And by top 6, I don’t mean the best 6 singers of the season. Obviously.
I forgot to pick the songs everyone should sing this week. But Sa called and told me what Kellie sang, and I couldn’t be happier. This is going to be fantastic.
LOL, Ryan says that it was bad luck for the ladies last week, because Ace left. Frank and I both thought, one of the ladies went home.
Anyway, tonight it’s love songs with Andrea Bocelli. And David Foster (who’s produced Celine Dion a million times and written a million of her songs if I recall correctly) worked with him on this latest album, so he’s there helping out. And Foster’s like, “Are these the finalists?” when they vocalize. And showing Foster doing the critiques, I want him on every single week to critique and coach and yell.
IDOLS 01 and IDOLS 07… Katharine is singing “I Have Nothing” by Whitney Houston, written by David Foster. Katharine looks wonderful in this yellow dress with wow, that’s a lot of boobage. Ok, when she walks around in the dress, it’s not so good. I changed my mind on the great banana peel she’s wearing. The hair and eyeshadow are great. The facial expressions were awful. Aight. Down to vocal business. Sa, I must absolutely disagree with you. She was awful. After such a great performance last week, I was really hopeful she’d kill the competition this week. She didn’t. It was screechy, weak, and flat. Bad bad bad.Â Randy says “nah, dawg”. Paula says “you’re pretty and I love the boobs”. Simon says “red, blue, green, green, yellow”… I mean Simon says you’re not Whitney so you shouldn’t have tried it.
IDOLS 02 AND IDOLS 08… Elliott is going to sing with a giant satin baby blue tie on. Elliott is singing “A Song For You” by Donny Hathaway.Â It was awesome, the entire song. That’s all I’m saying. Randy hates the arrangement. Paula is crying, her glycerin is above her eyes, under her eyes, and the collagen in her lips has leaked out. Simon is laughing at Paula and really trying to contain himself. I’m in heaven. HEAVEN! Thank you, Paula. Thank you so much!Â Oh, and Simon liked it.
[I DONT THINK SO] AND [AFTER BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY, ARE YOU KIDDING ME?]… Kellie is singing… this is going to be phenomenal… “Unchained Melody”. Lemme tell ya, I snorted this entire song at church camp one year for talent night, and it’s never been done as well as my snortage.Â So I have no hope that Kellie will do a good job. Kellie’s wearing her prom hair. She’s talking about Ghost and the pottery scene. “Isn’t that a cute scene? I don’t have anyone to play pottery with.” Yeah, that’s like one of the most erotic movie scenes ever. Real cute and playful. Wait, has she developed thighs? If so, I might have to start liking her out of solidarity. Kellie. I love you. This is what the Chinese will torture dissenters with in the future. You came through for me, and so did the judges, finally. That poor dead Righteous Brother is turning in his grave. Randy:Â “Dawg, you know you butchered that right?” Paula:Â “You’re not raising the bar each week. You’re pretty.” Simon:Â “It’s like the Hindenburg crashed into the Titanic.” Ok, actually that was Frank, before Kellie even sang. Simon:Â “I thought the torture would never end, it was so boring and monotonous and robotic and — wait! wait! I’m not finished!” LOL, They actually cut him off because he trashed the performance for so long. Frank almost felt sorry for Kellie. Me? No.
IDOLS 04 AND IDOLS 10… Paris, with her 19th hairdo since getting to the voting rounds, is singing “The Way We Were”.Â Her head is bouncing a lot. First half is extremely boring. Second half is terrible, whiny, and screechy, not to mention offkey in a lot of spots. Randy liked it a’ight. Paula thought she oversang. Simon thought it was a good vocal but old-fashioned. Simon not happy about being cut off last time.
So. All the girls were bad tonight. Elliott’s the only good one so far tonight. And I reiterate about David Foster. Every week. Please.
IDOLS 05 AND IDOLS 11… Captain Tightpants is back. That’s unfortunate. Cap’n Tightpants with the velvet tux jacket. I really wish he’d stop dressing like Elvis. Anyway, Taylor’s singing “Just Once” by James Ingram (I think). I still don’t think he’s ever hit a bad note, maybe in his life. Great vocal, great finish, great night for Taylor. And no crazy dancing, yay! Randy didn’t like it but likes the tightpants suit. Paula didn’t like it. Simon thought it was hotel lounge singery, and Paula cut Simon off with a big jump up out of her seat and rah rah cheer cheer we love you Taylor, Simon’s crazy even though I said I didn’t like it either!!! Simon:Â Again not happy about being cut off, this time by Paula instead of Ryan and the music. Anyway, I think the judges were wrong on this one.
IDOLS 06 AND IDOLS 12… Chris is singing “Have You Really Ever Loved a Woman” by Bryan Adams. David Foster got Chris to lie on the floor to learn to sing with his body and not just his throat. Wow. I don’t know what to think about what he’s wearing. He’s on stage with a guitarist on each side, which is great for effect. This song has always been very Don Juany for me. Very Mexico. That reminds me. I made chicken chimichangas tonight, and they were awesome. My mom loves this song, of course. I’ve always been iffy on it. So to Chris… Beginning is very good and vulnerable. One low note was “pitchy”, but overall great quality… The high notes on “tenderness” and “treat her right” — he got there, but with his facial expressions, you could tell he wasn’t sure he would make it. He made it though. I thought the performance was excellent. Randy:Â “We love you!” Paula:Â Jumping out of her seat, sending out seal-claps with a forward motion – what is that? A dolphin clap? “We love you!” Simon:Â “Good song choice, great performance, very sexy song.” Yay! However, I’ll bet tomorrow I’ll read on a bunch of blogs and boards:Â “Yeah, it was great, but he did a song that Bryan Adams already did before! He cheated!”
So the men killed and the chicks dogged it tonight. In order of vocals… Ouch, it’s a severe tossup between Elliott and Chris for top spot (we voted for both 4 times)… I have to give it to Chris, maybe because it was a little sexier, and maybe just because he was in the final slot. But Elliott was only behind by a hair. Ok, so…
Prediction:Â The girls will be the bottom 3. Going home? I think it’s finally Kellie’s turn. Wait, it’s been her turn for-like-ever. It’s either her or Paris. Ok, yeah, I’m going with Kellie.