Frank put it to his readers todayta! to submit headlines and then funny jokes after the headlines. i had a lot of fun with this. here are my favorites that i submitted.
Leavitt Tapped for HHS.
tomorrow he’ll do interpretive dance for HUD.
Man, 80, Lives 18 Hours in Sea.
unconfirmed reports state he lived the other 701,262 hours on land.
Government Must Do More to Prevent Future Voter Fraud
President Bush to outlaw elections in Chicago and at Wizbang.
Breast Cancer Test Predicts Who Will, Won’t, Benefit From Chemo
among those listed as not benefiting are those without cancer.
Jury Reviews Evidence
next week, Cow Produces Milk.
Jury Reaches Sentence Decision
recommends capitalizing first letter and ending with period.
Pakistan: No CIA Bases Here
that you know of.
List of Nominees for GLOBES…
leading the nominations is Earth, followed by Mars and Mercury.
Phishing Scams Continue to Grow
local bait and tackle shops under surveillance.
McCain: No Confidence in Rumsfeld
Rumsfeld: i’ll kill ‘im.
US Denies Meddling in Ukraine Election
President Bush says he found “Go Yushchenko” t-shirt at garage sale, couldn’t resist bargain.
Kerik, White House Say Withdrawal Was His Decision
Wells Fargo officials corroborate and note that deposit was voluntary as well.
Theme Parks Attendance Up in 2004 Thanks to Foreigners
also up in 2004 thanks to foreigners… dead terrorists.
(because most of them are foreign)
Men Who Remarry Tend to Gain Weight, Ignore Health
women who remarry tend to gain weight, ignore husband.
Migraines May Increase Stroke Risk
so may raising the blood pressure of migraine-sufferers by telling them they’re going to die of stroke.
Annan’s son denies oil-for-food wrongdoing
UN denies anti-semitism.
Gay pastor dispute divides Methodists
the pastors are fighting over wallpaper colors. that’s so gay.
there are lots more from other funny people, so go see.
UPDATE: more… (i’m sorry, i can’t stop!)
Google to Scan Rare Books
why don’t they just read the Cliffs Notes?
Twins Deliver Twins, Today
sister storks very proud to carry matching babies.
Ukraine Opposition Expands – Poisoning Hard to Prove
Russian doctors say traces of hemlock and arsenic in Yushchenko’s blood probably from childhood vaccine.
No More ‘Sopranos’
fine then! we sing alto better too! we can be divas without hitting that high D. punks.
Kraft Raises Coffee Prices on Rising Bean Cost
what?? Kraft has products other than
Macaroni ‘n’ CheeseCheese ‘n’ Macaroni??
Former Bush Campaign Chief Pleads Innocent
… to losing!