Friday evening — the training continues

after the shooting range, we went to Steak & Shake & had yummy food and yummy shakes.

i’d sent Frank a shopping list so i could make him my bestest and most famous dish, shrimp jambalaya, which i will enter in the Carnival of the Recipes somewhere around Christmas Day. anyway, Frank had found everything i needed except the gumbo file (pronounced fee-lay), the bay leaves and the cloves, so we decided to pick up the remaining ingredients and Trivial Pursuit. we’d been talking about playing TP for a while, because see, Frank always tries to start explaining things to me, and i have to yell stuff like “i’m not an idiot!” and “i’m waaaaay smarter than you apparently think i am.” here’s an example. i’ll be doing math in my head and thinking aloud, and Frank will say, “when you add two digits plus two digits, don’t forget to carry the one, Juggy.” or when he lost power during the hurricane, he said, “Sweet T-Shirt Babe, i don’t have any electricity. electricity is what makes your lightbulbs in all of your lamps give off light and makes your curling iron work.” my favorite so far has been, “SarahK, this is the ocean. all that bluish-green stuff you see is water.” to steal from dear BeeBee, may the wrath of Khan strike that man on the head. so as you can imagine, i was ready to put his little SarahK’s-all-Juggy-no-brains theory to rest. it takes a special person to sit for the CPA exam 4 times, i say!

we went to five or six different stores looking for the gumbo file, and i started thinking maybe we could have jambalaya without it; i’m not sure if that’s because i was about to fall asleep walking through the store aisles or not. i told Frank that it probably just serves as a thickening agent, it smells a little like tea leaves, tastes like nothing and looks like ground bay leaves; Frank told me that gumbo file doesn’t exist and he was gonna look it up on the internet to prove it. this coming from a man whom i had to teach how to cook rice. :) i called Bikermommy to get her opinion, and we decided to ditch the file and find our Trivial Pursuit.

now, we looked for TP at Wal-Mart, but all they had was DVD-edition Hollywood TP or something and Lord of the Rings TP (how do you make a whole TP game out of LOTR?). the next store didn’t have a good old-fashioned Genus edition TP either. finally, we found Trivial Pursuit Volume VI at K-Mart; i noted that they didn’t call it Genus VI, probably because they were tired of people pronouncing it “genius”.

now. when we were in Wal-Mart, we were standing in line to check out, and i hugged Mr. Wonderful. he hugged me back and mouthed off something about “okay, no more PDA!”, because he’s a bit crazy — there’s really no other explanation for this. it’s not like i was trying to French kiss him on checkout lane #5! anyway, he only had to tell me once, and i wanted nothing to do with him for the moment; sad, really, because he’d built up so much goodwill by teaching me how to shoot guns. so later, as we walked back across the K-Mart parking lot, he was trying to hug on me. “don’t touch me!” said i, and he kept coming close to me, trying to put his arm around me. when he did, his hand kept “accidentally” brushing against my booty. i said, “don’t touch my butt!” and he said… ladies, y’all will want to sit down for this… men, y’all need to pay close attention to this next little training episode. he said, “i can’t help it. it just sticks out there.”

NO! NO! NO! NO!

my mouth became agape, and i gave him my do-you-value-your-life-if-so-you’d-better-take-it-back look. and he said… still sitting, ladies? he said, “what? i like big butts!”

NO! NO! NO! NO!

now even more agog, even more aghast, i just picked up the pace to the car. and he continued… men, let this next part be your lesson of how never to justify some stupid remark you just made to your lady. “what? you yourself are always saying how you’ve got a big butt. but that’s not a bad thing! i like big butts!”

NO! NO! NO! NO!

poor Frank. i don’t know who to blame, as i’m sure his mother is a classy lady who taught him that sometimes it’s best to just say “i’m sorrrry, please forgive me, let’s go buy you some new shoes” immediately rather than start digging deeper into the mire.

i finally gave him (free of charge) a clue. “Frank, no matter how many times a woman tells you that her butt is big or that she’s got a lot of wrinkles, you never, never, never, never, ever agree with her.”

“oh. i’m sorrrry.” diddly-doo, he’s so stinkin’ cute when he says “i’m sorrrry” that i had no choice but to get over it. and then we arrived at the car. he walked me to my side of the car and left me at the back end and continued on to his door.

i stood at my door.
he sat down in the driver’s seat.
i stood at my door.
he realized what was going on and leaned over and opened my door from the inside… again!
i shook my head, closed the door, and stood outside.
he got the point and opened my door from the outside.

we got back to his house, and he immediately googled gumbo file and got to see my left eyebrow raise and my lips move into a lovely little sneer as he read to me the ingredients of gumbo file. we then played Trivial Pursuit. and he got lucky on the questions and won the game, after which i witnessed the painfully hilarious and hilariously painful happy dance. so, as i previously mentioned, i made him watch a chick flick, How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, which i’d brought for such an occasion.

about 10 minutes into the movie, he said, “man, does this movie have any guns in it? anything? knife fights? turf wars? is it almost over?” haHA! nope, but he was serving his sentence for his crazy parking lot antics and for being smarter than me, so i made him watch to the syrup-y sweet end. btw, i must make a pronouncement. Frank is, by far, the greatest snuggler/cuddler of all time, so i loooooooove watching movies with him.

30 Responses to Friday evening — the training continues

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  3. Toooooo funny!! I’m glad you forgave him cuz’ he’s too cute to hold a grudge against! Although he definitely needs to work on the whole opening-the-car-door thing!!

  4. what’s wrong with saying you have a big butt? my wife takes it as a compliment…kinda. well, not really. but it is a compliment. i understand frank’s pain.

  5. oh my goodness i just laughed so hard i sprained something.
    permission to re-print, please, provided credit is given?

    Beca

  6. Frank, never refuse the affection of the lady who loves you. Or hearts you. Or whatever the case is. Unless you are trying to lose her on purpose. Haven’t you ever heard, “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned?” There is a reason that is a proverb. But it sounds like you managed to get back into SarahK’s good graces!! And if you are trying to give SarahK a compliment on a shapely rear, try mentioning how irresistable her beautiful curves are or something. Says the same thing, but imparts warm fuzzies to the hearer instead of iceburgs. :)

  7. I about died laughing at Frank’s reaction to the Chick Flick. With Paul, it’s: “What, no one dies? No car ‘splosions after a high-speed chase?? No gunfire? No BOOBS?!?” But he’s sweet and watches them with me anyway, because he knows he’ll get some snuggle action and I’m lucky that the boy is cray-zee for that…

    Sounds like you kids had a good weekend! :)

  8. Wow Sarah, you are so right, if you teach a man how to behave early on, a lot less problems later. Way to go girl!

    Of course, even my Big Guy gets the Wrath of Khan down on his head occasionally. Keeps him on his toes.

    But really, sounds like you and Frank are having a great time. Hope you have lot’s more, and keep blogging, that way I don’t have to buy any of those magazine’s in the checkout lane at the grocery store. I can get my gossip fix right from you. :)

  9. Frank, Frank, Frank . . . ::shaking head back and forth::, so many rookie mistakes.

    1. If ever asked “Do I look {fill in blank} in this?” or “I think I have a {fill in}{blanks}” the answer is always an emphatic “No” and then file that in your head as a subject NEVER EVER to bring up no matter how ridiculous the subject, and no matter how true it is. If you do, the number of times you hear the complaint will increase exponentially.

    2. ALWAYS apologize immediately. This is one I personally continue to struggle with. Fault is irrelevant. You are always wrong. For some reason women are into this whole “apology” thing. Why that makes a difference to them is beyond me, but it does. If one of my male buddies makes me angry, we have a beer, and its all over without a word spent on it. Save yourself a lot of suffering and just get used to caving right away. If you don’t, you’ll continue to hear about it for days, weeks, months and maybe even years! Even worse, a subject you thought was closed will be brought up when you go to bed. There is nothing worse then hearing complaints when you want to go to sleep.

    3. If PDA is foisted upon you, never reject it outright, put that noggin to use to deflect it.

    4. NEVER EVER insert yourself into any aspect of the cooking relm. Never criticize the food or the method of preparation. And NEVER EVER EVER say that your mom’s food is better, or that your Mom prepared a certain dish better. Of course your Mom did, but you can never let the significant other know that.

    5. Always throw half of the games you play, and never let on that you did it. We all know you could have smoked SarahK at trivial pursuit, but you did the right thing in throwing that last game. Good job! :) /shaking

  10. Oh yeah, what is Steak and Shake?????

  11. Kevin, throwing a game is even worse than being smarter than me and beating me at said game. faking is bad bad bad.

  12. yummy place for steakburgers and shakes.

  13. Hey doll. Your redsox are up by 6 in the second inning!! They might just pull it out of their behinds yet…

  14. I was JOKING about no public PDA!!!

  15. C’est pour Frank une change bonne! I would have just had Frank download that Gumbo File from jambalaya.com. Shrimpas an’ Rice is shooooooo naç!

  16. loki1228n it comes to keeping

    SarahK,

    Good for you when it comes to keeping Frank in line by demanding that he open doors for you properly. All of us men should have a woman like you to keep us in line. And Frank, if you read this, I’m sorry you had to watch “How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days”, but at least you got to be with the beautiful SarahK while watching it.

  17. Wow, that sure is a doozy of a name…

  18. It looks like FrankJ hasn’t learned the rule of always apologizing or the Four Magic Words (“Honey, I was wrong.”). It might take him a while. My wife has been working on me for more than 7 years now and I still haven’t learned…

    I also still hold the door open for my wife, but just not as frequently as when we were dating (then all the time, now… maybe 20% on a good day).

    My wife likes it when I make Matt Martinez’ Shrimp Stew, maybe you can make it for FrankJ if he visits again.

    Also, it seems the Sox just won…

  19. Frank didn’t want a PDA? Excuse my ignorance, but what does a digital assistant have to do with anything.

    As for the chick flick, were there any ninjas or smart-mouthed chimps?

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  21. Being a guy I feel guilty for laughing.

  22. advice to Sarahk from Bikermommy…been in a few rodeos and will tell you…when training that little bronc you should never actually let him know that you are doing so…especially in P-u-b-l-i-c. that way he gets to keep his er-um-dignity (vanity,pride,etc) while learning. and don’t worry FrankJ…very few men, even ronins, know all the ins and outs of what to do when faced with a WMD (Woman of Many Demands)…but believe me those types are definitely worth it (aren’t they husband of mine?)…tee hee

  23. hmmm, after this public humiliation maybe Frank J. will be looking for a kinder gentler, T shirt babe.

  24. Which brings me to my orinial point: If you’re not naturally romantic, you better darn well be funny. Women can be distracted by your funniness enough not to notice your unromanticism most of the time. You’ll be ok Frank

  25. When I was in Air Force Tech School my wife would drop me off in front of the Squadron where I would go to PT and then off to school. Every day, I would drive onto the base, park the truck, she would walk over to the driver’s side kiss me good-bye and I would head into the squadron compound. One morning the Squadron Commander saw me kiss her (I was in uniform) and called me over for a butt chewing (it was tech school, I was an E2). He said “Airman, what do you have to say about that PDA”, I quickly answered back, “That wasn’t affection, that was my wife”. His face turned red and he turned as he started to laugh. I never heard another word about it.

    Mike

  26. Wow…I mean, I knew that Frank was the man before, but I never realized just how the man he was. That’s gotta be one of the best improvved lines since Reagan’s “Sorry honey, I forgot to duck” – good goin’ Frank!

    Yeah, I’m probably going to hell for laughing that hard at that – good thing I’m an aetheist, right?

  27. Love to hear about another girl who likes the range (I love my glock)… AND one who knows to “teach” the men instead of just get furious and stomp out of their lives… You see, if we never let them in on the secrets, how will they know how to make us happy :)

    Found you via Note it Posts!

    keep up the great work!

  28. Dave in Texas

    Look, Frank J., you’re young dude. You’re going to make all the mistakes we made (heck, at this rate, perhaps more). It’s ok, the girl is obviously smitten with you. Go figure.

    As you have no doubt figured out by now (you are a bright fellow), when you step on your dingy (pardon the vernacular sarahk, but guys understand the depth of their screwups through colorful guy type metaphors), what is supremely important is what you do next.

    So, in the interests of supporting my two young friends, a couple of hints. Only a couple, this stuff ain’t free you know. The rest of us paid. And paid.

    First, when your sweetie is pissed, say “I’m sorry”. You do not have to elaborate. Saying I’m sorry and looking fretful will buy you time”.

    They may pin you as to “why you are sorry”. Don’t fall for this, they are perfectly happy for you to express sorrow, which of course is admitting you are wrong and they are right. That’s good enough lad. If they press, say “I don’t know what I was thinking”. They expect us to be confused.

    Do all kinds of good manners things at this point. Keep looking like a puppy who is trouble. They love that.

    If you mean it. If not, well, you’re screwed.

    One more freebie. “What’s the right answer”? is a bad way to respond to a question that has been posed twice.

    I’m just sayin.

    good luck.

    Dave

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