Well, Sheila had to go and post her running mix, so I, of course, must follow suit. I always throw my 50 or so songs on shuffle, and keep in mind that a lot of times I’ll skip through the slow songs while I’m working out and then skip through the fast songs while I’m stretching and cooling down. Ok, mostly I just find Natalie Merchant’s “My Skin” for the stretching, crank it, and play it over and over until I get home. UPDATE: I’m going to pare the list down to the songs I’m keeping when I reload my phone later.

The current list of songs:

“Bridge Over Troubled Water”, Clay Aiken. Yeah, that’s right, shut up. And I was at Target at opening minute the day the single came out too.

“Calling All Angels”, Train.

“Main Title” from ALIAS, J.J. Abrams. Oh yeah. Jammin’. Makes me feel like Sydney Bristow, and I just work my little butt off and feel like a super spy. For 30 seconds.

“Anywhere Is”, Enya. Stretching song.

“Bigger Than My Body”, John Mayer. Short people song, love it.

“It’s Gonna Be Me”, ‘NSYNC. Actually a little slow, but I just high-step it instead, so it’s good.

“Learning to Breathe”, Switchfoot. Joke song for when Sarah is short of breath. Works great for stretching, not so much for working out because it’s too slow.

“Life is Sweet”, Natalie Merchant. Love this song, love it love it love it. Usually stretching or slower workout.

“Why Georgia”, John Mayer.

“Wordplay”, Jason Mraz. Fantastic workout song, if for no other reason than you can completely distract yourself from the fact that you are, in fact, expending energy doing unenjoyable things by trying to memorize the twists and turns in the lyrics. Mr. A to Z is a master of the twist and turn. It’s all about the wordplay.

“Bad Day”, Jason Powter. Yes, yes, I still love it. No, no, American Idol did not tire me of it. I never skip it.

“Gravedigger”, Dave Matthews. In there solely for the drumbeats, and for some reason, my phone has not once given me this song while I’ve worked out, only while walking the dog. So I can’t tell you if it’s a good workout song.

“My Stupid Mouth”, John Mayer. This song makes me think of Frank and the dumb things he says every time I hear it, so I keep it around. I especially love the long pause part. “I’m never speaking up again… starting now … … … one more thing… why is it my fault?”

“Red Hair is Better”, and instrumental from ALIAS, Michael Giacchino. It’s an electronica type beat from the pilot, where she’s dying her hair and going on a rogue mission, and then it all crescendoes and builds up to the part where Sydney is breaking into a car in Taipei and there’s this rabid scream-type thingy, and that makes me grin maliciously every time, and people all look at me. I love it.

“Superman”, Five for Fighting. Piano, vocals. Mmm.

“Did You Get My Message”, Jason Mraz. Ok, yeah, a lot of my old boyfriend Muh-raz in here. But I do adore that voice, and let’s not forget the wordplay. It’s all about the wordplay. And he’s so upbeat! This one’s not going away any time soon.

“If You’re Not the One”, Daniel Bedingfield. Ace Young’s botched attempt at this one (you know, the one he called “If I’m Not Made for You”) renewed my love for the original. It’s best as a stretcher. Not so much for the exercising. Great for walking the dog, though.

“Jesus Take the Wheel”, Carrie Underwood.

“All Along the Watchtower”, DMB. Love this, it’s their Central Park Concert version. Honestly, I prefer the one from their Dallas TX concert … hmm, I think it was 7/18/2003. I’m going to switch the versions. This one is way too much intro, too much cheering, the solos aren’t as good. And Stefan Lessard’s bass intro in the Dallas concert was just so much better, if you ask me. Perhaps it’s because I was there in Dallas, and that was the kick off of my big liberating birthday week when I hopped in Pinky and drove to Utah alone to hang out with Sandy and her folks. Hiked the Grand Canyon. Read Order of the Phoenix for the first time. Yes, I simply must switch to the better version.

“Come on Over”, Christina Aguilera. Shut up.

“My Skin”, Natalie Merchant. One of my many ALIAS pickups. I don’t know if Giacchino picked out all music for ALIAS aside from also doing the score, but whoever picked out the songs for that show introduced me to so much music. I don’t know how long it will take for me to tire of this song, but it shall be a long time, because the piano and strings mesmerize me every time.

“Pink Houses”, John Mellencamp. This one sticks around for a while.

“Weight of the World”, Chantal Kreviazuk.

“Ants Marching”, DMB. It has everything required for working out.

“Green Eyes”, Coldplay. Stretcher.

“Iris”, Goo-goo Dolls. Yum.

“Jackson”, Johnny & June Carter Cash. I love how she totally puts him in his place.

“Ring of Fire”, Johnny Cash. It’s the ringer I use for Frank.

“Who’s Your Daddy”, Toby Keith. Embarrassingly, it’s the ringer I use for my dad until I find a better one, and I do like to work out to it. Except for that horribly misplaced cymbal crash.

“You Ain’t Leavin’ (Thank God Are Ya?)”, Toby Keith. It’s funny.

“You Thought Wrong”, Kelly Clarkson & Tamyra Gray. This one’s never come on while I’m working out either.

“Confrontation” between Jean Valjean and Javert from Les Miserables. It palpitates my heart.

“Let’s Embrace”, Joseph Arthur. Fun, happy, great workout song.

“Robin and Marian”, Nickel Creek. Great bluegrass instrumental. Their first album is their best. Second one was a third as good as their first. I’m afraid to buy their third. Is it any good?

“Mockingbird”, Toby & Krystal Keith. I always want to sing this one out loud. Frank’s & my song.

“The Taliban Song”, Toby Keith & Scotty Emerick. When it gets to the chorus, I just grin.

“Gotta Get Thru This”, Daniel Bedingfield. Acoustic version. Dance (radio) version would be better for workout, but there’s no beating the acoustic, so I pretend it’s fast.

“Zero Percent”, Jason Mraz. Live at Java Joe’s version. It’s something like 7 minutes long, so it’ll take me half a circuit around at Curves, and I know every syllable, and it’s so funny and twisted. And it makes not a lick of sense.

“Proud Mary”, Tina & Ike Turner. Y’all should have seen me one day working to this song. I was jammin’. They were watching me, and I was smiling so big, running with high steps and running hard with loud feet and then when I was on the machines, I was pumping hard and fast, and they all had their crappy canned aerobics cover music. They all wished they’d eaten the same salad I had. One of the best workout songs ever.

“Bring Me to Life”, Evanescence.

“100 Years”, Five for Fighting. You know, get me thinking about age, and I just can’t get enough of this song. Plus the piano is so yummy.

Now I just have to find the songs to replace all the ones I’m dumping.

FRANK J.: You look so cute in your painting outfit. I don’t know if this is appropriate to say, but it looks like you’ve already lost some weight.
SARAHK: That is fully appropriate to say.

later…

SARAHK: Oh, I just want to clarify. If I say I’m a fat cow, then it’s not appropriate to say, “but it looks like you’ve already lost some weight.”
FRANK J.: But I just said it own my own.
SARAHK: Yes I know. It is fully appropriate to say it out of the blue. But if you say it in response to “I’m a fat cow,” then you’re in effect agreeing with the statement by responding that at least it’s getting better.
FRANK J.: Ok.

Happy birthday today to tracey and Harry Potter! BTW, I’ve completely figured out how the end of the series is gonna play out. I told Frank, and he can only punch one hole in my theory, though I’ve already disproved that punch and intend to further prove my disproving.

Also, happy birthday on Friday to Tammi. I hope it was wonderful, and it sounds like it was. I managed to miss that, and I also managed to miss wishing happy birthday to my Stepmo’, even though I got her number on Friday from my dad and then promptly forgot to call her, as I was in the throes of Trivial Pursuit passion (the girls totally kicked the guys’ pinkytoes).

The first attempt at painting turned out utterly wrong. The edges of the ceiling are rather darker than the remainder. I diligently avoided leaving any white spots on the ceiling, so naturally there are several today. Then there is the case of the non-blended rolling. I was apparently all over the place with that thing, between all my shortness and ladder movements. We’ve got angles and varying degrees of coverage and shade… it’s a disaster. I do like the color better today.

But it does have to be redone. So here’s yet another painting question.

Should I just paint over it, since I’m doing the same color? Or should I prime it since I have so many shading issues? Or should I paint over only the interior areas? Or should I just cry?

Oh, here’s another thing. We went by Home Depot this afternoon for paint brushes, real live brushes. And I looked at ladders. The 12 ft. ladders, which have max height of not high enough for me to be able to paint the ceilings in the livingroom and kitchen and which I will be incapable of carrying considering my miniscule strength and them being twice my size, are so expensive that I could hire someone to paint the house. I was so sad by the time we left Home Depot that I had to have a whole bag of Skittles.

What about those telescoping stepladders? There’s one at Lowe’s for under $200 (sad to say that makes me happy, because it’s cheap) that goes up to 30 feet or something, and it’s the delta-shaped kind, not the lean-on-the-wall kind, so it’s probably stable-ish. I dunno. What kind of ladder will make me less sad and hopeless?

I finally got the ceiling of the bathroom painted. Yes, only the ceiling so far. I’m a teeny bit afraid of what shall be the end product of this disaster in the making. See, I’m going for the whole Tuscan look, right? I dig that. And Behr says that you should paint the ceiling a shade darker than you paint the walls if your ceilings are higher than 8 feet, and because they are supposed to be experts or something, I shall do as they say (except when they say that I have to tape paper 6 inches down the wall before painting the ceiling - are you kidding? I had a hard enough time just getting tape along the edge!). Ok, so I’ve chosen this lovely Tuscan goldish color for the walls, or so I think, and the ceiling appears to be a smear from a hot dog bun. It frightens me, but I have faith that when the walls are done and the red accents are in, I’ll like it. And on the bright side, if I ever notice an imperfection in the ceiling, I can just splash on some mustard for a quick fix.

And I do totally recommend the Wagner PaintMate Plus roller thingy that sucks the paint up into the tube. With all the ladder climbing a short person has to do to paint a ceiling, it would have taken me hours to paint the inside of the ceiling, and with the roller thingy it only took me about an hour, and that’s with moving the ladders a million times because our bathroom has the funkiest angles and the weirdest slim spaces, not to mention the inability of my shoulders to support my arms remaining above my head for more than 60 seconds.

Now, the outside edges of the ceiling? All afternoon. Yah. The 8 foot ladder… 5 ft 8 inches is the highest step you can stand on… And my arms are about 4 feet up from my feet (you know, my shoulders). And they reach about 2 feet…. So that gives me reach of what, 11 ft 8 inches. Ceilings in some spots are 10 feet… and those some spots are where the countertops jut out about 2 feet, so I can’t actually get the ladder close, so I really have a reach of about 9 feet… which made for a comedy of errors in the Sarah Paints the Bathroom show. And you have to do the edges with like a paintbrush, and stupid idiot SarahK had bought this kit a while back that had a variety and it turned out to have a variety of only foam applicators. Yuh huh. And I was already in my painting gear (bandana that I decorated especially for attending ‘NSYNC concerts snugly on my head, tank top, short shorts, no shoes), so there was no way I was going back to Home Depot for a real brush with bristles. So imagine that whole can’t reach thing accompanied by the whole having to dab because you’re using foam thing (because if you just brush back and forth with foam, you get a teeny bit of mustard on the white hot dog bun).

And for the same reasons as the previous problem, the taping of the ceilings took two or three days. It’s a blur. For the record, angular 10-ft ceilings do not belong above 4-ft-wide garden tubs. In fact, garden tubs are kind of retarded, while we’re on the subject. You can never actually lie down in the bathtub in one of those. So your neck always hurts while you’re supposed to be relaxing in the tub. And it’s so wide and round that the water barely even makes it up to your hips, much less cover your boobs. Am I the only one that thinks there’s something to be said for a shallow, long tub in which you can properly lie back, soak, and relax? Those builders should work on it. I’m surprised no high-maintenance woman has brought it up, and I’m surprised that some high-maintenance woman brought up the necessity for an uncomfortable huge tub in the first place.

At one point I needed to walk under the ladder to get from one point to another. I really didn’t want to make all of the necessary manuevers to go around. And as I walked under and then subsequently climbed the ladder with my can of paint, I thought, “It’s silly for people to be superstitious about walking under ladders. Yeah, it really gives you bad luck.” Then I hummed that line from DMB’s “Warehouse” that goes, “And we can walk under ladders…” and I promptly spilled a great big glopping puddle of my paint onto the tile floor and the grout below me. But it’s so silly to think that it’s bad luck to walk under ladders!

If I had more energy, I would take pictures of the bathroom in its current state so I could win the prize for World’s Messiest Painter Ever. You would never know that my Papa painted houses for a living. Mmmhmm. I didn’t get that family gene passed down. But I’m smart. I bought a can of Goof Off (couldn’t find the Oops at Home Depot, and Lowe’s is so far away) in case the soap and water doesn’t work with all of my errant paint. So there’s paint all over the walls already. Smudges, streaks, whole paint-roller marks, you name it. I did have the presence of mind to smudge any drips so they wouldn’t bubble up and be a problem for me when I’m painting the walls. The tile in the shower? Yeah, it needs a bath. The bath tub… needs a shower. I think one of the lightbulbs got splattered, so I turned it off. That towel rack that’s siliconed to the wall is colorful now. The ladders, well they’re quite sloppy. The toilet, ledge next to the toilet, tile floor, grout… countertops… Soap and water, I keep telling myself. At least the floors will be shining by the time I’m done cleaning up after the paint job, right? And I’ll finally get off some of the paint drips that the builder never bothered with.

My body hates me. I’ve had about 5 bottles of water and not needed to pee, that’s how much I’ve sweated today. My shoulders are defiantly clamped to my sides. My thighs and feet can bear no more pain nor weight. My fingers are puffy. My butt is tired, and it didn’t even sit much today. My back probably dislikes me but hasn’t told me yet. And my hips are quite put out.

I shall go to bed.

Dumb action flick. As dumb action flicks where the main character is a chick who kills everyone in her path go, it ranks right up there with the Underworld movies. I almost threw stuff at the TV during this one part when I thought that the movie was ending very badly (and I said to Frank, well that ending is as stupid as your sister’s movie), but then it wasn’t the ending and everything got better again. I totally give it an 8 out of 10 on the fun dumb action flick SarahK scale of approval.

I love dumb action flicks. There should be more dumb action flicks. Instead of making low budget horror flicks, they should make low budget dumb action flicks, where everyone just kicks each other and runs around to rooftops, taking elevators to escape each other and using tracking devices that are really Cracker Jack box decoder rings.

When Frank asked his sister why there are so many bad, low-budget horror movies, she answered with her own question. “Would you rather watch a bad horror movie or a bad drama?” Ok, I’ll give you that, but I’d rather watch a bad dumb action flick (Aeon Flux, anyone?) than a bad horror flick. So Hollywood, y’all start making more bad, low-budget dumb action flicks and fewer of the horror type. K?

i love the McDonalds parfait. with the blueberries and the strawberries and the cinnamon granola.

i can’t figure out the yogurt flavor. it’s not plain. i don’t think it’s vanilla. anyone know what it is?

Rachel and I have such a deep friendship. We talk about very important things over email, world-changing things.

RACHEL: Lowes this week has 24 bottles of zephyrhills on sale for $3.97. Go stock up before they realize they’re less expensive than publix.

SARAHK: i don’t like zephyrhills. i wish i did, because it’s always way cheaper than aquafina. i loves me some aquafina.

RACHEL: I also prefer aquafina. but my office buys Z, so I’ve grown accustomed to it.

SARAHK: i bought a case of it once. i could drink it cold, but i prefer my water at room temp. because i can drink more water when it’s room temp. i made Frank finish it off.

i couldn’t even drink Dannon cold.

i like Deja Blue, Desani, Nestle, and Aquafina. My office in Ft. Worth bought Ozarka, so I got accustomed to the chlorine taste, but i really didn’t like the Z.

RACHEL: That’s so funny. I also prefer my water to be room temp. I keep it in the frig, but take one out and let it warm up while i drink one that was already out. I only like it cold when i’ve been working in the yard or something equally hot and sweaty.

Z has a bit of a weird taste to it. But i like the shape of the bottles.

Nestle has good tasting water. Sometimes my company buys that.

Ma bought me a bunch of Publix brand the other day. Tasted terrible. But I drank ‘em anyway.

SARAHK: I tried Publix brand once. Made Frank drink that one too.

We keep Frank’s in the fridge and mine at room temp, but I’ll drink his and replace it if I’m about to die of heat stroke, or if there’s no other water. It just takes me so much longer to drink it.

Yes, I don’t like the weird Z taste. And I prefer the shape of the Aquafina bottles.

I should post this email string. It’s ridiculous.

RACHEL: lol!

I took that to be permission.

So these are dog-on-dog fights?

For the second time this week, a pit bull viciously attacked and killed a family pet in an Amarillo neighborhood. Now animal control is urging residents to make sure their pets are restrained… Animal Control said all three dogs involved were unrestrained and unsupervised.

(Emphasis mine.) Oh, so the pit bull owners and the owners of the other dogs are all irresponsible. Okay, let’s blame it on the dogs. Now wait. It says 3 dogs. So 1 pit bull and 2 household pets? If so, it sounds like 1 pit bull that has a problem and should probably be put down, and the owner along with him.

And Amarillo’s leash law is stupid.

The city’s leash law states dogs must be restrained or confined to their owners property, or be able to respond to voice commands if off the leash.

Ok, until they’re in Super-Advanced-Doggy-Trained mode, dogs are not going to be able to respond to voice commands off leash when they’re overexcited about other dogs or already fixated or whirring or running toward the other dog. Come on. Save off-leash for the fenced-in areas or the big acres or the big dog spas or the mountains or the farms or the ranches or the dog parks…

going to bed and hoping to awake without my head split in two. because i swear it feels like it’s trying to. i think i’m dehydrated, this doesn’t really feel so much like a migraine. i’m not getting enough water, at 5 bottles a day, i guess. but man, Aquafina is expensive. my water habit is way more expensive than my Coke habit ever was.

first, i wanted to tell y’all i got new glasses. i’m never taking them off my face except for sleeping and for showering, and when i’m sleeping and showering, they shall be with Mr. Shiny so i always know where to find them. they’re great, i hardly know they’re there. they don’t have rims or wires, just earpieces and nosepieces drilled into lenses, really. and the nosepiece tab thingies are soft rubbery instead of hard rubbery. they’re great. and they have the shade clip-ons too.

hooray, i can see again.

goodnight.

Farley’s gummy bears are the best. But for some reason, I can only ever find them at Big Lots.

When we build our house (Lord willing) we will have only tile and hardwood floors. That way, the pets can have no choice to throw up on carpet.

They will, of course, choose to throw up on the rugs that go over the hardwood and tile floors.

No. No, you don’t.

If I answer my phone, and I hear a recorded message that says, “We have a very important message for you,” I know that, in fact, you do not have a very important message for me. If you had a very important message for me, I’m quite sure you would have a real live person call me.

See, this is the story Bikermommy doesn’t want me to see. Y’all pardon me one moment while I give my mother a hard time and make fun of her. She probably won’t see it anyway.

Almost every time my mother hears about a dog biting someone, she reminds me that Rowdi is going to maul me to death one day, you know, since she’s a pit bull / German Shepherd / maybe Lab mutt. Tuesday night I talked to her, and she was sure to tell me that there were 4!! 4!! pit bull attacks in Amarillo this weekend. Attacks!! All by pit bulls! I assured her that every one of those pit bulls had irresponsible owners and were either neglected, undisciplined, abused, or a combination of those.

She proceeded to tell me that she has a friend whose sister has two pit bulls that she rescued from Katrina and they have full run of the house. They’re not abused at all! They eat whatever furniture they want, they do whatever they want, they’re completely… undisciplined. And… her friend is absolutely terrified of them. Um, mom, that’s because they’re not disciplined. Just as with any other dog, you can’t abuse them, but you must discipline them. Rules, boundaries, limitations are not abuse.

So. Today I go to find the story about the vicious pit bull attacks in Amarillo this weekend, and what do I see? There has been yet another attack in Amarillo.

After four dog bites in one week

What, Bikermommy? Those pit bull attacks were “dog bites”? I’m sure the blow-it-out-of-proportion media would still be harping about the attacks had they actually been… vicious attacks. Don’t get me wrong, dog bites are serious for more reasons than one, it’s just certain moms who like motorcycles also like to make it sound as bad as possible. ahem.

where the dogs were running loose

What’s that? The dogs were running loose? I wonder if that falls into the undisciplined category, or if that’s the neglected type? Doesn’t sound like abuse, but unless they were way out in the country, in which case people should have known not to just walk right up to them — I know I’d never walk right up to your vicious Blue Heeler without knowing she was ok — it’s safe to assume neglected or undisciplined or at the very least, improperly socialized. No? (Unless the people that were bitten were poking and prodding the dogs with sticks and deserved to lose a finger or two.)

this attack occurred in an area where a dog was properly contained.

City officials say 41 year old Randy Lumpkin was reading a water meter in the back yard in the 12 hundred block of south Rusk…

There are actual ellipses in the article, and that makes me laugh because I read “dun dun dunnnn” when I see that. Just wanted to share.

when a labrador retriever bit Lumpkin,

A LABRADOR RETRIEVER!!! You know, those are such dangerous dogs. I see them out at the dog spa all the time, and when they fetch the tennis balls from the ponds, you can just see their locking jaws clamp down on the tennis balls. It takes hours to pry the tennis balls from their mouths. And those gigantic tails are like helicopter blades to anything they whack.

OH NO!! Sizzle has a Lab!! Tell her to get rid of it as soon as possible! I know she loves Diamond and doesn’t want to send her back to the pound, but what about when Diamond’s brain outgrows her skull? That’s when she’ll just go crazy and start biting people!

sending him to the hospital.

What? Are you sure that’s not a pit bull that bit him?

Shannon Barlow of Animal Control tells us, “This would not be considered a dangerous animal

You know. Unlike a pit bull. Maybe it’s me reading too much between Ms. Barlow’s lines, but my head screamed out “Racist!” when I read that. Because I’m thinking she’s thinking “This would not be considered a dangerous animal like a pit bull. I know. It’s just me. She’s probably not a racist. More of a breedist.

All of the previous cases in the city this week involved pit bulls

Dangerous animals.

who were not properly restrained.

What? Not properly what?

The labrador retriever is currently under quarantine here at animal control and if healthy may be released to its owner in ten days.

If it had been a dangerous pit bull, it would have been put down, but you know, it’s a sweet wittle wabwador wetweiver, so we’re gonna give it the benefit of the doubt.

Animal control officers were also called out to another incident involving pit bulls on Raindrop lane…they charged a neighbor mowing his lawn…but no attack took place. That dog owner was issued a citation…and the case is now under further investigation.

In non-news today, dogs chased a lawn mower. Their irresponsible owner who had them offleash outside the fence got a ticket, and he’s being investigated because the dogs are pit bulls. Other breeds of dog are allowed to chase lawn mowers, because they are not the vicious breed of the decade.

Speaking of vicious pit bulls, I have to go walk my vicious beast.

all of the paint in this house is flat. baseboards, doors, doorjambs, everything. the builder painted everything flat. not a hint of semi-gloss anywhere.

it’s almost like they just primed it for me. easy on SarahK!

QUESTION: how do you paint behind the toilet? move the toilet? i know i can do that, or at least take the tank off if it’s a 2-piece toilet.

QUESTION: how do you take off the face plates around light switches and electrical outlets? do i have to turn off the power first, or can i just take out the screws and pull off the plates?

Is it really necessary to “scuff sand” the walls before I paint them?

* the easiest way to get Sydney to do her famous monkey squeak is to tell her no right before she is going to do something bad. she knows it’s bad, and as soon as you say “Sydney, no”, she squeaks, looks pathetic, and turns away. sometimes she does it anyway.

* it’s a wonder i ever turned 30. the plastic thing on the top of the ladder says “Danger. Do not sit or stand.” i’m in big trouble.

* did you know that carrying the 10 ft. steel ladder 100 feet gives you an excuse to read a chapter in Harry Potter requires a rest period immediately afterward?

* once you finally drag yourself kicking and screaming to the start of the painting project, it’s actually a little exciting. just a little. especially when there’s a hugely exciting long-term goal in mind.

* even though i’ve painted the inside of a house before, i don’t remember how to do stupid stuff like wash brushes and rollers etc. i think you can rinse everything in the sink or bathtub, right? you just use water to clean it, right? and do you just run it under the faucet, or is a bucket soaking required? do y’all see why i’ve been putting this off? i feel like an idiot just getting started.

* in Texas, i’d say the majority of walls are textured like this, and I think it’s lovely. the ceilings vary. i’ve seen circles made by paintbrushes, the dreadful “popcorn” ceiling (no offense, i had it myself), flat, and many more. in our Florida house, the ceilings are like the Texas wall texture, and the walls are the orange peel or eggshell texture. it’s something i immediately noticed when i moved here. fyi.

* LOL, some guy on TV said we should buy missiles back from Hezbollah like we buy guns back from people in the inner city. uh huh.

* say, i got one of those rollers that you suck the paint up inside the tube that’s attached to the roller and don’t have to use the tray and don’t have to keep rolling the roller in the tray and have less mess. i don’t think it’s gonna work very well, but some lady on HGTV or DIY who was probably paid to say so said that it rocks and is the best thing ever, so i, of course, bought it. anyone else a sucker? does it work? i guess i’ll find out.

Lance Bass is gay and in a “very stable relationship” with a reality show star. I never wanted to admit it before, but I figured it might be true. 1) He was the first one in ‘NSYNC on which I crushed, so of course. Before Frank, I had a long history of unwittingly crushing on the gays. Whew! Good thing I switched to Justin. 2) He hangs out with Kathy Griffin, and she only hangs out with gay men.

So… who do we know that’s a gay reality show star… hmm…

when i’ve been sweating profusely, as any lady does, i find the last place that stops sweating (the place that i’m still blotting for hours afterward) is the spot between my eyebrows. for people with the unibrow, it would be the center; for people with two brows, it would be the middle of the gap; for people without eyebrows, it would be sad. for me, it’s both the middle of the gap, and smack dab in the center of my birthmark (which also glows bright red when i am fiercely angry).

so does everyone have sweating issues with that part of the forehead? or is it a birthmark issue? or is it just me?

SARAHK: Mommy might throw up from the heat. Mommy feels sick. Rowdi, I have a job for you.
ROWDI: pant pant pant pant pant.
SARAHK: If Mommy passes out from heat exhaustion, you have to grab me by the arm, but make sure to not hit any major veins or arteries. No, don’t pay attention to the garbage men, I need to know you’re getting all this.
ROWDI: pant pant pant pant pant.
SARAHK: Now. Drag me home by the arm, and take the key out of my gun pouch. But unzip the pouch first, I don’t want you to mess up my pouch or shoot anything. Take the keys out of my pouch and unlock the door, I know you can do that, you’re a very smart dog.
ROWDI: pant pant pant pant pant.
SARAHK: Drag me inside. I guess you’ll have to turn off the alarm too. But I can’t tell you the code, it’s a secret, and Daddy doesn’t like me to give it out. Anyway, give me some water, but don’t give me tap water. Make sure it’s bottled.
ROWDI: pant pant pant pant pant.
SARAHK: Oh, when you bring me inside, make sure there aren’t any caterpillars in my shirt. If there are, get them out quickly, but don’t eat them, because you’ll just get sick again.
ROWDI: pant pant pant pant pant.
SARAHK: When I come to, remind me to call Daddy and tell him to come get his own lunch and to get the shower head while he’s at it.
ROWDI: pant pant pant pant pant.
SARAHK: Sit. Good girl.

[Profanity alert in links] A meme I’m stealing first from tracey, because I saw it there first, and second from red, because I saw it there second and she has the original, and I’ll mix and match the versions. Clear as the Trinity River?

What curse word do you use the most?
Crap and dangit. And the b-word when I’m yelling at the female dog that lives in our house, though I’m trying to quit that one.
Do you own an iPod?
I happen to be the last person on the planet who does not own an iPod.
Who on your MySpace “Top 8″ do you talk to the most?
I happen to be the last person on the planet who does not have a MySpace … space. And I NEVER WILL! So there!
What time is your alarm clock set for?
Set for: 6 a.m. But due to various med changes and bouts of laziness, I get up when Minerva claws my chest, Frank makes too much noise to signal that it’s time to make his lunch, or the Friends talk too loudly.
(more…)

Just now, when I was peeing, I looked down and saw the tag on me undies. Made in Israel. So there you go.

I guess I should say I’m not showing my support for Israel. But you know what I mean.

My mom’s boss passed away last night. Thanks for all your prayers on his behalf. Please continue to pray for his family. His son is doing very well and is expected to recover fully.

Yeah, I figured that would make some of you wet your pants.

I went to my new endocrinologist today. After our first appointment, I don’t think he’s a quack like Dr. Dhruv. He seemed really surprised that Ms. Negligence was so quick to prescribe the growth hormones after running only one stimulant test. He said that there are several tests he wants to run, because the adrenal glands test is only one test to run, but there are other things that could cause the low hormone level besides “probably the tumor”. I should sue that woman for malpractice, I really should. Quack quack quack.

Anyway, I told him my meds. He said that the Topamax is great for losing weight, that he prescribes it for some of his diabetics for weight loss. Then out of nowhere, he said it also increases intensity of orgasm. He said it so matter-of-fact and with such nonchalance that I, SarahK, actually blushed. Me! Well, he caught me off guard. And then I said, “Yeah, I noticed already!”** And he said good and just kept right on going and told me it’s great for migraines and also epilepsy. 4 great benefits in one little pill! Then he told me that I’ll be forgetful, and I told him I’d heard that. And he told me that I might feel like ants are crawling on my skin.

…

What?

…

He said yeah, but that’ll go away, it’s just my nerves adjusting. I also told him about getting off the BCP, and he said that I’d probably lose some weight due to that too.

He pushed around on my thyroid a lot, made me cough a lot. He also pushed on the part of my leg that really hurts when pushed on, and I told him how painful that is, and he was interested. He said I have a nodule on my thyroid. I have to get an ultrasound on that. I asked the girl who stole all my blood (more on that later) if that’s bad. She didn’t want to answer. I said, “You don’t want to answer. You know I’m just gonna look it up on the internet and scare the crap out of myself.” She said not to do that. Then the doc walked by and I asked if it was bad, and he said that we’d talk about it when I came in for my followup after the ultrasound. Fine, whatever, don’t tell me anything. Frank looked it up for me, and it doesn’t sound bad. Fairly common, and 95% chance of benign or something like that. And even though my internist said my thyroid was fine, the endo said that there are a lot more thyroid tests to run, so he’s doing more thyroid stuff.

The doctor decided to steal a lot of my blood. The girl who bled me dry was nice. She had to stick my poor veins thrice. I was nice about it, I couldn’t blame her for my veins being small and roly and hidden by fat. The first stick gave her four tubes (very slowly) but finally gave out. Wow, do you know how hard it is to squeeze the squeezy thing for 5 minutes straight? The second one didn’t work at all, and I just laughed. I did tell her that if she didn’t get the last tube on the third stick, I was going to have to give her a hard time but promised not to say bad things about her on my blog. But she was good, she didn’t dig, it never really hurt, and I have no bruising or big red spots so far. I told her to give the doctor the message that if he wants that much blood from me in the future, he will have to pay me money for it.

So Friday we’ll set up the ultrasound and the followup appointment, and after all the bloodwork comes back he’ll decide what to do as far as hormones. Maybe I won’t be doing the shots at all. Maybe it’s something else altogether.

Who knows. I’m confident that someday I’ll know.

In the meantime, yay for orgasms!

** Not that they weren’t already great, but there’s nothing wrong with making a great thing greater.

i refused to open the mail because i thought maybe you sent me a bomb. here goes Frank just now, opening the mail.

SARAHK: You’re opening that?
FRANK: Well, yeah. Of course.
SARAHK: What if it’s a bomb.
FRANK: [opens, sees what it is, laughs loudly] Well, it’s a bomb alright.

It’s either a CD or a DVD with a picture of Kellie Pickler on it.

I’m not putting it in the player, I’m afraid it will eat my soul just like the caterpillars. Or at the very least fry my DVD player.

UPDATE: Curiosity got the better of me. So Tina (?) sent me the Kellie Pickler virus. It’s a CD of Kellie’s entire season, including the auditions. Every claw-your-ears-off moment, but also the super-happy Bad Day moment (yay!). After listening to pieces of each song again, I stand by all that bad stuff I said. And LOL, thanks for reminding me that she sang “Fancy”. I’d totally forgotten!

Anyway, um… thanks? No thanks? Peace be upon you? Bad dog?

anyone here from Connecticut with the initials TD?

oh goodie. northwestern part of our county.

they came in through the cat door from the garage off the clippings, because some goofy goof did not kill them before bagging his clippings yesterday. they’re here to eat my soul, and they’re in my kitchen. MY KITCHEN!!! my stomach turns at the thought of killing them, but if i don’t, that stupid dog will eat them and get sick… again… Frank has been ordered to stop at the hardware store on his way home and get something — anything — that will annihilate Atala butterfly caterpillars. or he’s sleeping in the garage with them, and i’m sleeping at a motel.

if i die this afternoon, y’all will know why. the caterpillars did it. filthy caterpillars.

It’s there. The tibia, the one I stress-frac’d 3.5 years ago. I can feel it. In fact, I can push on the part that I fractured and feel pain. There’s no fat cushion surrounding my shin bone on the inside. At all.

On the outside, my Popeye shin is returning. If you’ve never seen my running legs (not that I’ve been running, but I’ve been exercising), lemme just tell you about the K legs. All the Ks have Popeye legs. Big shin muscles, giant calves (some well-defined, others just fat like mine), and slenderish ankles. Big thighs, in at the knees, giant at the top of the lower leg, tapering down at the foot. Popeye. And when I run, since I run with all the wrong muscles, I get ridiculously large shin muscles. If I raise my toes toward the ceiling and tighten, there is a very well-defined shin.

On the back side of that area, however, are my fatted calves.

But hey. Let’s not talk about that. The shins are back, baby.

question. you know those generic towel racks that builders install in bathrooms, the ones they just kind of paste to the walls? or do they? do they have anything other than glueish stuff holding them in place? are they anchored? i see no screws or other fasteners.

how easy are they to remove? does removing them cause any damage to the wall? is it easy to sand down the area and replace with a different rack?

do you like the number of question marks in this post?

Ok, I’ve gotta tell y’all something. You other bloggers amaze me. I keep reading about how y’all talk to other bloggers on the phone all the time. Especially you and you. I’m completely baffled by this.

See, the best thing about blogging, which is completely lost on people who actually like the phone, is that you never actually have to talk to most of your friends.

Just thought I’d share in case y’all hadn’t gotten the memo. ;-)