after the shooting range, we went to Steak & Shake & had yummy food and yummy shakes.
i’d sent Frank a shopping list so i could make him my bestest and most famous dish, shrimp jambalaya, which i will enter in the Carnival of the Recipes somewhere around Christmas Day. anyway, Frank had found everything i needed except the gumbo file (pronounced fee-lay), the bay leaves and the cloves, so we decided to pick up the remaining ingredients and Trivial Pursuit. we’d been talking about playing TP for a while, because see, Frank always tries to start explaining things to me, and i have to yell stuff like “i’m not an idiot!” and “i’m waaaaay smarter than you apparently think i am.” here’s an example. i’ll be doing math in my head and thinking aloud, and Frank will say, “when you add two digits plus two digits, don’t forget to carry the one, Juggy.” or when he lost power during the hurricane, he said, “Sweet T-Shirt Babe, i don’t have any electricity. electricity is what makes your lightbulbs in all of your lamps give off light and makes your curling iron work.” my favorite so far has been, “SarahK, this is the ocean. all that bluish-green stuff you see is water.” to steal from dear BeeBee, may the wrath of Khan strike that man on the head. so as you can imagine, i was ready to put his little SarahK’s-all-Juggy-no-brains theory to rest. it takes a special person to sit for the CPA exam 4 times, i say!
we went to five or six different stores looking for the gumbo file, and i started thinking maybe we could have jambalaya without it; i’m not sure if that’s because i was about to fall asleep walking through the store aisles or not. i told Frank that it probably just serves as a thickening agent, it smells a little like tea leaves, tastes like nothing and looks like ground bay leaves; Frank told me that gumbo file doesn’t exist and he was gonna look it up on the internet to prove it. this coming from a man whom i had to teach how to cook rice. :) i called Bikermommy to get her opinion, and we decided to ditch the file and find our Trivial Pursuit.
now, we looked for TP at Wal-Mart, but all they had was DVD-edition Hollywood TP or something and Lord of the Rings TP (how do you make a whole TP game out of LOTR?). the next store didn’t have a good old-fashioned Genus edition TP either. finally, we found Trivial Pursuit Volume VI at K-Mart; i noted that they didn’t call it Genus VI, probably because they were tired of people pronouncing it “genius”.
now. when we were in Wal-Mart, we were standing in line to check out, and i hugged Mr. Wonderful. he hugged me back and mouthed off something about “okay, no more PDA!”, because he’s a bit crazy — there’s really no other explanation for this. it’s not like i was trying to French kiss him on checkout lane #5! anyway, he only had to tell me once, and i wanted nothing to do with him for the moment; sad, really, because he’d built up so much goodwill by teaching me how to shoot guns. so later, as we walked back across the K-Mart parking lot, he was trying to hug on me. “don’t touch me!” said i, and he kept coming close to me, trying to put his arm around me. when he did, his hand kept “accidentally” brushing against my booty. i said, “don’t touch my butt!” and he said… ladies, y’all will want to sit down for this… men, y’all need to pay close attention to this next little training episode. he said, “i can’t help it. it just sticks out there.”
NO! NO! NO! NO!
my mouth became agape, and i gave him my do-you-value-your-life-if-so-you’d-better-take-it-back look. and he said… still sitting, ladies? he said, “what? i like big butts!”
NO! NO! NO! NO!
now even more agog, even more aghast, i just picked up the pace to the car. and he continued… men, let this next part be your lesson of how never to justify some stupid remark you just made to your lady. “what? you yourself are always saying how you’ve got a big butt. but that’s not a bad thing! i like big butts!”
NO! NO! NO! NO!
poor Frank. i don’t know who to blame, as i’m sure his mother is a classy lady who taught him that sometimes it’s best to just say “i’m sorrrry, please forgive me, let’s go buy you some new shoes” immediately rather than start digging deeper into the mire.
i finally gave him (free of charge) a clue. “Frank, no matter how many times a woman tells you that her butt is big or that she’s got a lot of wrinkles, you never, never, never, never, ever agree with her.”
“oh. i’m sorrrry.” diddly-doo, he’s so stinkin’ cute when he says “i’m sorrrry” that i had no choice but to get over it. and then we arrived at the car. he walked me to my side of the car and left me at the back end and continued on to his door.
i stood at my door.
he sat down in the driver’s seat.
i stood at my door.
he realized what was going on and leaned over and opened my door from the inside… again!
i shook my head, closed the door, and stood outside.
he got the point and opened my door from the outside.
we got back to his house, and he immediately googled gumbo file and got to see my left eyebrow raise and my lips move into a lovely little sneer as he read to me the ingredients of gumbo file. we then played Trivial Pursuit. and he got lucky on the questions and won the game, after which i witnessed the painfully hilarious and hilariously painful happy dance. so, as i previously mentioned, i made him watch a chick flick, How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, which i’d brought for such an occasion.
about 10 minutes into the movie, he said, “man, does this movie have any guns in it? anything? knife fights? turf wars? is it almost over?” haHA! nope, but he was serving his sentence for his crazy parking lot antics and for being smarter than me, so i made him watch to the syrup-y sweet end. btw, i must make a pronouncement. Frank is, by far, the greatest snuggler/cuddler of all time, so i loooooooove watching movies with him.