BOND: Do you expect me to talk?
GOLDFINGER: No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to die!

I was walking through the mall yesterday, looking for shoes, because I’ve lost two pairs of shoes in the past two weeks. Also, I was sad and needed a break from being sad, so I decided to go look at other weirdos and shoes. K? K.

So I was on my way to the last store, Macy’s, and one of those annoying salesmen at a kiosk (sorry if you are one, but this one was truly annoying, you’ll see why) started talking to me.

ANNOYING ONE: Excuse me, ma’am. [MA’AM? He’s going down!] What does your shirt say?
SARAHK: Oh. Failure is not an option. NASA.
ANNOYING ONE: You know what? I agree! Failure is not an option. That’s why I’m sure you’re going to sign up for this phone with me today. [Have I mentioned I’m still walking? And what a retard, trying to use that line on me to sell a phone. He probably has no idea where it even comes from.]
SARAHK: That’s alright. Thanks.
ANNOYING ONE: I see you have a phone there. [You are so observant, dufusface. Is it the phone peeking out of my pocket or the earbuds in my ears connected to that phone that gave it away? Do they give you that shirt and tie when they sign you up to sell phones, or did you buy it with your first paycheck? Oh yeah. By this point I was annoyed, because I’d already said that’s alright, thanks, and he was still persisting. Let me shop in peace. I hate shopping as it is, so don’t make it any worse for me than it already is. I’ll cry right in your face. RIGHT IN IT!]
SARAHK: Yep. [Still walking.]
ANNOYING ONE: What kind of service do you have?
SARAHK: Good service, thanks. [Evil company, but good service.]
ANNOYING ONE: Oh, then you must have T-Mobile! [Are we really doing this? Fine. I’ll do the talk war. You asked for it.]
SARAHK: Actually, Cingular. I hate them. I used to have T-Mobile, and I LOVED T-Mobile.
ANNOYING ONE: Yeah, Cingular. The service isn’t very good… [Like he’s trying to relate to me or something. You think you can see into my brain, little buddy?]
SARAHK: No, the service is fine. But AT&T bought them, so as soon as our contract is up, we will be going back to T-Mobile, it’s just that we can’t do anything until our contract is up. [Starting to walk off again.]
ANNOYING ONE: Oh, yeah, with AT&T, they’re always changing the plans… [Um, no, not this time, though that is part of the reason I swore I’d never do business with AT&T again back in 1997. Good try, though.]
SARAHK: Actually, I just hate AT&T, because they’re evil. But we switched to Cingular because we needed a family plan and could get a company discount, but as soon as our contract is up, we’re going back to T-Mobile.
ANNOYING ONE: [Nodding, starting to blow me off, finally registering that I keep saying “when our contract is up.”]
SARAHK: Because really, I LOVED T-Mobile, never really had any complaints about T-Mobile, and I can’t wait to get back to T-Mobile… [He has now fully turned away, nodded smugly with that “yeah, whatever” look on his face, because he knows he is not earning a commission off me today, and I am *relishing* this, so I’m sticking around. Suddenly, I’m a little less sad.] …And actually, when I had to cancel with T-Mobile, the girl asked me if there was anything they could change to keep me, and I told her really, no, because I’ve been very happy, it’s just the whole company discount thing, and… [I trailed off as I walked off toward Macy’s.]

SUCKA!

And that’s how it’s done, kids.

Carly asked Jason what happened to his neck and told him he works out too much. Agreed! And while we’re at it, why is his hair suddenly dark brown? What happened to sandy blonde Jason? Bring him back. Dooo it.

Serenity has thrown her gauntlet* into the dog flamewar! She thinks she has a dog cat in this fight! Pfeh, I say, pfeh!

I will be getting back to you on this. I have to shower and get to Walmart before the moms and their screaming children on summertime Icy Pops get there, but believe you me. My dog, my cats, and my brains will smak u dooooooown! Not to mention Rachl Lukis!

*btw, there’s an image in that post, but i can’t see it when i click on the permalink. if you can’t see the image, make sure you click back to the main page so you see why my kittehs are so outraged. and read the comments the animals have left for Serenity the Kitteh!

1 Then after fourteen years I went up again to Jerusalem with Barnabas, and also took Titus with me.
2 And I went up by revelation, and communicated to them that gospel which I preach among the Gentiles, but privately to those who were of reputation, lest by any means I might run, or had run, in vain.
3 Yet not even Titus who was with me, being a Greek, was compelled to be circumcised.
4 And this occurred because of false brethren secretly brought in (who came in by stealth to spy out our liberty which we have in Christ Jesus, that they might bring us into bondage),
5 to whom we did not yield submission even for an hour, that the truth of the gospel might continue with you.
6 But from those who seemed to be something–whatever they were, it makes no difference to me; God shows personal favoritism to no man–for those who seemed to be something added nothing to me.
7 But on the contrary, when they saw that the gospel for the uncircumcised had been committed to me, as the gospel for the circumcised was to Peter
8 (for He who worked effectively in Peter for the apostleship to the circumcised also worked effectively in me toward the Gentiles),
9 and when James, Cephas, and John, who seemed to be pillars, perceived the grace that had been given to me, they gave me and Barnabas the right hand of fellowship, that we should go to the Gentiles and they to the circumcised.
10 They desired only that we should remember the poor, the very thing which I also was eager to do.

I can’t believe I almost forgot about this.

She’s Pauler Abdul, and she’s an entertainer. Boy, is she ever! I’m so disappointed to realize this is only a half hour show. Kathy Griffin gets an hour, and the treasure trove that is Pauler gets only half that time?

Yay! The chihuahuas! There’s Tulip! Start trippin, Pauler! She wants us to enjoy the ride. So come along… Straight up… Hey Pauler.

Ok, so in this episode, Pauler is getting ready for the Grammys, and she has a QVC show. Whoa, dawgs. Whoa. And they’re giving her $1MM in diamonds to wear for the Grammys. It’s Pauler! Y’all know she’s crazy, right? Oh my goodness, she just put major diamond necklace on her dog, and the dog tried to eat a 1940s diamond ring. This woman is a celebrity, y’all. Which means we celebrate her. You know, it’s too hard to snark her. She like snarks herself just by being Pole-er.

And yes. I figured out it’s definitely the Ruffles, thank you Ceri. I had a few this morning to confirm, and I’ve got nerve pain in both legs and both buttocks. Not a fun feeling. I had a few seizures right after I ate about ten chips, so I stopped eating them immediately, and now I’ve got the nerve pain… so there you go.

Paula is having her housekeeper scoop poop that is way too big for her dogs to have left. Does she poo on the lawn when no one is looking? I’m not accusing, I’m just saying that maybe we should be having this conversation as a nation.

Pauler is rilly rilly mad about the Bratz movie people. They want to see the wardrobe designs she did for the movie, like, today, and she’s gotta get ready for the Grammys.

LOL. “The last time I had a hit record, Bill and Hillary were having sex.” Straight at camera: “That’s… a long time… ago.” True dat.

No, Pauler, that Grammy dress. In all crepe, maybe. A giant sequined bow under your chest? Um, no. Other than the sequininess of that bow, it would have been pretty… for a prison jumpsuit. I can’t believe they weren’t ugly to you. The hair is pretty, though. The collagen… well, it’s Pauler. I LOVE THAT SHE HAS A LITTLE YIP-YAP DOG NAMED CHOMPS!

Yeah, you know if you miss QVC, the QVC mob comes after you, and you’re out of showbizness forEVAH! Suzanne Somers will Thighmaster you TO THE PAIN! YOU FIND PAULER NOW!

Pauler is walking downtown in her Valentino gown, because she can’t find her limo, and people are shouting to her. “Hey, Pauler! You’re a legend!” (That means you’re old, btw. Don’t ever call me a legend. Just continue to call me lovely and talented.) “Hey, Pauler, you’re forever my girl!” Ok, I was in the seventh or eighth grade when that one came out. If that won’t make a girl feel ooooold… She’s so happy about it and Trippin’ on Tulips and her high-heels.

She gets in the limo and is going on about how happy the people on the red carpet were with her dress. “Except for Joan Rivers. Melissa said, great dress, and Joan just went like this.” (Crinkles her face.) “I wanted to say to Joan, ‘What doctor is your face wearing?’” Says the Queen of Collagen! She is CRACKING HERSELF UP WITH THAT LINE. And I’m cracking up a little, too. It’s pretty good. Frank agrees. Go, Pauler.

And now Pauler’s dumb assistants have brought her tight pants and HIGH-HEELED BOOTS to wear on a flight instead of sweatpants and tennisshoes. Normally I’d say, “DIVA!” but I totally agree. I need comfort on a plane. Warmth, because I freaking FREEEEZE on airplanes, and comfy shoes. She barely makes her flight, because they’re digging around in suitcases looking for something for her to wear so she can actually sleep on the flight. Poor Pauler. The tight jeans and high-heeled boots it is. At least she has a sweater.

So at QVC, she’s immediately making fun of Simon Cowell, who isn’t there.

I love how they play the music of dooooooom when she has problems with the jewelry line that QVC wants to sell with her name on them that don’t match the samples she approved at all. She’s like, “That is NOT what you sent me, you sent me fabulous stuff,” and they’re like, “Well, I think the customers won’t care, they just buy anything we put on a necklace holder anyway, so let’s DO THIS THANG!”

Y’all know what? I’ve never even heard that Justin Timberlake song about bringing Sexy Back.

Ok, so now Pauler is reminding the QVC folks that last time she was on, she had the AI press machine behind her, and now the season is over, so they should just not expect anything. And a lady calls in to tell Pauler that her whole family died but Pauler has lifted up her spirits. Ooookay. So Pauler’s line sells out, and Pauler is happy to help people get over their dead people. Everybody’s all better now.

Aren’t you all better now? I know I am.

Yum. I must perfect this one. I concocted it tonight because I wanted to use shrimp and scallops, and they were in the freezer, and I didn’t care really what else I used, as long as no gluten was involved.

what you need:

olive oil
shrimp - I used about 1 lb. of white shrimp
scallops - I used about 1/4 to 1/2 lb. of bay scallops
1 cup or so fresh flat-leaf parsley
onion, preferrably green (I only had yellow)
fresh garlic - we love it garlicky, so I used about a whole pod - yum
kosher salt
a few sprigs of fresh or a couple dashes of dried thyme (I only had dried)
a couple dashes of curry
a couple dashes of garam masala (if you are fancy and awesome, you may use your homemade g.m.)
a couple dashes of ground cardamom (or a pod if you have them, but who has time to drive half an hour to the Asian grocery? Maybe once we get to Austin.)
a couple dashes of dried basil, fresh if you have it on hand
a couple dashes of ginger, the appropriate amount of fresh if you have it
dash of cinnamon (or throw in a cinnamon stick if you have them)
couple dashes of chili powder
several dashes of cayenne pepper
1 cup of regular whipping cream
a couple pinches of white sugar
basmati rice

Do y’all see why I need to perfect this? It’s a disaster! I was just going with whatever was in the cupboard. I had hardly any fresh herbs, thank goodness for parsley and garlic. But I had to get it up on the blog so I wouldn’t forget what all was in it. It was so wonderful. Like a party in my mouth, and I was the only one invited. Well… me, the shrimp, and the scallops.

what you do:

Warm the oil on low heat while you mince the garlic with your favorite petite chef’s knife because you have tiny hands. Sprinkle a decent amount of kosher salt over the garlic, and use the flat of the knife to grind the salt against the garlic… keep mincing and grinding and turning the garlic until you have a nice paste. You don’t have to do it this way, it’s just how I always do any dish that has both garlic and salt. Ok, throw that into the olive oil. Chop up the onion, toss that in. Parsley too. Any other fresh herbs that you may have on hand that I didn’t happen to have.

While the herbs and aromas are softening, peel the shrimp. Because I know you weren’t silly enough to spend the extra money on already-peeled shrimp. Remember, gluten-free living is expensive. And don’t forget when you’re peeling the shrimp: pinch the tail, and pull; that way, the shrimp meat comes right out of the tail, and you lose nothing. Every time I see anyone cut a shrimp tail off at a restaurant, I want to stab him with my fork. Bad shrimp waster! Ok, so toss in the shrimp and scallops as they are ready to go in… toss in all the dried spices on top of that. Stir, stir, stir.

Put the rice on, prepare per package directions, unless you want to use this awesome recipe. But that one takes a while. Preparing per package directions gets it done while the dish is simmering, and the awesome rice recipe requires timing and is somewhat labor-intensive.

Ok, the shrimp are nice and pink now, and the scallops are opaque, so pour in the cream. Add the sugar. Stir, turn up heat to about 4, walk away, check blogs for a couple of minutes.

Now you’re back, and it looks and smells lovely, and you’re quite sure the scallops are done (the shrimp were done before you walked out). So taste the sauce, make sure the salt and sugar are right. There was something about it I needed to perfect. Maybe it needed more sugar and salt. Maybe cumin? Maybe half a pinch of cloves.

Yes, yes. Gluten-free food is yucky. Mmmmm. Please. I want some more yucky.

Y’all need to read this story about when Tammi’s sister shot her in the head. Because it’s funny (no offense, Tammi). [profanity warning.]

This is a rather long passage, but this is Paul talking about his conversion from Judaism and his persecution of the church. And he keeps going about it in chapter two before he really gets going in chapter three.

11 But I make known to you, brethren, that the gospel which was preached by me is not according to man.
12 For I neither received it from man, nor was I taught it, but it came through the revelation of Jesus Christ.
13 For you have heard of my former conduct in Judaism, how I persecuted the church of God beyond measure and tried to destroy it.
14 And I advanced in Judaism beyond many of my contemporaries in my own nation, being more exceedingly zealous for the traditions of my fathers.
15 But when it pleased God, who separated me from my mother’s womb and called me through His grace,
16 to reveal His Son in me, that I might preach Him among the Gentiles, I did not immediately confer with flesh and blood,
17 nor did I go up to Jerusalem to those who were apostles before me; but I went to Arabia, and returned again to Damascus.
18 Then after three years I went up to Jerusalem to see Peter, and remained with him fifteen days.
19 But I saw none of the other apostles except James, the Lord’s brother.
20 (Now concerning the things which I write to you, indeed, before God, I do not lie.)
21 Afterward I went into the regions of Syria and Cilicia.
22 And I was unknown by face to the churches of Judea which were in Christ.
23 But they were hearing only, “He who formerly persecuted us now preaches the faith which he once tried to destroy.”
24 And they glorified God in me.

I’m starting this now. I’ll probably compile them on a separate page, too. I’m gonna try to explain it for non-celiac, non-gluten-intolerant peeps, because increasing awareness of this common disease is so important. Even a lot of doctors think it is rare and don’t know the symptoms and possibility of NO symptoms (I know this, because I had to correct Frank’s doctor about it a couple of weeks ago). The latest studies show that 1 in 133 Americans have celiac disease, and only 3% are diagnosed (the diagnosed %age excludes people who saw the signs, didn’t bother with doctors–who could blame them, and went gluten-free on their own; and the 1 in 133 figure includes only biopsy-proven celiacs, I’m pretty sure it does not take into account severely gluten-intolerant people like me who for some reason can’t get a clinical diagnosis of celiac disease). Anyone else who knows about this, too–feel free to correct me if I get anything wrong. I’ll link to good sources each time (as good as doctors can be, right? What I mean is I won’t be linking to any doctors who talk about meds meds meds, and I won’t link anything from a forum that I can’t back up with a research study or multiple sources, because I do know that even when the doctors refuse to listen, if all the patients are saying it, there’s something there.). I want to be responsible, and I don’t want to start any of those internet myths like the ones that set me back a little when I first started studying about this (for example, until I read this book, I didn’t think I could have maltodextrin, because of internet myths and stuff I’d read in gluten-free cookbooks; barley malt and some dextrin are “no”s, but U.S. maltodextrin, I learned, is actually safe, because it’s made from corn. Well, depending on the person. Because if your body reacts to something, you shouldn’t eat it.).

1. Celiac disease is an autoimmune disease of the small intestine in which the body reacts to the ingesting of gluten. So every time someone who is gluten-intolerant ingests even a small amount of gluten, this triggers an autoimmune response. The body attacks the gluten and mistakenly attacks the small intestine, which is where gluten is normally digested. The small intestine is constantly beaten down and cannot start to heal until the gluten-intolerant one stops eating the gluten. Gluten is the storage protein found in wheat, rye, and barley (more on that tomorrow).

And this is a weird problem. I haven’t noticed any of my gluten issues when I eat Cape Cod chips except that they affect my mouth. No, I don’t mean they make my taste buds tingle–I expect that. It doesn’t matter what flavor I’m eating (I only eat the reduced fat and the salt & vinegar), but my mouth starts to feel really raw, almost swollen all over the inside when I eat these chips. Like I have one giant canker sore, and it’s the inside of my mouth. Gross, I know. I know it’s some kind of reaction, but I don’t know what. These are the only chips that do that to me.

Anyone else notice this?

I get a very mild but similar reaction from pineapple. Not so much that honey gold pineapple, though.

Tonight is the premiere of the all-important trainwreck… Hey, Paula!

Will there be liveblogging? Oh yes, there will be liveblogging. Oh come ON, there will be liveblogging. Pauler! In a reality show of her own! Tripping on Tulips all the time!

Yeah.

Hey, if it backfires for her, do you think they’ll let me replace her as the middle judge? Or would I be too honest and judgmental with the performances? I mean, we could travel to the different states for the auditions and live in LA for four months, as long as the AI peeps made sure to get us those super-special gun permits that only celebrities can get in some states. And as long as we could bring the animals everywhere (we’d have to drive on all the audition trips, and if there are auditions in Hawaii again, I guess the animals would need a babysitter).

But don’t they need a younger judge? I’ll be 31 in July. Barely older than the oldest contestants. A peer! Don’t they need a peer or older sister at the judges’ table?

Am I jumping ahead of myself? I’m jumping ahead of myself. She’s probably not gonna say anything ugly about the Nigels or stand on her head neckid in her show, so I don’t even know why I’m putting myself out there like this.

Plus, if I did get the not-even-available job, they probably wouldn’t let me blog it anymore. But why not? I could still rank them (giving actual opinions, unlike Pauler), and I’d be willing to leave off which contestants I’m voting for. And if it’s against the rules to vote if you’re a judge, I could give that up, too.

Rowdi, NO! BAD DOG!

Well, you get what you pay for with the pit bull mixes from the pound, I guess. And by “what you pay for,” I mean MAXIMUM CUTENESS AT A DISCOUNT PRICE!

SARAHK: Sweetie, if I steal all the rest of your money [since I’ve already spent so much of it — this was unspoken, we both know], will you beat me to within an inch of my life and break my wrist?
FRANK J.: Yeah, probably.
SARAHK: Then I guess… [opening the door to enter the den during a long sunglasses pause]…
FRANK J. [seeing me walk through the door]: Oh, good. I thought you were gonna walk in with the shotgun.
SARAHK: No. The shotgun needs to be cleaned, because Sydney puked on it, and you haven’t cleaned it yet. Anyway. Then I guess… [sunglasses pause]… I’ll have to not steal all your money.
FRANK J.: Oh, good.

Oh, and even though Sam was a dirtbag scam artist, the second that man hit her, he deserved any self-defense action she threw his way.

And I totally didn’t see it coming who turned out to be the kidnapper.
(more…)

6 I marvel that you are turning away so soon from Him who called you in the grace of Christ, to a different gospel,

7 which is not another; but there are some who trouble you and want to pervert the gospel of Christ.

8 But even if we, or an angel from heaven, preach any other gospel to you than what we have preached to you, let him be accursed.

9 As we have said before, so now I say again, if anyone preaches any other gospel to you than what you have received, let him be accursed.

10 For do I now persuade men, or God? Or do I seek to please men? For if I still pleased men, I would not be a bondservant of Christ.

ro-ku 4 u:

ro needz help
off deep end
where r friends
2 help her thru
win she duz crazy
stuff lik this

i think she try 2 dress up vivi
lik soldier 2
protest
BusHitler’s ill-egal war
4 canola
the white camo ok
n bullets (no guns - they bad)
but do r soldiers wear head scarves

oh i forgot
we liv n society run by evil Christian Bush
n radical Christianity just as bad
n o-press u lik
radical Islam

duh
what was i thinkin

pea sout.

I got glutened. I have no idea how. I have a tiny headache but not much. I have nerve pain in my right leg. And I feel like I’m having seizures IN MY EYEBALLS. Yeah, I know, I’m a freak. But I checked every label before I cooked yesterday, and today we only had leftovers. I also had reduced fat Ruffles and Heluva Good french onion dip, both of which are supposed to be GF. I did break down and eat some of the Skittles I bought today (I’m gonna have to call Essay back and tell her I caved), and a few of them were harder than they should have been. Maybe there was something wrong with them, I don’t know.

And headline images in Wordpress doesn’t want to work for me. I’m doing everything it says. It keeps telling me I don’t have fonts installed, but I do. RARR RARR RARR RARR RARR.

Ohhhhhh, my leg hurts.

Oh, here’s something interesting. I know it’s common for celiacs (which I’m supposedly not) to be hungry all the time after going GF. So far, I’m never hungry. The only reason I think about food is because I remember I have a husband to feed. I told Frank the other day that I just haven’t been hungry since going GF. Yesterday, when I realized it was 5 p.m. before I even thought about making his LUNCH, I told him that he will have to remind me about food if he wants to eat, considering that I’m currently just not thinking about food much for some reason (and I remember when I went GF in December for three months, I noticed no change in appetite). Frank, conversely, is hungry all the time. That is perhaps because his wife doesn’t feed him anymore.

So tonight around 9:00, Frank finally said to me, “You really aren’t hungry anymore, are you?” And I said, “Oh. No… I’m sorry, I forgot to feed you again. Are you hungry?” “Yeah, I’m kinda hungry.” “I told you that you’re gonna have to remind me to feed you now that I’m not hungry.” “Yeah, I’m just so used to you telling me a couple of times a day that it’s time to eat.”

That’s probably because I cook when I’m hungry. And it’s not as fun for me to cook when I’m not hungry. Huh.

Three years ago when my migraines started, this was one of the first symptoms I started noticing. It’s one of those I always forget to tell the doctors, because it doesn’t hurt, and I’ve lived with it for so long that I don’t even think about it except when I’m in the shower. My hair is so thick that it isn’t a big deal, but if I had thin hair, the amount of hair I was taking out with each washing would have started leaving my scalp cold.

But the times I’ve washed my hair since going GF, I haven’t been pulling out nearly as many clumps. I’m talking drastic improvement. Day 11.

I went to take a bunch of stuff to storage this afternoon, and I got to the building I needed to enter. Parked, got out of the car, headed toward the back so I could unload my stuff…

BIG FAT GIANT NASTY PUTRID (DEAD) PALMETTO BUG / COCKROACH THE SIZE OF A JAPANESE TITANUS GIGANTEUS BEETLE! RIGHT! IN! MY! PATH! (If I’da had my camera, y’all would be appalled, APPALLED right now and jumping back from your computer screens in sheer terror.) UPDATE: (Just so y’all know, it was almost three inches long and about an INCH FAT.)

So what did I do? I got back in the car, of course. Quickly. Locked the doors, because you know those monstrously giant dead palmetto bugs, they’re really good at working those door handles. Seatbelted up, turned the car back on, drove around a building to get pretty much back to the same spot, except one building behind where I had started. Because see, I can go in the next building (we’re in air conditioned storage), walk through a corridor, open a door, walk through two more corridors and end up at my unit. Sure, it’s a bit farther, but there are no BIG FAT GIANT NASTY PUTRID (DEAD) PALMETTO BUGS / COCKROACHES THE SIZE OF TITANUS GIGANTEUS BEETLES! RIGHT! IN! MY! PATH! if I take that route. So it was a no-brainer for SarahK: Big Fat Chicken.

Oh, get this, ladies. I’m sure y’all can relate. It’s so funny, because Frank and I are both total slobs. But closets? I want those totally organized, or I get really stressed out. Storage units? You should see how awesomely I have organized this thing. So yesterday I sent Frank over there with a 2-drawer file cabinet. Short little thing, doesn’t take up much space. I opened the unit today, and there it was, looking like he’d just haphazardly tossed it on top of our kitchen table legs. And there was all this unused floor space (because of my awesome organizational skills). But the file cabinet was teetering haphazardly. I rolled my eyes and moved it to a better spot.

Frank *says* it must have fallen when he picked up some boxes, because he’s sure he put it on solid ground. (Yeah.)

So when I was leaving, I had to shut the main door that I was using (not the easy access door, but the door *away* from the BIG FAT GIANT NASTY PUTRID (DEAD) PALMETTO BUG / COCKROACH THE SIZE OF A TITANUS GIGANTEUS BEETLE! RIGHT! IN! MY! PATH!). Well. The little rope that holds the door open? Had a visitor. A little spider had decided to take up residence right where I would have had to grab the rope to take it off the door handle. So I spent the next two or three minutes using my foot, grabbing the rope at weird spots, nudging the door, and practically holding my leg over my head trying to get the stupid rope to let go of the door handle so I did not have to go anywhere near that dumb spider. And I’m perfectly fine with spiders. They used to crawl on my walls when I lived in Amarillo and had my window cracked for the swamp cooler, and I just got used to them. I’m fine seeing them. But I’m not okay with them being near my hands, and it is definitely Frank’s job to handle up on them when they’re in the house.

And you know what? I’m sure the manager was watching me on the surveillance cameras the whole time and laughing his butt off at me.

UPDATE: Patriot Xeno pointed out in the comments that I had my terminology wrong. See, I went to camp in West Texas where we saw every possible kind of beetle imaginable, and “they” always just told us that these beetles of all varieties were Japanese beetles. So anyway, now I’ve been schooled, in the comments (not in email where I would have preferred, *ahem*, and I’m pretty sure at least the body structure I was trying to convey.

Well, Galatians and Ephesians (sing it in your head with me!) tied in the poll, which is now closed, because we are finished with the book of James and need to move on to a new book. And I really would like to get into Galatians, so we’re going there first. Next time, I’ll make sure to put Ephesians back in the poll, along with Acts, which was a close third. Alright. On to Galatians.

1 Paul, an apostle (not from men nor through man, but through Jesus Christ and God the Father who raised Him from the dead),

2 and all the brethren who are with me,
To the churches of Galatia:

3 Grace to you and peace from God the Father and our Lord Jesus Christ,

4 who gave Himself for our sins, that He might deliver us from this present evil age, according to the will of our God and Father,

5 to whom be glory forever and ever. Amen.

So Raquel Lucasta has decided she wants to make somethin’ of it and has challenged me to a little flamewar. I told her brang it! She’s already claimed that Rowdi, this sweet, wovable, widdle cweature is evil to the core jest because she’s part pit bull. Tsk tsk. I’ma call Cesar Millan on you. Just because every pit bull you meet *happens* to want to rip your face off with its gorgeous, powerful jaws doesn’t mean that *my* magnificent beast is like that. Look at her!

I just want to hug Rachel Lucas… with my mouth.

Sure, Sunny’s cute, but she just doesn’t measure up. Maybe if she and Rowdi hang out together or something, some of that Rowdi cute factor will rub off, but so far, my dog wins the cute contest hands down.

And it’s not just about outward appearance. My dog? Soooo smart. I don’t know anything about Sunny’s smarts, since all I’ve seen so far is her ability to bark like a chihuahua (great gift, that) and inability to get a frisbee away from another dog. I’ve seen Rowdi walk up to other dogs and take the tennis balls right out of their mouths because they were being rude, growling at other dogs, and not sharing their toys. Like, “Yeah, shut up. If you can’t share your toys, I’ll just take ‘em. Who wants a tennis ball?” Because as soon as she has the tennis ball? She just takes it a few feet away and drops it. Hahahaha. Tell me that’s not cute!

Oh, and Rachel Lucas, do you want to compare whose dog knows the coolest tricks? We even taught her a new one this week, because she gets bored so fast with the ones she already knows.

“Rowdi, balance this physics equation… Good girl! Gooood girrrrl!”

We have to heap on lots of praise the first couple of times so she knows she’s doing it right. Hey. She may be smart, but she’s still a dog.

You’re welcome.

Also, Part II. Sunglasses edition.

Everyone seemed to like the poo color behind the posts. What do you think of the green that surrounds everything? And what of the bar between the banner and the rest (the navigation bar that says “home”, “photo galleries”)? How do you like those colors? I haven’t touched the colors of the post headers, and the meta. Also, that most likely will not be the final banner. I just didn’t want the generic mountains picture. I wanted a photo *I* had taken in the Grand Canyon up top ASAP.

I want feedback, peeps!

UPDATE: I’ve barely touched the sidebars. Though I did just now go in and put the navigation bar’s blue on the headers in the left sidebar, since that was pretty well received. And what of the new banner? I like this one a little better than yesterday’s banner (also one I took with a film camera, this one from my first Grand Canyon hike, yesterday’s being from my 2nd Grand Canyon hike). If you look at the left sidebar (I’m talking to the green haters), is it less awful now that it’s not covering up colors you can’t read?

Next week, I’m supposed to guest-moderate on Conservative Grapevine. I plan on pimping all my friends. Don’t tell John Hawkins. He asked, having no idea what he was getting into. Poor sap.

So, is Jason like ridiculously over-bulked in the muscle department, or what, Erica? I mean, he’s one of my favorites, but come on. Guy’s GOT to be on growth hormone or spending 8 hours a day at the gym or something. His neck is almost as big as his thighs these days. It’s getting ridiculous. Am I the only one who thinks this?

Oh, I also totally think Amelia kidnapped the baby so she could frame Sam. But it’s about time Sam found out Amelia’s Bill’s daughter, no? Finally!

Ugh.
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If not, SHAME ON YOU!

To those of you who emailed and even called, thank you and mwah. To those of you who didn’t, :’-(

To Stacy and Mitchell at Hosting Matters, mwah, y’all rock! Thanks for figuring out the major malfunction.

Now, I know we won’t be able to figure out MY major malfunction, but at least the blog is back, baby.

has a new ad out… Oh dear. I fear we may see it allll the time now.

I know I said the other day that Rowdi would never ever be allowed on the furniture after having taken “Go to your room” to mean “Go to the sofa.” Yeah, that lasted all of twelve hours. Because the very next morning, I heard Frank say, “Don’t let Mommy see you.” I walked over to Rowdi, who was all comfy on the sofa (actually, the loveseat, but I call the sofa the couch and the couch the sofa, because it is a couch, and I can never remember to call it the loveseat), and I spoke very calmly to her. “Yes, well, once the livingroom is all clean [it’s a disaster right now, because we just pulled everything out of the den so Frank can paint the very last room, and it’s now my job to get everything all organized and filed and into storage or shredded], you won’t be allowed on the sofa anymore. So don’t get used to it. Because once there’s actually a place on the floor where you can sleep, you’re banned. ForEVER!”

It’s not true, though. She’s got those big, brown puppy eyes. Now, with children it will be different. They can talk back to me. Rowdi just looks at me. Children will invariably open their mouths and say something that will secure their punishments. Rowdi just stares and then grins like the big, dumb dog she is.

Anyway, Rachel Lucas posted a new picture of Sunny sleeping on the sofa [profanity in link]. Here’s Rowdi (in the chair), partially of Sunny’s rival breed. And, ahem, I must say, a tiny bit cuter than Sunny. Not by much, but a little bit, yes. Look at this face!

what do y’all think about the background color? i love it. i’m talking about the color behind the posts… if y’all like it, i might keep it.

Tonight we had BLTs. What? BLTs, you ask? How so, SarahK? You can’t eat gluten! No bread for you!

Yes, well I baked Chebe bread for the BLTs. I LOVE baking the bread for dinner. It makes me feel all Tatiana. Tatiana is the heroine in my all-time favorite novel, The Bronze Horseman by Paullina Simons (sheila, someday, you are gonna read it. You are! You are!). Mwah, Paullina. Mwah. Just finished The Summer Garden, and I want to read them all again. Again.

Anyway, so yes, I prepared and baked the Chebe, which is made from tapioca flour and tapioca starch. It comes out like sub rolls (though I could shape it however I want, as long as I make it 1/2 an inch thick pre-baking), and I got some bacon from BJ’s and popped that into the microwave. Tomatoes barely bigger than cherry tomatoes (I only like raw tomatoes if they’re grape or cherry). Lettuce for Frank (yuck for me, I sent him to the store, and I forgot to specify type of lettuce–the silly sap got iceberg, which is pure water). Avocados. Mayo (fully fat only–the reduced fat generally contains gluten). And on the side for me, avocado slices with garlic powder and salt. On the side for both of us, cherries.

And the good thing about the Chebe is that I can make the bread dough ahead of time (it actually takes very little time to mix with the oil, eggs, and water or milk) and freeze it, or even bake the bread ahead of time, freeze that, and heat it again in the oven when we’re ready to eat it. I’ll do that once we’re in Texas and have room for a deep freeze. And by then, I’ll start making my own mixes and won’t be spending so much money buying the Chebe. But in the nice time, I’m so pleased that Jenn put me on to the Chebe.

Mmmmm. Yes. You just can’t eat anything being gluten-free, then, can you?

This is a medical post.

I am eight days off gluten and ginger ale (the high fructose corn syrup, but I don’t really think that matters). Still on my cornstarch med, because I have to wean off. Still eating cornstarch in my food. Also taking my synthroid, which contains cornstarch.

Let’s review how I’m doing so far.

My headaches are gone. I expect I’ll get twinges, but my headache went away last night and hasn’t returned this morning. I have not had a moment without a headache in the last three weeks (the last two weeks of my gluten challenge were horrrrrrrrrrrible).

My energy is back, baby. That came back the day after the endoscopy. I haven’t had gluten since the night before the endoscopy. And when I say my energy is back, I mean I walked the Space Center all day last Saturday and was still able to come home and cook a meal. Unheard of in the last three months. I can spend a day shopping and running errands, come home and cook. Before, I’d spend two hours running errands, come home and spend the rest of the day on the couch. Today, I am ready to move everything out of the den so Frank can paint it. I’m back, baby! I’m back!

My muscle aches are almost completely gone. They started leaving as soon as the gluten left. I get them every day, but usually only when I’m sitting, and not nearly on the scale I had them before. They are lessening every day. My hands used to hurt so badly from just chopping vegetables. I’m getting much better. And a day at the KSC? Well, two hours of that, and my feet used to be screaming. Last Saturday, the muscles in my feet didn’t start hurting until the end of the day. Awesome!

What else… I know I’m missing symptoms. I do this at the doctor’s office, too. I start focusing on one thing, and then boom. Everything goes out the window, and we have a twenty minute discussion about my poo, when really, it’s the least troubling of my major symptoms. Oh yeah, I remember.

The nosebleeds. They’re still around, but they’re not every day. I’m almost convinced that’s a vitamin K deficiency. I bruised incredibly easily on the gluten challenge. If I climbed a ladder, I had a bruise the next day. Knocked into the cats’ scratching post? Massive bruise. So I’m thinking the nosebleeds are a vitamin K thing. And they’re not like pouring nosebleeds or anything like that. Just when I blow my nose, there’s usually blood.

The bruising. It’s getting better already. I know this because I am not black and blue. I’m white. As y’all know. I mean, I still cabbage patch and everything.

So far, no urinary tract infections have been trying to beat me down (I’m convinced this one is a vitamin A deficiency).

Seizures are still here, I had some last night and some this morning, but they’re mostly under control with the Keppra. I think this will be the last symptom to improve, if it ever improves. I think the two are related, but I have no proof except that the epilepsy came two years after the onset of the migraines and the other major symptoms. Well, this onset. I had headaches all through middle school and high school, and after a bout with mono when I was 15, I soon developed a stomach ulcer, which I had off and on for several years. In 1999 I was diagnosed with reflux and suffered with severe heartburn that Prilosec did nothing for, Nexium helped but did not cure like they said it would. Going gluten-free the first time took care of the reflux. I had a little bit of it on the gluten challenge, not that much, but I have had none since going gluten-free. I suspect reflux and stomach ulcers will not be a problem now that I’m GF forever. This has been my problem my whole life.

Oh. The whole point of my post. I was so happy about an hour ago that I started writing this post the second… well… you’ll see if you’re inclined to click the extended entry link. Eight days off gluten, and I had…
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