Tony!!!! that was awesome!!!

you have succeeded. thanks so much! and congratulations.

i don’t care if you’re Catholic. i don’t care if you’re a member of the church of Christ. i don’t care if you’re Baptist or Methodist or Lutheran or Televisionian. i don’t care if you love Michael Moore himself. no matter what your religious affiliation, you are simply a pinkytoe. don’t let the URL hit you on the way out.

if you’re here for Frank J’s funny, his URL is http://imao.us. his funny can be found there. why don’t you go ahead and bookmark it. mkay?

i feel no need to defend myself to you. if i did, i would point out that i pick apart Harry Potter movies the same way i picked apart this movie, but i picked it apart less because it was so moving and intense. if it’s based on a book, i like it to follow the book. especially if i’ve read the book. and don’t even get me started if i’ve actually been to the location the book took place!! if you have a problem with my ability to read and the fact that i’m a critic at heart, please. leave. i don’t care about your opinion because it is only posted to hurt me. i post nothing to hurt anyone. i can’t help it when my readers have some kind of wonky baggage that makes them freak out when i talk about touching priests. perhaps if i’d grown up in the Catholic church, i’d know all the rules. and let’s face it, y’all have lots of rules that people outside of your faith don’t know about. i, in an effort to be supportive of my boyfriend, want to learn all the rules even though i have no intention of ever converting. it’s called love. maybe you should give it a shot.

the weekend seemed really short… where did it go?? we went to dinner with the engineers Friday night. watched Rudy Saturday morning. went to Catholic mass Saturday evening, then i had sushi for the first time in my life. i’ve been avoiding that on purpose forever, but i promised Frank i’d try it with him at least once. i got all of my rolls inside out, so that made the seaweed taste very subdued and therefore okay to eat. Frank said, “next time, you’ll have to try more traditional sushi and eat raw fish.” i don’t think so, scooter. there’s only so much i’ll do for love… after Sushi, we finally watched The Passion of the Christ. poor Frank, every few minutes i was saying something like “that didn’t happen” or “actually…”; i guess i picked at it a little. was still well done, though… Sunday we went to a different church of Christ, and i don’t think we’ll be back to that one. everyone was nice, but i wouldn’t have felt comfortable there. we watched a lot of ALIAS yesterday afternoon so i could get inspired to finally write one of my ALIAS reviews. it’s been pointed out in the comments that it’s far after the season premier, and why in the world would i want to recap it now. well, i do it when i have time, and this was the first chance i had to get the premier finished. i’ll get all caught up on my snarking soon.

that’s all i’ve got this morning. gotta get ready for work. have a lovely Monday, musees. ta!

this was a 2 hour premier, so i have to break the review into two parts. and a big thanks to TwoEvilMonks for the screen caps that helped me remember in the absence of my DVR.

Frank, you’ve probably never read my ALIAS stuff before. i should warn you ahead of time of the drooling. and gushing. sorry, sweetie. anyway. we shall start off this review with our first letter of the season to JJ Abrams.

Dearest JJ,

I’d like to thank you for Vaughn in glasses. Also for Dixon in the field and Marshall joking about how boring Dixon was for most of last season; that’s funny right there, i don’t care who ya are. And for finally giving Weiss a possible love interest; I sure hope you’ll do more with him and make him not so clueless. I’d also like to thank you for the season premiere of ALIAS giving me warm fuzzies by taking me back to 2.13 PHASE ONE; I remember back then, when ALIAS made me so happy.

Kudos on making the premier so much like PHASE ONE that when Sydney was hanging off the cargo net on the train, I said aloud to folks in my livingroom, “Hey, this is gonna be one of those 72 hours earlier things!” I felt smart and stuff.

I don’t have any tough love for you this week, JJ, as I’m intrigued about where this might take us. I only have one question: You’re going to do something about Weiss, right? Because I know he’s not so clueless that he’ll buy Sydney’s “I work at a bank” story for long; plus, you’ve got to develop his character into more than just “I’m the goofy sidekick” guy.

Thanks for the promising events of AUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY. It has such potential!! Whee!

Love,
SarahK

p.s. Love the new digs for the black ops gang; it’s like SD-6!!

~~~
The episode begins with Sydney in white lingerie with a stranger.

SYD: Excuse me sir. I’m going to say some things in this funky hybrid accent to trick you into giving me your dangerous device.
DUMB GENIUS: Hmm. The only dangerous thing I have with me is this unstable isotope. And it’s so dangerous!! Should I be stupid and give it to you?
SYD: Oui. Thanks, you’re a gem.

She headbutts him, takes the isotope and starts running down the train corridor, I guess looking for an exit. She runs into someone evil and works some kung fu magic; but he’s evil, so he kung fus back. They fight for a while, and she ends up hanging out of the train on a cargo net; the evil man starts cutting the cargo net, and just as Sydney is going to fall into the deep …

it’s 72 hours earlier, “American Woman” starts playing, and Sydney is running through the park in Los Angeles!

oh, sorry. flashback.

it’s 72 hours earlier, some ALIAS music is playing, and Sydney is running through the streets of Shanghai in a teeny bopper neckid outfit with some guy we’ve never met before. they duck into a Goth club, and i start sighing and wishing for Gothic Vaughn to reappear. Anyway, they lock themselves in the girls’ bathroom, and the guy we’ve never met starts crying.

NEW GUY: But Sydney, I really have to pee! And look how dirty the toilets are! And those sinks, I’m sure I can’t use them, they’re vile!
SYDNEY [fishing a comms device out]: Shut yer whining and guard the door! Guy on the receiving end of this mic, do you copy?
OTHER AGENT: I copy, you stupid head! You just got me caught, and I think they’re gonna kill me!
SYDNEY [hearing gun shots]: Oops, my bad. Good luck with your funeral!
WHINY: Did you just get that guy shot?? Oh no!! They’re gonna know where we are!! I’m scared and would like a fluffy pillow, please!
SYDNEY [taking grease from the window frame]: No, there’s no time for fluffy pillows! Come here, I’m gonna make you look all sexy!! Or… stupid. But either way, it’ll save your life!
WHINY: No!! I only wear makeup when I go out with my sewing club on Saturday nights!! It’s Thursday!!
SYDNEY: You’ll do as I say, or I’ll karate chop you!!

She paints his face up, and he doesn’t look like Gothic Vaughn. I’m sad. :-( Sydney tells Whiny that she has to pierce his ear; he whines some more and says, “No! Please, pierce my belly button, I’ve been wanting to have it done!” She punches him and pierces his ear while he’s distracted by the pain. A really urgent Chinese girl bangs on the bathroom door and starts screaming like the shrill kids on Nanny 911. Sydney unlocks the door and pulls her inside.

SYDNEY: Give me your clothes and your wig, and I might let you pee!
CHINESE GIRL: No! I’m natural blonde, you can’t have hair!
SYDNEY: I really need your clothes so I can escape, and you can die in my place.
CHINESE GIRL: How much you pay me?
SYDNEY: Shut up.

Cut to Whiny agent and Sydney leaving the bathroom incognito… er, incognito.

Back at the mothership in LA, Sydney is talking to Director Chase (Angela Bassett), and Whiny boy is sitting there too.

CHASE: Sydney, you’ve been super bad. You broke protocols and got people killed.
SYD: Whatever. Sorry ’bout your ear, Whiny Boy.
WHINY: You scared me.
CHASE: You’re too big a risk for the Agency now. You get people killed.
SYD: What of it? I’ve got a manicure appointment. Are we done?
CHASE: You’re done. You’re demoted to the place at Langley where they handle interoffice communications.
SYD: You’re demoting me to the mailroom?
CHASE: Not just the mailroom. The interoffice. mailroom. Which is way more boring.
SYD: I quit, then. Let Whiny Crybaby here be your next superspy. [rolls eyes]
WHINY: If I’m a superspy, do I have to wear black a lot? I look better in green.

~~~
Vaughn and Weiss are talking in the locker room after Vaughn’s workout and Weiss’s spectating. In flies a 5-ft. butterfly in purple Spandex and sequined flip-flops. It’s SarahK, Guardian Butterfly Ambassador of Hot Guy Protection.

WEISS AND VAUGHN: SarahK!
SARAHK: Hiya, fellas. Grrrrrowl, Sweaty Vaughn, you’re lookin’ good. You too, Weiss.
WEISS: Thanks. I gave up all the foods I love. I’m miserable, but I look great. I was just about to ask Vaughn how he’s doing after the month of psych-eval he’s been through.
VAUGHN: But I’d rather talk about you, SarahK. You’re looking lovely, as always.
SARAHK: Thanks, it’s the humidity in Florida. Makes my skin nice and moist. Anyway, wow. A month of psych-eval just for killing your wife?
WEISS: He burned down his house, too.
VAUGHN: I didn’t like the wallpaper. Anyway, psych-eval was annoying. They kept asking me how I felt about my wife being evil and smarmy.
WEISS: Word of the Day calendar?
VAUGHN: Yep. Anyway, I’m done being evaluated. Oh, and I’m quitting the agency.
WEISS: Why?
VAUGHN: Because last year sucked!
SARAHK: Amen!
WEISS: If you quit, who’m I gonna talk to?
SARAHK: What about Marshall? I miss him.
WEISS: Wait, Vaughn, is this about Sydney?
VAUGHN: No, I haven’t talked to her. I heard she pierced Whiny Boy’s ear. I hope it hurt, that guy’s such a baby.
WEISS: Sydney quit today, too.
VAUGHN: I don’t have a response. Cut to the next scene.
~~~

Sydney gets on a subway train and really ponders the key card in her hand. She leaves the subway, sneaks around and goes through an Authorized Personnel Only door; she flips a bunch of switches, and her crazy process opens the door to a long corridor. At the end of the long corridor is none other than Director Chase.

SYDNEY: Wow, I totally thought you were demoting me for real. I hate interoffice mail.
CHASE: You were pretty convincing, too. Nice little jab about my age, too.
SYDNEY: Um… that was in the script, blame JJ.
CHASE: Already keyed his car in the parking lot. By the way, I didn’t give you all the details about the job.
SYDNEY: Oh really? I’m surprised by that. All of my CIA experience has involved me being in the loop on everything. Especially when I worked for that black ops division that turned out to not be CIA at all… heeeeeeyyyy… this is black ops! Should I trust you?
CHASE: Of course you should. Now meet your new coworkers.
SYDNEY: I hope there’s a girl, because I really need a new friend, since Francie’s dead and Will’s in witness protection. Anyway, as long as I’m not working for Sloane, it’ll be fine.
CHASE: Um, you know Marcus Dixon?
DIXON: Hey, Baby, we’re back! You and me, workin’ the spy biz, girl! I’m back in the field!
SYDNEY: Thank goodness, you were such a drag last season.
DIXON: You know your dad, right?
SYDNEY: Kinda mad at you right now.
JACK: Hi, Sweetheart. You remember your former lover. Michael Vaughn, who’s just a boy who was never good enough for you.
SYDNEY: Hi, Hotness. You look good unshaven.
VAUGHN: I miss you. Say, who’s our new boss?
CHASE: You were all handpicked.
SYDNEY: Handpicked by whom?
SLOANE: That would be me. How ya doin’, Syd?!? It’s so good to see you! I love you like a daughter.

Sydney tries to strangle Sloane, but Vaughn pulls her off of him. “Syd! Don’t let your rage darken you!” Syd backs off and asks to speak to Director Chase alone.

SYD: Uh uh.
CHASE: Uh huh.
SYD: No way.
CHASE: Yes way.
SYD: I’m not doin’ it.
CHASE: You’re doin’ it.
SYD: I don’t love you.
CHASE: What’s love got to do with it. Do your job.
SYD: E-M-E-T-I-B.
CHASE: Blast it. I wasn’t expecting that. By the way, it’s your job to keep an eye on Sloane and make sure he’s not up to something. See ya later.
SYD: Not if I see you first, love.

Syd rejoins the others.

SYD: So. Whadda we call ourselves?
VAUGHN: How ’bout “Season One Redux”?
JACK: That’s sooo 1990s. I vote for “All the People Irina Eluded”. A-P-I-E. A pie. I like pie. Especially Lemon Creme.
SLOANE: I’ve already named it. The name is right on the door.
SYD: High Voltage? We’re called “High Voltage”? That’s kinda cool, like a heavy metal band.
SLOANE: Wish I’d thought of that. However, I’ve already had “Authorized Personnel Only” printed on the business cards. Which you may never hand out.
SYD: What’s my cover story? Something lame like, “I work at a bank”?
SLOANE: Perhaps I should have thought outside the box. You work at a bank.

Sloane tells everyone all about APO and that the CIA wanted their own SD-6 except not evil. Something about bad bureaucratic red tape and evading that and stuff. “But this time we’re legal and have even cooler digs and a plasma screen.” Sloane details the mission like he’s all in charge and whatnot, probably because he is in charge and whatnot. We learn what Sydney was doing on the train at the beginning in 72 hours from now, or whatever. A rogue Russian physicist has an unstable isotope that’s in a suitcase that’s rigged (of course!).

SLOANE: So Sydney, you’ll have to get him to open the suitcase and give you the isotope. Use your feminine wiles or something. Vaughn, you’ll pretend to be the guy and fake like you’re selling the isotope so we can ID the buyer. When you get in trouble, Sydney can speed up her process and almost get killed because you screwed something up.
JACK: What about me? Can I go? I do a good Belarussian accent.
SLOANE: Maybe we can go golfing.
JACK: In Belarus, I hope.
SLOANE: Sydney, Vaughn, go prepare the op-tech with… um… oops, forgot to get an op-tech guy. Anyway, good luck.

Sydney tells Dixon in private that she’s really suspicious of Sloane.

DIXON: I don’t know why, Syd. The guy’s been evil for 30 years, and you’re supposed to have a fight to the death with his daughter. What’s suspicious about that?
SYD: I don’t know, Dixon, you killed his wife and he killed yours back. No reason for you to be suspicious either. I’m sure everything is on the up and up.
SLOANE: Hey, kids. Sorry to intrude. I was wondering if you’d just give me a chance, Syd. You know, I love you like a daughter.
SYD: You have been a plague on my existence.
SLOANE: Ok, then. Have fun on your mission. And come back safe, because I’d miss you.
SYD: Anyway. Dixon, I’m so glad you’re gonna be back in the field. You complete me.
DIXON: Same here, Syd.

Syd goes home to get ready for the mission, and Vaughn drops by.
SYD: Hi. I love you.
VAUGHN: I miss you. I wanted to say that I miss you.
SARAHK: Awwwww. Go to Santa Barbara!!
VAUGHN: We can’t, Syd has to go wear lingerie for a complete stranger.
SARAHK: Bummer. Do you have to go? Wanna catch a movie?
SYD: Vaughn. Maybe you should go to the movie with SarahK. You and I should take it slow.
VAUGHN: Wanna DO IT later? After the mission?
SYD: I’m gonna say no, but just remember. No means yes. See you later.
VAUGHN: Not if I see you first, love.

Later, on the train, Syd pretends to be booked into the same room as the clueless engineer and asks if she can go change in the bathroom. “Oh, yes, please. Do you need help?” She goes away, and comes back in her white lingerie to the tune of “Back in Black”. No, wait. Another flashback.

Vaughn, meanwhile, is meeting with bad bad guys, and he’s wearing glasses. I am drooling and yelling “Good Robot!!” Vaughn sits down for his meet, and an evil man questions him but recognizes him. “I’m not sure why you look familiar. Are you an American spy?” “No, I’m a physi… psycho… pharma… doggone. I do engineering type stuff. With isotopes and things.” The evil guy calls over his bodyguard, who looks an awful lot like this guy that broke Sydney’s arm in Corsica. The bodyguard stops Vaughn while the evil guy escapes with the fake isotope. Vaughn tells Sydney (through her earpiece) to get out of there. She grabs her ear, gets the isotope from Clueless, throws on some clothes, and runs to the cargo hold, where she fights with the generic evil guy.

Meanwhile, Vaughn fights the huge bodyguard and wins, because he’s taken on some special isotopic superpowers since killing his evil wife. His rage has not darkened him. He gets to the cargo hold just in time, and he throws the generic evil guy off the train and saves Sydney. They hug really tightly, and he says, “Say, could you not wear your hair that color? It really reminds me of Larvin, and I don’t want to shoot you or burn down your house.”

They go back to Sydney’s house and DO IT for a long time, and I’m muttering something about her being easy and forgiving him awful quickly for marrying that wretched witch when Sydney was undead.

When they’re done fornicating, Vaughn gives Syd a message from Jack and asks why Jack is talking to her through him. “I dunno, I didn’t think he liked you so much. Maybe he feels like y’all have bonded since you were married to a traitor, just like him.” Vaughn asks Syd what happened in Wittenburg at the end of Season 3.

SYD: Well, I was hoping we would just ignore everything about Season 3, wipe the slate clean, pretend I just got finished fighting Evil Francie and woke up in Hong Kong… except without you married.
VAUGHN: Does that mean you’re not gonna tell me?
SYD: Yeah, pretty much.

Syd flashes back to Wittenburg and remembers seeing the super secret project that Jack was in charge of. It began on her birthdate… when Jack walks in and says, “Sydney. You were never supposed to have seen this. That’s why I wrote Top Secret on the front of it. You don’t have the clearance.”

SYD: Vaughn.
VAUGHN: Yes.
SYD: You don’t have the clearance.

Sydney has started doing this growl thing when she gets protective of something. lately she has been playing with one of my fuzzy purple socks. carries it anywhere she goes; if Minerva gets remotely in the vicinity of the sock, or if Syd carries it by Minerva, Syd starts growling.

i made guacamole for Frank this afternoon, so i could win his undying love and devotion (i think it worked), and i dropped a chunk of avocado on the floor, right in front of Sydney. she decided that she loves avocado and proceeded to eat the whole chunk. but Minerva came over, so Sydney growled, picked the chunk up, and took it a few feet away to have it to herself. it was so funny.

who knew cats like avocadoes? that’s crazy.

14 Remind them of these things, charging them before the Lord not to strive about words to no profit, to the ruin of the hearers.
15 Be diligent to present yourself approved to God, a worker who does not need to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.
16 But shun profane and idle babblings, for they will increase to more ungodliness.
17 And their message will spread like cancer. Hymenaeus and Philetus are of this sort,
18 who have strayed concerning the truth, saying that the resurrection is already past; and they overthrow the faith of some.
19 Nevertheless the solid foundation of God stands, having this seal: “The Lord knows those who are His,” and, “Let everyone who names the name of Christ depart from iniquity.”

i hadn’t watched it in at least a year, and Frank had never seen it.

so of course, i wah-ha’d like a baby. i spent practically the entire movie in tears. it’s so good! one of my all time favorites.

yeah. right.

ok, so anyone here ever had dinner with 13 engineers?

anyone have 5 different engineers teach you how to carry the one? all in one 2 hour dinner?

any CPAs out there who had to pass a big comprehensive exam to make sure they can properly carry the one? any of those CPAs out there have an engineer ask them 5 different times if you’re SURE you added up your part of the bill right? are you SURE you didn’t overpay?

i count for a living. quite good at counting and adding and carrying the one, thanks.

conversely. any engineers out there who ever had a CPA ask them 5 different times, are you SURE you wrote that program correctly? are you SURE you got that circuit board right? really, are you positive that you can do the simplest part of your job in your head? are you really really sure?

yeah, i didn’t think so.

i’m lovin’ it… i was reading Spoons briefly this morning and inspired by this post to write more on my job. have i mentioned i’m loving my job? it’s great when you go in to talk to someone about internal controls and come out 3 hours later asking, “has it been 3 hours? no wonder i’m starving!”

ok, so i’m doing internal audit right now. i’ve never done this type of audit before, and it never sounded like much fun to me. my understanding was always that you look at internal controls within an organization and then tell them how they’re doing and how they can improve. bor. ing. but then i got in there and actually started doing one, and it is a blast. of course, it’s possible that it’s the organization i’m auditing that makes it fun, because it’s a “sexy” client, as my sr. manager called it.

she’s another reason i’m having so much fun. we’re so much alike, have a lot of the same quirks and things that other people might call “weird”, but we just call life. :) she says i’m her “with a gun”. quite accurate, except she can live without chocolate, which is just crazy. of course, since we’re so much alike, y’all know we’re having a ton of fun, because she’s hilarious, if i do say so myself. :-D

i can’t believe it’s already Friday.

blog reading… i’m trying to catch up. of course, i have 70+ blogs that i read, so it’s gonna take a while, and every time i start reading a blog to catch up on it, the blogger keeps posting. the nerve! so all-a y’all just stop posting anything until i’m done catching up. mkay?

turkey soup… Bikermommy and i love turkey soup, which she taught me to make. generally, i worry that men won’t like it, because it’s brothy and not creamy, and it’s turkey and not beef. i’m so sexist. i made it last night, and Frank even liked that. Bikermommy, throw in a can of Extra Hot Rotel, it makes it even better.

Frank is so agreeable… i was really annoyed with him last night, so i pouted for a while and took a bath. after my bath, i told him he needs bathroom decorations, and he needs paint in his bathroom so it’s not so stark when i take my relaxing bath. “okay, you can help me pick that out.” *sigh*

ok, so this is the stuff that Frank J loved so much that he said he wouldn’t dare put it in the same category as what they serve at Chinese food restaurants.

serves 2 with big appetites

what you need:

eh, 4 to 6 cups of rice
soy sauce — i like LaChoy way better than Kikkoman. both have a low sodium option, i think, so if that’s an issue for you, there you go.
1 egg
1 bunch of green onions, chopped
1 large can of chicken
margarine

optional:
mushrooms
avocado
fresh jalapenos

what you do:

melt some margarine in a big skillet. throw in the rice and stir it around some. then throw in the onions, the chicken, the optional stuff. stir it all up good and season with soy sauce, enough so the dish starts changing colors, but not so much that it’s overpowering. the chicken is what really makes it, not the soy sauce.

after everything’s all soft and the flavors are blended together, throw in the egg and stir it in with all the other stuff, mixing it up well. you don’t want an eggy flavor, or chunks of egg.

then you’re done.

SARAHK: you like pot roast?
FRANK: uhhhh… yeah?
SARAHK: ok.
FRANK: i’m not sure exactly what that is. it’s like, with gravy and stuff, right?

LMPTO.

i can’t believe i’m in love with a Yankee.

the Carnival of the Recipes deadline is tonight at midnight. i plan to post the chicken fried rice recipe. also, i missed last week’s Carnival, and Caltechgirl did an outstanding job with all the recipes. very creative. so go see, and if you have a recipe for tonight’s carnival, send your recipe or the link to recipe:dot:carnival:at:gmail:dot:com.

has been up to lots of no good. she has re-written history and decided that my American Idol audition went a little differently than i said.

she’s also been photoshopping the pets of people who have either sent their pet pics to her or just happen to be on my blogroll. in fact, Amelia and Angela probably have no idea that Baby and the Duck Cake got slandered.

there’s more going on over there, so go see the evil twin.

just don’t patronize me. ;)

seriously. i now have two advertisers at the same time. :-O

Right Wing Stuff has renewed for a second month. there you can find all kinds of stuff to taunt your liberal friends.

also, basil’s blog is a very funny blog written by, er, basil. with a baby picture that cute, how can you not visit?

so make sure you click the ads and see what’s on the other side.

Chapter 3 - We Finally Left Town

after we got Frank’s but-tocks in order, we were ready to roll out of town. Minerva was freaked out, and we weren’t even away from Amarillo. we stopped for gas, and i had yet another food breakthrough with Mr. Wonderful. on our Grand Canyon trip, i ended my 9-10 year Jack in the Crack hiatus. this time, i ended my ban on Subway. five years of absentia down the drain; oh well.

after paying exactly $75.00 for gas (that kinda freaked me out, $75 even, until we realized that they just have a pump limit at some stations), we were on our way out of Amarillo. we had planned to leave at 11, and it was 4 p.m. we got on the road, during “rush hour”, which doesn’t really exist in Amarillo (i miss that). i had told my grandparents K that i’d bring Frank by to meet them on our way to Florida, so the first order of business was to call them and tell them it’s going to be dinner and not lunch (i’d already talked to my Grama earlier in the day). then i called our dinner plans, Scott & Candace, and told them it’d be tomorrow breakfast and not dinner tonight. Candace said she was shocked, then laughed.

we hit Lubbock right at 6, so it was still rush hour there. i was driving this first little bit, and for some reason, Lubbock - Lubbock!! - traffic really stressed me out. ha! i’da been sittin’ pretty if i’d thought ahead to Dallas traffic.

Chapter 4 - Frank Meets the Grandparents

we got to my grandparents’ house around 9:30, and by this time Frank was driving so i could deal with Minerva. she wasn’t doing so well; every time i was driving she’d cry until i would pet her, and then some. she wasn’t hyperventilating like Nicole used to in the car, but still a very unsettled kitten. so i knew she’d be happy to have ground beneath her feet. when we got out of the truck, i was carrying the bebe, and the first thing i spotted was my Aunt Sandra’s dog barking at my grandparents’ door. eek! but my Grama was smirt and took the dog down to my Aunt’s house while we got the bebe into the house.

Grama had a big meal all prepared for us, sweet lady she is, and even had banana pudding for dessert. yummm, one of my four favorite desserts. Grama & Grampa joined us at the table for a chat, and they seemed to like Frank just fine. :) then Grama took me into the guest room to give me a gift, and that just happens to be where her computer is, so i, of course, checked my email.

meanwhile, Frank and Grampa chatted it up, and that seemed to be going well.

finally, it was time for us to get back on the road. the plan was to make it to Lewisville and stop for the night. then we would have breakfast with Scott and Candace and lunch with maggie katzen and RTO Trainer. or maybe the other way around, i don’t remember.

anyway, we all made our way out to the U-Haul.

Chapter 5 - The Wonky Trailer

Minerva escaped from Frank as he tried to get her into the truck. while he went after her, my Grampa went to inspect the car trailer to see how that contraption worked. Frank got in the truck, and i asked GP what he thought about Frank. he said yeah, they like him, he seems nice. :) then he asked if the things that are supposed to be holding the wheels in place on the trailer should be holding the wheels in place.

loooovely. so we’d been driving for who knows how long with the safety chains holding the Explorer on the trailer. great. Grampa went in and retrieved a flashlight, while i retrieved Frank.

it was cold that night, did i mention it was cold? my grandparents stayed out for a while with us, and Frank started working with the stupid car trailer, which was in no way, shape or form cooperating with us. an hour later, my grandparents were in the house, Frank was trying to calm Minerva, and i was driving again. it was now 11 p.m.

Chapter 6 — Hellcat

by car, Cisco is only 40 minutes east of Abilene. by 24-foot U-Haul towing an SUV, it’s a long hour and a half. especially when Hellcat is riding the back of the seat, screaming at Mommy. when we neared Cisco, a place very near and very dear to this old heart, i’d had enough, and so had Frank. not to mention Minerva. so we pulled in at the first Cisco exit to a Best Western.

Chapter 7 - Car Locks on Battery Acid

Frank went to the Best Western office in hopes of getting us a room… or so i thought. within a minute, he was back at my door to report that something funky was going on with the Explorer. i don’t remember if i was yet delirious, but if i wasn’t, i was close. i went to my car with Frank to see what was up… ok… some kind of electrical noise. sounds like the doors in limbo between lock and unlock… we looked at each other with such beaten down expressions.

i tried to unlock the doors with the remote - no luck. tried to lock the doors and make them stop freaking out - no luck there, either. i unlocked the door with the key and tried to figure out what was going on. it was dark, and we didn’t have a flashlight handy, so i couldn’t see the fuse panel… finally, a lightbulb in my head came on, and i remembered rearranging the suitcases in the passenger seat when i’d gone digging for my migraine meds (did i tell y’all i had a migraine too?). i pulled on Frank’s bag a little, and the noise stopped. i’d thrown it onto the door locker. whew.

Frank went to the office to get a room, and they were all booked up, and we were not surprised. we got back in the truck and drove to the next exit.

we drove down Conrad Hilton, the only road in Cisco with stoplights (and the road where once stood the first Hilton hotel) — i’m possibly exaggerating about the stoplights, but not necessarily. :)

so. there were no motels, hotels or shanties on Conrad Hilton. so we ventured back to the highway, where we’d seen a road motel advertising $35 rooms. we were thankful that they were open, and so was the bebe. we finally got settled in around 1:30 a.m.

we weren’t even halfway out of Texas.

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a 47 reference!
um.. Vaughn.. assembling a gun fast.. * sigh *
oh. Vaughn. Santa Barbara. whee!! and awwwww!!

~~commercial break~~
wow, is there anything in people’s vocabulary that doesn’t require taking the Lord’s name in vain? apparently not much.
~~

btw, i’m thinking the signal that was sent over the unsecured line… perhaps not just the Germans being stupid. sure reeks of something bigger to me…

dinner in Paris. * fawn *

ok, so this is the audition i went to.

wow. that girl Mikayla (sp?) has a lot of boobs. sorry, the judges liked her but i wasn’t a fan. maybe she’ll grow on me.

ouch. the Neil Diamond impersonator. pretty decent impersonation, but ouch. very forced. well, he was nice anyway.

hey, they keep showing Reggie doing the dance moves. he’s one of the people i had dinner and rehearsed with the night before the auditions. i’m glad he made it so far. nice folk.

Amanda Avila, the show girl. she’s got a really nice voice, got great stage presence. i really like her.

Christopher Tamura. oh i loathe Elvis. please make it stop make it stop make it stop.

Rich Molfetta. too much trilling and long noting, no words. nice voice, but i feel the same way as Simon, woopee. maybe he’ll impress me later.

Cindy Lauper / Emily. she’s got a pretty good voice, but that energy bursting from every pore might get on my nerves after a while. we’ll see her later.

wow. i thought i was the oldest contestant, but this Joseph Land. he might have me beat. LOL, this guy is killing me! this is the best gimmick ever. i LOVE him! put him through to the next round, please! i like how they put his age in quotes. “28″

oh, don’t make me close my ears.

i remember that girl in the choir robe.

i love when the judges get all freaked out. LOL. and i especially love it when Simon kisses Paula.

give that Vegas girl some food. oh wow.

i agree with Simon, why waste the judges’ time with all these awful contestants when there were really good people who didn’t get past round 1? oh yeah. it’s television. and i really do understand. half their market share probably comes from the rubbernecker factor. it’s good television and lucrative ad revenue.

Sharon Galvez. she’s probably right for the show. but had some really bad notes, probably tired from the week. good voice.

that Lion King boy. really good voice when he was singing, but he should have gone with a different song. he should come back next year.

the Psychic. should have saved herself some time and looked into her crystal ball. and spared me the Elvis.

Jennifer Todd… i like her voice. i think everyone sang that song at the audition. everyone rehearsing in line was singing it, anyway. :) she was really good, i’m glad she made it through.

Mario Vasquez… reminds me a lot of Justin Timberlake. which means i like him.

they kept showing Chris, the Bear Guy, but we didn’t get to hear him sing. oh well, i know he was good.

say, y’all, it’s Wednesday! that’s really all i have to say about that.

has work ever been this much fun? so i started my new job last Tuesday, and i must say, i am loving it. i’m doing CPA stuff that i’ve never done before, and it’s a whole lotta fun; seriously, i’m shocked that it’s already Wednesday, because it seems like the week is just starting. and my client right now is one of those really cool clients that we all wish we could work on all the time. everyone’s happy to go to work, they like to give the auditors a hard time (boy do they), and i laugh a lot. plus my sr. manager is a lot of fun. yesterday, i said something like, “i’ll understand that at some point.” she said, “when you do, let me know.” i responded with, “yeah, because it won’t be obvious.” she called me a smart[pinkytoe] and laughed. i guess it wasn’t what she meant. :-)

the apartment situation… got all settled on an apartment this weekend, and i was figuring i could live without a washer and dryer for a year. but then i learned that high speed internet is not even available there. i called the cable company and then the apartment complex again to confirm, and they’re quite sure about it. :-( i can live without washer and dryer and even my DVR, but no broadband? can’t do it. too bad, too, because it was gonna save me significant dollars.

cashew coconut pie… we went to Cracker Barrel yesterday for lunch, and for dessert, i bought this huge sugar patty called Cashew Coconut Pie. if you ever have the opportunity to eat that, do it. mmmmmm.

Frank’s cat sounds like a monkey…. she doesn’t meow, she squeaks and then starts picking bugs out of Minerva’s hair. for serious. oh, last night, i took a bath, and Minerva always comes in with me for those. this time they were both in the bathroom, and both got semi-bathed. Minerva likes me to pet her when i’m in the tub, with my wet hands, so she basically ends up with wet fur all over. Sydney is apparently a fan of that, too. crazy cats.

list of foods i’ve made since i got here… jambalaya, spaghetti, chicken fried rice, sloppy joes, mexican salad… so far, he likes everything i cook. this is the easiest person to cook for ever. i know i already mentioned it, but it bears repeating.

gotta get, have a lovely day, musees!

David Brown… yeah, good voice. chill on the trills, but otherwise, i’m good with that. wow, Randy, best of the 4 seasons, dawg? that’s bold. but yeah, i like him.

ok, i liked the yodeler. sue me. ok, i don’t like him so much when he sings without yodeling. too Neckid Britney.

yeah, i’ll bet that Daron Beck from Denton, TX is an art major at UNT. did he say “i can’t stand…” ? lemme finish that sentence. “this. please stop.” well, at least he had a good attitude about it.

btw, Gene Simmons? i like him.

Lindsey Cardinale. yeah, i like her very well. she’s top 12, and the good thing is she can go country, pop, show? Paula said the voice is hypnotic, i say the same for the speaking voice, the hair, the eyes, the lilt. wow, good show.

Robert Solomon… wow. until he started singing, i was thinking the next Clay Aiken. not so much now. too drastic a voice.

that Coke commercial almost made me cry.

this is why accountants don’t make it. we have no stage presence. it’s not just you, i stuck my hands in my pockets. poor guy. voice not so great either…

am i the only one reminded of Scat Girl here with the jazz guy? different and unique, yes, but he sounds quite put on. i’m not in favor. wow, Simon shocked me a little there.

btw, i heart Simon.

wow, some people will do anything to get on TV. namely, act like a big fat idiot. such as Leroy Wells. i think i made out the words “put me on TV”. so sad. what. is. he. on. i’m in the unamused crowd with Simon.

LOL. i love the subtitles.

aha, a Dallas boy. Jeffrey Johnson. oh, nice voice. he looks scared to sing, but that’ll get better. i think he’s really good.

that one guy is wearing the #47. ALIAS fan? oh. my goodness. he just said other cats “can’t hold my jock.” crass. bad form. what bad attitudes.

hey, the Bear Guy will be on tomorrow night! make sure you watch!

… pinkytoe.

this weekend was nice. Friday night we watched a Zatoichi flick (we alternate: chick flick, samurai flick, and so on), and i fell asleep during that. Saturday morning, Frank happened to remember the exact spot where i fell asleep (sweet of him, no?), so we finished the movie.

then we went and finally decided on my apartment (though i have to make sure that the lady was wrong about me not being able to get high speed internet). after that, we went shopping for decorations for Frank’s house. i LOVE shopping with other people’s money! :-) it was great, i said stuff like, “you need this” “and this” “and oh this is fun!” and he said, “whatever you think i need, dear” and “wow, fake plants are expensive” and “maybe we shouldn’t buy everything on one day”. he has a hundred plant ledges with nothing on them, so he really needs my guidance.

after shopping, it was time to get ready for mass. i had been to Catholic mass once, when i was 8; it was pretty much as i remembered, except a lot of women leading in the service. after the mass was over, we met the priest on the way to the car. he was so happy to see such a young couple in Florida. “are you married?” he asked. “no, are you?” i asked. just kidding. Frank answered with something like, “uh… no… well, we’re uh…. we’re dating.” when we got back to the car, i asked, “am i allowed to touch your priest, since i’m not Catholic? i felt kinda naughty when i shook his hand.” he said it’s ok for me to shake hands with the priest. i didn’t know, because you know, i hadn’t done the holy water thing.

after mass, we drove over to US 1 and had dinner at this nice little Italian restaurant, Paisano’s. it was very romantic, overlooked the river and everything, so we watched the boats go by as we ate yummy food. and this place has very yummy food.

after dinner, we watched the Bourne Supremacy, which was pretty good.

Sunday morning we tried to make it to a new church of Christ from the phone book; we got there ten minutes late, and i don’t want to walk into church of Christ that late on my first Sunday there, because we might not find a seat easily, and they’ve possibly already had the Lord’s Supper by then. so we tried to go to the one that starts a half hour later, but then we remembered they’re not meeting in their building yet because of hurricane stuff, and neither of us knew where the alternate location was.

so we went back to the same congregation as last week. funny, they seemed really surprised that we were back. and then the preacher, who is quite good and really works hard in his sermons, preached a sermon on baptism. it was very good, and when we left, Frank was still talking to me, so i said, “if you can hear the baptism sermon and still be willing to come with me on Sundays and Wednesdays, i think we’ll be just fine.”

thus it will continue. i’ll go to Saturday evening mass with him, and he’ll go to worship on Sundays and Bible study on Wednesdays with me. and this has been the plan since before i moved here.

i don’t remember the rest of Sunday, i had a migraine and slept much of the day. i do remember that Frank loved my chicken fried rice. he’s so easy to cook for.

he said, “i don’t know why you put up with me.”
i said, “i don’t either.”
he said, “heeeeyyyyy. that’s not the right answer!”

:-)

14 Therefore He says: “Awake, you who sleep, Arise from the dead, And Christ will give you light.”
15 See then that you walk circumspectly, not as fools but as wise,
16 redeeming the time, because the days are evil.
17 Therefore do not be unwise, but understand what the will of the Lord is.
18 And do not be drunk with wine, in which is dissipation; but be filled with the Spirit,
19 speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord,
20 giving thanks always for all things to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ,
21 submitting to one another in the fear of God.

basil is a sweetheart! he sent me money for my blogiversary, even though i’m still depriving y’all of my blogiversary post. thanks, basil!

y’all also go congratulate him on his new typepad digs. and on being funny and stuff. :)

i think i’m gonna need a new banner, Chad. cross out “mountaineer musings” and call it either “Frank J is an idiot” or “boy training blog”. :-) [disclaimer: Frank came up with both names, i only used his genius.] i also think i need a new category. some of the boy training doesn’t exactly fit into “adventures of a t-shirt babe”.

so i said, “i’m sorry i’m so whiny and demanding.”
and he said, “that’s what i love about you.”

when what he should have said was, “you’re not whiny and demanding. you’re perfect, and i couldn’t love anyone more, my love.”

in gmail, when you go to your trash bin and “select all” and then click “delete forever”, the next screen that comes up is NOT, i repeat, NOT the next 50 messages in your trash bin. the next screen is the first 50 messages in your inbox. if you then click “select all” and click the top left button, it archives all those messages you had saved for followup.

that said. if you sent me an email that warranted a response, it’s possible it’s accidentally archived. and i tried to go back through and grab them all but well. there are 50 of them. sorry.

1 Give unto the LORD, O you mighty ones,
Give unto the LORD glory and strength.
2 Give unto the LORD the glory due to His name;
Worship the LORD in the beauty of holiness.
3 The voice of the LORD is over the waters;
The God of glory thunders; The LORD is over many waters.
4 The voice of the LORD is powerful;
The voice of the LORD is full of majesty.
5 The voice of the LORD breaks the cedars,
Yes, the LORD splinters the cedars of Lebanon.
6 He makes them also skip like a calf,
Lebanon and Sirion like a young wild ox.
7 The voice of the LORD divides the flames of fire.
8 The voice of the LORD shakes the wilderness;
The LORD shakes the Wilderness of Kadesh.
9 The voice of the LORD makes the deer give birth,
And strips the forests bare;
And in His temple everyone says, “Glory!”
10 The LORD sat enthroned at the Flood,
And the LORD sits as King forever.
11 The LORD will give strength to His people;
The LORD will bless His people with peace.

happy birthday Spizzle Dizzle! you’re Bikermommy’s age now!

here’s a pic of you from Christmas. y’all look how handsome my Spidade is. the looks, they run in the family.
(more…)

i don’t know what happened, but after i moved over to my new spot, it took exactly four months to get to 100,000 hits per the little sitemeter, on December 9. a month and twelve days later, i’ve racked up another 50,000!!

i’d just like to say…

woohoo!!! see, i live for my stats. traffic is my sole purpose in life, my only reason to exist. i heart it.

btw. this is turning into a post about blogging. sorry ’bout that.

my blogiversary post. i’m sure i shouldn’t be taking so much time with it, because i should just say something like happy blogiversary to me and whatnot. but i’ve had no time. when i get home from work, i’ve gotta cook (it’s my rent payment), then snuggle with Frank, try to snuggle with Minerva (who’s all about snuggling with Sydney these days), check my email, blah blah blah. so i’ll have to finish it this weekend. besides, once i missed my own blogiversary, it just seemed silly to stress about getting it done on time since it was already late. make sense? whatever.

i have about 10 posts waiting for me to finish. 3 ALIASes, plus the rest of the moving story. we haven’t even gotten to the worst of the hell on that trip, because believe you me, it is not a pretty sight to watch SarahK (ugh! i’ve become a third-person talker! smack me!) trudge around to all the businesses in the area and ask through broken sobs if they’ve seen a calico cat. really, it sounds something like this: “have… guh… you… waaaaahaaaaahaaaa… seen a … whimper… calico? answers… to… ahuh…. Minerva…. and… wah… Bebe?” bad stuff, people. ya gotta see it.

but we also haven’t gotten to the good stuff, including our dinner w/ RTO & maggie and the highway stalking incident. it’s the stuff movies are made of. especially being stalked, that makes it into the movies a lot.

i went to lunch yesterday with people from work, my first lunch out with them. when we got our drinks, i thought mine tasted a lot like root beer (yuck). but since it was my first lunch with these people, i decided i’d maybe hide how high maintenance i am, for now, of course. ;) then Y said that her drink tasted funny. “yeah, mine kinda tastes like root beer,” i said. then we all agreed that our drinks tasted like root beer.

when the waiter came back we told him that our drinks tasted funny. jokingly, someone said, “take a swig!”

E (man)’s drink was closest to the waiter’s face, and he actually. leaned. down. and…

wait for it…

took a swig. out of E’s straw. HIS STRAW!!!

no one said anything, so i kept quiet. after the waiter walked off, Y said, “um, did anyone else notice that he drank out of E’s straw?”

i said, “i noticed that! i wasn’t going to say anything… i thought maybe it was a local thing. maybe everyone’s just waaaaay more laid back here.”

Monday, i was a bit emotional. not bad emotional, but ya know. little spurts of crying and whatnot. symptoms of being overwhelmed, no biggie.

tonight, i’ve got pretty bad muscle spasms in my back, and Frank was giving me a little back rub. i said, “these are pretty bad spasms, my period must be coming up.”

Frank said, “i thought that came the other day.”

“no…??”

“oh. so when you were crying and all emotional? i thought that you were just having your period. you mean, you just have little episodes where you cry? for no apparent reason?”

hi, i’m a woman. nice ta meetcha.

thank goodness LOST is on, because i’m switching over during the commercials, and it’s bad. very bad.