oh no she didn’t just totally steal my pillow
our flight left at 7, so after our leaving late and having an ammo debacle, Frank and i arrived at the gate just as they began to board. when we got into our seats on the plane, Frank grabbed a pillow that was sitting in the third seat on our row. i was in the window seat. after Frank got tired of the pillow, i took it right out of his hands after distracting him with my pretty looks. he didn’t mind, as he was using my shoulder as a pillow anyway. so i put the little airline pillow between my arm/back and the wall of the airplane. you know how it gets really cold right up against that wall.
i started in on the Mensa quiz a little way into the flight, and i’d just gotten to number 3 when i felt something happening between me and the wall. someone was tugging at my pillow.
ok, maybe that’s a kid, and i’ll turn around and ask his mommy to give me back the pillow in a few seconds.
so there it went. my pillow. gone. thefted. stolen. how old is this kid??
i wrote a note to Frank on top of my Mensa quiz. “the guy behind me totally just stole my pillow.”
Frank said, “what??”
i whispered, “yes! just took it!”
i turned around and peeked between Frank’s and my seats.
a fat, ugly woman in her thirties stole my pillow. was she really fat? i dunno. was she really ugly? dunno that either. all i know is that a woman in her 30s who steals another woman’s pillow on the airplane is fat, ugly, and has bad breath. i’m glad she didn’t breathe on me when she, say, asked if i was using that pillow. it would have stunk, and i would have gasped and said, “wow, woman. you are a woman, right? if not, you really should see to those man-boobs. anyway, no, you can’t have my pillow, no matter how fat and ugly you are, because i’m using it, and because you need to focus your efforts on not having bad breath. here’s a mint. Frank will give you a Listerine breath strip if you so desire it.”
knowing that it was a fat, ugly woman in her 30s who had a severe case of bad breath who stole my pillow, and not a grade-school kid, i just didn’t know how to react to such childish behavior.
so i did what any beautiful, minty-breathed, skinny (ok, this is my blog post) woman in her 20s would do. i completely ignored her. and then later, when Frank and i were in jovial conversation, i said very loudly, “i can’t wait to get a Hot Spot so i can blog about how the woman behind us totally stole my pillow!” and again later, when we were sitting on the tarmac, filming ourselves (because we’re chronicling the wedding week), i said loudly to the camera, “oh! and this lady behind me totally stole my pillow! i can’t wait to blog about her!”
when we got of the plane, i could smell some awful bad breath behind me, and then the fat, ugly, bad-breathed lady and her husband passed us. she was holding the pillow up under her arm like it was a trophy. congratulations, fat, ugly woman! you won a fifty cent pillow by acting like a child! your momma is proud of you.
but our flight landed at 8:50!
we had to wait about 45 minutes for a parking spot after the plane landed, so it was a long time before we ever actually saw the airport. then we bused to the rent car place and finally got out of the airport around 10:30 and to Sizzle’s house around 11. good grief, getting up at 6, it was a long day.