help wanted?

my Sizzle is looking for a job, because she had a [bonehead] boss who didn’t think it was necessary to give her much notice that she was soon to be out of a job. Sizzle got an email from said [bonehead] on Friday that said something to the effect of, “i can’t afford to pay you anymore. Wednesday will be your last day.” thanks for the notice, kind sir.

so i got a call from her yesterday, she needed help writing her resume. after our conversation, i decided to just write it for her. no need to thank me, Sizzle, all i did was organize what you told me about yourself so that your future employer may see your resume on my blog and hire you. any loving sizzle would have done the same. if any of you musees know of someone in the Metroplex looking for good help, please forward them this resume. by emailing a link to my blog, of course. it’s all about blog traffic.

Sizzle K
47 My Street
Metroplex, Texas 7****
(817) PAY-GOOD
sizzlek@aol.yahoo.net

Objective: To make money and not have to work.

Summary of qualifications: Proficient in bossing people around, not so good at taking orders or instructions. Understands that the customer is NOT always right, is able to bring coworkers to tears at will. Advanced user in whining, long lunch breaks, padding time sheets and closing office doors before painting toenails. Expert user of Excel, AOL Instant Messenger, Yahoo! Instant Messenger, Mozilla Firefox, Internet Explorer and Adobe Photoshop.

Experience:

Realtors Anonymous, Hot Office Chick, September 2004 – November 2004
* Smiled at male customers to convince them to buy houses. Sold 14. Left job because Office Manager was insecure about herself.

Bad Realty Ltd., Smokin’ Babe who Hands out Buttons, May 2004 – September 2004
* Handed out buttons. Smiled a lot. Moved on to pursue better opportunity.

Apartment Renters United, Lease Writer Girl, May 2004 – May 2004
* Filled out a lot of paperwork. Got writer’s cramp in my fingers, got fired over workers’ comp claim. Jerks.

Education:
I write on a 6th grade level. But my handwriting is real pretty. And I’m cute, so who cares?

Skillz:
Yo, read the above stuff, mkay?

Hobbies & Interests:
I really like football. And reading blogs, especially during work hours. Bloggers totally rawk! Watching soaps on my mini-tv at my desk, making labels with my super-cool label-maker, and sipping nice cold Dr. Pepper. mmm mmm good.

thanks to Jooooish reader Roger Glass who pointed out that a certain name i called Sizzle’s former boss is obscene in Yiddish. didn’t know that.

16 Responses to help wanted?

  1. Your poor sister :)

  2. your sister is going to punch you. I am sure she will forgive you after she gets a job working for Frank J. she is more than qualified.

  3. There’s going to be beer bottles broken on the sides of tables at the next family reunion! ;)

    Too bad she doesn’t live in Minneapolis, she’s more qualified than my last secretary

  4. sarahk, where is the catblogging?? you promised but I guess you got distracted being jealous about FrankJ and the t-shirt babe look-alike. remember, cats are more important than funny boyfriends.

  5. I need a T-shirt babe for my blog… no pay, but a GREAT resume builder! Y’all could turn T-shirt babe blogging into a family business.

  6. I have to make this joke or it will just kill me the rest of the day. So no getting all indigent. “So is a 6th grade education in Texas the same as a 1st grade education in the North.” That being said, I would hire your sister based on the cuteness factor alone.

  7. man, maybe that’s my problem, I’m not hot enough. :I

  8. finally talked to the little sizzle.she’s coming over tomorrow to read her resume.

  9. Heehee. Dat’s funny!

  10. good thing you’re gonna be out of state for Thanksgiving……

  11. and thank you, Mr. Glass, for your help in keeping Mountaineer Musings free of obscenities in whatever languages that might be used on SarahK’s site.

  12. Pingback: IMAO

  13. Maybe Frank J. could use another T-Shirt model?

  14. Frank needs only one t-shirt babe, and the pay’s a little less than what she’s going for.

  15. LOL! Wow, I wish I had an older sis to look out for me too.

  16. It looks like “cat” would be the perfect job for her. Meow.