ME: I’m getting used to this Pepsi throwback. I’ll never like it, but I’m getting used to it.
HE: That’s kind of the way I feel about you.

Zoom zoom zoom!

No power in the ‘verse can stop him.

Last snark of the season. Over at Snark Raving Mad. Special guest starring Tracey!

I grabbed this off his Twitter page when he threatened to take it down. I have a sickness, and I own it.

Over at Snark Raving Mad.

I’m finally on Twitter. I’m not an interesting person, so this should work out great!

Don’t just eat the Doritos all willy-nilly. It’s wrong.
***

You’re eating them willy-nilly! You stop that. You suck on that Dorito.
***

Here. You can eat this one willy-nilly.
***

Here. This one too.
Why?
Because it doesn’t have much salt. There’s no point to a Dorito without salt.

SARAHK: Do you want cheese on your potato?
FRANK: Yes.
SARAHK: Ok, you have to grate it yourself.
FRANK: Ok. [Goes to fridge.] Where’s the cheese?
SARAHK: [Looks.] Oh. I guess we don’t have any.

As I do every Tuesday night and Wednesday night. Last night’s Idol surprised me.

Why? Because I can’t stop laughing at this. I’m sorry. It’s funny. Thanks to David for the tip. David, plz link yourself in the comments, because I’m too lazy to go find the link. Kthx.

HE: I hope your secret nickname for me is The Sexosaurus.
ME: No. I will not give you a dinosaur name. Dinosaurs are too controversial in our relationship.

I’m currently reading The Historian (enjoying that so far, about 25% through it) and Jane Eyre (too early to say, only 10% in). And now that I’m through with this waste of time, I’m trying to decide whether to start The Host next or start The Flight of the Romanovs: A Family Saga. I feel that I need non-fiction in my life. But I don’t love it like fiction. Also, from the reviews (I bought this off a discount rack many years ago), it sounds like there could be some bias… which kind of annoys me if I just want to know what actually happened. If I know me, I’ll go for The Host.

Now let me just say. Kindle DX? Why did they not have this when I was in college? Why, technology, why?

Ok, well, sort of a book review. Mostly just me griping about how much I hated it. In bullet point form. Here’s the message I sent to my friend who recommended the book (edited a little, with added bullet points!):

I finally finished the book last night. You want my thoughts? Ok, I give you them. WARNING: CONTAINS SPOILERS.

*First, thanks for recommending a vamp novel (this doesn’t apply to you, readers. I happily thank you for not recommending this cup of crap.). If this wasn’t a vamp novel, I wouldn’t have been able to finish it. Period. I would have quit somewhere in Part 2. At least the vamplore stuff gives me something to relate to. Second, I don’t blame you for how badly this book sucked (this *does* apply to you, readers). Had you read it first and then recommended it, I might have wanted to reevaluate our recently reprised friendship. (Again, not you.)

*It was about twice as long as my patience. I had to actually MAKE myself keep reading.

*I mean, I’m glad that a minor got to be the one to bludgeon Hakan to death but um, how, since he’s a vampire? I still don’t get how he’s dead.

*I wanted to bake Oskar a pie throughout the book. I don’t really even blame him for helping Eli against Lacke or Jocke, whichever one he was, at the end, because 1) Lacke was going to be miserable forever anyway and just needed to be put out of his misery and 2) it was out of love for Eli.

*The whole Eli-is-asexual-but-used-to-be-a-boy thing? I didn’t get the point of it. Why even bring it up? I really want to know the answer to this question, because it was pointless, really. It made me think a little of the Buffy/Satsu thing.

*I liked Mr. Avila very much. Also liked Virginia and Lacke (less than Mr. Avila). Alas.

*I liked how the unrelated storylines ended up together, but I thought that was done pretty poorly. It could have been done much better.

*And I hated that pretty much everyone in the novel was a loser. It was like Vampires Go to Loserville–Guess Who Wins! Everyone’s miserable. The whole book is miserable.

*At the end, after Eli has saved Oskar and beheaded the horrible teenagers (I was glad for that), I assume that’s Eli in Oskar’s trunk on the train? I would hope so.

*What was the point in even bringing up that the Russian sub had run aground? I waited all through the book for that to come into play, because the way it was presented was WHOA. THE RUSSIANS ARE HERE. WHAT THE HELL. BIG THINGS WILL HAPPEN! And then nothing. Just, oh, that’s why they stopped talking about the ritual killer, hoodehoo. Now we’ll stop talking about the submarine incident, hoodehoo.

*I take serious offense at the cover of the book. “Chilling,” “Sweden’s Stephen King.” Srsly? That rubbish? I don’t think so, scooter. I was not chilled, I was not scared. It didn’t keep me up nights. It had me wishing for a sleeping pill, but not because I didn’t want it invading my dreams. Only because staying awake would mean I’d have to read more crap.

*Anyway. Is the movie like the book? (You readers can answer this if you know, as my friend will take a while to respond.) I’m wondering how they can make that into a movie without serious redoing. I’m interested in seeing the movie just to see how they change it.

*I stand by my early assessment that the author is a total perv. Likes children kind of perv.

*I don’t recommend this book. But if you want to read it, here:

Better yet, send me postage money, and I’ll send you my copy. And that’s saying something–I have a strict rule about never getting rid of books (also guns).

ME: Ohhhhhhhh. I hurt soooooo bad.
HE: Do you need me to massage anything?
ME: Yes. My uterus, please.