership…

JACK [running to catch Dixon]: Dixon! [breathes heavily] I’ve been attempting to track you down! [breathes heavily]
DIXON: Yes, I noticed. I can’t be bothered right now, Jack, I’m on a very important mission.
JACK: What mission is that? I have no knowledge of a mission involving you, and I’m Spydaddy, Master of the Universe. I know everything.
DIXON: I’m, uh… looking for something.
JACK: Looking for what, exactly?
DIXON: The, uh… break room. I can’t seem to find it though I’ve been there a hundred times. [nervously chuckles and rubs his nose.]
JACK [grabs Dixon by the throat and shoves him to the ground]: Where is Marcus Dixon?
DIXON [gasping for air]: Jack! Why are you choking me?
JACK: Dixon would never wear orange cuff links. He despises the color orange. Who are you?
***

TO BE CONTINUED OR CONCLUDED, DEPENDING ON HOW LONG-WINDED SARAHK GETS WITH PART III…

Will SarahK save Weiss from radioactivity? Will Irina pitch a shutout? Will the questions from the end of Part I be answered? Will SarahK and Sydney fight? Will Sark smell bad after crawling up the trash chute? Will Jack find the real Dixon and destroy the orange cuff links? Will Marshall continue to be the 2nd cutest geek ever? Find out in Part III…

reader DJ of DJ Doughboy read my post about hearting Michael Medved… today arrived this autographed photo of my favorite Jooooo. in case you can’t read the signature, it says:

For SarahK–

I [heart] you too!
Michael Medved

HOW AWESOME IS THAT??

thanks, DJ, you’re my hero, and thanks for hearting me back, Michael Medved. i’m humbled and giddy!

email me (link on yer left) if you want gmail, i have 5 more invites to give out and don’t have any other friends to give them to.

UPDATE: invites are gone.

i would like to thank my dear blogchildren for looking after the blog while i was gone.

for those of you who didn’t figure it out… Ducky was writing the posts with very little inside info (though he was privy to very few details, so there was a tiny bit of reality mixed in with what was rolling around in Ducky’s crazy mind). that silly Duck, he was writing 3 blogs at once, and doing a great job.

and Angela was takin’ care of the sissifying business for me. i’m a strict mama, as y’all know, so don’t blame her, she had orders! besides, if y’all didn’t need sissifying, she wouldn’t have had to… btw, if you haven’t checked out her blog, go there now. she’s really good, a chip off the old block. ;) i’m so proud!

and the people who took care of Minerva while i was gone…

that scary biker guy on the left (Paul) saw two food bowls and assumed there were two cats; so he fed the bebe really well. then when he realized there was only one cat, he kept overfeeding her, because he was so attached to her and didn’t want her to get mad at him. silly biker. :-)

that’s Bikermommy there in the middle, and she took care of the bebe after she returned to town… and Pappy’s there on the right.

Thursday i rushed around making preparations and finally left my house with about an hour to get my errands finished. i had to get my oil changed, buy some yummy beef jerky, and get my car detailed so Frank wouldn’t know i’m a big fat slob. i got out of Amarillo just in time to make it to the Albuquerquequeque airport right on time and pick up the bossman; i was a little nervous! i was meeting the Great Frank J! but i was having a great hair day and wearing red, so i knew i would be just fine. just as i got to Albuquerquequeque, i got a message on my cell phone, Frank yelling at me.

FRANK: why aren’t you picking up your phone, you insignificant microbe! i’ve tried calling you twenty times, and i love to exaggerate!
SARAHK: hey! i’m a large mammal!
FRANK: i really heart the Atlanta airport, so i’m going to stay here tonight so i can snore under a bench while listening to CNN! haHA! you can stay in Albukurky all by yourself! muh hahahahahahahahahahaha! you wretched amoeba!
SARAHK: i’ll have to check when i get internet access, but i’m pretty sure that’s not in the Ecosystem… you meanie! why don’t you call me and say it to my face!

the phone rang while i was listening to Frank’s second or third message of fitful rage, and when i answered, this conversation ensued…

FRANK: finally you answer your phone! where the [edited because i’m sarahk] have you been?
SARAHK: driving to Albuquerqomkjoiunsrk to pick you up. say, i know you’re unmedicated, but have you considered taking something for the murderous rage?
FRANK: i bite my thumb at rage! stop talking so i can yell some more! why don’t you answer your phone?
SARAHK: i had no cell service until now! i just got to Albiuijaenfafkdjklk;lsky!
FRANK: what, you wouldn’t have picked me up on time if i hadn’t decided to stand you up??
SARAHK: your flight doesn’t land for fifty minutes. have you ever heard of mountain time?
FRANK: NO! you should have been there at 8 p.m. eastern time! who cares if that’s 2 hours early!
SARAHK: are you still talking? anyway, when will you be here?
FRANK: not till tomorrow. i’m not that anxious to get this whole team-building thing started, so i’ll just see you then.
SARAHK: but who will protect me from crazy New Mexicans?
FRANK: i hope no one will! you should be able to protect yourself! if you can’t, you’re fired!
SARAHK: shut up. i’ll see you tomorrow.
FRANK: not if i see you first, Love.

so i arrived in Algkioejfkurky with nothing to do, no one to pick up. i cried. for hours. then i watched that American girl win the gymnastics all-around while Frank slumbered in evil glee two time zones away; i cheered for her. and i took a picture to show Frank how great my hair looked the day he decided to stand me up.

tricksey bloggerses. i hates them before i hearts them.

UPDATE: my own Bikermommy calls me a filthy liar. where’s the loyalty, Bikey?

UPDATE #2: Frank’s version.

… the following highlights from the DMB concert last night…

Stone (hooray!)
Crush (3 for 3 seeing that one in concert!)
One Sweet World (also 3 for 3!)
4 new songs, including my new fave “Hello Again” and “Crazy Easy” and “Joyride” (i heart them)
Boyd totally rockin’ on the fiddle
Carter totally kickin’ pinkytoe on the drums
Leroi playin’ the flute
DANCING! NANCIES!
Warehouse

oh, and uh, some guy named TIM REYNOLDS!

Yesterday was a great day. every part of this vacation has been delightful. the concert last night was awesome. I wore my fun facts about terrorists shirts which some people really thought was funny. Frank wore his NTM shirt which most dmb’ers did not get.

before that, we spent the afternoon at this beautiful shop where you get to paint your own pottery. I painted patterns on a small flower pot. Frank made a vase with rocket ships on it. Frank is sillier in person than he is on the net if you can believe that.

lots to share with you. can’t wait to sit at my own computer and tell you lots, lots more.

Well, we hiked out this morning. everything was just wonderful.

Frank is a sweetheart and I have just hearted every part of this adventure.

The sunrise was beautiful today.

Frank’s face is healing nicely. since he missed his flight, he also missed his luggage, so the airline gave him a toiletry kit. the razor in it was awful and he met me looking like he fought with rabid squirrels. funny, he is horribly afraid of mad squirrels. should I be telling you this?

Oh well. Today we are heading to Albuquerque for the DMB concert.

enjoyingit all lost some time because frank missed his flight out of Atlanta we shopped at rei #i love his eyes and deep voice leaving rim goingto river at bottom of canyon hot 2day

hope this works. had a wonderful day. had to stop to shop 4supplies had a wonderful time. frank is funnyn sweet. tomorrow hiking down to river. i luve the gc

Hello Everyone.

My BlogMother, SarahK will soon be offline and unavailable.

However, we went through an elaborate mind sharing email ceremony, so through that mysterious link, I will be posting exactly what Frank and Sarah are doing.

That - and she gave me her itinerary.

Wow. I’m not sure I have enough time to post at 3 blog sites. I have my own, and am guest Blogging at Frank’s place. I will do my best to not be too boring.

But, I’m hip. I’m cool. I know how to talk to young people.

Gratefully,

RightWingDuck.

PS. What exactly is Alias? :)

It’s a beautiful day. the sun is shining and meeting Frank has been great!

this is so embarrassing, but I almost didn’t recognize him in person. We’ll be setting out for the rim today.

I heart all of this.

It’s Thursday night and I’m on my way to Albuquerque to pick up Frank. after that we’ll be heading on to Flagstaff.

I heart the Grand Canyon. meeting Frank soon.