[SETTING: EDWARD SULLEN AND ISABELLA “JELLO” SWAN STARE INTO EACH OTHERS EYES IN JELLO’S BEDROOM]

Edward: Jello, I’ve known since the moment I leered at you in biology class and was unable to penetrate that thick, thick skull of yours that we were meant to be together in eternity.

Jello: Ditto. I hadn’t felt such a powerful gaze since that homeless sexual psychopath who used to stare at me in the park died of syphilis.

Edward: I had almost given up hope of finding my one true love until you moved into town. For some reason, no one responded to my Craigslist personal ad: 100 YEAR OLD MAN SEEKING VIRGINAL FEMALES, AGES 14 TO 17, FOR LONG WALKS IN ISOLATED WOODS.

Jello: Yes, no one understands you but me Edward. My vast experience as an introverted, sullen teenager must appeal greatly to one such as yourself–a vampire with superhuman powers and over a century of life experiences. I can tell by the way you press your chin to your chest and leer disturbingly at me, that you love me as much as I love you.

Edward: Actually, I do that because the cloud of hairspray that orbits my coiffure deprives my lungs of the oxygen needed to hold up my head . But enough of me–let’s talk about the time you went to the Hannah Montana concert in Phoenix. Tell me about the screaming pre-teens . . .

Jello: Oh Edward, not AGAIN. There must be something else we can talk about . . . after all, you listen to Debussy, so you MUST be a deep-thinking intellectual . . .

Edward: To tell you the truth Jello, that CD was in the player when I bought it at the annual Church of Satan flea market fund raiser. I haven’t been able to figure out how to open the CD tray. I’m actually not very bright at all. This is the 23rd time I’ve been through the 11th grade. I’ve taken a solemn vow that I will keep repeating high school until I can get the marks to get it into clown college. You see, Jello, my dream has always been to work closely with young children while wearing excessive makeup . . . [SUDDENLY STARING DEJECTEDLY AT FLOOR] . . . but it seems that my lack of intelligence and depth will prevent me from achieving my dream.

Jello: No Edward, you mustn’t say such things! I can tell by your black eyes that you are deep . . .

Edward [STARING BLANKLY OUT WINDOW TOWARDS MOUNTAINS]: The blackness that you interpret as depth, Jello, is merely the dark shadow cast in my empty skull . . .

Jello [RUNNING TOWARD EDWARD, GRABBING HIS ARM, AND LOOKING PLEADINGLY AT HIM]: I would rather have an empty skull like yours Edward, than one like mine! You see, Edward, THAT is why they call me Jello. When I was a baby, my irresponsible mother dropped me while she was riding a roller coaster in Phoenix. My brain was irreparably damaged, but doctors were able to replace the void left in my skull with a mix of saline solution and a packet of sugar free strawberry Jello-brand gelatin. You assumed you could not read my thoughts, Edward, when in fact I have no thoughts to read! [sobbing]

Edward [TURNING TOWARDS HER AND HOLDING HER LOVINGLY]: I don’t care about that Jello! I haven’t felt love like this since before I became a vampire. Shortly before I turned, I had a passionate affair with a gourd that my mother kept in the root cellar. For hours upon end, I would lay in the moss in the woods and stare lovingly at its vaguely phallic shape . . . Not since that time, have I felt such a powerful connection to a food-item. Oh Jello, I heart you!
[EMBRACING HER TIGHTLY IN HIS ARMS, HER FACE TO HIS CHEST AS HE STARES INTO DISTANCE AND A THOUGHT BUBBLE CONTAINING VERTICALLY ORIENTATED GOURD APPEARS.]

THE END.

FRANK: I like the show better when it’s moving.
SARAHK: I like your mouth better when it’s not.

Awwwww yeaaaaaaah.

So my last four referrals are all from google images. The pictures they’re coming for? I’ll give you filename only, no context.
*backofthigh.jpg
*nastytoe.jpg
*newhair.jpg
*hair.jpg

What?!

-Yeah, I’m sick, and I’m a big baby about being sick. I’m better today than yesterday–thank goodness, the body aches are gone. My head hurts when I cough. I’m totally worn out, and I did nothing all weekend (other than Friday night). I’ve alternated between sleeping and watching Twilight since about 12:30 Friday night/Saturday morning.

-The realtor isn’t confident that the bank will accept our offer, but I am, so last week I started moving the books from the guest room into our little cove downstairs. I figure moving something downstairs is a win/win. If we have to move, the books are that much closer to the car. If we don’t have to move, I’ve gotten a jumpstart on getting things where I want them. And once we give the guest bed to our friends, that room will be ready for us to move into. Oh, but I should paint it first, since it’ll already be empty.

-I juiced this morning for the first time in a long time–just haven’t had time to be healthy lately, and considering that I’ve had a wicked sore throat and now the flu in just the last six weeks, I’d say I should have made time. Anyway, I juiced whatever I had, going for an immune system boost and all that jazz. Fruit, veggies. The juice turned out surprisingly good–even I thought it was going to be bad. Ingredients: 1.5 inches pineapple, 9 carrots, 5 stalks cilantro, handful of spinach leaves, 1/2 a beet (no tops), 3 cloves garlic (hey, it’s good for the flu), 1 meyer lemon. Yummy. I normally save my second glass for later in the day or the next day (and therefore negate much of the nutritional value), but I’m gonna have it now.

-Yeah, so about Twilight. I did go to the midnight DVD release party. There was a man behind me in line, in his forties I guess. We’d been standing in place for five minutes or so, waiting for those who had reserved copies to give their names and get out of the way, and this conversation ensued:

HE: So have you seen this Twilight thing?
ME: Yep.
HE: Is it as good as they say?
ME [laughing on the inside]: Well… it’s good, I like it. Not as good as the book, by far.
HE: Well, they can put so much more in the books.
ME: True. But it’s good by itself. You haven’t seen it? [just trying to keep the convo moving]
HE: No. [motioning to the flyer in his hand] I just saw that this was going on and thought I’d come see what it was about.
ME: [guffawing on the inside–he really had no idea that the fangirls would be out in force] Oh. Yeah. It’s… kind of a fangirl thing. The teenagers love it. [Oh no! That sounded like I was saying he shouldn’t be here! I was really just poking fun at my own fangirliness! So…] Well, and me too. I’m far older than most of these kids. But no, it’s good. Angsty teenage vampire romance.

We laughed together, and that was it. Frank came up and took pictures of me standing in line, and then the line started moving fast. Of course, then there were more lines for the paying. Anyway, the man in line behind me–he kind of inspired me. No idea what he was in for, but hey, movie’s on sale, and it’s a “release party,” and he shows up just to see what it’s about. That’s the kind of adventurer I want to be. Like, oh… some kind of festival going on over there, I’m in. And then he gets there and sees that there are a ton of teenage girls and a few tweens with their dads (very few moms–”Honey, you’re taking little Trixie and her friends to the Twilight thing. I’m having a bubble bath and going to bed. See ya, bye.”) and one thirty-something, and he stays, the brave trooper. Then finds out it’s a fangirl thing, and he shows no remorse, there’s no rolling of the eyes. Just ok, I’m still along for the ride. He’s kind of my hero.

Pictures of the release party here.

-Finished Dracula. Have thoughts, mostly positive, but I need to wrangle them. Probably after I retire. Just one thing, though: the men surrounding Lucy and Mina? Kinda thick.

-Still employed. I went by my boss’s office when I was leaving Friday and told him to have a good weekend. I figured if I wasn’t expected to come back, that would give him the opening he needed to tell me. He just said bye, so I’m pretty sure I’m still working. We’re closing the books right now, so I think I’m staying until that is done. I’ll keep coming in until they tell me to stop.

-Reading Let the Right One In now. Two chapters in. It’s really dark, and I’m not having fun, though I am intrigued. No feelgoodiness about it, and I’m starting to think it’s a horror novel (clue #1 being that it says so on the cover), and I don’t read those, because Dean Koontz used to keep me up at night. It’s not available on Kindle, so when I was reading it in bed last night, I realized how spoiled the Kindle has made me. First, there was a word I didn’t know, and I couldn’t just cursor down to it to see the definition. Second, reading books in bed is awkward. Have to get the right position so you have enough light, but you’re also in bed, so you expect to be comfortable. Your hands get tired, everything is all wrong, grr. Yeah, Kindle reading is superior. But I will always buy books, if only for the smell and the fact that I want people to *see* what I read (or intend to read, as I have hundreds of books that I have never read). I want to display Shakespeare on the same shelf as Harry Potter and Twilight. I want my Buffy Omnibuses and the Joss-authored Astonishing X-Men right there above Jane Austen and George Orwell and below Eminem’s autobiography.

- That’s all.

-New music: Finally got Eminem’s Encore. It’s brilliant. Also got his book, The Way I Am, in the mail yesterday. I haven’t read it yet, but I did read the first few pages on Amazon right after I ordered it, and I couldn’t stop reading until the free sample ended and I had no choice. Sheila told me (I paraphrase) it’s a good coffee table book with swears. I can’t wait to read it.

-More books in the mail: The Omnivore’s Dilemma and Let the Right One In, both recommended to me by a friend from high school. I think he and I are going to do a book club thing on LTROI once I finish Dracula. He’s seen the movie, I haven’t, neither of us has read the book, and I’ve never done a book club. If any of you want to get the book, I’d do a book club with y’all on the blog. Takers?

-Yes, I still buy paper books and Kindle books.

-Yes, I still love Spike, my Kindle. Random House gave away free downloads of five of their sci-fi/fantasy books this week, so I’ve got those waiting for me on Spike, along with several classics I’ve been meaning to read.

-I went to the neuro for the last time (knock on wood) today. The PA I’ve been seeing (since I go to an epileptologist’s office and don’t actually have epilepsy) said that unfortunately, he won’t be seeing me anymore, as I am undiagnosed with epilepsy. He’s pleased with the followup, and that is that.

-The house was inspected for the bank’s valuation today. So finally, after almost two months of living like pigs, we can clean the house. I’ve already started, thank goodness.

-The Sudden Yurt Commune is in the running for Best Thing Ever, America.

-Natasha Richardson, RIP. Just wow. So terribly sad.

-My obsessions at the moment: American Idol, James Marsters, vampires, Spike (Kindle), Facebook, my novel, and I feel an Eminem obsession building. Oh, and anything with acoustic guitar.

-As far as I know, my last day at work is Friday, but considering what I’m doing at work right now, I think it will probably last another two weeks. I guess I’ll find out on Friday.

88 YEAR OLD WOMAN: I love that baby so much. She’s so cute! I just want to squeeze her to death! [long pause] . . . I probably shouldn’t say that.
***

88YOW: Who’s that?
NURSE: I’ve come to get your vitals.
88YOW: Okay. Am I dead yet?
***

NURSE: What happened to your ear?
88YOW: Someone tried to take it right off.
NURSE: Oh!
88YOW: Yeah. Someone bit it.
NURSE: Who?
88YOW: My boyfriend.
NURSE: Well, can I take your temperature in your other ear?
88YOW: No. I can only have one boyfriend at a time.

Notice I have bangs for the first time since roughly 1996. I’m actually getting used to them, though. You can’t really see the bronze streaks in these photos, and that’s kind of my favorite part, so I guess you lose. Also, most of the bottom is still the brown.

I finally had to charge my Kindle Saturday, so it was ten days from the first charge to the second, with quite a bit of wireless usage. Of course, after I charged it yesterday, I put some reading music on there, and I’ve used half the battery since then, because obviously playing mp3s uses much more power than flipping pages. But whatevs, it’s nice to need only one device.

Yesterday, I worked out with my Kindle. I put on the reading music and got on my elliptical, on which I can still only do roughly five minutes per session due to my absent stamina. It was cool; it only took me a minute or so to get used to reading while moving closer to and farther from the page.

I downloaded a Bible onto the Kindle (a free ESV one), and this morning I didn’t carry my Bible to church, I just took the Kindle. It actually works pretty well! I’ve taken it to Bible study a couple of times, and I don’t need a concordance–I just search the whole book for the word I want, and it brings up links, in context, to every instance. Then I move to the link I want, and it takes me there. And then I have to page back to see what book, chapter, and verse I’m in–okay, maybe that’s a slight drawback. But it’s very handy. I can highlight, make notes, etc. But I do want them to do the Thompson Chain Reference for Kindle. That would be awesome.

I love that while I’m reading Dracula, which is full of words of which I do not know the meaning, I can just move to the word, and up pops the definition. This is especially handy with the archaic words. Stertorous, anyone? Also, I can just start typing in a note, and there it is, and it’s saved. I find phrases that I love and want very much to steal for my own novel, and I just make a note. “Steal that!” or “Great phrase!”

As to his name… my favorites from before have to be the vampire ones. All of your suggestions were great–y’all are so much more creative than I am! But I have to go with the vamps. I mean, it *is* my current obsession, and Dracula *is* the first book I’m reading on it. (I’ve also downloaded Twilight and New Moon in case I need a good Edward fix.) I am, of course, torn. Spike v. Carlisle v. Cullen. I’m close to deciding on Spike Carlisle. Or Carlisle the Bloody. Ack! I don’t know. Maybe Toothy.

I am. Through 1300 spreadsheet lines, all of which have to be tagged/labeled/categorized, and yesterday at that.

I say all that to say this. (As if I said “all” that–it was like a sentence and a half.) Given that I’m undiagnosed with epilepsy, I’ve taken up my Coke habit again (yes, with high fructose corn syrup that will ravage my body!). And today I’m on Coke #4.

Also, I think I saw the Marlboro man at the gas station today.

Ok, back to work.

Facebook meme! Sheila tagged me, and I finally got around to doing it. See below, follow the directions. Post your 25 (or however many) in the comments or on your blog (and leave a link here).

Think of 25 albums that had such a profound effect on you they changed your life or the way you looked at it. They sucked you in and took you over for days, weeks, months, years. These are the albums that you can use to identify time, places, people, emotions. These are the albums that no matter what they were thought of musically shaped your world. When you finish, tag 25 others, including me. Make sure you copy and paste this part so they know the drill. Get the idea now? Good.

No being cool, which albums have you actually listened to thousands of times?

Okay. So I’m not that good with the rules and the following, and I just couldn’t stop. So the following albums are the ones I’ve obsessed over, in one way or another–they’re the ones you could pop in, and I’d sing every single word (or note, on the instrumentals), even years after hearing it. I couldn’t whittle my list. Just couldn’t. But here, I organized them for you!

Pop/Rock/Alt/Metal
1. Dave Matthews Band, Before These Crowded Streets
2. Jason Mraz, Live at Java Joe’s
3. Matchbox 20, Yourself or Someone Like You
4. Billy Joel, Stormfront (the third album I ever obsessed over)
5. Billy Joel, River of Dreams
6. Billy Joel, Songs in the Attic
7. Billy Joel, Greatest Hits Vols 1 & 2 (um, I may have a slight Billy Joel obsession)
8. Cyndi Lauper, She’s So Unusual (the second album I ever obsessed over)
9. Madonna, Madonna (the first album I ever obsessed over)
10. Celine Dion, Falling Into You (yeah, what of it?)
11. *NSYNC, No Strings Attached
12. *NSYNC, Celebrity (I do not apologize for #11 or #12)
13. Dave Matthews Band, Under the Table and Dreaming
14. Creed, Weathered (haha, I know, but WHATEVS!)
15. Dave Matthews Band, Crash
16. John Mayer, Room for Squares
17. Elton John, Greatest Hits Vol 2
18. Chantal Kreviazuk, What if It All Means Something
19. Joseph Arthur, Redemption’s Son
20. Kelly Clarkson, Breakaway
21. Kelly Clarkson, Thankful
22. The Eagles, Greatest Hits 1971-1975 (dudes taught me how to harmonize)
23. Switchfoot, The Beautiful Letdown
24. Natalie Merchant, Ophelia
25. Celine Dion, Let’s Talk About Love
26. Coldplay, A Rush of Blood to the Head
27. Edie Brickell, Shooting Rubberbands at the Stars (my obsession lasted years, I think)
28. Metallica, Metallica (Black)
44. Jason Mraz, Waiting for My Rocket to Come

Rap
29. Eminem, The Eminem Show (Clean version-hahahahaha, it’s like half the album is missing!)

New Age/World
30. Enya, The Memory of Trees
31. Enya, A Day Without Rain

Soundtracks/Scores
32. Michael Giacchino, ALIAS Soundtrack (season 1)
33. Les Miserables, Original Broadway Cast Recording
34. The Cast of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Once More, With Feeling
35. A Walk to Remember soundtrack
36. Tan Dun, Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon soundtrack
37. Howard Shore, LOTR: FOTR soundtrack
38. O Brother, Where Art Thou soundtrack

Country/Bluegrass (I’m really surprised this category isn’t bigger)
39. Carrie Underwood, Some Hearts
40. Dixie Chicks, Wide Open Spaces
41. Toby Keith, Greatest Hits Vol 2
42. Nickel Creek, Nickel Creek
43. Sara Evans, Born to Fly

Yes, so my Kindle and I have become inseparable. I’ve already told Frank that I’m divorcing him so I can marry it. And I think if they made a comic-book reader, he’d do the same, so I don’t feel guilty about it.

Since we’re going to be spending so much time together, I think I should name him. The obvious choice is Kin, but really, isn’t every girl going to name her Kindle the same thing? So Kin is out. You help me name him.

I’ll have more to say later about why I love him so much.