Mistuh Sahhk and Irina sit at a table in a Parisian bistro in the vicinity of the Bangladeshian Regional Forest.
SARKYPOOH: You know, Muthah, I’ve grown quite tired of escaping from the CIA. There’s nothing left to the game. I’ve saved the princess, I’ve won the Stanley Cup, I’ve… what was the point of Pitfall? Anyway, I’m thinking about letting them capchuh me and actually incahcerate me. For a while anyway. They have nice cells, feed the prisonuhs well, I would be quite comfuhtable. Then you could spring me. What d’you think about that? Mix it up a little?
IRINA: Don’t call me Mother. If the CIA is listening, we’ll be found out. I never told Jack about you.
SARKYPOOH: I don’t see why you would. He’s nothing to you; you used him to obtain infuhmation about Project Christmas and accidentally had my brat sistuh in the process.
IRINA: Don’t talk about Sydney that way. She’s still my daughter even if she’s not evil. And your sister.
SARKYPOOH: Yes, well, she’s a nuisance and a smaht–
IRINA: Enough. [sips coffee] Have you figured out a way to gain access to Pucky Cheese’s pizza dough refrigerator?
SARKYPOOH: Yes. There is a trash chute from the kitchen that empties into the Bangladeshian Regional Creek. We’ll entah through there.
IRINA: No, dear boy. You’ll enter through there and once you’ve neutralized the staff, you’ll let me in through the front door.
SARKYPOOH: Won’t you be seen.
IRINA: No. I’ll be in disguise.
SARKYPOOH: Why don’t we both enter through the front door in disguise?
IRINA: It’s not a proper mission if there’s not a wacky entrance plan.
SARKYPOOH: Very well. We’d bettuh prepare.
Back at the mothership…
MARSHALL: Uh, Mr. Bristow, hi. What are you do– uh, nice to see you sir. Would you like a flavored candy?
JACK: Yes. Strawberry. Have you seen Dixon.
MARSHALL: Uh, he’s in his office, sir, but he asked to not be disturbed… Say, Mr. Bristow, what’s that on your tie?
JACK: Blast it! Barbecue sauce. Marshall, you must procure a new tie for me immediately. This is an urgent matter, as I am going to a concert tonight and have arranged to have backstage passes.
MARSHALL: Oh, uh, what concert… sir?
JACK: You don’t have clearance.
MARSHALL: I’ll find your tie. Can I make you a device too, sir?
JACK: Yes, actually…
SYDNEY: Boy Scout, this is Mountaineer. Do you copy?
VAUGHN: Go, Mountaineer.
SYDNEY: I see my mother. She’s sitting outside Pucky Cheese dressed as a hockey goalie.
VAUGHN: What? They don’t have hockey in the Bangladeshian Regional Forest. That’s a terrible disguise!
SYDNEY: She’s Russian. She assumes there is hockey everywhere.
VAUGHN: As there should be.
SYDNEY: I don’t see Sark.
SARAHK [flits in covered in an Invisibility Cloak, whispers]: Did you say Sark?
SYDNEY: I don’t see him, do you?
SARAHK: Of course I see him; I have a sixth sense for recognizing hot guys. He’s crawling up the trash chute behind the restaurant.
SYDNEY: Boy Scout, I’m going in.
VAUGHN: Be careful, Mountaineer. Hey, where’s Weiss?
SYDNEY: He’s not with you?
SARAHK: He’s already inside sampling the buffet.
VAUGHN: Blast it! He hates barbecue pizza! We’re going to have a radioactive Weiss!
SARAHK: I’ll take care of Weiss. Sydney, you handle up on Mistuh Sahhk and your mother. But don’t harm Sahhk, or I’ll have to protectorate you.
SYDNEY: Who put you in charge?
SARAHK: I take orders from no one. I’m SarahK. Guardian Butterfly Ambassador of Hot Guy Protection. I do as I please.
SYDNEY: Fine. Just stay out of my way.
SARAHK: You’re mean.
Back at the mothership…
JACK [running to catch Dixon]: Dixon! [breathes heavily] I’ve been attempting to track you down! [breathes heavily]
DIXON: Yes, I noticed. I can’t be bothered right now, Jack, I’m on a very important mission.
JACK: What mission is that? I have no knowledge of a mission involving you, and I’m Spydaddy, Master of the Universe. I know everything.
DIXON: I’m, uh… looking for something.
JACK: Looking for what, exactly?
DIXON: The, uh… break room. I can’t seem to find it though I’ve been there a hundred times. [nervously chuckles and rubs his nose.]
JACK [grabs Dixon by the throat and shoves him to the ground]: Where is Marcus Dixon?
DIXON [gasping for air]: Jack! Why are you choking me?
JACK: Dixon would never wear orange cuff links. He despises the color orange. Who are you?
TO BE CONTINUED OR CONCLUDED, DEPENDING ON HOW LONG-WINDED SARAHK GETS WITH PART III…
Will SarahK save Weiss from radioactivity? Will Irina pitch a shutout? Will the questions from the end of Part I be answered? Will SarahK and Sydney fight? Will Sark smell bad after crawling up the trash chute? Will Jack find the real Dixon and destroy the orange cuff links? Will Marshall continue to be the 2nd cutest geek ever? Find out in Part III…