yeck. i bought this stuff for both the bathrooms so i always have a cleaner in the bathrooms. it smells like dirt with a hint of lime. i’m not a big fan of cleaners that smell like dirt. and i don’t like to waste stuff, but it’s bad enough that i might get rid of both of them and buy new cleaners. what a disappointment.

that’s the title of the email i got from Pier 1 this morning. so i opened the email, and my first thought was, “now with even more wicker!”

just when i thought there was no wicker left in the world, they did find it.

it’s that time of the month. well, not yet, but it’s on its way. and last night and again this morning, weird stabbing migraines, top left side of the head only. usually my migraines are in my right eye or somewhere on the right side of my head. so i’m thinking Alice migraines are different from the others… this is the first time i’ve noticed Alice causing any kind of migraines.

Kirstie Alley wears way too much eye makeup in her new Jenny Craig commercials.

the Discovery Home channel has lots and lots of really stupid commercials that include men dancing around chairs.

we drink way too much bottled water. the empty water bottles can take over the whole house in a matter of hours. that’s partially my fault, because i know i should take each one out as soon as i’m done with it. but i get so tired of straddling that baby gate that i have to crawl over to get to the kitchen to get to the garage. and if it wasn’t the baby gate, it would be something else, like there’s a door in the way to the garage. so my solution is to restrict our water intake. otherwise, the bar between the kitchen and livingroom will never stay free of clutter.

i’m not the one one who’s controlled by clutter. there are people out there almost worse than me. and i see what a team of 10 people can do to those people’s houses in a matter of 2 days, so as long as i can devote 20 straight days to doing nothing but decluttering, i should be able to get this under control. guest room and master bedroom are almost done. i’m totally reorg-ing the guest room, moving everything around.

if you cook split pea soup just a little too long, you get puke-green mush. mmmmm mmmmm pretty.

Jay Leno’s a jerk. no wait, i already knew that. but i was watching Kathy Griffin’s reality show the other day (and i’m so annoyed, because i didn’t realize they were running all the shows back to back, i thought they were running the same one several times, so i missed all but the one where she went on Jay Leno). anyway, he made a horrible comment to her, and now i think he’s even a bigger fatter jerk than i thought before.

i really really like fresh thyme.

i can’t find one for the bedroom that isn’t stainless steel, plastic, or brown wicker. i’d be happy with black wicker or black metal, but all i can find are things that don’t match the decor. the master bedroom is the only room in the house without a trashcan.
it’s very frustrating, the business of finding trashcans.

Ryan is totally wearing a preacher tie tonight.
“It’s one big happy family,” says Lisa Tucker. Yeeeeeeeah. We believe you. And we believe that Paula doesn’t have a substance abuse problem (allegedly).
The Ford commercial was stupid with a capital Kellie.
Aw man. Kellie’s sitting with all the safe people. Darnit.

Ha! I’m so funny. Frank just read one of the posters from the audience. “Ace makes me flush.” My response:  “…the toilet.”
The sound is horrible for Shakira and Wyclef Jean. Well, at least you know they’re performing live and not lip synching. I feel bad for Shakira, though. Looks like Sydney attacked her hair in the middle of the night, and she couldn’t find a comb. She has a nice belly. And once you get past the hair, she’s really beautiful.
Ugh. Taylor, Paris, Kellie, Mandisa, Chris are all safe. I’m happy with all but Kellie. Well, not so crazy about Paris hanging around, but we all know she’s not leaving this week anyway.
Elliott is safe. Lisa is in the bottom 3. Ace is in the bottom 3. Between Katharine and Bucky, I’m betting Katharine is in the bottom 3 just for shocker’s sake (and based on the outfit she wore last night. I really do hope she gets a new stylist.). Wow, how does poor Bucky feel with the whole crowd erupting in a chorus of boos when Katharine was called over.
So. Ace is safe. Lisa and Katharine are both gritting their teeth. Katharine is mortified. Kellie looks really happy. Did you catch Ryan saying, “Paula, what do you think about these two being the bottom two, especially Katharine?” That was incredibly rude to Lisa. I mean, I’d say stuff like that on a blog or behind her back, but to her face? That’s just tacky. Shame on Ryan.

And so it goes that Lisa is gone. No big surprise there, she knew she was leaving. She even wore her performin’ clothes. Oh, and look while Lisa sings, they’re zooming in on Kellie, who is paying more attention to herself singing along than to Lisa’s swan song. And when they all go over for the big happy group hug and fake cry, Kellie’s still focusing on herself singing.

Ha, next week is country. I predict that Simon will say something retarded (because, yes, I’m losing my faith in him this season, and he has a bad memory). He’ll say, “Bucky, I’m getting a bit ti-yad of you nevah bronching out and singing anythin othah than country. You’re stahting to bore me, if I’m being ohnest.” And to Chris, he’ll say, “Chris, what I’ve liked about you throughout this competition is that you ahh a rockah, you always sing rock, and you nevah compromise. And now you’ve come out here with this very… put on country song, and I hahv to say, I’m a bit disappointed with the ahct. It was olmost appohling, really.”

Yay! House M.D. is back tonight! If only I didn’t have to wait through American Idol. Actually, we’ll probably watch it tomorrow. God bless the DVR.

Oh, I’d just like to thank the Earsore for all the traffic her skanky prom dress has gotten me over at mm today. And no thanks to Vote For the Worst. I thought their voting for the worst was comical, but now they’re backing the Earsore, and really, do we want her to stick around so she can make me want to pour acid in my ears every time I hear her? So boo on you VFTW peeps. Yer killing me.

IDOLS 01… Lisa is singing “Because of You” by Kelly Clarkson. I wonder if she and Kellie had a big throw-down over who got to sing Kelly Clarkson. Ok, um… this was pretty bad. I like Lisa, I like her voice, she has terrible stage presence. But tonight she worked so hard on the stage presence (no doubt because everyone keeps calling her forgettable and saying she has lousy stage presence) that she completely botched the vocals. Really, she was offkey a lot, screechy a lot, and that hair flip thing was way over the top.

[WITHHELD FOREVER AND EVER AMEN]… Earsore Pickler is singing “Suds in the Bucket” by Sara Evans. That’s a cutesy song to listen to in the car, but it’s not even a showoff song for Sara Evans, and that chick has pipes galore. First of all, Kellie’s very different in her pre-game interview. She is wearing less makeup, for one (she looks better, too), and she’s less buoyant. Did I spell that right? Anyway, it’s like she’s lost some of her thunder. Maybe she started reading all the stuff people write about her idiot act and decided to tone it down? If so, thank you. Or maybe she just got ahold of some bad calamaray. Anyway, my ears hurt after that, no shocker. Her low range is awful. Mine is too, but if I’m picking a song to show off with, I don’t pick a song that goes so deep into my shaky area, or I raise the key to something more comfy for me. Anyway, tonight she was even flatter personality-wise than she normally is vocal-wise, which is kinda boring for us snarkers. Touche, Dimwit, touche. UPDATE: I just went back and rewatched this, because the MRI last week showed that I don’t have tumors in my ears, and I was hoping to grow some so I can be a more interesting patient for the doc. It’s really worse the second time around. Not just the vocals (a given), but also the stage presence and the end talk with the judges (she only winked once or twice, and she hardly made any hand gestures). It’s like she finally got deflated after that ballsy comment and realized the gig is up, and she wants out of the competition ASAP so meanies like me will stop saying ugly things about her.

IDOLS 03… Ace is singing “Drops of Jupiter”, which is a good song choice for him. At the first hair flip, the performance is already way too gay. This was blah and bland and vocally hideous. He has absolutely no energy tonight. Moving on.

IDOLS 04… Look at Taylor! He got a haircut! And he’s wearing something weird, like with a leather jacket and shiny shoes and everything. He’s singing Ray LaMontagne’s “Trouble”. He’s totally not dancing like a freak, which is letting him show off just how great that “whiskey tenor” voice is. Not the most exciting and flashy song, but for some reason this is one of my favorite Taylor performances ever. Hey look, there’s George Huff. I liked him. Anyway, this wasn’t the most exciting, but I would pop this one in the CD player, hop into my hammock, and listen to it over and over while alternately yelling at the golfers driving across my lawn and closing my pretty little eyes.

IDOLS 05… Mandisa is singing “Shackles” by Mary Mary. I love it, she’s Jesus talking even in her song, and she’s singing about freedom in Christ. This is what I love about this girl. She can pick anything she wants, and here she is going with contemporary gospel so she can use her showcase to loosely “witness” (as the kids like to call it these days). The vocals were a tad shaky, but Mandisa pulled it all together and mostly rocked. Frank and I enjoyed ourselves. Simon and Randy didn’t like it (Simon thought it was indulgent??). I felt bad for Mandisa when Paula said there were millions of people joining the church of Mandisa. I said to Frank, “Oh, she’s NOT going to like that comment,” and she was shaking her head and very uncomfortable. Yeah, so Paula’s never heard that whole idolatry bit in the Bible. But it’s such a small part of the 10 Commandments that I’m sure a lot of people miss that part.

Frank just told me the name of the show is American IDOL.

IDOLS 06… Ok, so Ryan and Chris are talking, and giving credit to Live for last week’s version of “I Walk the Line”. Here’s the thing. He probably tried to give credit in his pre-game talk last week, but AI cut it up because it’s TV and that’s what they do. And then all the backlash with people saying that Chris didn’t give credit where credit was due, and if I’m guessing, I’m betting he asked if he could give credit before tonight’s performance. Everyone knows he loves Live, and I don’t think he intentionally left out the credit. Maybe that’s just me.

RYAN SEACREST, YOU MUST STOP GOOGLING “SARAHK” TO SEE WHAT I SAY AND THEN PASS IT OFF AS YOUR OWN. Ryan said he’d love to see Chris sing Celine Dion. Yeah, I already said that. If he starts calling Kellie the Earsore, I’m totally emailing him a tough-love-o-gram. Who am I kidding? Ryan’s all scripted except when Simon’s judging a performance. BTW, Simon appears to be in a mood tonight.

Anyway, Chris is doing “What If” by Creed, which I think is great. Great performance. Simon thinks it’s indulgent and that Chris needs to do something other than rock (after he said last week that he likes that Chris doesn’t compromise - make up your mind). I keep seeing people comment that Chris needs to “branch out”. WHY?? You know what I liked about Bo Bice? He was a rocker. Then he came out with a pop album. Yeah, not in a hurry to buy it. I listened to samples of all the songs, and none of them are the thing I liked about Bo. Why do I want to see Chris do showtunes or “The Power of Love”? He’s a rocker, and I don’t care if he can’t sing pop. He’s not going to put out a pop album, and if he does, I’m not in a hurry to buy.

WHAT IS KATHARINE WEARING????

IDOLS 07… Katharine is singing “The Voice Within” by Christina Aguilera. She says she has learned by doing AI that you can’t trust anyone but yourself (trouble in roomy-land?). Katharine, you cannot trust your stylist, so I’m hearing you. If anyone ever tells you that’s a good thing to wear, just pimp slap them, ok? Ok. It was good, she really sounded great (except on the runs, where she was a tad screechy). I’ve never heard the Christina version, and I’m ok with that, because Christina gets screechy sometimes herself. Anyway, she’s got a fabulously controlled voice, and she did bust out a little more tonight (they really do listen to me occasionally, no?), so I’m happy with the performance. Good job. Oh, I criticized the clothes, but the face and hair are awesome. She’s really beautiful tonight. And I do like that she’s got back. Girls with back gotta support other girls with back. And she doesn’t look pregnant tonight. Good on her.

IDOLS 08… Bucky is doing “Real Good Man” by Tim McGraw. He’s dressed all up like Tim McGraw, too, even wearing the black hat so far down over the eyes that there’s a shadow where his peepers should be. I actually thought it was Bucky’s best in a while, and he actually sang like he wasn’t trying to hide the fact that he was singing. I think with as bad as Lisa and Ace were tonight, Bucky will probably stick around.

IDOLS 09… Paris is doing “Work It Out” by Beyonce. She looks much better this week, that freaky 40s hair is gone, thank goodness. She’s doing all the Destiny’s Child dances that she learned when she was 14. Flinging the Beyonce hair, actually trying to do the whole Beyonce look tonight. She finally showed off her voice, at least. That part was great.

However.

The freaky hair dancing and stomping was way much. I was afraid she was gonna jump out the HD and slap me with that freaky straw hair. Stop the madness, Paris, stop the madness.

IDOLS 10… This is brave. Elliott is doing “I Don’t Wanna Be” by Gavin Degraw, which Bo Bice did last year, and did well. So he’s gonna have to come up with something fresh. I hate to say this, because Elliott danced so goofy and dressed like he just stepped out of the gutter, but I liked the arrangement, and I really enjoyed the performance (with my eyes closed, because the squats were going to set me off on a giggle fit, and if my abs already hurt, I won’t likely go to Curves tomorrow). He sang mostly great, with a smattering of eh.

In order by tonight’s vocal (* ones got either my vote or Frank’s vote, ** ones got both so we called twice):
Taylor**
Chris**
Katharine* (me)
Mandisa** (we actually voted for her 3 times, because we like her)
Elliott* (me)
Bucky* (me)
Paris* (Frank)
Lisa
Ace
Kellie

Word of the night: Freaky. Let’s all say it together.

UPDATE:  Forgot to predict. The bottom 3 will be Ace, Lisa, Paris. Lisa goes home.

they’re having a debate over whether to rename a street. why not do something useful like try to figure out how to attract young engineers to come here?

this story interests me somewhat. i want our house value to keep going up and up, but the way our local “newspaper” puts it, supposedly teachers, nurses, and firefighters are being priced out of the housing market here.
ok, someone making $29K a year, yes, you can’t afford a house here. you can’t afford a house in many places in the U.S. but those at the top end, making the $82.5K? yep, mortgages are affordable, especially at these rates. the article says that people in this range can’t afford a $231K mortgage (average house price). that’s not true for the upper end of the range. you might not be able to have cable and internet, but you can afford a house if you really try and don’t need to eat much.
but you know what? when i was looking for apartments here, there were lots of nice complexes that i couldn’t live in. nice ones. because if you made over $23K, you were not eligible, because they have lots of welfare issues in Brevard county (they have lots of other stupid things too, like impact fees that you have to pay if you build on land that you already own, because hey, you’re impacting the environment on your own land, and we’ve got a lot of hippies here who totally fall for that). so i know there are affordable, nice renting places, too, though you might have to take a pay cut in order to be eligible to live there (how stupid does that sound?), which won’t help save money for that house.

anyway, the CEO of Harris (which I think is the largest employer in Brevard - it’s either them or NASA), according to the article, has said that he can’t keep doing business in Brevard if he can’t attract young engineers because houses are too expensive.

call me crazy, but kids fresh out of college don’t buy houses when they first move here anyway. except my husband, but he’s responsible and weird.

all that said, we couldn’t afford our house at its current market value, and we couldn’t afford most houses in lots of neighborhoods here. so it’s good we already own the house.

btw, i just love it when “newspaper” reporters try to use professional-sounding words such as “median” and don’t understand the difference between median, mode, and mean. or maybe i’m just a nerd.

so hopefully none of our parks will be torched. of course, arson is suspected in the Wickham Park fire (hey, check out the bottom of that story - someone named her dog after wine - poor dog). i’m not sure about the one that was on US-1 the other day (the one we saw up close). it was burning in the woods very close to a trailer park.

i’ve been feeling really good the last several days. hooray!

where Keifer Sutherland plays… Jack Bauer? Michael Douglas is also in it.

has apparently been on fire most of the day. that’s not too far from us. i think we could use some rain.

crossposted from IMAO:

Great. There’s the graphic violence warning. That just means someone else we like is gonna die.

Previously on 24, Tony’s supposedly “dead” (yeah, right, where was the fan-fare). DHS is taking over CTU, President Estro is totally doing martial law based on the Veep’s “advice”. Half-Neckid Man-Girl gave up Audrey as her contact. Booty Call told Jack about Man-Girl. Wayne Palmer was attacked by terrorists on his way to see Aaron with vital information.

Ok, so the new ep starts, and Bill Buchanan tells Audrey that he has to detain her. “But why? Does Jack want to talk about our relationship in private? I’ve been wanting to do that, but he’s always brushing me off because of “National Security.” Pshhht. As if!”

Bill tells Audrey that she gave info to terrorists, and she says that’s not true, and did Jack sanction this? Oh yeah, he did, and he’s totally going to strangle your pinkytoe later!

Jack is talking to Man-Girl (who doesn’t have a man’s body, just to clarify, she just has a manly jawline. Not my fault.). He tells her he’s totally gonna make her sorry if she’s lying.

Buchanan is arguing with Mr. F, saying that he’s known Audrey for years (18 months, to be exact), and they can’t do aggressive interrogation on her. Jack walks in to Mr. F (after his super-fast magic-carpet ride to CTU) and tells her they need to let him interrogate Audrey. NO! LET SARAHK DO IT! Jack threatens Mr. F and tells her that if she’s wrong and interrogates Audrey the wrong way, her daddy, the SecDef, is totally gonna kick Mr. F’s pinkytoe. Mr. F is like, “but what if she’s guilty?” and Jack is like, “You’re a retard! Maybe we should figure it out first! Is your name Kellie Pickler?”

Terrorists are doing something, but really, do we pay attention before they actually do something? They’re heading toward a target with lots of canisters. Whatever, this is about STRANGLING AUDREY!

Chloe tells Jack that Audrey and Walt Cummings were totally DOING IT! They stayed in the same room at the same hotel and whoa. That makes her an adultering fornicator, and yay! I have reason to hate her! Woohoo! And Jack has totally forgotten that he was doing it with Diane, and Chloe is like, “Sweeeeet! I got to tell Jack that Audrey’s a whore!”

Sherry shows up and wants to talk to Chloe. She’s there to replace Edgar. I know this girl, what was she on before. Chloe and the new girl are gonna have chamomile tea later, I feel it in my bones. New girl and that Mr. M from DHS are eyeing each other like they’ve DONE IT before.

Jack goes in and questions Audrey. Audrey’s like, “But we used to DO IT, Jack, you totally know I couldn’t be bad!” And Jack’s like, “Yeah, but I’ve DONE IT with lots of girls, you the least of them.” Jack asks if Audrey knows Walt or Robocop. She says she’s met Walt a couple of times, and Jack’s like, where? And Audrey’s like, “Oh just office parties, no biggie,” and Jack’s like, “YOU WHORE! YOU SHARED A ROOM WITH HIM LAST YEAR!” And she’s like, “Oh yeah. But you know, it was only because you died, and he’d just separated from his wife, and I totally broke up with him.” And Jack says, “Why?” and she says, “Because he wasn’t you.” And SarahK is like, “Gag me with a spoon!” And Audrey’s like, “I only didn’t tell you because he turned out to be a traitor, and no, really, that’s it!” And Jack totally wants to kill her, and he’s holding her up against the wall by the neck, and I’m LOVING IT! And Jack’s like, “This convo is totally over, man,” and Audrey has totally won.

Chloe asks Sherry why Mr. M from DHS is so hostile toward her. And Sherry tells Chloe that a while back, they worked together, and she had to file a SEXual harrassment charge against him because he was a total fiend, and she says, I shouldn’t mess up, and Chloe says, “Uh, yeah.”

Jack says Audrey is done being interrogated because he can’t take it any more, and Bill says that DHS’s Mr. F wants her questioned more. Me? I just want Jack to strangle her once more. Maybe twice more. Jack starts strangling people just for fun, and Audrey’s being taken away, and Jack’s been taken into custody.

Robocop is talking to his buddy asking if Wayne is dead yet. “No, but he will be soon!” Aaron, the greatest SS agent EVER, asks where Wayne is. He decides to go out and look for Palmer, and I’m like, “Why is Wayne alive and David’s dead? Is that justice?”

Jack tells Mr. F that Audrey is innocent. “Why?” “Because I DID IT with her! And Nina Meyers is — anyway, forget about Nina, this is about Audrey, and she’s whiney and stuff, but I totally know she’s not lying.”

Do we really need a sexual harrassment subplot right now? This new girl (whom I really want to call Jamie, because she reminds me of Jamie from the first season) is fighting with Mr. M, and Chloe comes to her rescue and tells Mr. M that if he doesn’t shut up and stop being a pinkytoehead, she’ll file a complaint with Division and show him what protocol is all about. And SarahK’s like, “I love Chloe!”

At a gas company (Wilshire, which is totally the name of the hotel in Pretty Woman — the Regent Beverly Wilshire), the terrorists arrive and shoot people. They want to go to the control room. Ok, just don’t shoot me, I’ll take you there. So they’re gonna put the nerve gas in the gasoline, but that’s ok, because gas prices are so high that everyone in L.A. owns electric french-fry cars now, so no one will die. Aw, how sweet for it to end so cleanly! Frank says it’s a natural gas pipeline, so I’m totally bummed that my joke no longer works. Darnit! I hate it when I’m not funny!

Terrorist tells the gas guy to reduce the pipeline’s PSI by 1/2 in the next half hour (whew! I was worried that it wouldn’t be within the hour!) or he kills people.

Audrey’s about to be tortured. Can I start cheering? Dangit, I hate it when Frank has a headache and I can’t yell.

Wayne tells Aaron to drop his gun, and after he points his gun at the back of Aaron’s head, Aaron says, “Whoa, it’s me. Don’t hurt me.” And they get happy and go terrorist hunting together.

Audrey is being tortured (translation:  talked to harshly, wooo, poor baby). I think they injected something too, but big whoop. I inject myself every evening. It’s not that bad.

Jack goes back to Man-Girl and asks why she’s fingering Audrey in the whole thing. She admits that Robocop told her to blame Audrey for everything. Now, is there really anything wrong with that? Jack forces Man-Girl to tell him where it is, and it’s the natural gas distribution center, though they don’t know why. See, we’re all-electric-type people. We don’t want anyone to be able to distribute anything via natural gas, so we go electric.

Audrey’s all freaked out and sweaty, and whew, get that girl a blow dryer because she looks like a wet chihuahua right now. Ew. They’re kissing. Blech. Cognac shrimp a second time. My esophagus hurts from the throw-up acid.

Jack just said, “I’ll be right back.” Did he learn nothing from the Scream movies? You never say you’ll be right back, because that means you’ll be right dead! Stupid Jack!

New girl figures out that the PSI thing would happen, so they figure out which natural gas plant is under attack. When Bill walks away, new girl tells Chloe that Bill’s hand brushed her shoulder, and that was wrong. New girl’s a whiney liberal. That’s the only way to describe her. Boohoo, he accidentally touched her. Ok, I’m pretty sure she’s the girl who was on Felicity and every time I see that show in reruns I always think it’s Jennifer Garner and then I decide she’s not JG.

On the way back from the bathroom just now, I smacked my ankle on the TV-trays holder. I could cry right now.

Ok, so they’re headed to the gas place. To be honest, I’m more interested in Tony (who’s not actually dead), Chloe and the new psycho-girl, and Audrey, because it was really cool seeing her strangled. My ankle hurts.

Chloe is trying to help Jack pinpoint where in the gas place he needs to attack, and Jack’s yelling because he’s sexually frustrated (wouldn’t you be if you OUAT DID IT with Audrey?). I think my ankle is swelling. Chloe tells Jack to hurry. But we’re only half-way through the season (as of last week), so if they catch Bierko now, what will we do for the next 11 hours?).

Jack tells everyone to turn their silencers off. (??? Am I the only one who finds this silly?) Anyone notice that Curtis is there? I wonder if he’s gonna die. I’ll be mad if he does.

The canisters have been activated by remote by Bierko (i’m so confused. where’s Robocop?), so Jack wants to blow up the gas with C-4 so the gas doesn’t go to the houses and the Centox will be incinerated.

Everything starts blowing up, but Jack just has to chase Bierko. Jack looks at Bierko, and Bierko falls down. There are lots of explosions. And the beep-boop of the end of the air.

My ankle hurts.

Next week:  Audrey asks Curtis if Jack is there, and Curtis is like, “Am I my Jackie’s keeper?”. CTU is being taken over by DHS. Elaine (Martha’s aide) is someone’s source inside the White House (assumably Robocop’s). Note:  They do not show Jack nor Tony on the show next week, which mean’s they’re both alive.

i still hate the dog, no one get me wrong. but Rowdi has learned a crucial bit of information:  Mommy has the cookies. she has lots of cookies. all those cookies can be yours… if… the walk is right.

today Rowdi was almost perfect. the first half of the mid-day walk (because she gets at least 5, the spoiled brat), she walked even with me all the way to the entrance to the golf course.  after the water break, she walked even with me for a while and then walked behind me. if y’all don’t have dogs (and God knows i never ever wanted to be one of the people who starts a statement this way), this is the dog finally saying, “Mom, you’re in charge. I get it. It’s you baby, you’re the boss. I submit.”

and it’s only been 5 weeks. i was ecstatic.

of course, then Frank got home, and she started with the biting (oh yes, that’s what queued the “i hate dogs” post the other day - she likes to bite when Frank leaves and when he gets home). when i grabbed her by the collar, she would turn flips to try to bite me. i stayed calm and finally grabbed her by the skin on either side of her mouth (funny, she can’t whip around and flip around and try the biting when i’ve got hold of her jowls — good to know!). oh, she just hated that. yeah? well, i hate the biting. and even more, i hate Bikermommy knowing that my pit bull tries to bite me when she gets excited. never hard enough to break skin, but nevertheless, Bikermommy is quite sure that Rowdi’s gonna rip out my esophagus while i sleep and then kill the cats just for funsies. hard to do when she’s in her crate at night (and she will always and forever be in her crate at night and when we’re gone), but anyway, Bikey’s sure of it.

anyway. she’s a bad dog, but we had such a good day that i couldn’t wait to finish walking so i could call Frank and tell him how great it was.

on the Dog Whisperer, which we watch religiously (thanks Serenity and Silly Sarah), (this is from the first season), there is a man whose wife brought home a pit bull. he says (i may be paraphrasing), “I didn’t want another dog, but I married a woman from Texas, so I pretty much do what she says.”

a truer statement has never been spoken. just ask my wonderful hubby.

the evil fake sarahk is at it again, and i CANNOT stop laughing!

the Stars are currently in 2nd place in the Western Conference, and the Crude are currently 7th place. it’s quite the tradition, those two going at it in the playoffs. but it’s good. i loooove hatin’ on Edmonton, so i’m hoping they pair up.  not that i’ll get to see most of the early rounds. hopefully ESPN or ABC will carry some of it. i never thought i’d say that, considering that i want to claw my ears off every time i hear Gary Thorne call a game. or most ESPN/ABC commentators for that matter. learn to pronounce a name, you’re on national TV! and by the way, Ray Bourque wasn’t the only Av to win the Stanley Cup that year, Gary.
oh, and what in the world has happened to the Kings? they and the Stars fought for first place in the Pacific Division for about half the season, and now the Kings have dropped to 4th, and the Mighty Clucks have moved up to 2nd in the division? they were 4th or 5th most of the season. Giguere must be wearing the big pads again.

i miss hockey so much. it’s the only reason i’d ever move back to the Metroplex. that’s right, i wouldn’t move there for family, but i’d move their for Mike Modano and Marty Turco. and Jere Lehtinen. and Brendan Morrow. and so on.

we saw one brush fire about 5 or 6 miles away when we were on our way home. now there’s another about a half mile away… so… how long do we wait before we boogie on out of here? i’ve never had to deal with this kind of natural emergency.

UPDATE:  we’re ok. i took a drive and figured out that my long-range depth perception is way off. the fire is about 4.5 miles away. and judging from the fact that the firefighters were all just kinda hanging out near the fire, i’d say it’s probably controlled.

we’re watching a chick flick. not just a chick flick. a chick flick where there’s a ghost and a guy and Reese Witherspoon. (Just Like Heaven)

Frank says i’m gonna owe him for it, but if i recall correctly, i’ve watched all 4 Alien movies with him, all 3 Blades, and Doom. and this all recently. so um, nope, i’m getting even. 3 or 4 more chickies, and i’ll be sappily even.

i was sifting through my 1400 comments in moderation queue just now, and i found a comment on an AI post from Hank! we sat with Hank and Martha at dinner on our cruise every night and plan to keep them as lifelong friends (i’d love to cruise with them again too!). of course, Martha’s way better at keeping in touch. i’ve gotten emails and even snail mail from her, and in return she’s only gotten emails. i’m a terrible touch-keeper.

but anyway, Heya, Hank and Martha!

doc’s office called, no breaks or fractures in my left foot. so it just hurts.

UPDATE:  doc’s office called again late afternoon, and the MRI of the ear canal is clean (yay! one tumor is plenty, i think.) and the bone scan was good, so no osteoporosis here. i have to tell ya, the osteoporosis one was worrying me a bit, because if i lie flat on my back, i start to ache in my lower back unless i prop my knees.  but maybe that’s everyone and not just me.

so. i’ve got weird freaky foot pain and weird freaky ear pain with no explanations. so yay! nothing’s wrong. and boo! nothing’s wrong.

i keep reading that on growth hormone replacement therapy, sometimes the fluids in your body redistribute, and you get weird pain in your feet or hands because of this. so maybe after a while, it’ll stop bothering me. meanwhile, i have Crocs. now if only they’d make tennis shoes.

she’s sleeping like a cat right now. we had doggie school this morning, and the end of class was soooo exciting for her, because Abby started barking and then Rowdi barked back, and then any dog that barked anywhere in the store, Rowdi was barking at all of them. not a mean bark, but a “someone come play with me” bark. she was practically singing. after i took her outside to pee, she calmed down and walked nicely with me while i bought peanut butter and jelly treats for practicing the “come” command.

oh, when i was on the way out, i ran into a very rude old codger. maybe it was me, but i just don’t think training my dog when i’ve walked out of a training class at PetSmart is something someone else should be ugly about. in fact, the trainer suggests that we always have the dogs sit before we go into the store, and before we leave the store.

so we’re about to walk out, and i tell Rowdi to sit. which she wouldn’t, so i stepped in front of her and stood over her and told her to sit. well, there was this man coming in with his Boxer, and he has no control over the dog. i ignore him and his dog and tell Rowdi to sit. the man yelled at me! “go on, get out of there!” like he owns the store and i have no right to be inside the door with my dog. and i was standing off to the side of the door, so there was plenty of room for him to walk his dog through the center of the huge slider or the other side of the door. ??? i just left with Rowdi walking very nicely by my side and chalked it up to that man needing Jesus.

we’ve got a new CafePress store so i can have more mad shopping money and eat more Indian food. we have a few products in there now (including my idea:  Stupid/Stuck on Stupid couples sets — i’ll be getting the Stuck on Stupid shirt, while Frank will get the Stupid shirt, obviously). we’ll have more this weekend, including some Carry the One merchandise. anyway, go check it out!

i’m getting a ton of hits for “Kellie Pickler prom dress” today.

so here you go. someone has it. (warning, it’s very indecent.) (h/t red)

btw, if you missed me yesterday over at IMAO (this is for the 5 of you who don’t read IMAO), i defended my stance on Kellie Pickler.

Matthew Winkler, a preacher in the Church of Christ, was murdered, shot to death and found in his locked bedroom. his wife is a suspect and was found with her daughters in another state. another state.
whoa whoa whoa. i just read the FoxNews website article. first of all, judging by the elder that was interviewed on FNC just now and like, my whole life… um, not charismatic (another way of saying “holy roller”). i know i’m getting all technical, but i think you’re mixing up Church of Christ with Church of God or Church of God in Christ; i understand how you could make that mistake, but yeah, not charismatic. Maybe they’re talking about his personality or something.

Late Thursday, authorities said they considered his wife, 32-year-old Mary Winkler, a suspect. She and the three girls — Breanna, 1; Mary Alice, 6; and Patricia, 8 — were found unharmed by police in Orange Beach, Ala., around 7:30 p.m., after an Amber Alert was issued for the children. She had last been seen Tuesday picking them up from school, authorities said.

i feel queasy over the whole thing. this is actually the first i’ve heard of the story. it’s really none of my business, but as it’s a CofC minister, i’m interested. he was 31. 31.

oh my goodness, he was a youth minister previously in McMinnville, Tennessee. i wonder if Rachelle’s husband knows him, he grew up there, and they’re about the same age.i’m sure i know someone who knows the family. very small world, the Church of Christ.

he and his wife met at Freed.

the FNC article says his father’s a minister and his grandfather was. i wonder if his grandfather was Wendell Winkler. he was a very well respected preacher and author and was a director of Brown Trail PTS.

this is so sad.

UPDATE: she’s confessed. this is so horrible. my heart is hurting for those little girls and the rest of the family and for the Fourth Street congregation in Selmer. they’re charging her with first degree murder, which means premeditation. those poor children.
everyone wants to know why. even i, who normally get really annoyed with these stories becoming national news, want to know why. i have a theory, but speculation is worse than gossip and is how rumors get started, so i’ll shut up now.

Dear Self,

It hurts when laundry baskets whack you on the back of the head, so maybe don’t leave them on the back of the couch while you check your email.

Also, never ever try to feed half a brisket down the garbage disposal. Even running hot water, you will lose the battle and not have use of your sink for about a day while the Drano works its magic.

Love,

Self

I think LOST was on last night. Anyway, it was on sometime this week. And I think it’s a new episode, though I’m not sure and don’t really care. Tonight my husband asked me if I wanted to watch LOST from last night. My response, which previously would have been, “Yes, of course! Let’s watch it now, now, now!” was actually fairly negative and definitely toned down. “Eh. It’s on so seldom that I’m starting to not care. We can watch it if you want to.”

Husband agreed. We watched South Park (one-time thing - just had to see how they made fun of Isaac Hayes’s departure) and Kathy Griffin (The D-List) instead. Over LOST. Doesn’t that tell you there’s something wrong here? (No offense to Kathy, we totally love you and want to meet you so you can tell embarrassing stories about us.)
We’re losing interest. The show is on about once every four weeks. If we’re lucky. Who knows what you’re preempting it with, because we’re not watching whatever it is. So by this point, we both decided it’s just not one of our must-sees anymore. I mean, we’ll get around to watching it sometime soon, but since we’ll have another month or so before the next one, we have plenty of time.

And don’t even get me started on ALIAS. Haven’t had a new one since what? December? Early January? I know you intentionally killed it this season, but could you maybe think about wrapping it up already? I think there are new episodes starting what, mid-April? Just sell the DVDs instead, would ya?
Y’all are monkeys, and we’re losing interest. The ratings for Dancing with the Also-Rans must be great, because wow. Monkeys. The only ABC shows we watch are LOST and ALIAS, and we’re fading on those. (Ok, fine, I watch General Hospital, but I’m a housewife, so I think I’m required to watch at least one soap.) Anyway, you should take a hint from the success of 24 and American Idol. Run everything straight through with no interruptions, half a season. It keeps everyone involved and interested, and no one forgets your show is even on.

some rhymey commercial just now reminded me of this. our preacher will talk about “Mr. Green Jeans” every now and then in a reference to an earlier time (before i was born, i’m guessing). i always turn around and mouth “who?” to his wife, and she always responds with, “i have no idea,” and just shakes her head. their 4 kids bow their heads in embarrassment. it’s fun for me.

but anyway, who is that?

it’s raining! it’s pouring! the old man is snoring!

i’m so excited to see rain! (at the same time, this will be the first time i witness the dog’s reaction to thunder, so wish me luck.)

Give me a big fat break, you phony inbred backwoods imbecile. Now she’s not even trying to fake it properly. What kind of complete retard hears someone call her an adjective and says, “What’s a ballsy?” What a Mr. F.

I’d like to apologize to all the retards out there; you should never be brought down to the same level of such a halfwit.

And how about America actually sending home one of the two people who should have been gone weeks ago? Hooray for that. Goodbye Scrappy Doo, I wish you many years of not being on my television. Now everyone pray for Kellie, because it’s going to get worse, as the Vote For the Worst people are going to be supporting her now. I thought it was comical until Kevin got sent home… Oh, and wow. Lisa knew absolutely that she was going home. Then she was safe, and Bucky knew absolutely that he was going home. Kevin was the only one who didn’t know he was going home.

Hi, nice to see y’all. I’m in a mood. If y’all would like to join the pity party, there’s a cover charge. Amount to be determined later.
Hellen Buttigieg is my hero. Hellen Buttigieg and Horatio Caine.

You know what’s fun? Watching the dog do something she shouldn’t and then having someone else tell you that she didn’t do what you just saw her do.

I guess I’ll go put away the dishes and reload the dishwasher.

one of the most annoying commercials ever is this local commercial that’s advertising a 14-day super sale at the scratch & dent appliance store in Rockledge. i almost considered browsing for a stainless steel fridge (at 75% off, you know), but i can’t get over how awful this commercial is. there’s a brunette jumping around in a bright plaid dress, and she’s yelling and screaming about this wonderful sale. the worst part is when she jumps around yelling “14 days” and holding up 9 fingers. i’m not kidding, 9 fingers, 14 days.