SarahK has become incredibly boring, all she does is blog about that dog that she doesn’t even like.

Well, that stupid dog has found my weak spot. It’s “wait for the biscuit”. That’s what we call it anyway.

You know, that trick where you put a treat on the dog’s nose, and then she pops it into her mouth. I started teaching it to her on Tuesday. I do it with her 2 to 3 times a day. Put half of an Old Mother Hubbard peanut butter biscuit on her nose, tell her “wait for the biscuit”, and then give her the code word (”FREEEEEEEEEEE!”) when she can have it. Then she pops it into her mouth, or tries to and retrieves it from the floor. The first couple of times, she would tilt her head and drop it on the floor as soon as I put it on her nose (and I’d growl, snatch it, and try again). But now, we’ve gotten it up to 20-30 seconds before we “free” her to get the biscuit. Only 3 days! Oh, but she has learned that if she “accidentally” lets it fall off sideways, she can catch it before it hits the floor, before that mommy lady has a chance to grab it.

The hardest part is getting her to hold her head level so I can actually put the biscuit on her nose. Right now, I have to kinda grab her head and push it down. She always wants to look up at me. So I hold the biscuit under her nose, move my head below hers, and she’s starting to move her head level on her own. But it still needs work. I have, however, gotten to the point that after it’s firmly on her nose, I can stand up all the way, and she still holds her head level and just looks up at me with her eyes.

Anyway, when she does that successfully, it totally gets back all of the goodwill that she’s somehow lost throughout the day. I become a sucker.

I have one of those stay-in-bed migraines. It started around the time I left to go have lunch with Jamie, right between my eyes. Wasn’t bad until I got home at 3. Then it crushed me. Bad bad headache (probably a 9 out of 10 on the pain scale, maybe a 10). I lay on the couch. Frank got home at 4:30, and as soon as he went back to play videogames (roughly 4:32 :D ) I went to sleep. Didn’t wake until 6:20. No Curves. And I sent him for the Indian food, because the thought of driving… I’m going to take Excedrin Migraine, because I think I’m sufficiently weaned from the caffeine, so it’s not going to keep me hooked. The golden pills haven’t been helping so much lately, I should tell my neurologist that. But EM usually works.

BTW, Coca-Cola hates me. I get weaned, and they go on sale at Publix for $2 a 12-pack.

Anyway, during my migraine sleep, I had a really bad dream. I was with all of my family, including Frank, and Frank was yelling at me (which would be a HUGE deal, I don’t think he’s ever raised his voice in his life). He was really mad, because I’m a housewife, and there are papers everywhere in the house, because I can’t get the mail situation under control (which is very true, except the part about him being mad about it). Meanwhile, we were wherever we were because of a funeral for someone I didn’t know, but supposedly this guy was married to an unknown cousin of mine, and he had two little boys and a girl. They cried a lot. And Bikermommy was being absolutely horrible to me. Aunt Wanda was being semi-nice, but when Bikermommy came around, Crazy Aunt Wanda was mean to me too! And finally, I asked mom why she was being so awful. Because by this time, I was crying a lot, because everyone was being mean to me. Bikermommy told me that everyone had been avoiding me for months, because I stink. She told me no one wants to be around me, including her and Frank, because I only showered once a week (LOL!). And she said that’s why Frank was acting so mad about all the papers in the house was because he was really mad about me stinking. So I pitched a fit and asked why she waited months to tell me instead of telling me so I didn’t embarrass myself. Aunt Wanda backed me up. Bikermommy said it was because she didn’t want to be around me anyway, so she didn’t care if I stunk. My Papa & Grama had given me a framed picture of themselves (it was my birthday, and I was there at this funeral), and I went and left it on their bed, because I was confused and thought that my mom had given it to me. Grama just sighed and said, “Well, I thought it was a nice picture, but I guess she didn’t want it.” And she was still nice to me, and I went back and retrieved the picture and left a thank you note on their bed.

Amazing the dreams I remember when I’m migrainey.

BTW, I took 2 EMs, and they cleared it right up. Frank and I watched the Season 4 finale of Smallville. Season 5 comes out on DVD in September, and we’ll hopefully be able to finish it before Season 6 starts. Season 4 has been my favorite so far.

no wonder i don’t see many people out walking their dogs. it’s too stinking hot and humid. thirty seconds outside has you drenched in sweat, i’m not kidding. I only walked Rowdi about 1.5 miles this morning (of course, she was being bad and trying to watch the birds, so we did lots of loop-de-loops, so it was probably more like 2 miles), because we were both about to fall over dead. And that was at 9:30. Not even heat of the day yet. I guess I’m gonna have to start taking her at 6 a.m. or something ridiculous like that, because neither of us is meant for such torture.

Granted, it tires her out, but it also wipes me out for a couple of hours.

I’m stealing Kim’s lyrics quiz, which she stole from someone else. And I just might have to make this a weekly thing. It’s way fun.

copying straight from Kim’s explanation…
It’s the Random 10 - I put iTunesMedia Player (shut up!) on shuffle, and post a snippet of the first 10 lyrics that come up. And then y’all get to guess what songs they are. No Googling! I’ll post the answers in a day or two when y’all remind me that I forgot to post them.

Note: I skipped songs where I already had the artist in the list (to keep some of y’all from having an advantage) and also Christmas music (would y’all really be able to get John Tesh? If so, you’re all girls!). And I skipped songs that were the worst songs ever by the artist. Oh, and the non-lyrics stuff like scores and classical music. So not completely random.

1. …please explain to me why forests march to deserts be while snow capped mountains melt away. What do we tell our babies, what do we say…

2. Everyone around, love them, love them. Put it in your hands, take it, take it. There’s no time to cry, happy, happy. Put it in your heart, where tomorrow shines…

3. I need to laugh and when the sun is out, I got something to laugh about. I feel good in a special way. I’m in love and it’s a sunny day.

4. Uh-oh, where did it go? It must have bypassed your phone and flown right out of the window. Oh well, how can I tell? Should I call the operator? Oh maybe she’d know the info, uh whether or not if my message you got was too much or a lot to reply. Why not try this for a fact? Should you ever come back I’d relax and be relieved of all my panic attacks.

5. Off through the new day’s mist I run, out from the new day’s mist i have come. I hunt, therefore I am, harvest the land, taking of the fallen lamb.

6. You keep your distance with a system of touch and gentle persuasion. I’m lost in admiration, could I need you this much? Oh, you’re wasting my time, you’re just, just, just wasting time.

7. Tension is building inside steadily… Everyone feels so far away from me. Heavy thoughts forcing their way out of me…

8. I can’t sleep beneath the trees of wisdom when your ax has cut the roots that feed them. Forked tongues in bitter mouths can drive a man to bleed from inside out.

9. Walk on out, forget Anita in the stands. Be a tall and strong and brave and noble man. Be better than you’ve ever been before. Make this your greatest moment, Matador. She’s watching now with her new love, I know. Walk proud and slow. Be strong and sure and give the crowd their show. They want blood, you know.

10. I am young and I am free. But I get tired and I get weak. I get lost and I can’t sleep. But suddenly suddenly…

The good thing about Curves is that it speeds by now that I have my own, non-lame musical accompaniment. Three circuits is so easy these days.

The good thing about me is that I’m actually throwing myself into it. Frank is surprised I’m going so frequently so quickly. He figured it would take me weeks to ease myself into a routine. But every day at 5 (except massage days), and hopefully Saturdays at 10, I’m there. I started on Friday. Did 3 circuits Friday, 2.5 circuits Monday (with a whopper of a migraine), 3 circuits Wednesday, and 3 circuits today. I’ll go tomorrow. Maybe Saturday, but that starts our 4 day weekend, and the dog will be gone to the doggie spa, so I’ll really have to push myself to go Saturday. Even if I skip it, 4 times in a week is great.

The bad thing about Curves (that is, the humiliating first weigh/measure and the even more humiliating 2nd weigh/measure) is that tonight I’m getting sore. No soreness Friday or this week until now, but my back, shoulders, and arms are telling me I worked out.

For the record, I’ll never let those girls measure me again until I’m in my skinny jeans. Those are the junior size 9s, which I wore when I first modeled Frank’s t-shirts. They’re all still hanging in my closet. I know I should let them go, but I’m so stinking determined, and they really were cute on me, back when I could get them up past my knees. Stupid K thighs.

BTW, I’m able to work out with the migraines. It’s pretty much torture getting to Curves, but once I’m exercising, the migraine sits in the background and waits in dull fashion until I’m done. Then it explodes again. But at least I can forget about it while I’m working out. I guess that’s something.

The Fabulous Kimster has a lyrical quiz for all you music geniuses. I shall have to copy her and do my own. Tomorrow. Or someday. You know me.

The Grand Canyon is on fire again, and it’s my rim.

Highway 67 and the North Rim of Grand Canyon National Park remain closed today as a result of the Warm Fire. The Warm Fire, which started on June 8, 2006 by lightning, is burning approximately 30 miles north of the North Rim developed area.

If I’m not mistaken, the North Rim developed area is about 28 miles from the actual entrance to the park, so the fire is burning only a couple of miles from those magnificent meadows that are surrounded by aspen trees. Wow, say it ain’t so.

Seventy seven vehicles were escorted out of the park and into Fredonia, Ariz., using Forest Road 22, a dirt road west of the fire.

I didn’t think any roads, dirt or not, existed that went to Fredonia (scary town near the Utah border) other than 67.

Get well soon, North Rim.

Oh my goodness, we are having an Emergency Alert right now (actually, it’s for 2 counties north of here), and for some reason, the Alert took forever to start, and when it finally did start, it played in super slo-mo. So instead of the normal nasal weather guy, it was Darth Weather giving the alert. It was a little freaky, it sounded like the killer on a horror flick calling to warn the person that they’re going to kill them.

I’m going to be 30. In 21 days. I didn’t think it was a big deal, but it’s growing on me. I really don’t want it to grow on me. It just keeps getting bigger and bigger. I’ve told Frank he better not dare throw me a party (too depressing when 5 people show up, but that’s another post for another day), but he should make a sufficiently big deal out of it.

The reason I don’t want to make a big deal out of 30 is because 24 really hit me hard. When I hit 24, that meant I was mid-twenties. That was difficult, knowing I really wasn’t a kid anymore.

But if I take inventory, 30 is going to be great. 29 has been awesome. Got hitched and whatnot.

But 30. I’m still horrible with adult things like calling people on the phone, thank you notes (I still don’t have most of the wedding ones out, but I’m working on it), returning emails, writing when I say I will, working, making casseroles for sick people at church, etc. Not grown up yet.

One thing I know, though, is that the best of my life is still ahead of me, Lord willing. I’ve been married less than a year to the most wonderful guy on the planet (who is now late 20s). We want kids (I want 2, he wants 3 — after the first 2, we’ll assess whether we’re having that 3rd one). And a big house and big yard so there’s room for Rowdi to have a friend. Lots of travel, hiking, camping. Much less humidity.

It’s weird to think I’ll be 30. I don’t think that’s old, but I do think it’s adult. It’s young. I’m young.

Fox had the dumbest segment on earlier. The Friends actually interviewed a physics professor and asked him about each of Superman’s powers, and whether they’re realistically possible. The answers to all of the above were basically “No”. And this guy did a whole show for the NG channel about “The Science of Superman”.

Just this morning, I accidentally unleashed my heat vision on Rowdi. Branded an “S” right on her butt. So she knows who’s boss. Tonight I just might do the dishes on super-speed.

Slow news day, I guess.

My body is soooo mad at me. It’s been storming here all day (it was wonderfully dark outside, I love this kind of weather). Finally around 4:00 there was a break, so I packed up the dog and took her for a walk. We walked about 1.8 miles, give or take .1. The last half mile, it started sprinkling. No problem, sprinkles never hurt anyone. Then it increased into rain “lite”. So around .4 left, we had to start jogging.

My legs are angry. I haven’t run consistentlysemi-consistently since 2003, so .4 miles sounds like nothing but is a giant something.

Then I did 2.5 circuits at Curves. I really wanted to do more, but I was ignoring this giant migraine at the time, so I was proud of myself for making it that far and rewarded myself by taking the last half-circuit off.

Stopped by Publix and picked up a 35 lb. bag of cat litter.

Got home and somehow pulled my right tricep taking off my shoes.

I hate exercise.

Ok, y’all, this is no joke. Earlier today, Rowdi farted. Really loud. And when she did, it scared her, and she jumped big time and looked quickly back at her hind end. Then she had to sniff her own butt to make sure that was her and not the thunder outside. It was really funny.

On the less funny hand, when I was making Rowdi wait for her food tonight, I made her do Come and Sit commands all around the kitchen. And it went on for a while, because when we got back from her walk, she acted a fool and went tearing through the house chasing ghost kitties (they’d escaped behind the gate, and she went into my bedroom. She’s not allowed in our bedroom. To make matters worse, she didn’t respond to any of my commands and growls until I cornered her.) During the food dance, she growled at me once, so it went on twice as long. If she’s bad, I make her work harder for it. She growled at me again, so it continued. When she finally barked at me, I put the food away. Bagged it up and put it in the fridge and everything. She looked at me like, “No you di-in’t!” She might get it later this evening (she’ll have to work for it), but she might not eat today. Growl and bark at me? No food. And she won’t starve going a day without food. But I bet she’ll think twice next time about growling and barking at the mean food-stealing lady.

I hate my Discover Card. I’ve never seen my interest rate go down though I’ve been with them 8 years. Even when prime goes down, my interest rate goes up (currently at 26%, can you believe that?), and that’s even before I got divorced and my credit rating took a dive (those rating agencies just don’t care that it’s not me who can’t make my car payment on time, do they?). Contrast that with my MBNA mastercard, which I’ve had for probably 5 years, and my purchases interest rate has never gone above 13%.

I put everything on a credit card. Groceries, gas, Indian food, any place that takes credit cards. And then they’re paid off at the end of the month. I don’t like to leave a balance on the cards ever, but some months it just happens. Like this month. And the interest charge on Discover was 10% of the balance. How they’re able to figure that 26% breaks down to 10% a month is beyond me. Some convoluted equation that an intern in accounting dreamed up for a $50 bonus, I guess.

The only reason I still have a Discover Card is because of the cash back thing. I like it because for $20 of my cash back reward, I can get $25 gift card to Pier 1 or Bed, Bath & Beyond. And my MBNA card doesn’t have rewards on it. And I know they’re available, because I know someone else who has rewards on their MBNA card.

So I called and asked. I told them I use my Discover for everything, only for the rewards, but the interest is so much better on this card. I said I’d make this my main card and use it all the time if I had cash back or other rewards on it. They set me up within 5 minutes, and when I get my new card, I get to cut up my Discover (after I get 2 more cash back dollars, because I want my next gift card).

And all I had to do was ask. Of course, I’m a little anxious about MBNA now that they’ve merged with The Bank of the Northern Hemisphere (who practically hates their customers), but as long as they leave my interest alone, I’m good.

Rowdi does not like thunderstorms. I gave her a chip to chew on, and she walked around the livingroom twice before taking the chip under the pool table (normally it’s the rug in front of the TV). She won’t chew on it, though. She prefers to mope in thunderstorms. Has to be the only thing that could keep her from chewing something or searching for food. Noted.

I’ve not been doing the whole exercise thing. Let’s just leave it at that.

Anyway, I started back on Friday and would have gone Saturday if we didn’t have a pond party followed by a church picnic (Curves is open for 3 hours on Saturdays). On Friday, I did the circuit 3 times (you’re supposed to do it twice). Wow, I didn’t know my body could contain so much sweat. The good part was I felt good, and it passed quickly (have I mentioned that I do not enjoy exercise?). So I figured out that it’s so much easier and less boring if you have your own mp3 player vs. listening to their disco covers. As it turns out, the key to not counting down every minute is to have better music. Granted, I can’t always hear The Voice say “Change stations now” over my music, but I can just watch the other ladies, and when they move, I move. Problem solved.

I’ll go again this afternoon, and my rather ambitious plan is to go 5 days a week. I’ll be happy with 4, though.

i think i’m officially over the caffeine withdrawal headaches. of course, hormone withdrawal will start soon since i’m not able to get into the doctor for another month. but it’s ok, i’m going to stay positive until i feel horrible.

Man, I really wanna ask y’all for some advice, but I can’t. It’s personalish. If anyone knows what I’m talking about and would like to give me some advice, please email it to me.

/cryptic talky talk

We’re taking a long Independence Day weekend. Frank has a 4-day weekend, then works 2 days, then has a 3-day weekend. For the 4-day weekend, we’re dropping Rowdi off at the dog spa Saturday morning and not picking her up until Wednesday afternoon (SCORE!). We haven’t decided what we’re going to do with ourselves. Probably actually leave the house a couple of times.

I think Frank’s going to take me out to one nice dinner. And we may go to Dixie Crossroads one day for lunch so Frank can finally try the rock shrimp.

We haven’t figured out what else to do. We don’t have the Disney passes anymore, so a Disney day would be really expensive. We went to Kennedy Space Center last year, but we didn’t get to do everything we wanted to do there, so that’s an option. And then there’s always a day at the shooting range. We could go sit on the beach. Or go to Sea World. Frank’s never been, and I’ve only been to the one in Texas.

Ah well. We’ve got 5 days to figure it out.

Well the big sleeper sofa in the den is gone. It would have been a while before I was able to get to it, but I decided the best way to have room to declutter (because you need room to move the stuff to in order to sort through the stuff and get rid of it) was to get rid of the biggest piece of clutter.

I’ve still not painted the bathroom. But the bathroom is still clean.

Master bedroom is still relatively clean from when I cleaned it back at the beginning of May, go me. Livingroom stays clean enough, and I rearranged the whole thing to give us more space. Rowdi still believes that my nice rug in the middle of the floor is there specifically for her to chew rawhide chips. Guest room is clean enough. Closet door closes, and the bed is made. Do we need more than that? The kitchen is clean except for dishes that wouldn’t fit in the dishwasher last night, plus the bar, which catches all of our empty water bottles. And they’re legion since my farewell to Cokes.

Crossing my fingers… I don’t know why my domain expired, since Hosting Matters charged me over a month ago to renew it, but it seems to be back. HM really is fast on those help tickets. Whew! I was kinda sweatin’ here.

Rowdi is turning into a great dog. She still does annoying dog stuff like try to eat her toys, sniff everything, and constantly look for things to chew. But other than the grating stuff that makes dogs dogs (and we all know i am NOT a dog lover), she’s getting so much better. She can actually be in the same room with Minerva without trying to chase her. You know, unless Minerva goes out of Rowdi’s sight. Sydney is a different story, but once today Sydney was in the room with Rowdi and Rowdi didn’t chase her. But if she picks up something she’s not supposed to have, all I have to do is growl and she drops it. Unless she’s too far away from me, then I might have to threaten to throw stuff at her.

The kicker, though, is food. She will wait as long for her food as we make her. We put food or drop treats on the floor, and now she doesn’t even start toward the food until we give her the code word that it’s ok to eat. Today she graduated to super-obedient dog. She was gated in the kitchen, because I was cleaning the livingroom, and I put a rawhide chip (she devours them) down in front of her (she was lying down). She looked at it, then looked at me. I walked away for a second and was going to come right back (I figured she would eat it, I would hear her and correct her, and she’d learn that even when we’re out of the room, she can’t have the food until we say so, and I figured this would be a several-episodes lesson). Well, I forgot about the rawhide. Completely forgot about it. Was gone for about 20 minutes, no less. I wondered why I didn’t hear her chewing on her chip, and then I remembered I never let her have it. But surely she would have taken it by now? I went back to the kitchen, and she turned to look at me expectantly. She hadn’t moved an inch, and she hadn’t touched the rawhide. 20 minutes! I was pleased with my puppy.

And she’s taken to following me everywhere I go. This is new for her. Everywhere I go, she jumps up to follow me.

The best part is that she comes to me when I call her. Occasionally, she glances at me and decides to keep doing what she’s doing. When she does that, I roar, raise my voice, and yell, “Rowdi. You get over here right now!” And she comes right away, tail wagging, and she puts her face up against my leg and hangs her head. Oh no, the mean lady is mad, I better do what she says. When mean lady ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.

Had dinner with my friend Jamie tonight. She agreed that Smallville is a great show. Jamie and I had barbecue.

My boobs hurt. Really bad.

My new phone is super cool.

Freecycle is great. I learned about it from Rachel, who gets lots of Freecycled stuff. I’ve been using it for decluttering purposes, because I really am trying to learn to declutter. I’ve gotten rid of several suitcases, moving boxes, old formal gowns, and Friday a guy is picking up Frank’s old sleeper sofa, so we will actually have room in the den for books, my keyboard, and the desk. Sweet. I might give away an old dresser, too, but I should clear that with Bikermommy first, since she gave it to me.

Ok, so I was whining about how the new provider doesn’t have the ALIAS ringtone. HOWEVER, my new Sony Ericsson W600i (the sweetest cellphone ever, so far, in the 5.5 hours it’s been here) takes up to 256MB of .mp3s, so i just put the main ALIAS theme on the cellphone and set it as my ringer. For Frank, i’ve got the Good, Bad, Ugly theme. For my mom, Amarillo By Morning. For Sizzle, I Wanna Talk About Me. For essay, Hedwig’s Theme from Harry Potter.

And it’s got speaker phone, so i can just take it into the kitchen with me when i’m cooking and play my tunes.

How will I know when they call me?

I can’t get the ALIAS theme as a ringer on my new phone!! It’s been my ringer for 2 years! Sad sad day.

I guess I’ll have to go with Hedwig’s Theme from Harry Potter.

Doggonit.

UPDATE: Hedwig’s Theme not available for my phone.

I try to avoid Walmart at all costs. I’ll even spend an extra $25 per week on groceries just to shop at Publix where there is never a wait to check out, the other shoppers aren’t rude and inconsiderate, and the checkers are very competent.

I braved Wally World today. At 3:00. Yah. An hour shopping, and half an hour checking out. And I was third in line.

The couple first in line were illegal aliens paying with food stamps and coupons. Nothing against the food stamps and coupons, but let’s face it, they take longer. No speaka English either, which doubles the time when the new checker girl was asking her clueless questions. Ok, maybe not illegal, but come on. Learn the language, or I’ll always think that, and it’s a good assumption.

2nd in line was a nice lady who had 50 coupons, none of which were actually valid. You know, buy 2 get 50 cents off and she only bought 1, that sort of thing. What a beating.

So 20 minutes later, new checker girl starts on me. I swear she pushed the register buttons like she’s on slo-mo. Seriously, it took her 5 minutes to key in the broccoli code, and that’s after she found the code. Oh! And I had 1 rubberbanded thingy of broccoli, and she keyed in that I had 3. When my broccoli came up at 7 bucks, I said, “Uh, no.” She actually said, “Oh, did it come rubberbanded together like that?” “Yeah.” No, sweetheart, I grabbed 3 stalks of broccoli, pulled my thick blue supermarket rubberband out of my pocket, and grouped it up together. Took her 10 minutes to push the credit card key after I paid. It was the longest checkout in history.

Not to mention that Walmart has everything organized all wrong. All wrong.

because i’m about to have to buy up the entire Melbourne supply. my head just might explode if Jack “Okinawa” Murtha opens his mouth one more time.

that’s the retarded thing about diseases / conditions / illnesses. almost all of the ones that take a while to diagnose (meaning the doc just doesn’t think you have it, so you have to wait until you have every symptom listed in the medical book before they start to wonder) have depression as a symptom.

i wonder why. is it because feeling bad all the time sucks rotten eggs? perhaps feeling bad all the time tends to put a damper on the mood?

hmm. puzzling.

who is the genius that invented the bottom-loading salt shaker? am i the only one who has trouble maneuvering the filling of the bottom-loading salt shaker? turn salt shaker upside down. pour in salt. realize you’re spilling salt all over the counter. check your pouring technique. no, the spout is firmly ensconced in the hole in the bottom of the salt shaker. so where is all that salt coming from? oh yeah. it’s coming out the top.

so it shall end. i’m switching providers to be on a family plan with Frank, and they won’t port in my number. i’ve had the same number since 1999. Frank’s going to check and see if i can have the same number with just a different area code.

the good news is, his company gets a discount, so we’re getting the phones almost as cheap as buying them on Amazon (and we don’t have to mail in rebates), and our monthly bill (with company discount applied) will be about 30 dollars cheaper than we pay now on separate plans (after they tack on all the fees).

i’d forgotten what caffeine withdrawal headaches feel like. i wish i had some vicodin.