This week, Ryan is so proud that AI beat the Olympics, Survivor, Dancing with the Stars, and all the other shows. I’m just proud that they’ll mention shows on other networks without saying “that show where everyone gets voted off, and that show where they have ‘celebrities’ that dance”, and instead actually use real names.

Simon gives himself a 10 out of 10 on last week’s judging. I give him a 9.5, because I disagreed with him on one thing. Kellie Pickler (I can feel the eyes starting to roll).

IDOLS 01… Katharine McPhee, who apparently wants to lose my vote, will be singing Stevie Wonder. Did she not get my memo that Stevie is banned on the show? Maybe she’s trying to prove that Stevie can be done well. Is she frontin’ me? I think she is! First she hearts Babs, then there’s this Stevie thing… Oooh, girrrrrl, it is ON! And they just did the whole look at me bit where they tell about her favorite AI moments. And she hearts Kellie Pickler. Apparently Kellie’s not so annoying when she’s not going on about that prisonly father of hers. UPDATE FROM LATER IN THE SHOW: Yes she really is that annoying. Anyway, so Katharine’s all like, “I heart Kellie, she’s my bestest friend 4EVER, and we’re gonna live next door to each other for all time and raise our babies together!” and she’s really thinking, “I hope I get more votes than her, because if only one of us gets this hotel room, it should be me! Me! Me!”… Oh my goodness, they are so in love with each other. Get a room!… Er, maybe that’s the problem. Oh bad SarahK, that was so distasteful. On to the singing… * yawn * I’m sorry, is it over yet? Oh no, it’s not! And it’s bad! That’s why you should always listen to your good friend SarahK. I gave you a break on the Babs thing, but no. The first half was boring, and the second half was bad. Shoulda listened to me, Katharine! Don’t try ta front me! I’m not gonna withhold her number, but I’m sad to say I’m not voting for this performance. And I really liked her until now when she tried to front me.

Well. I didn’t notice before, but Ryan bought his velvet tux jacket (that he’s wearing with jeans) at the local vintage store (or Thrift Town), and I just have to wonder about… ah, forget it, Kinnik just said she’s singing Gretchen Wilson.

IDOLS 02… Back from barfing now, I’m gonna hurl more sloppy joes (all fresh ingredients except the dried spices and the potato buns, which I didn’t make in my nonexistent bread machine) if Kinnik Sky is singing “Redneck Woman” (aka “I’m Proud to Be a Hick, H-E-doublehockeysticks Yeah”) or “When I Think About Cheating” (aka “I Really Wanted to Whine for My Next Song, And All the Diane Warren Songs Were Taken, So Here’s Something I Made Up in the Back of My Tourbus. Took Me About Four Minutes To Write.”)… You know, she’s really quite adorable in her little interview. Well, I need someone to replace Katharine for me, so step up if you can… And she’s singing “I’m Here for the Party” (aka “I’m a Skanky Drunk Hoe, Take Me Home So I Can Puke in Your Dually On the Way To Your Place”), so I’m out. Anyway, it wasn’t that good, but I love her outfit. But she really needs to pull that cowboy hat down… Much better, she felt my vibe and corrected her head topper (40 minutes later on the DVR playback).

Simon and Paula are already snipping at each other, because Paula is already halfway to Vodkaland. She loooooooove that vodka.

IDOLS 03… Lisa Tucker. She’s so adorable. But what is she wearing. A tank top yellow sweater over an orange bra or swimsuit thingy. Oh, it’s true, I’m just jealous my matronly arms would never let me get away with that. Ryan is fixing her hair, and she was in the Lion King when she was 10. She’s singing “Who’s Loving You”, and have I banned the Jackson 5 yet? If not, I officially declare it disallowed. What a boring song from such an amazing voice. There was just no range there. Blah. And Paula is disagreeing with Randy (who agrees with me), because she’s got her vodka on. I might vote for her on sheer charm.

Come ONNNN, girls, give me someone to vote for, or I’m totally dialing 9 digits and not completing the last digit, then hanging up. Indignant dialing, they call it.

IDOLS 04… Next is Melissa McGhee. She’s gonna sing Linda Ronstadt’s “Why Haven’t I Heard From You”. I’m embarrassed to say I like to sing the Ronstadt at karaoke, because she’s one of the people who taught me how to sing (can you say “When Will I-Hi Be Loved?”). So Melissa is so right about chicks in Florida wearing the flipflops all the time, though now a lot of us are really into these hideous Crocs (I heart them so!). I love her voice tone, but I would really love for her to try to get out of her comfy range a little more. Paula, listen to Simon, he’s right about you being a precocious child, except Simon, you left out the part about “completely sauced”. Completely sauced precocious child. Anyway, I agree with Simon, she’s not connecting. Great voice, not connecting. But I DO love it when they wear brown. Is purple really my favorite color, or is it secretly brown? Paula is such a parody of herself, I wonder if any of her real friends have told her so.

I’m really tired of the girls already tonight. Where’s Mandisa? (Oh yeah, singing last so we’ll stick around.) And can Taylor sing tonight just for funsies?

IDOLS 05… Heather Cox, you may go home. Go. Go. I don’t even have to hear you sing, you obviously have no respect for any of the viewers if you’re singing “Hero” by Mariah Carey. Where’s the mute button? Or a knife. A sharp one. To stab out my eardrums. Lookie there, Heather Cox held a snake when she got to Hollywood… Sleeping, stabbing eardrums, sleeping more… btw, since I’ve totally tuned her out, let’s talk about her outfit. It’s great until you get to the huge square button. NEWSFLASH (why do I have to flash news so often??): The huge square button is a huge failed bit from the ’80s, and I still remember it. I remember it and legwarmers. Do you want to wear legwarmers? No? Nobody wants to see your square button…. Anyway, she saved up everything for one big note and was flat for the note. Not impressive. Off. Paula: “Right now there’s no one hotter than Mariah Carey.” Nor more annoying, Paula. Nobody likes that screeching bat. Back to Heather, I think she’s gone after tonight.

IDOLS 06… Brenna Gethers is going to perform after the break, and my goodness, she’s wearing one of those dresses that they wear on Dancing or Skating or Strolling Down the Lane With the Stars. Bluuuuuurgh. There’s the rest of my sloppy joes. You know, I should thank the ladies, because I’m gonna be so skinny after they’re done with me. Yay for involuntary bulimia! Brenna is singing “Last Dance” by Donna Summers. Before she starts, I’ll go with “forgettable”. But it’s true what she says about posing in the mirror. I always look for the angle that makes me not have 2 chins. I only have one, but in pictures I tend to come out with multiples, so I really have to work the camera. Anyway, ADVICE FOR THE CONTESTANTS (AND I’LL KEEP GIVING IT AS LONG AS YOU NEED IT): If a song starts with a couple of taps from the hi-hat, AVOID AVOID AVOID. (Exception would be Celine Dion’s “The Power of Love”, but ONLY if you can do that whole “by your siiiiiiiide…. ’cause I’m your laadaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyy” bit without taking a breath.) EGADS, I TAKE IT BACK! She’s not forgettable, she’s awful. I think she’s gone too.

IDOLS 07… Paris Bennet is next and is singing something with favor (from God apparently?). Oh bother, her song starts with a hi-hat. And it’s Bette Midler from Beaches. The Wind Beneath My Wings. Okie doke, lemme just say: Heard this song at my cousin Allan’s funeral, not a happy song for me. Nighty night… Having said that, regardless of her horrible song choice, she handled it with “favor”, though not enough to get me dialing. But SONG CHOICE SONG CHOICE SONG CHOICE. Believe me, I’ve learned from experience at many many karaoke bars (and yeah, I wear that proudly) that you can’t sing that stuff, or everyone just ignores you and calls the waitress over so they can order another batch of fried pickles. Paris Paris Paris. No more picking songs on Great-Grandma’s choice. Be sweet, and do some Billy Joel for me. (I’m only one generation ahead. Ok, bordering on 2, but I act younger than I am.)

IDOLS 08… Ayla is singing “I Want You to Need Me” by Celine Dion. I love that song, but that’s awful brave. At least she didn’t pick a safe song. Hey, Ayla, about that new makeup thing you’ve got going on. FORSAKE IT, DON’T CAKE IT. Really, natural is way better than piled on… Onto the song. She was very good again this week, but I’m partial to that song, and she didn’t butcher it, even after she changed the lyrics (a lot), so good on her. Paula ingested some of her Botox or something, because man, what makes her talk like that? Anyway, Ayla’s the first one I’m actually going to vote for tonight. Here’s to hoping there’s no Stevie Wonder or Bette Midler from her next week.

IDOLS 09… Next is Kellie Pickler, and WHOA, you should see the screen-freeze on the Tivo. She does not blink evenly. FOR THE LOVE OF PETE. She is given the spotlight to say anything she wants about American Idol, and she has chosen to talk about the spinach salad, which is liiiike pullin’ a leaf offuva bush and eatin’ it, with swallowin’ an’ everything! YET ANOTHER new experience for her. Heya, Kellie? I kin git a big bag-a spinnitch at the local Piggly Wiggly. Maybe you kin find it at yers tew! Check it out, they might evin hayuv a 99 cent sale on it! OH MY GOODNESS, I can’t believe I already spent a paragraph on the spinach, because did yew know that they caul skwiyud “calamaray”? Ayund the dawgs, they have more clothes than I do! She is baby Jessica, only no one found her at the bottom of the well. She stayed down there for 20 years until American Idol heard her singing from deep within the earth. Say, did you know they’ve got sumthin’ called a lightbulb? And the outhouse? It’s INSIDE NOW!

I don’t have the energy to talk about her performance. Woops, found it. Ok, so she’s singing “Something to Talk About” by Bonnie Raitt. How about spinach and calamari? Anyway, her hand gestures are all wrong (she does the come-here fingers when she shouldn’t), and she’s so flat on every note. Guess she shoulda crawled outta that well a little sooner!

Paula and Randy: Well, Paula’s sloshed, and Randy’s on crack. Simon is soooo wrong on this one. WHO IS FALLING IN LOVE WITH THAT OVER-THE-TOP CARTOON? Bad Simon, BAD! I almost want to vote for her, because she makes for really fun snarking. What a caricature. Someone get that girl a library card, please. I WANNA HEAR ABOUT YOUR CALAMARI.

BTW, the ladies seem to be over their gaucho pants obsession. But now, they’re all obsessed with makeup and calamari and hi-hats.

IDOLS 10… Mandisa. Redeem them, oh noble one. She played a practical joke on Ryan Seacrest right before her audition. She’s so adorable. I LOVE her. That said, SONG CHOICE: “Cry” by Faith Hill? You better do this better than Faith, or BORING… Ok, now I hear it, way better and more exciting than Faith Hill. And she did that whole “may” thing at the end like Justin Timberlake (who says “may” instead of “me”), and I totally dig that. It’s Gonna Be May! Good memories, good times. I miss ‘NSYNC. I should go pull out my “Celebrity” CD and reminisce about that El Paso concert Cynthia and I flew down for. Wait, what was I talking about?

Oh yes. I’m thinkin’ on banning Faith Hill, because they keep picking the WRONG Faith Hill songs. Next week, someone will think it’s a grand idea to sing “Breathe”, and I’ll think it’s a good idea to do the opposite.

Does anyone wanna hear about my suntan?

So the wrapup. In order of best performance tonight (I’ll vote for the * ones):

Mandisa*
Ayla*
Paris
Melissa
Lisa*
Katharine
Kinnik
Brenna
Heather
Kellie

My predictions on who goes: definitely Heather. I’m torn between Kinnik and Brenna (because we know that some drawl-loving sophisticates are gonna vote for Kellie despite the lovely and talented SarahK’s wishes). Brenna has the annoying cat thing going for her… Kinnik never showcases her range… I say Heather and Kinnik are going home, and Kellie’s gonna learn that peeple eet these thangs from the ocean called oysters. I have never wanted to hear about your suntan more than now.

who doesn’t give the teeniest flip about  Anna Nicole Smith’s big exciting trip to the Supreme Court? aren’t there better things for the Court to be doing anyway, like reversing Kelo?

My dad’s Uncle Floyd passed away yesterday evening. He had mesothelioma, a type of cancer that has no treatment but surgery, which he was not a candidate for due to his age. I didn’t know him very well, just from family reunions, but he and his wife Joyce always were sweethearts to me. My dad’s Aunt Judy said he died in his sleep with his kids and some grandkids singing hymns next to his bed. What a nice way to go (the singing part, not the cancer part).

Graphic violence - hooray!

Previously on 24… It’s possible I’ll start to like Audrey. Y’all should put me down, because no one should live in the condition of liking Audrey. Plus, some other stuff happened, like the First Lady jumped in the car with the Russian president so the American Frenchman wouldn’t give the assassins the motorcade route of the Russian president.

As the hour begins, President Frenchie is having a John Kerry moment. Flippity-flop, I just can’t decide whether it’s wrong to allow the assassination of President Suvarov and my wife. Baby no wanna make big decision.

So the president calls Martha and tries to convince her to get out of the car. “Martha, just ask the driver to come to a rolling stop! You jump out, I’ll get you nice surgery to save your face!” Marty says no, and President Flipper is unsure whether to get his wife killed.

Audrey enlists Edgar to meet her somewhere and keep it secret! Keep it safe! We either have a new character (Carrie?) or Lynn just needs someone to yell at.

Curtis is looking on, as he was unharmed after being dumped in the ghetto. He’s so pretty, so it’s good he survived!

Audrey and Chloe are working together to help Jackie Jack, and Chloe is thinking, “I’ma put a cap in Audrey if she gets in the way of my love affair with Jack. And I’m a good shot.”

And now we know that Christopher, who’s somehow involved blah blah terrorist, is one of the guys Jack investigated within CTU, and he got fired, so he’s mad, and oh no! Vendetta!

Audrey and Chloe get Edgar to help Jack “before it’s too late.” It’s always just “before it’s too late”.

Frenchie almost makes a decision, but then he decides to suck his thumb instead. I don’t like Mike Novick these days. He’s advising President Estrogen to go ahead and kill his wife and that world leader guy.

Lynn is yelling at Carrie and firing her. “You don’t work here anymore.” “Did I work here at all? I just got my badge five minutes ago. Hey. Got something on your chin, I think it’s stupidity.”

Lynn is soooo on to everyone, who’re soooo working against Lynn. Lynn catches Audrey and Chloe in the act (of working against him), Audrey big-times him (I’ma call my daddy!), and Lynn insists on Chloe coming back with him. “She’s my ball! I’m taking her home!”

Jack goes into this blah blah terrorist guy’s company and wants to meet with the SVP R&D, because he’s the blah blah guy. Jack’s new name is John Barrie, and he matches his picture great at the security desk. As soon as he gets into SVP Christopher’s office, D.J. Chris tazers him (good thing he’s not carrying a lighter on him!) and Jack wakes up with no gun. D.J. Chris never believed Jack was dead. Chris is being “implicated” by someone inside CTU because of his history with Jack. Yeah, I’ll believe him at arm’s length. Don’t turn your back on him, though, Jack!
The company has a bunker or something, and D.J. Chris is taking Jack to it and giving full access to the Centox stuff.

Fast Eddie Styles has new info for Chloe, about Suvarov’s route to the airport, and they go tell Lynn, who calls them analysts like that’s an insult. Curtis sits quietly until they leave; then he tells him to stop being stupid and call Secret Service. Lynn says “No no no! Me boss! Me in charge! Me yell! You sit!” and Curtis looks like he’s ready to laugh at Mr. Meanie.

Audrey confronts Lynn about the President Suvarov thing, and they yell a lot. And Lynny Boy is off his nut. Whooooo. Crazy! Dadgum. I’m starting to like Audrey. She’s summoning Fast Eddie and Chloe to the corridor. Eddie’s talking about legalities, Chloe’s all for breaking the law (because she’s awesome now), and no one has yet consulted the manual on how to oust someone who’s flippity floo off their rocker.

Audrey brings in Curtis. Oh wait! She has read the manual! Curtis is the ranking agent, and he’s the only one who can invoke Section 112 of the CTU Crazy Leader Manual, and Audrey’s totally talking him into it. Curtis is all, “Man, I’ve already been shot, choked, dumped in the ghetto, and now you’re consulting the manual on me! Can’t I have a pee break? Get some coffee? Watch my stories on the breakroom TV?”

Mike doesn’t have answers for President Whinyface but reminds him how long he’s got until the motorcade is dead. The President wants to pray about it, which is the first good idea he’s had today. He and Mike kneel together. Dun-dun-dunnnnnnnn.

Lynn catches Edgar and Chloe doing their subversive stuff, and tries to fire and arrest everyone. Curtis says, “Yo, I’m totally gonna shoot people up in here if you carry out that order.” He puts his hand on his Glock, and the other security guards look at Curtis’s weapon. “Aww, man, he doesn’t have a strap on his holster! He can totally draw faster than me! I’ma do whatever the black man says!” And Curtis looks pretty. [Ed: by pretty, I mean manly and suave with a very good fashion sense. I heart Curtis.]

So the security guard says, “Hey, whatever you want, Mr. Curtis, is totally what’s happening.” And Curtis relieves Lynn of command, releases Bill from prison, and brings Tony out of a coma. Sorry, that last part was my wishful thinking. And so is the part where Curtis completely bans Kim Bauer from ever returning to the TV screen.

Ugh. I almost like her, I know it, I feel it. She needs to do something annoying real quick, like call Jack to talk about their relationship. Or ask Chloe if they can have chamomile tea together.

They like the name Carrie on this show. Wasn’t that the girl Michelle hated in season 2? Are y’all just rubbing it in our faces that Michelle is dead? I hate you, Joel Surnow! (Or writers.)
Bill overrides everything and wants to alert Secret Service immediately. They let the president know, and he’s so happy that they’ve alerted Secret Service, because you know, he was too giant a pansy to do such a thing.

HUGE ATTACK OF GRAPHIC VIOLENCE! Just when I start to think Aaron is dead, he opens the car door and saves the day by bustin’ caps in some terrorists. I still think he’s gonna die right afterward, you know, cliche heroic death, blah blah. But no, the writers didn’t cop out like that. Yay writers! Except for the killing Michelle thing.

Oh, and YAY AARON! WE HEART YOU! You know, if you were real live and stuff.

Aaron has saved the Russians, the First Lady, and himself. And you just KNOW that Marty’s gonna beat the crap out of Mr. President when she gets back. Except that he’s gonna take credit for the rescue.

Jack’s now in the bunker with the terrorist who’s supposedly not a terrorist. “No way in or out of the bunker.” Hmm, I wonder if that will play into the final minutes of this episode. Terrorist guy bails, and Jack finds himself with no phone and with a bomb. I told y’all not to trust that guy!

Christopher leaves the building, talking to some chick on the phone, maybe Neckid Mandy. And Jack has to find a way out of the building quick, or find a way to contain the bomb. He just gets it contained when his old pal Chris blows stuff up. And now Jack is angry. Chris won’t like Jack when he’s angry.

Terrorist man calls President Canary and threatens to release the gas again. And the hour is over.

WHOOHOO! NEXT WEEK IS 2 HOURS LONG! SOMEONE IN TV LAND LOVES ME!

So… next week… monkeys are moving 24 to a different time so we can have 2 hours. Kim’s back, Tony wakes up, Marty tells Aaron that Logan is a rat bast**d, and we have the biggest surprise of the season… so what do we think that will be?

*Aaron and Martha run away together!

* Neckid Mandy wears clothes.

* Tony is the mole (not).

* Audrey’s running the whole thing, because she found out Jack was alive, and she is TICKED. First Jack killed her husband, then he went and died, and she found out he didn’t die, and angry woman scorned wrath!

* Kim isn’t annoying! She doesn’t get attacked by cougars or lured into secret basements of cavedwellers!

* Lynn can hum the entire Notre Dame fight song!

* President Logan makes a decision and is actually sure about it!

* Aaron says screw this, I’m going to work as Jack Bauer’s personal bodyguard!

* Mike tells the President that it was way too uncomfy for them to pray together since the President is a godless, mindless twit!

* or Michelle’s not really dead! She’s pulling all the strings!

the evil fake sarahk has put my Bebe in an unflattering pose. let it be known that Minerva would never kill someone in the shower who didn’t deserve it.

she’s a sneaky little booger. tonight i made soup. ok, by made soup, i mean opened up two cans, heated the contents on the stove, and poured the soup into bowls. slaved, i did.

Rowdi really wanted me to give her some, even though Frank gave her a soft gravy-food snack in her bowl while i was cooking (payment for her getting whacked on the nose by Minerva twice today — good kitty). after i took the food to the table — haha, just kidding, after i took the food to the livingroom — she lay quietly in front of the sink until she was sure i was done transferring food and drinks from kitchen to overlook bar to livingroom.

then she became bad dog. i heard a clatter in the kitchen and followed the noise. she had taken the Chunky Soup can from the trash and carried it to her kennel and was happily licking the remnants from the inside of the can.

bad dog!

and just had to post it. Alli is the owner of that loverly S&W that i posed with for my t-shirt babe picture, and she’s crazy insane. here’s what i got in an email from her, and knowing her, i’ll bet she speaks from experience:

If you ever try to wash a 22lb cat’s butt in a deep jacuzzi tub, make sure you BOTH have a glass of wine first!!!

Curel Ultra Healing lotion is absolutely wonderful. my ring finger and my pinky finger were both pretty much burned by my white gold rings (nickel allergy). i couldn’t wear my rings, and it hurt to even touch the fingers.

i bought the Ultra Healing lotion this week and have been using it every day. my pinky finger is completely fine, and my ring finger is almost fine. it’s a little itchy and still a little red under the skin, but it’s made an amazing recovery.

this stuff rocks.

congratulations to Team Fenson on their Olympic bronze medal! we’ve been watching all fortnight long, and i cried when y’all won!

now if only we could get a Curling club here in Melbourne…

Rowdi and i had Doggie School today. she was the most relaxed dog in class (when she got bored she lay down and rolled on her back so i could scratch her belly). she only barked at the other dogs when they barked first, only growled when they growled first (though the lady with the Boxer seemed quite sure that Rowdi was being aggressive with her dog). the German Shepherd (not my Sheppit) was the most misbehaved, and the Standard Schnauzer was second. Rowdi was very well behaved. she did all the commands right away, though she kept throwing in other commands to see if i would treat her for giving me her paw without my asking.
we’re both so tired this afternoon. Rowdi’s been napping since we got back (except when the a/c man was here telling me that it’s going to be $500 to replace the compressor - and the part is under warranty, the $500 is for labor, installation, and freon!!!). i could use a nap myself, especially after hearing that the PJM payment that we finally got gets to go to the a/c.  *sigh*

the opening banter between Simon and Ryan was funny.

btw, i usually don’t blog the results show, but i just got so sucked in when they did the Eagles song, and Taylor harmonized, and i started we’re-not-worthying. plus Chris was so great on that song, and so was Elliot. btw, when Elliot smiles and gets all excited, he looks a bit like Lair. and no, i’m not just saying that because they’re both Jooish. besides, i have no official confirmation that Elliot’s Jooish, because only an anonymous commenter told me so.

when they replayed Ace’s performance from last night, Frank held up his hands in front of his face and said, “aaaaahh! i can’t look at him, i’m afraid it’ll make me gay!”

Brenna’s paddling like a duck. quack quack.

ok, i’m thinking Brenna’s going. wow, i was wrong. Becky’s gone. i thought she would stick around just because she’s hot, and because Brenna SANG STEVIE WONDER. i think Simon’s right, she’ll have a good modeling career.

the girls seem to be over their gaucho fetish from the other night. aw man, i’m gonna get a lot of sickos searching here for fetish photos now. bad sickos! go away!

so… Bobby and Sway are on the bubble, center stage with Ryan. wonder who’s going home… not really. i have to give it to Bobby, he has personality, and he took it well. he’s funny, i reluctantly laugh at his jokes. “Bobby, it’s you.” “I know.” except now he’s blaming his Gram. poor Gram. well, anyway, he’s gone, yay. except that means that we have to listen to Copacakillme again.

btw, you know all the guys on Taylor’s row were thanking their lucky stars.

2nd girl going home. i’m thinking it’s Stevie or Heather. Brenna’s safe, Kinnik’s safe. and Stevie and Heather are in danger. both of them were terrible last night. i’m sad about Stevie, because hearing her before, she’s good. the lesson here for contestants is: NEVER GO WITH THE UNDERSTATED PERFORMANCE UNLESS IT’S GOT A BIG FINISH. and then if you get booted off, please don’t blame “tha sickness”. that just makes everyone roll their eyes, even if it’s true. anyway, i wish her well, i liked her.

i love the colors she’s wearing. brown is my favorite color to wear. unlike Becky and Bobby, she was better tonight. oh yeah, except that major crack, but whatever.

Ryan is so tiny.

and with the guys, everyone i voted for is staying. and the two i predicted to go are gone. Patrick is out too. he just was forgettable last night. Bucky still needs to shave that penciled-in ’stache. if you fellers are going to wear ’staches, at least go all in.

PAULA: “i just love you, Patrick. but not as much as i love vodka in my Coca-Cola cup.”

so everyone i voted for and/or would have voted for moves on. i was 75% on my predictions. Becky left in place of my Heather prediction.

YAY FOR TAYLOR!

seeing the Canadian women lose in curling to the Swiss women. first, i really like the Swiss skip, Mariam Ott. don’t know why, just do. second, i haven’t liked the Canadian team (and i usually secretly pull for the Canadians just because we’re on the same continent) ever since the skip made the comment that the American women would need their A game against them, while they would only need their B game. that’s just bad manners, especially in the Olympics where there’s supposed to be a semblance of sportsmanship.
i guess Ott & Co. brought their A game.

it’s blowing air, but it’s not making it cooler in here. yesterday it was 78 degrees outside and 83 inside.

i cleaned the electrostatic filter really well, we flipped the breaker switches… now i’m not sure what to do next. Frank looked at the unit outside…

is 3.5 years long enough that it should need recharging? seems way too early. also, it came on suddenly. it was blowing cool air the day before yesterday, and suddenly it’s hot.

here are some search hits that have brought people here to mm.

“how to make money sitting at home like housewife” - here’s a tip:  marry an engineer. ;-)

“Russian figure skater Olympic malfunction” - try Gullyborg. he might have something for you.

“Lisa Tucker American Idol skirt” - nevermind.

“breast Olympic skater” - really. Gullyborg sent me a link to the picture on Yahoo, and you can see about half a nipple. i see 2 full nipples every time i shower and every time i get dressed, so it’s just really not a big deal to me. whooptido, half a boob.

“Elliot Yamin problem” - i don’t see any problem with Elliot Yamin. except that he SANG STEVIE WONDER for the competition last night, which was misguided.

“the difference between barking and purring” - um… cat v. dog?

Paula wants unique and different. not just unique. not just different. she wants that unique performance that’s also different from the others. and that different performance that is also unique. got that?

Randy wants the dawgs to bring it.

Simon wants to hear about your suntan.

IDOLS 01: Patrick Hall. oh good. he’s in touch with his feelings. i hope he feels the song in his soul. 1st line out of his vocal chords has me saying “next please”. so he’s singing “Come to My Window” by Melissa Etheridge. oh good, she was probably singing it to a girl too, so at least they’re on the same page. this is one very forgettable performance. what a beating. it was like the 3rd place guy at the karaoke dive on karaoke roulette night. and not the dive where everyone is drunk and the bikers all sing good. oh my no! did you see all the collagen in his mother’s lips? i don’t like to make fun of people’s appearances, but that’s totally self-inflicted. i know, i’m going to hell for being so mean. not voting for him.

IDOLS 02: David Radford, the crooner from Crystal Lake. maybe he’ll be an eagle-eyed machete enthusiast! “Crazy Little Thing Called Love”. i’m so glad he’s back to his element. ok, but he’s gonna be one of those performers like Constantine who i have to listen to when i’m cooking and can’t see the TV. because he’s crazy to watch. the singing was good, the stage performance was … um … insane. so. i’ll close my eyes, you sing, and we’ll get along. i’m voting for him.

IDOLS 03: Bucky Covington is singing “Simple Man” by Skynnard. i really like the tone of his voice. if we could just get him to shave off that ridiculously thin mustache, it’ll be much better for me. he can keep the soul patch. but he really should wash his hair. or maybe he just needs to dry it, i don’t know. anyway, he’s good enough. not sure if i’ll dial the phone, but i’m hoping he goes forward.

IDOLS 04: Will Makar. the only one left from Texas! here’s some Deep in the Hearta comin’ atcha. wait, did i already send that? “I Want You Back” by the Jackson 5. you hurt my heart. DEAR CONTESTANTS, JUST BECAUSE YOU WANTED TO SING THIS SONG WHEN YOU WERE 8 YEARS OLD DOESN’T MEAN YOU SHOULD SING IT ON NATIONAL TV. REMEMBER YOU ALSO PICKED YOUR BOOGERS AND FLICKED THEM AT THE DOG WHEN YOU WERE 8? anyway, it was way better than i expected considering the song. he looks like Fred Savage (Bobby Brady, Paula? remember, he was the wussy little freckled one?), so i like him… probably won’t dial the phone, but he shouldn’t get kicked off.

IDOLS 05: Sway Penala. the guys are as into their feelings tonight as the women were into their gauchos last night. he’s singing “Reasons” by Earth, Wind, and Fire. and it’s special to him. what kind of falsetto convention did i walk into? holy boogers, Paula is standing up and seal-clapping above her head. that was awful, and Randy and Paula are on crack. so what if he can go high and do vocal acrobatics? would anyone actually want to listen to that? ever? it was like Mariah Carey (obnoxious) on speed. thank you, Simon, for having ears.

IDOLS 06: Chris Daughtry is doing “Wanted Dead or Alive”! sweet! need i say who that’s by? he’s one of the three i’m here for tonight. there he’s working the mic stand like Bo. i think they can’t control it, they have to do it because they’ve sung in bars. and he’s wearing his wedding ring, yay! ok, he’s great, i am so happy he’s here this year. VOTE FOR CHRIS! lol, Ryan. Simon’s going to the happy place.

IDOLS 07: Kevin Covais. he’s 16, and Frank said he would have guessed half that. he’s singing “One Last Cry” by Brian McKnight because Brian is one of his role models. i was thinking that he’d been charged with some crime or other, but i googled and came up with nothing; maybe i was thinking of R. Kelly. know how old i am? this was our class song my senior year in high school. not by my choice, but whatever. we also had teal and burgundy for our class colors… yeah. anyway, he blinks a lot; i don’t know if that’s nerves or Tourette’s. it was decent, but his voice was shaky, and he looked so nervous. i’m voting for him anyway, because he’s been great until now.

i think Paula’s got the alkey in the Coca-Cola cup tonight. she’s standing up an awful lot. i think the standing is to signal her personal bartender that she needs another.

IDOLS 08: Gedeon McKinney. he’s singing “Shout”. ok, i have to say it. he has such a strange look about him. that’s not a bad thing, he just has a very memorable face. i think he reminds me of someone. oh! i know who! can’t think of his name or what he was in, but he was in sitcoms in the ’70s and ’80s and was always antagonizing a main character or something. i actually enjoyed him, i love his shirt, and his smile just grabs you, i don’t care who you are. he smiles so big, and i actually believe he’s a happy guy. Simon and i are gonna have to disagree on the smile thing. his smile bothers Simon? his smile is my favorite part! i’m voting for him just because of the smile. one thing: shave the chocolate smudge - you pull off the mustache as well as Bucky does, which is bad.

IDOLS 09: Elliot Yamin. “If You Really Love Me” by ugh. Stevie Wonder. don’t get me wrong, i love Stevie. DON’T SING STEVIE SONGS ON AMERICAN IDOL. THEY ARE FEEL-GOODIES, NICE PLEASANTRIES, BUT THEY DON’T EVER STRETCH A RANGE OR LEAVE THE LISTENER WITH A LASTING IMPRESSION. ok, i’m done yelling now, sorry. he did a good job vocally, but come on, how do you expect to move people to dial 10 digits for you when you’re singing Stevie Wonder? unless you have the piano too… i’m not feeling it. really, he sang well. but he sang Stevie. did i mention that you shouldn’t sing Stevie? hats off to him, though, for his facial hair. i have nothing to critique about his facial hair.

[number withheld]: Bobby Bennett. if Taylor weren’t singing last, i’d have turned off the show as soon as he said Barry Manilow. seriously, does everyone remember that horrible night from season 3 when everyone had to do Manilow? it was absolute torture. as was Bobby’s performance of “Copacabana”. blurgh (that’s my throw-up sound). i ate meatloaf tonight, and it’s on its way back up. it was yummy the first time, but i’ll not thank you for bringing it back. Paula: druuuuuuuunnnk. the mustache? shave shave shave. i’m thinking he made it to the top 12 so they could have a class clown for the AI5 yearbook, but i’ve got question marks all around my head for this one. how did he get here? moving on…

IDOLS 11:

holy! did you see the end of the 24 preview just now???

anyway. IDOLS 11: Ace Young. so he’s dropped the Brett altogether. spitting image of Kelly Clarkson. he’s singing “Father Figure” by George Michael. i’m laughing my head off, because… welp, not a shocker there. he just made my dog growl. good girl! he does more hair flips and camera stares than Constantine. Paula: i changed my mind, she’s absolutely stoned. out of her gourd. the judges love him. me? i can’t stop laughing at him. he’s like a caricature of himself, and himself is Constantine Maroulis + Kelly Clarkson + Unknown (Seacrest?). eh, he sang fine, but i disagree with Simon. horrible song choice. and please stop having sex with the camera.

IDOLS 12: VOTE FOR TAYLOR! oh wait, i should wait till he sings. finally, an excellent song choice. “Levon”, which he chose because it means something to him. aww crap, another one in touch with his feelings. but anyway, i’ll let it slide because i adore his voice so much. he was excellent, the song choice was great for him, he carried himself well on stage, made me want to grab my husband and slow dance across the livingroom. he just makes me melt. shut up, husband (who just said that he looks about as old as his father), you leave him alone. and his personality, he’s infused with soul vibe. and he’s soooooo weird. yay for Taylor!!!

so here’s how i rank them (i’m voting for the * ones):

Taylor*
Chris*
David*
Bucky
Ace
Elliot
Kevin*
Gedeon*
Will
Patrick
Sway
Bobby

so my prediction on who’s leaving tomorrow night: i think Stevie and Heather are gone, though Kinnik is a possibility. and i think Bobby and Patrick are gone.

watching the short program right now. i’ll tell you, i’m so impressed with the Turkish girl who’s skating first. first off, you don’t see a lot of Turkish figure skaters (i don’t remember ever seeing one — they may have said whether or not there have been others before her, but i fast forward through all the blather). second, she got her new personal best in this performance, and to do such a thing at the Olympics is impressive. third, she doesn’t look like most of these anorexic girls who don’t eat all day long; she actually has thighs. i like her very well.

Frank will be all too happy that he doesn’t have to watch this with me.

holy batmobile, this 16 year-old American skater (Kimmie Meissner) has an amazingly fast spin. she looks like such a strong skater, with such control. her footwork is fantastic. wow, she’s awesome. so far the only female American skater i’ve heard about is Emily Hughes (”i’m so happy that Michelle Kwan pulled out!” girl).

and there’s Tracy Wilson, who has to explain to us every single night that figure skating is on how the new scoring works. we never cared before, we don’t care now. fast forwarding…

oh dear. this Canadian skater (Rochette) is skating to an orchestrated version of Madonna’s “Like a Prayer”. poorly and boringly orchestrated at that. Vivaldi’s rolling in his grave. “Winter” is so much better. at least she didn’t burn crosses on the ice.

boy that Kimmie girl sure is bubbly and happy.

btw, Shani Davis is a whiny punk. “he didn’t shake my hand after i won my race.” wah, wah, wah. the bickering between the two is just ridiculous period. aren’t they supposed to be grown-ups?

aww, and congratulations to Shauna Roebock (sp?) and Valerie Fleming (cool name!) who won silver in the women’s 2-man bobsleigh.

Elene Gedevanishvili of Georgia (the country) is really a vibrant skater. wow, her spins are excellent, too. great footwork.

there’s Emily Hughes, the one who’s just so excited that Michelle’s out. i’m sure that’s not actually the case, she’s just happy to be there, but she has bad manners. great skater, though.

wow, Irina Slutskaya is still around. i love that outfit! and i love that women are now allowed to wear pants in the figure skating. unlike the men, they don’t look gay wearing them, plus they’re more modest (if skin-tight can be modest, but at least i don’t have to look at butt cracks when the leotards ride up). she’s such an exciting skater. good for her. and at 27! and she’s into first place! wow, waaaay into first place.

the Japanese skater Arakawa is so elegant. not to mention agile. wow. i thought she was good, but i wouldn’t have put her so high in the standings. maybe Tracy Wilson could explain the scoring one more time.

Liashenko. wow, she’s my age! i didn’t think you were allowed on ice skates at my age. might break a hip. i think she’s dating to massage music, which is about my speed.

i think our a/c is broken. i’m getting no cold air in here.

Suguri from Japan. i love her music and her choreography.

Sasha Cohen. wow. she was absolutely fantastic. and into the lead! what an amazing fight it’s going to be if both Sasha and Slutskaya come out throwing for the long program.

the American girls are 1, 5, and 7 after the short program. go USA!

i was watching curling, taking a long, hot bath and hitting an early pillow last night, so i’m just now watching Idol. which means i didn’t vote, so if the right girl doesn’t get kicked off, i don’t get to complain. haha, yeah right. i’ll moan and groan and yell and kick, and poor Frank will have to listen to me. y’all will too, unless your scroll bars are working.

Mandisa is the first to sing. she is the girl who has humbled Simon and gotten him to apologize for the fat comments. and oh yeah, she’s singing “Never”, a Heart song (i heart them!). she wants to prove that sisters can rock too (from my church experience, i would never have doubted that). i would have voted for her, absolutely. ftr, i didn’t think it was over the top like Randy and Simon did. she’s so funny, i just adore her personality.

Kellie Pickler, on the other hand… she makes me tired with all the crying and the hicking (my cousins from West Texas aren’t that hick!). and she’s singing a Martina McBride song (”How Far”), which means i’ll be exceptionally hard on her, because i just hate it when Martina’s songs get butchered. she deserves so much better… eh, she’s decent on the song, but she’s got lots of flat notes, lots of sharps… she’s pitchy tonight, Randy. um, standing ovation worthy? uh uh, i don’t think so. if she doesn’t talk much, she might grow on me, but only if she doesn’t talk much. i absolutely disagree with Paula and Simon. likeability factor? um, maybe if she stops crying and speaking. Kellie, you are so over-the-top on the hick act, you should really tone it down. and you should really listen when yee-haw girl gives you advice (that’s me. yee-haw.). i wouldn’t have voted for Kellie.

Becky O’Donohue, singing “Because the Night”. say, didn’t 10K Maniacs do that one? yep, they did, says the Internets search engine. oh, she’s all over the place on this, missing lots of notes. that’s too bad. i’m noticing a pattern with the girls this year. we seem to have a lot of rocker wannabes. might we get one this year? (not Becky, but someone, maybe). wouldn’t have voted for her.

Ayla Brown. ugh, let’s talk a minute about fashion. i know they like to call them gaucho pants, and they’re all the rage now, and everyone is wearing them (i don’t think Becky O. owns anything but gaucho pants), but i will always think of them as long culottes. which means i will never be on board with gaucho pants. i believe in everyone’s freedom to look dumb; otherwise, i’d campaign for the banning of gaucho pants. moving on… LOL, i’m so OLD! one of Ayla Brown’s favorite movies “growing up” was Mulan. that movie came out the year i graduated college. anyway, Ayla’s going to sing Christina Aguilera’s “Reflection”; awwww, i used to listen to that when working in my tomato garden. i hope she doesn’t try to be Christina, who was always just trying to be Mariah, who is one of the all-time most annoying people on Earth. aw, man, she played boys’ football for 3 years; i hope she’s good so i don’t have to insult her. i don’t want to get my pinkytoe kicked… she was pretty good on that, but then she ruined it by saying she “felt so complete” after singing that song. ::rolling eyes far back in my head now:: she tells Ryan she “felt amazing” while she sang the song. really? even in those gaucho pants? i don’t want her kicked off yet, but i wouldn’t have made the dialing effort for her last night.

Paris Bennet, one of my favorites through the early rounds. singing “Midnight Train to Georgia”. this should be good. crap! gaucho pants! who’s dressing these children? actually, hers are a little shorter, so i’d call them full-on culottes. that makes me wanna cry… oh yeah, the singing. so far she’s not wowing me, but i’m hoping for a big finish. i have to admit, she actually pulls off the culottes. eh, that was not nearly the caliber performance i was expecting from her vocally. she has the energy, the look, but the singing bored me, probably because there was little range. i still would have voted for her because i know she’s got it all, but honestly, today i’m hoping that she doesn’t dud out like Nadia Turner did.

Stevie Scott. when she started out, her name was Stephanie. oooooh, she’s singing “To Where You Are”, that song that Josh Groban sings so amazingly. she has a very controlled voice, and she’s singing well. eh. i was expecting way more of that song based on her earlier auditions. she was too quiet for most of the song, i kept waiting for her to belt it out, but nothing ever came. the guys are right, it was boring and messy. i wouldn’t have voted for her, and that makes me sad, because i really want her to do well. one thing on her physical appearance: she needs to not slump. i know she’s stinking tall, but she needs to carry it and not try to make it go away.

halfway through, Mandisa is tops.

Brenna Gethers. drama queen, middle name is “Mima”. NO NO NO. i don’t care if you want to show your softer side, you can’t sing “You Are the Sunshine of My Life”. that song is meant for wedding receptions, not American Idol. she copped out and went the safe route. absolutely boring, no range, and not nearly as dramatic as i was expecting from this gaucho-wearing drama queen. i’m having Mikalah flashbacks. seemed like such a firecracker and then just fizzled out, got old over a period of a week. Simon said it right, she’s a wild cat that someone put gloves on. she so wants to sleep with Simon. and he eats that stuff up. NO NO NO, Brenna, no one needed to see your softer side. i wouldn’t have voted for her.

Heather Cox. “When You Tell Me That You Love Me”. can someone just shoot me now? i hated it last year when the finalists did it, i’ll never like it, what a horrible choice. NEWSFLASH FOR CONTESTANTS: HOKEY IS NOKEY. hey, how cute, i made a little rhyme that almost made sense. oh, i hate this song so much. i just keep picturing fadeouts from Vonzell to Anthony and oh barf, make it stop. that was awful. she’s so beautiful, and she’s not wearing gauchos, so i wanted her to be great. with such an awful song choice, it’s so hard for me to know if she’s just bad, or if it was the song.

i hope the guys are better tomorrow night (which is tonight, since i’m watching this Wednesday), because tonight (last night) has been like Bode Miller disappointing.

poor Ryan Seacrest. someone writes terrible jokes for him, and he gets paid to say them.

oh, you big fat liars. it’s not catty backstage with the AI girls. yeeeeeaaah.

Melissa McGhee, the beauty pageant girl from Tampa. hey, i’ve been there! Faith Hill’s “When the Lights Go Down”. one of the most boring songs Faith has ever recorded. ah well, at least it’s not “Mississippi Girl” or “Bringing Out the Elvis”. she was good except when she tried to warble, which was when she always went flat. but hey, cute outfit, no gauchos, good sound to her voice; here’s to hoping she doesn’t do a Lindsay Cardinale and go safe every night. i may actually have voted for her. oh dear. she’s hinting that they should put her on tv more. oh, bless her heart, life experience has made her feel the songs in her soul more. ::do i even need to write in the eye roll?:: here’s to world peace.

Lisa Tucker, one of the best quality voices. singing “I Am Changing” by Jennifer Holiday. groan. i hate it when they talk about how wonderful the message is of the song they’re singing. blah blah blah. i’m singing it because i think it showcases my voice, and i really want to showcase my voice. why don’t they all just tell the truth. anyway, she’s fantastic, sings beautifully, has as much charisma as Orlando Bloom, she’s all that. i would have voted for her.

Kinnik Sky. singing “Get Here” by Alita Adams. are y’all gonna roast me if i say, “by whom?” hey, no gauchos here and she’s singing the song because she knows if she can pull it off, she’s good. i’m not feeling the denim formalwear (really, those two words should never be paired up), but it’s not gauchos. ok, so she can do the big wail. i disagree with Randy, i thought she carried the entire song fine. she didn’t blow me away, but she was good. i wouldn’t have voted for her, but i don’t think she should go yet. and hey Simon, don’t call a 28 year-old old, or this almost-30-year-old will cry.

egads, am i really going to be 30 in 5 months? ::sniff:: where does the time go? y’all give me a stage, and i’ll sing a song for you that i really feel in my soul.

Katharine McPhee. singing “Since I Fell for You”, which she says was originally recorded by Barbra Streisand. um, no, not originally, but whatever. anyway, i like Katharine, so i won’t dwell on that. i might dwell on the fact that she really looks up to Babs, though. yep, it’s ruined her for me. btw, ALIAS, season 1, episode 21, Sydney Bristow sang this song in the club where Khasinau was having dinner with Mistuh Sahhk and Will Tippin was being held… so to the singing. no gauchos (official gaucho count tonight: 4), yay. best vocal of the night. oh brother, she’s still going on about kissing the judges.

vocally, here’s how they stacked up for me tonight…

Katharine
Mandisa
Lisa
Ayla
Paris (who was a better performer than Ayla, just didn’t bring the vocals)
Melissa
Kinnik
Kellie
Stevie
Brenna
Becky
Heather

i can’t wait to hear Taylor Hicks, Kevin Covais, Chris Daughtry, and David Radford (but only if he croons) tonight. i just hope none of them are wearing gaucho pants.

i wanna hear about your suntan.

UPDATE:  the gaucho pants count last night was 5. i missed Mandisa’s gauchos. bad Mandisa!

i heart Shuster, Polo, Rojeski, and Fenson.

(we’ve just finished watching the first round match against Great Britain. we still have to watch the Canada match before we get to the medal round.)

today was awful. yesterday i was pulled in every direction. that was a good day. today there was a chase through the house, a chase around the neighborhood, a swim through a gator pond, me looking like an idiot crying as i tried to get my stupid dog, and a trip to the animal shelter for the microchip.

i need a hot epsom salts bath, a batch of brownies, and a pillow. oh, and a choke collar or a “gentle leader”.

i’m taking Rowdy back to the shelter to get the microchip installed. i don’t know how she’s going to react when we get close to the shelter. i hope she doesn’t think i’m returning her.

when we first moved Rowdi to the kitchen, the cats found a spot in the den, far away.

he was on Fox & Friends this morning (i think it was a continuation from yesterday, because i’m pretty sure Simon has to be in L.A. tonight). anyway, he’s so good-natured and witty. i loved what he said about the Brittenums, that he wanted to keep them around as long as possible so he could torture them. have i mentioned that i heart Simon? they should interview him every morning.

i bought Emerald Nuts today. i bought them in appreciation of those hilarious ads. they’re good (the ads and the nuts).

UPDATE:  i should mention that their mixed nuts do not have peanuts in them, or if they do, i haven’t found them yet. that’s fantastic, because those are the ones i always skip.

it’s the Jack Bauer Power Hour! complete with graphic violence! spoilers below the fold…

(more…)

heeeeyyyy! what is that toy she’s chewing on that still has plastic on it?

BAD DOG! NO NO!

she had grabbed the bag of tortillas off the counter and was heartily slobbering all over them. bad dog.

my cousin Kerri has started her own blog! i’m claiming her as my blogdaughter/blogcousin. she’s a mom of 2 boys, a nurse, a wife, a super-cool cousin with whom i spent many summers, and she’s Crazy Aunt Wanda’s oldest daughter (if that tells you anything, teehee).

anyway, y’all go wish her a howdy!

UPDATE:  if you have a blogger identity you can comment there. if not, you’ll have to wait until i’ve coaxed her into turning on “other” comments. while we’re at it, popup comments would be good. :-)

problem is, the same dog had been left in a locked crate, in the gated off kitchen. i was so shocked that i didn’t even think to baddog her. so she busted out of her crate (i called PetSmart and i’m returning it tonight and getting an all-metal one). then she jumped the kitchen gate. this is the dog who couldn’t jump to get into Frank’s Santa Fe. we had to help her. i told Frank she was playacting.

this website is going to be so boring for the next few weeks.

btw, we’re going to school for the next 8 weeks, 1 hour a week. i can’t wait till she learns to be good.

ASAP.

ok, i feel really bad locking her in her kennel at night, but i feel ultra bad if she is wearing her harness. so we take the harness off so she can be more comfortable. but the problem is getting the harness on her when it’s time to go for a walk. i hate walking her with the collar. i have to reign her in a lot, because holy mosquito, i can’t keep up with her energy level yet, and it sounds like she’s choking, which makes me feel like the worst mother ever.

but here’s what happens when i try to put the harness on her (btw, all you have to do is get the two legs through the two wide holes and snap the two sides together — it’s a very simple harness). so i grab the harness, and she’s quite sure it’s the leash, so she gets excited (challenge #1, she’s excited). then i try to get her to be still long enough for me to get the thing on, and she’s so sure that i’ve just dropped the thing, so she keeps trying to help me by picking up the leash with her teeth and trying to give it to me. except it’s the harness, not the leash (challenge #2, she tries to help).  then i tell her to sit. she sits and automatically hands me her paw. i reach down, and she’s sure i’m playing with her, so she starts to play. my hands move, her hands move. i grab her paw with my hand, she nudges my arm with her teeth, wags her giant tongue, and tries to lick my face (challenge #3, she has teeth and thinks i’m playing).

i even tried putting her real leash on the collar to see if she could figure out that i didn’t have the leash. nope, that just excited her more. eventually i gave up and took her out with her collar on. she was very good, though. there were people out, and she just wagged her tongue, started to sidle toward them, and came back to me when i called her. there was a little yip-yapper out in the neighbor’s garage that started barking at her, and she just glanced at Pedro or Pepe or whatever his name is (i can’t remember), then turned back to her path. another dog (not quite a yipper, but not as big as my beast) barked at her very diligently, and she didn’t even notice until she was done sniffing poo. and when she did notice her, she wasn’t interested. there was a little English Bulldog out with his owner, and she just watched him until i told her to go. they both kept turning around to glance at each other, but neither barked.

it would have been a great, sweaty, exhausting walk if she would just let me harness her.

i think i’m going to be taking 2 or 3 showers a day.

i’m so tired.

really, that’s all the Olympic “sport” of ice dancing is. the skaters spend most of the time on the ice striking various DOING IT poses. and they wear the stupidest outfits, even stupider than figure skater outfits. usually i just delete the program as soon as i see that it’s ice dancing. but on Fox & Friends this morning, they were talking about how they all fell on their faces last night and couples were getting ticked off at each other, so i’m all in and watching so i can see the train wreck too.

btw, if there are any ice dancing pairs who claim they aren’t couples off the ice, their spouses can take that one all the way to the bank with their Monopoly money. because yeah rrrrrriiiiiiight.

one of those annoying people who just talks about her pets all the time.

i used to have these friends who were so annoying about their dogs. they couldn’t believe that i didn’t just want to come over and watch their beagles do tricks; baffled, they were, that i didn’t get so excited about that fetching!

i really hope i don’t get like that.

that said, y’all get excited! i’m taking the puppy out for a walk!