Global warming to take a ten-year rest.

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

Ok, I have more to say.
(more…)

Last night was my favorite Paula Abdul moment ever. Read all about it.

Notes from my listening to Fox this morning while reading blogs.

I think it’s pretty clear by now (says my inner conspiracy theorist) that China is trying to kill us. Lead based paint for the children, tainted wheat gluten for the pets, buying up all our debt (I’m sure that will somehow do something to us), and this latest little one — tainted heparin for heart and kidney patients.

Heparin is a widely used blood thinner, given to patients undergoing kidney dialysis or heart surgery to prevent dangerous clots.

Also? Given to patients with pituitary tumors who are getting ACTH stimulation tests. So if I die anytime soon, I want y’all to kill China for me. Kthx. But my test was almost two years ago, so hopefully I’m ok.

But the possible death toll just in the U.S. is 81 people. And that’s just from the heparin, and that’s just the U.S. They’re now saying that the tainted heparin (basically they added a heparin-mimicking ingredient that sends some people into shock and then death) is affecting at least eleven countries. China’s just trying to kill the whole world now — color me surprised. Did you see those poor people testifying on Capitol Hill today, breaking down in sobs over their dead spouses and children? China is laughing its communist butt off at our suffering, which they caused, of course, on purpose.

Call me a conspiracy theorist if you please. Whatever. China’s trying to kill us, and you just watch. It’ll turn out that North Korea isn’t the only evil regime building nuclear facilities in the Middle East. They’ll find that China’s doing the same thing.

Megyn on Fox News was asking someone what we can do about all of this bad stuff we’re getting from China. Um, stop doing business with China? Next question, please. You know everything you buy from China is made by the sweat of slave children. While I’m mentioning Megyn, lemme just say that it’s so painful watching her and Bill Hemmer, one of the dimmest bulbs on television. Seriously, I could make a whole category called “Stupid Stuff Bill Hemmer Says.” Oh, and those two are *so* doing it. I just blerged in my mouth a little.

Oh my goodness, Hemmer is now going on and on about how there’s a gator in Florida. That’s national news, probably a Fox News Alert. Oh wow, the gator went into a retention pond! That never happens in Florida. I love all these Florida people who are acting shocked and appalled for the benefit of Fox. You know as soon as the camera stops, those guys are laughing heartily at the fact that just another day in Florida is national news. Doggone it, I tuned in so I could see Barack Obama’s speech where he throws his pastor under the bus, and all I got was gators in Florida.

Forget this, I’m going to work.

11 “Thus says the Lord GOD: ‘Pound your fists and stamp your feet, and say, “Alas, for all the evil abominations of the house of Israel! For they shall fall by the sword, by famine, and by pestilence. 12 He who is far off shall die by the pestilence, he who is near shall fall by the sword, and he who remains and is besieged shall die by the famine. Thus will I spend My fury upon them. 13 Then you shall know that I am the LORD, when their slain are among their idols all around their altars, on every high hill, on all the mountaintops, under every green tree, and under every thick oak, wherever they offered sweet incense to all their idols. 14 So I will stretch out My hand against them and make the land desolate, yes, more desolate than the wilderness toward Diblah, in all their dwelling places. Then they shall know that I am the LORD.”‘”

12 And through the hands of the apostles many signs and wonders were done among the people. And they were all with one accord in Solomon’s Porch. 13 Yet none of the rest dared join them, but the people esteemed them highly. 14 And believers were increasingly added to the Lord, multitudes of both men and women, 15 so that they brought the sick out into the streets and laid them on beds and couches, that at least the shadow of Peter passing by might fall on some of them. 16 Also a multitude gathered from the surrounding cities to Jerusalem, bringing sick people and those who were tormented by unclean spirits, and they were all healed.

17 Then the high priest rose up, and all those who were with him (which is the sect of the Sadducees), and they were filled with indignation, 18 and laid their hands on the apostles and put them in the common prison. 19 But at night an angel of the Lord opened the prison doors and brought them out, and said, 20 “Go, stand in the temple and speak to the people all the words of this life.” 21 And when they heard that, they entered the temple early in the morning and taught. But the high priest and those with him came and called the council together, with all the elders of the children of Israel, and sent to the prison to have them brought.

1 Now the word of the LORD came to me, saying: 2 “Son of man, set your face toward the mountains of Israel, and prophesy against them, 3 and say, “O mountains of Israel, hear the word of the Lord GOD! Thus says the Lord GOD to the mountains, to the hills, to the ravines, and to the valleys: “Indeed I, even I, will bring a sword against you, and I will destroy your high places. 4 Then your altars shall be desolate, your incense altars shall be broken, and I will cast down your slain men before your idols. 5 And I will lay the corpses of the children of Israel before their idols, and I will scatter your bones all around your altars. 6 In all your dwelling places the cities shall be laid waste, and the high places shall be desolate, so that your altars may be laid waste and made desolate, your idols may be broken and made to cease, your incense altars may be cut down, and your works may be abolished. 7 The slain shall fall in your midst, and you shall know that I am the LORD.

8 “Yet I will leave a remnant, so that you may have some who escape the sword among the nations, when you are scattered through the countries. 9 Then those of you who escape will remember Me among the nations where they are carried captive, because I was crushed by their adulterous heart which has departed from Me, and by their eyes which play the harlot after their idols; they will loathe themselves for the evils which they committed in all their abominations. 10 And they shall know that I am the LORD; I have not said in vain that I would bring this calamity upon them.”

I’m so freaking tired of all this green talk. I can’t escape it, you can’t escape it, and it’s all becoming a little suffocating and a *lot* infuriating. Especially on TV. (If you’re one of those people who doesn’t watch TV because you’re better than the rest of us and like to feel superior, then carry on — you’re not as affected by this as I am, and yay for you. Yet another reason you can shout every chance you get about how you don’t watch TV. If you’re one of those who doesn’t watch TV because you don’t have time or don’t really care for it, I have no passive-aggressive opinion on your choice.) The green stuff we’re having to ingest daily with our TV shows, news, commercials, interwebz, billboards, signs next to the dam — it’s giving me green, grassy diarrhea.

What are we gonna do? Food color it blue? What does that even mean? Don’t litter? Only little punk retards litter anyway — the rest of us know that it’s bad, because you don’t just throw trash all over the place where you live. That’s where all your stuff is.

Aside: Damming rivers is unnatural, unless you’re a beaver. So stop lecturing on your religious signs about the greenery until you stop damming the natural flow of the river to suit your own needs and save your homes.

You know what my religious signs say?

Jesus loves you.

Know what they don’t say? “You must love Jesus. I command it.”

So last week was Earth Week. Remember when it used to be Earth Day? The creeping socialists and forced mediocrats have moved us so far away from reality that there’s now an Earth Week during which we are all commanded to worship Gaia and use only 100% biodiesel. Watch, within a few years, we’ll have Earth Month. Then Earth Quarter. Earth Christmas. No, wait — we can’t say Christmas anymore.

You know what would be better than all the lecturing and billboards? Leading by example (I’m looking at you, Goracle). If you really and truly believe that the earth is suffering because humans dare to live upon it, live like Leo DiCaprio. I actually have respect for him. However wrong I think he is about the effect that minimizing and living “green” actually has on anything at all, he doesn’t preach it — he lives it. He believes it, so he changed his lifestyle.

My friend Mensa doesn’t preach to me about being green — she went green a couple of years ago, and when she and I talked about how I have to eat fresh foods now because of celiac(ish) and how expensive it is to eat that way, she simply stated that yes, she and her household started buying organic and using natural cleaners “for other reasons” a couple of years ago, and she knows it is expensive. She didn’t tell me, “Yeah, it’s good that you have that celiac problem, because you need to be green anyway so you don’t singlehandedly cause the death of Mother Earth.” I know her well, and she has always been mildly into the environment (not rabidly like the Goracle and his religious friends), so I knew exactly what she was saying to me: “We went green because we believe it’s the right thing to do for the environment.” But the thing is, she didn’t preach it, or even say it, for that matter. She just acknowledged that she’s living that way. And hey, more power to her for that. Now, if she got all preachy about it, I’d roll my eyes and tell her she has bought into a steaming pile of green manure and that we’ll just have to agree to disagree on that one. Just like when we were in high school, and she was a Jehovah’s Witness, and I was a member of the church of Christ (she’s not anymore, I still am). We didn’t agree on a lot of things, but we had open discussions on religion, neither of us forcing the other to accept a point of view, and neither of us ridiculing what the other believed.

How much hot air is produced by all the preaching and chest-thumping about the baloney that is global “climate change” (I can be all preachy here, because this is where I vent my own hot air) and about how enlightened the people are who have jumped on the Church of Climatology’s front pew because it’s in vogue at the moment? More than you “save” when you’re spending more petroleum just to *produce* the ethanol you’ve embraced as your corny god than you are to produce a gallon of gas.

When I walk into the Co-Op here, I always want to wear a sign on my forehead that says, “NO! I’m not buying organic because I’m like you hippies! I have health problems!” Organic coconut oil or not, I won’t be the girl buying up all the “Blue Girl Red State” stickers a the membership counter. Blerg. That’s why I like to drive Frank’s car to the Co-Op — there is no NRA sticker on mine, and I feel like I need to hold on to some semblance of reality when I get around so many hippies at once. But I don’t (wear the sign on the forehead). Because I’m not a pushy twit who needs to guilt others into being just like me so I can feel a superior sense of accomplishment.

All of that is not to say that I don’t think we need to reduce waste and pwn every kid we see throwing a candy wrapper out of his car window. No, really — in 2008, I actually saw that the other day. This little punk was sitting in his car in front of me at the intersection, banging his head to heavy metal, paying very little attention to anything besides how totally, like, awesome he looked shaking his head in the mirror. He was even air guitaring, I’m not lying — surely he thought he was totally killing on Guitar Hero at that moment. He held his arm straight out of the window (during a pause in his awesome head antics), looked with disdain upon the candy wrapper in his hand, and threw it down onto the pavement with such vigor and such a look of satisfaction on his face (I watched his snot-nosed facial expressions in his sideview mirror) that you would have thought he had just been made King of the Pavement. I wanted to throttle his little punk head. Just wail on him for awhile. If that weren’t enough, he reached down and scooped up all the crumbs off of his stomach, held them in his hand, stuck his arm straight out the window *again*, and dropped the crumbs on top of the discarded wrapper.

I, of course, was ranting and raving to Frank. I was yelling something like, “You’d better be glad he’s holding me back!”

Where was I? Oh yeah. There’s respect for one’s surroundings (and I am a bit of a nature freak, so believe me, I don’t want to trash the planet), and there’s religion. I don’t buy what the Church of Climatology is selling. And selling. And selling. And selling. And selling.

Enough already. Let me live in peace.

This is my favorite clip from that one week when NBC decided to pay homage to the green peacock:

I love the disdain on Adam Baldwin’s face. Praise Gaia for that.

1 But a certain man named Ananias, with Sapphira his wife, sold a possession. 2 And he kept back part of the proceeds, his wife also being aware of it, and brought a certain part and laid it at the apostles’ feet. 3 But Peter said, “Ananias, why has Satan filled your heart to lie to the Holy Spirit and keep back part of the price of the land for yourself? 4 While it remained, was it not your own? And after it was sold, was it not in your own control? Why have you conceived this thing in your heart? You have not lied to men but to God.”

5 Then Ananias, hearing these words, fell down and breathed his last. So great fear came upon all those who heard these things. 6 And the young men arose and wrapped him up, carried him out, and buried him.

7vNow it was about three hours later when his wife came in, not knowing what had happened. 8 And Peter answered her, “Tell me whether you sold the land for so much?” She said, “Yes, for so much.”

9 Then Peter said to her, “How is it that you have agreed together to test the Spirit of the Lord? Look, the feet of those who have buried your husband are at the door, and they will carry you out.” 10 Then immediately she fell down at his feet and breathed her last. And the young men came in and found her dead, and carrying her out, buried her by her husband. 11 So great fear came upon all the church and upon all who heard these things.

11 “‘Therefore, as I live,’ says the Lord GOD, ’surely, because you have defiled My sanctuary with all your detestable things and with all your abominations, therefore I will also diminish you; My eye will not spare, nor will I have any pity. 12 One-third of you shall die of the pestilence, and be consumed with famine in your midst; and one-third shall fall by the sword all around you; and I will scatter another third to all the winds, and I will draw out a sword after them.

13 ‘Thus shall My anger be spent, and I will cause My fury to rest upon them, and I will be avenged; and they shall know that I, the LORD, have spoken it in My zeal, when I have spent My fury upon them. 14 Moreover I will make you a waste and a reproach among the nations that are all around you, in the sight of all who pass by.

15 ‘So it shall be a reproach, a taunt, a lesson, and an astonishment to the nations that are all around you, when I execute judgments among you in anger and in fury and in furious rebukes. I, the LORD, have spoken. 16 When I send against them the terrible arrows of famine which shall be for destruction, which I will send to destroy you, I will increase the famine upon you and cut off your supply of bread. 17 So I will send against you famine and wild beasts, and they will bereave you. Pestilence and blood shall pass through you, and I will bring the sword against you. I, the LORD, have spoken.’”

Check it. I found this at HuffPo.

“Pain of Foreclosures Spreads to the Affluent” is the name of the NY Times article. Wait. Let’s stop right there. Last I heard, all of the foreclosures were because the evil mortgage people tricked the dumb poor people into taking mortgages they can’t afford to pay. Are you telling me that the rich people were “tricked” too? I’m guessing all of these rich folks feeling the heat from the mortgage companies — they’re all either trust fund babies or pro athletes, right? Because people smart enough to become affluent couldn’t ever be “tricked” into taking these mortgages.

I know it’s not possible that people knew what they were getting into when they signed their papers (because some people do actually read a piece of paper that is going to put them in debt for 10, 15, or 30 years), because the media tells me that the evil mortgage companies did it.

Let’s read the article together, shall we? We’re in Greenwich, Connecticut.

On Stanwich Road, for example, a house worth $2.6 million is close to going on the block. On Hettiefred Road, the owner of a 2,720-square-foot, four-bedroom colonial featuring a luxury kitchen, swimming pool and tennis court, has been threatened with foreclosure for months. Several dozen other owners in Greenwich have received foreclosure notices this year.

Oh. Oh. So we’re talking about a house that is “close” to going on the block and another that has been “threatened with foreclosure.” And people who have received foreclosure notices. All of that would suck, yes, but are the affluent of Greenwich really feeling the pain of foreclosure? I would think the pain of foreclosure is when you’re actually, um… foreclosed upon, and you have to move out quickly and have a hard time finding a place to stay because no one wants to rent to you when you just defaulted on your loan for whatever reason.

But there is a difference from most other communities. Auctioning off such homes is a far greater challenge here than elsewhere, as affluent but cash-squeezed owners often find ways to delay losing their homes, sometimes by coming up with just enough to make last-minute payments avoiding a final sale — for a while, anyway.

Come again? I thought the article was going to say that auctioning off such homes is a far greater challenge in Greenwich because the homes are outrageously expensive and people don’t want to pay so much for a house. But no. Auctions are a “greater challenge” there because people are able to make their payments. Oh noes!

Just ask John Thygerson, who parked his Jeep sport utility vehicle in front of the empty house on Hettiefred Road on the flawless spring day last Saturday.

As a foreclosure auctioneer, he was scheduled — for the third time since January — to sell the house. But the owner, a construction business owner who has fallen on hard times, made a last-minute mortgage payment and the foreclosure was postponed yet again.

Poor John Thygerson! Postponed yet again! Poor guy just wants to foreclose on a house on a flawless spring day, and the evil homeowner made a payment!

So Mr. Thygerson was there to shoo prospective buyers off the property, nod at inquisitive neighbors and stake out a new spot for a fourth set of foreclosure signs after the first three had been mysteriously torn down.

Here’s a clue to your mystery: The owner did it. Case solved. And poor guy, having to shoo off prospective buyers. Work is hard.

“We never had a case that had gone through three separate sales attempts,” he said, still dazed that the auction failed to take place. “Greenwich being Greenwich, foreclosures are a rare occurrence.”

And there you go. The pain of foreclosures is hitting the Greenwich affluent because… foreclosures are a rare occurrence. Those poor people in Greenwich who aren’t being foreclosed. I’d just go ahead and off myself if I were them, being able to make their mortgage payments and keep their homes and all.

Rare, perhaps, but not unheard-of, as the housing industry collapse starts to claim victims among the affluent. Personal traumas like business reversal, illness and divorce play a role. There’s no real pattern, with people as diverse as builders, restaurateurs and poker players at risk of losing their homes.

What? The evil mortgage company isn’t at fault? I don’t follow.

But even the most financially stressed of Greenwich homeowners have generally been able to ward off actually losing their homes.

Well, that’s just awful. People keeping their homes.

In the last 30 days, none of the three Greenwich properties listed for auction were actually sold.

Terrible, that.

In Greenwich, foreclosure filings were made against 100 homes last year, according to RealtyTrac. That translates into less than half of 1 percent of Greenwich’s 24,511 households, compared with a rate higher than 1 percent nationwide.

Note, that’s the number of filings, not the number of actual foreclosures. This article is doing such a great job of showing me how painful it is to not lose your house due to wealth.

By 2007, the Connecticut Economic Resources Center reported, the median household income had risen to $122,849, with many homeowners earning far more.

I’d hope they’re earning far more if they’re buying multi-million-dollar homes.

The tearing down of existing homes to make room for new ones has continued despite the mortgage crisis that began last summer. And while prices and sales volume are dropping, Greenwich is not suffering as badly as nearby towns.

Greenwich is growing and building and not suffering as badly as nearby towns? I’m sorry, I missed how this article is about what the title says?

Through April 23 this year, 160 co-ops, condos and single-family homes sold for $290,000 to $30 million. That compares with 240 sales, from $385,000 to $12 million, for the period in 2007, according to the Greenwich Multiple Listing Service.

Just curious, are you comparing apples to apples? Was the $30 million sale a 10,000 sq. ft. house while the $12 million house is only 4,000? You can’t just throw stats out without the important supporting information or they mean nothing.

Still, lawyers working on Greenwich’s early foreclosure cases predict that most will never reach the auction stage because their homeowners almost always have other options.

Did Harvey write this?

As for the four-bedroom colonial that just avoided going on the block, Zbigniew Skwarek, the 41-year-old owner, came up with his own money to postpone the auction. Court records show he stopped paying on his mortgage on Feb. 1, 2007. But three days before the scheduled auction, he said, he gave his lender a check for $50,000.

Mr. Skwarek may not live in one of Greenwich’s most coveted neighborhoods. But like many residents here, he owns other properties, including an apartment in Greenwich and a home in Florida, and he can tap into that equity.

Now, there’s your problem. The poor rich guy who *didn’t* lose his house even though he didn’t pay his mortgage for over a year owns another apartment nearby and a house in Florida? He couldn’t have sold something to make his payments? Maybe he just forgot that he had three mortgages and only remembered the other two. I’m crying for him, really.

“I don’t want to lose this house,” Mr. Skwarek said in a telephone interview.

Then make your payments. Sell something else. We can’t have it all, dude.

Mr. Skwarek rented out the house after he divorced his wife, Renata, in 2004, because, he said, it felt too big to live in alone. But last year, he said, his renters, John and Arline Josephberg, stopped paying their monthly rent of $10,000.

Oh, it’s the renters’ fault! Of course! And if it’s too big to live in alone, maybe you should sell it. Do you really not want to lose the house if you don’t even care to live in it?

But public records show that Mr. Skwarek had trouble paying his bills even before he rented out his home. Court documents show that he also owes construction and supply companies more than $200,000 for unpaid bills on his home.

Good grief. I don’t even think I can make it through the rest of the article. The title suggests we’re supposed to be sad, but all I’ve read is that people are keeping their houses and/or are deadbeats.

He has a felony conviction for not paying wages to his workers and a misdemeanor for issuing a bad check.

Who gave this guy a mortgage?

Vincent Scorese, who owns a house next door and also faces the risk of foreclosure, moved out and rented out his home after he went through a divorce. He said that as a builder he became overextended and found it difficult to make his mortgage payments on the five properties he owns in the area. So he has put them all up for sale.

Finally, someone with sense. He can’t afford his mortgages, so he’s selling his five houses.

Mr. Skwarek says he is eager to hold onto his home, especially because it represents the culmination of his longstanding immigrant dream. Mr. Skwarek said he grew up outside of Warsaw and studied construction in Germany, France and Britain.

And studying not paying his bills in America.

Mr. Skwarek has still not figured out how he will hold on to his home. He will try to rent it again, he said. If that doesn’t work, he plans to move in and rent out his apartment. He remains optimistic that foreclosure will never happen and that his lender will help him find a way to escape his financial trap.

“They want to work with people like me,” he said.

People who haven’t paid them even the price of a steak dinner in over a year.

Mr. Thygerson, the auctioneer, agrees that he may never get a chance to do his job.

I hope he doesn’t work on commission.

Here is an example of something that causes the wishful teeth-kicking:

Maureen Levitro, who was on a recent episode of the Dog Whisperer (which, incidentally, *did* make me cry like a baby) and is now helping her disabled friends whisper their own dogs, was attacked by a horrible peace protestor. That’s right, kids. He wants peace, so he attacks a girl in a wheelchair when her dad tells him to calm down. Makes sense. Read the Post article, you’ll want to punch a hippie to protest peace protesters. I would say more, but the rage is too much for the interwebz to handle.

32 Now the multitude of those who believed were of one heart and one soul; neither did anyone say that any of the things he possessed was his own, but they had all things in common. 33 And with great power the apostles gave witness to the resurrection of the Lord Jesus. And great grace was upon them all. 34 Nor was there anyone among them who lacked; for all who were possessors of lands or houses sold them, and brought the proceeds of the things that were sold, 35 and laid them at the apostles’ feet; and they distributed to each as anyone had need.

36 And Joses, who was also named Barnabas by the apostles (which is translated Son of Encouragement), a Levite of the country of Cyprus, 37 having land, sold it, and brought the money and laid it at the apostles’ feet.

The Stars begin round 2 of the playoffs tomorrow night (they beat Anaheim in round 1), and we could finally get a game! Versus, nationwide!

Only Versus is not available on Cable One in Boise.

BOOOOOOOO. We got the channel in Florida. I guess we moved too soon.

I nearly killed myself in a tragic corkscrew accident this evening. And by “nearly killed myself,” I mean that I pinched a chunk of thumb so hard that I had a bloody circle outlining the chunk on my thumb as I searched the house for alcohol and bandages, whimpering pathetically all the while.

It’s not as bad as the big toe incident (not even in the ballpark) but it hurts nonetheless.

At least I got a kickin’ pasta sauce out of the deal.

1 “And you, son of man, take a sharp sword, take it as a barber’s razor, and pass it over your head and your beard; then take scales to weigh and divide the hair. 2 You shall burn with fire one-third in the midst of the city, when the days of the siege are finished; then you shall take one-third and strike around it with the sword, and one-third you shall scatter in the wind: I will draw out a sword after them. 3 You shall also take a small number of them and bind them in the edge of your garment. 4 Then take some of them again and throw them into the midst of the fire, and burn them in the fire. From there a fire will go out into all the house of Israel.

5 “Thus says the Lord GOD: ‘This is Jerusalem; I have set her in the midst of the nations and the countries all around her. 6 She has rebelled against My judgments by doing wickedness more than the nations, and against My statutes more than the countries that are all around her; for they have refused My judgments, and they have not walked in My statutes.’ 7 Therefore thus says the Lord GOD: ‘Because you have multiplied disobedience more than the nations that are all around you, have not walked in My statutes nor kept My judgments, nor even done according to the judgments of the nations that are all around you’ — 8 therefore thus says the Lord GOD: ‘Indeed I, even I, am against you and will execute judgments in your midst in the sight of the nations. 9 And I will do among you what I have never done, and the like of which I will never do again, because of all your abominations. 10 Therefore fathers shall eat their sons in your midst, and sons shall eat their fathers; and I will execute judgments among you, and all of you who remain I will scatter to all the winds.

23 And being let go, they went to their own companions and reported all that the chief priests and elders had said to them. 24 So when they heard that, they raised their voice to God with one accord and said: “Lord, You are God, who made heaven and earth and the sea, and all that is in them, 25 who by the mouth of Your servant David have said:

‘Why did the nations rage,
And the people plot vain things?
26 The kings of the earth took their stand,
And the rulers were gathered together
Against the LORD and against His Christ.’

27 “For truly against Your holy Servant Jesus, whom You anointed, both Herod and Pontius Pilate, with the Gentiles and the people of Israel, were gathered together 28 to do whatever Your hand and Your purpose determined before to be done. 29 Now, Lord, look on their threats, and grant to Your servants that with all boldness they may speak Your word, 30 by stretching out Your hand to heal, and that signs and wonders may be done through the name of Your holy Servant Jesus.”

31 And when they had prayed, the place where they were assembled together was shaken; and they were all filled with the Holy Spirit, and they spoke the word of God with boldness.

7 “Therefore you shall set your face toward the siege of Jerusalem; your arm shall be uncovered, and you shall prophesy against it. 8 And surely I will restrain you so that you cannot turn from one side to another till you have ended the days of your siege. 9 “Also take for yourself wheat, barley, beans, lentils, millet, and spelt; put them into one vessel, and make bread of them for yourself. During the number of days that you lie on your side, three hundred and ninety days, you shall eat it. 10 And your food which you eat shall be by weight, twenty shekels a day; from time to time you shall eat it. 11 You shall also drink water by measure, one-sixth of a hin; from time to time you shall drink. 12 And you shall eat it as barley cakes; and bake it using fuel of human waste in their sight.”

13 Then the LORD said, “So shall the children of Israel eat their defiled bread among the Gentiles, where I will drive them.” 14 So I said, “Ah, Lord GOD! Indeed I have never defiled myself from my youth till now; I have never eaten what died of itself or was torn by beasts, nor has abominable flesh ever come into my mouth.” 15 Then He said to me, “See, I am giving you cow dung instead of human waste, and you shall prepare your bread over it.”

16 Moreover He said to me, “Son of man, surely I will cut off the supply of bread in Jerusalem; they shall eat bread by weight and with anxiety, and shall drink water by measure and with dread, 17 that they may lack bread and water, and be dismayed with one another, and waste away because of their iniquity.

We were watching TV a couple of weeks ago, and the local news station came in with some little blurb. I was so taken aback by this egregious grammar error that I had to pause and then rewind the DVR so I could get a blurry picture for you.

Yes, that’s Horatio Caine. No extra charge.

I made sushi again last night. We’ve decided it’s happening at least once a week here at the House of J. This was my best attempt yet. I made California rolls and smoked salmon rolls (also inside out). I finally googled to see what I was doing wrong rolling the inside out rolls, and that article was a load of help. The bowl of water — right on. I always get tired of going to the sink while laying out the rice. That wasn’t the only good advice. I was having a hard time getting the rice to cover the whole outside following other directions (the ones off the box the bamboo mat came in), but last night, no problems. The wet knife advice was great, too. You should read the article if you’re having trouble rolling sushi.

I think another thing that helped was the rice. Frank made it perfectly last night, and through the help of our intern at work, I learned that everything is cheaper at the Asian grocers. And since we couldn’t find sushi rice anywhere else (the Co-Op has it, but we don’t like going there for only one item), Frank picked some up at a Korean market. A giant bag for under $5, compared to the $5-$8 I paid in Florida for about half the poundage at Publix. I don’t know if it was this particular rice or just the fact that Frank is getting better at it, but this rice acted exactly the way it needed to.

At a Thai grocer this weekend I found black sesame seeds, so I even rolled the rolls in those. The rolls were tight enough, and everything was pretty enough, that I decided we needed to take pictures.

Along with the two rolls, I also made seven pieces of shrimp sushi. It would have been eight except that one of the shrimp flopped out of my hand and right down the garbage disposal while I cried, “Noooooooooo!” in slow motion. I used this article for help on how to make the shrimp for the sushi (I only had metal skewers, though). I remembered that one of the sushi restaurants in Florida put wasabi between the shrimp and the rice, so I did that. Haha. Um, yeah. When you do that, use a little bit of wasabi, just enough to help the shrimp stick to the rice. I gave it a nice dose of wasabi, and by about the third or fourth piece, we were both crying, and I was starting to peel the shrimp off, brush off the wasabi, and put the shrimp back on. So yeah. Only a small dab is plenty.

I served it with wasabi drowned in Tamari, and we had a great, lovely dinner. And with Frank cooking the rice for me while I finished working, it only took about 50 minutes to make the sushi. Yummeh.

1 Now as they spoke to the people, the priests, the captain of the temple, and the Sadducees came upon them, 2 being greatly disturbed that they taught the people and preached in Jesus the resurrection from the dead. 3 And they laid hands on them, and put them in custody until the next day, for it was already evening. 4 However, many of those who heard the word believed; and the number of the men came to be about five thousand.

5 And it came to pass, on the next day, that their rulers, elders, and scribes, 6 as well as Annas the high priest, Caiaphas, John, and Alexander, and as many as were of the family of the high priest, were gathered together at Jerusalem. 7 And when they had set them in the midst, they asked, “By what power or by what name have you done this?” 8 Then Peter, filled with the Holy Spirit, said to them, “Rulers of the people and elders of Israel: 9 If we this day are judged for a good deed done to a helpless man, by what means he has been made well, 10 let it be known to you all, and to all the people of Israel, that by the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, whom you crucified, whom God raised from the dead, by Him this man stands here before you whole. 11 This is the ’stone which was rejected by you builders, which has become the chief cornerstone.’ 12 Nor is there salvation in any other, for there is no other name under heaven given among men by which we must be saved.”

13 Now when they saw the boldness of Peter and John, and perceived that they were uneducated and untrained men, they marveled. And they realized that they had been with Jesus. 14 And seeing the man who had been healed standing with them, they could say nothing against it. 15 But when they had commanded them to go aside out of the council, they conferred among themselves, 16 saying, “What shall we do to these men? For, indeed, that a notable miracle has been done through them is evident to all who dwell in Jerusalem, and we cannot deny it. 17 But so that it spreads no further among the people, let us severely threaten them, that from now on they speak to no man in this name.”

18 So they called them and commanded them not to speak at all nor teach in the name of Jesus. 19 But Peter and John answered and said to them, “Whether it is right in the sight of God to listen to you more than to God, you judge. 20 For we cannot but speak the things which we have seen and heard.” 21 So when they had further threatened them, they let them go, finding no way of punishing them, because of the people, since they all glorified God for what had been done. 22 For the man was over forty years old on whom this miracle of healing had been performed.

I hope this illegal alien stupidity isn’t a hoax, because it’s too funny. On the other hand, I hope it *is* a hoax, because he’s one of the people who has outsmarted us to make it across the border. How smart does that make us?

(link via Serenity)

1 “You also, son of man, take a clay tablet and lay it before you, and portray on it a city, Jerusalem. 2 Lay siege against it, build a siege wall against it, and heap up a mound against it; set camps against it also, and place battering rams against it all around. 3 Moreover take for yourself an iron plate, and set it as an iron wall between you and the city. Set your face against it, and it shall be besieged, and you shall lay siege against it. This will be a sign to the house of Israel.

4 “Lie also on your left side, and lay the iniquity of the house of Israel upon it. According to the number of the days that you lie on it, you shall bear their iniquity. 5 For I have laid on you the years of their iniquity, according to the number of the days, three hundred and ninety days; so you shall bear the iniquity of the house of Israel. 6 And when you have completed them, lie again on your right side; then you shall bear the iniquity of the house of Judah forty days. I have laid on you a day for each year.

This morning I was sure I was going to get to work by 8. A feat for me, since I come in anytime between 8:30 and 9 (and leave anytime between 5:30 and 6). Don’t worry, they told me on my first day that they don’t care if I work 7 to 4, 8 to 5, 9 to 6, as long as I work my hours and get my work done. So it really is better for everyone that I’m actually awake by the time I’m driving. I’m a big fan of this policy, btw, since my Keppra dose increase has knocked me on my butt for the past couple of weeks. It’s really hard to wake up in the mornings now.

Anyway, I didn’t wake up today in time to actually make it to the office by 8, so I got to work around 8:45. This turned out to be the perfect day to not start showing up at 8. I walked into the building and went up to my floor, and when I walked into the accounting suite, I noticed something was up. The office immediately next to the door was pitch black. Huh. Then I noticed that the lights over the cubes were out. Weird. I could hear people talking and laughing in the conference room, so I thought that surely there was an all-day training or something, and I was walking in a good 45 minutes late. Awesome. The door to the conference room was closed, so I kept walking. Mega Boss was not in his office. Big Boss was not in his, and someone from the first office was in there, sitting in the dark. The manager who sits next to Big Boss was not in his office. And all the lights on my hall were off. Oh, crap, the training or meeting must be in one of the other buildings! Great way to start the day. As I got to my office, I noticed that Boss and another coworker weren’t in their offices. Lights out. I know you can see where this is going, because you’re reading this over the course of a minute or so, but for me it all happened over about fifteen seconds, and I’m a little slow.

As I got to my office, it dawned on me that maybe there was a problem. I walked in, and Elle and Em (new accountant) were sitting in the dark, just hangin’ out. I said, “Do we have no power?” Elle said, “We have no power.”

We waited around till about 9:30 or so when the company had gotten an update from the power company. They were working on the problem, but the next update would not be until after 11. 11! So we had a quick staff meeting, and everyone figured out what they could take home. By 10:30, I was finally on my way home with a box full of papers, three binders, and my hole punch (as in, the one I own and previously brought from home). I felt like an auditor again! Not a good feeling, actually, all that hauling.

I got home and realized that if I were smart, I would have brought my 10-key, because I seem to have lost my personal one and my awesome 10-key-esque calculator in the move. And when you’re used to pounding on the big keys all day, the little TI-36 just doesn’t do it for you anymore.

I finally got my interwebs working (I need them for email and to get into our accounting system) after a good half hour of Vista being a terd. As soon as I logged into my email, I saw an email from the property manager, of course, telling us that the power was back on. But whatevs. I get to work in sweats and wearing no bra, so I’m fine with that. Boss emailed and said we could keep working at home if we wanted. Yeah, because I was really considering driving the half hour back. I told him that since I was already in sweats with the fire going, I’d just stick around here. But thanks for the offer, crazy man!

Have done some work but took a break so I could make deviled eggs for lunch.

Anyway, it’s back to work for me now. Enjoy your previously scheduled posts (I’m trying to schedule lots ahead of time for you to read during the day, because I’ve decided I’m going to stop being a sucky blogger).

Ok, back to work. You kids be good.

Be fearful. I guess Princess Obama wasn’t prepared to sustain losses in debates, and since he was faced with actual questions instead of fluffy pillows, satin sheets, and appeasement last week, he’s decided the best strategy for winning the election is to turn tail and run away. I’d hate to see the scurrying if he were to actually break a nail.

Captain Ed:

Even worse, after last Wednesday, it looks like a retreat. Obama got a bloody nose, and suddenly he doesn’t want to appear on national TV, even up against a cupcake like Katie Couric. The strategy may be sound, but only if one has no confidence in Obama’s ability to stand up to tough questioning. In fact, his withdrawal from the debate appears to be an admission of exactly that.

No surprises there. It’s basically the same as his war strategy. When things don’t go our way for a while, let’s give up and leave. I would say that Obama’s political strategy actually leaves us better off (opposite of what his war strategy would do, obviously), but unfortunately, the people voting for Hopey McChangerson just want sunshine-and-rainbows speeches. They don’t care about things like issues, character, patriotism, and balls.

Thanks to the nice reader who told me my blog had been glutened (which made me laugh) yesterday. Something happened when Hosting Matters was moving me from one something to another something (I didn’t understand the words). But they got me back up this morning. You may now celebrate.

it would be one at least as geeky as this one. Hahahahahaha.

11 Now as the lame man who was healed held on to Peter and John, all the people ran together to them in the porch which is called Solomon’s, greatly amazed. 12 So when Peter saw it, he responded to the people: “Men of Israel, why do you marvel at this? Or why look so intently at us, as though by our own power or godliness we had made this man walk? 13 The God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, the God of our fathers, glorified His Servant Jesus, whom you delivered up and denied in the presence of Pilate, when he was determined to let Him go. 14 But you denied the Holy One and the Just, and asked for a murderer to be granted to you, 15 and killed the Prince of life, whom God raised from the dead, of which we are witnesses. 16 And His name, through faith in His name, has made this man strong, whom you see and know. Yes, the faith which comes through Him has given him this perfect soundness in the presence of you all.

17 “Yet now, brethren, I know that you did it in ignorance, as did also your rulers. 18 But those things which God foretold by the mouth of all His prophets, that the Christ would suffer, He has thus fulfilled. 19 Repent therefore and be converted, that your sins may be blotted out, so that times of refreshing may come from the presence of the Lord, 20 and that He may send Jesus Christ, who was preached to you before, 21 whom heaven must receive until the times of restoration of all things, which God has spoken by the mouth of all His holy prophets since the world began. 22 For Moses truly said to the fathers, ‘The LORD your God will raise up for you a Prophet like me from your brethren. Him you shall hear in all things, whatever He says to you. 23 And it shall be that every soul who will not hear that Prophet shall be utterly destroyed from among the people.’ 24 Yes, and all the prophets, from Samuel and those who follow, as many as have spoken, have also foretold these days. 25 You are sons of the prophets, and of the covenant which God made with our fathers, saying to Abraham, ‘And in your seed all the families of the earth shall be blessed.’ 26 To you first, God, having raised up His Servant Jesus, sent Him to bless you, in turning away every one of you from your iniquities.”

Chubby Mommy is losing weight, and the first place she’s lost is… her boobs. Yep, that sounds pretty familiar to me. Here’s how my weight loss cycle goes:

I lose a few pounds. All in my boobs.
I gain a pound. In my thighs.
Lose a few pounds. My boobs have gone, so now it’s time for the weight to come out of my stomach.
I gain a pound. In my thighs.
I lose a few pounds. Boobs, stomach… so now I lose a little in my face.
I gain a pound. It goes to my thighs.
I lose backfat (I’m to that point now).
Gain in my thighs.
Lose more in all the areas where I’ve already lost, but not my thighs or butt.

And so on. So at the end of a cycle, my thighs have grown, and the rest of me is smaller. This is why the pants I buy are generally twice the size of my shirts.

16 Now it came to pass at the end of seven days that the word of the LORD came to me, saying, 17 “Son of man, I have made you a watchman for the house of Israel; therefore hear a word from My mouth, and give them warning from Me: 18 When I say to the wicked, ‘You shall surely die,’ and you give him no warning, nor speak to warn the wicked from his wicked way, to save his life, that same wicked man shall die in his iniquity; but his blood I will require at your hand. 19 Yet, if you warn the wicked, and he does not turn from his wickedness, nor from his wicked way, he shall die in his iniquity; but you have delivered your soul.

20 “Again, when a righteous man turns from his righteousness and commits iniquity, and I lay a stumbling block before him, he shall die; because you did not give him warning, he shall die in his sin, and his righteousness which he has done shall not be remembered; but his blood I will require at your hand. 21 Nevertheless if you warn the righteous man that the righteous should not sin, and he does not sin, he shall surely live because he took warning; also you will have delivered your soul.”

22 Then the hand of the LORD was upon me there, and He said to me, “Arise, go out into the plain, and there I shall talk with you.” 23 So I arose and went out into the plain, and behold, the glory of the LORD stood there, like the glory which I saw by the River Chebar; and I fell on my face. 24 Then the Spirit entered me and set me on my feet, and spoke with me and said to me: “Go, shut yourself inside your house. 25 And you, O son of man, surely they will put ropes on you and bind you with them, so that you cannot go out among them. 26 I will make your tongue cling to the roof of your mouth, so that you shall be mute and not be one to rebuke them, for they are a rebellious house. 27 But when I speak with you, I will open your mouth, and you shall say to them, “Thus says the Lord GOD.’ He who hears, let him hear; and he who refuses, let him refuse; for they are a rebellious house.

I’m going to go ahead and declare that Barack Obama is even more entertaining a candidate than John Kerry was. If he’ll pick John Edwards or the Goracle as his running mate, I won’t even need the return of Pushing Daisies and Chuck in the fall. I’ll top a giant bowl of popcorn with some Louisiana hot sauce (seriously, you dudes should try it), put my feet up, and relish in Obama’s everlasting cluelessness.

Yesterday Barack decided to try to ad lib, something he’s failed miserably at time after time during this hilarious primary battle. He went with the Official Leftist Talking Points Memo earlier in the day:

“We cannot afford a third George Bush term and that’s what John McCain is offering — a third Bush term,” Obama said, repeating a line he’s said at virtually every campaign stop since McCain wrapped up the GOP nomination last month.

but then turned around and said that this Bush-of-a-different-name would be better than… Bush?

“You have a real choice in this election. Either Democrat would be better than John McCain,” Obama said to cheers from a rowdy crowd in central Pennsylvania. Then he said: “And all three of us would be better than George Bush.”

But I thought John S. McCain = George W. Bush. Some dunderheads should just stick to their canned speeches and never pretend to be real people.

(via Ace)

After we got Rowdi’s head bandaged so she couldn’t shake her ear wound open again, it only took a few days for her to get it back off. We were constantly putting her left ear back under the bandage. What’s worse, they had folded her ear into “broken” position before bandaging the head. Basically, her ear was folded inside out, so any time the bandage moved (often, because she wouldn’t stop messing with it), she was making the inside of her ear raw.

This is iteration number two of the bandage. There is an iteration number three, because she got this one off fast, and we had to put it back on every other minute.

The bandages have been off a few weeks now, and the inside of her ear is still raw and chafed, because she keeps picking at it. Poor puppy.

Caption if you like.