Don’t know why I’m so excited. I know I’m voting for Taylor unless Katharine pulls out something I’ve never heard from her. Taylor is definitely the most talented, and I don’t care how spastic he is. Really, I’m not watching him when listening to his CD. Then again, if they’re both boring and safe, I may not vote.

Simon looks suave in his nice jacket. Paula and Randy have meaningless nothings to say, and Simon says each should hope the other forgets the words.

They’re showing the Bad Day stuff for both contestants, since neither one gets it tomorrow night.

BTW, sorry about 24. I’ll get to it tomorrow. Today I had lots going on.
IDOLS 01/03/05… Um. Does Katharine realize this was one of the weirdest and most lackluster songs she did the whole season, and that doing it again just reminds people why she shouldn’t be in the final? At least she wasn’t on her knees the whole time, but really. Boring. Not as weird as the first time. No vocal range… I’m really baffled by this song choice. This is the final, Katharine. RANDY: A’ight. PAULA: Garble warber goo goo. SIMON: Good with a lowercase g. Not big enough song for tonight.

I’m sorry, I’m so confused. Why would she pick this again? Ever? REWATCH: She looks cute? I really don’t have anything else to say. McDad still crying.

IDOLS 02/04/06… “Living For the City” is Taylor’s first one. The first time he sang this, I don’t remember what I thought, but I remember what everyone else thought. Everyone was up in arms over how he sang it as a super-happy-excited song but the song is NOT a happy song. I guess at that point I revealed I’d never heard that song before. Boring. Not as spastic as the first time. Maybe I just don’t like this song, but um. Stevie Wonder song + American Idol = Bad Idea. Always. Oh, and the jacket? Horrid. But he wins the first song. RANDY: Yo yo, yay yay! PAULA: We match! Look ma boobs! Dance like Taylor! Soul Pertol! SIMON: Good way to start the night, you win the first round. Hey, I said that too. REWATCH: It’s fine, but it’s Stevie Wonder on American Idol. The jacket. Should never be seen again. Ever.

1/3/5… Katharine is doing “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” again this week. I hope she gets off the floor and leaves out the oversing part. Nope, on the floor, and I just can’t express in words how tired I am of seeing the girls on their knees this season, it’s been overabundant (how could it not have been, with Kellie Pickler in the competition and Kat trying to vamp better than Kellie). I suppose it’s best expressed with a head back-tilt and a gigantic eye roll. Demure, very understated, let’s just hope it stays that way. Aaaaaand she’s building to the oversing… The build up was actually lovely and voteworthy. The oversing was, well, an oversing. But the end was good, and this was much better than last week. Wow, Katharine held out a note and didn’t screech. Applause from SarahK. Ok, enough with the McTears. Do they have to show Mr. McPhee every single time he cries? Just in case y’all were wondering out there in TV land, Mr. McPhee is still crying. That’s just an update from us to you, because we don’t want you going to bed wondering, “Did Kat’s dad cry every time Kat sang?” It’s a service we provide. You can thank us never. RANDY: You worked it out two weeks in a row. You’re hot. PAULA: let’s see if anyone can decipher if Paula actually said anything — this is a word for word quote, per my DVR… Katharine, it’s no mistake that it’s God-given talent that you are possessed with, that you are possessive of, that you, every father around this country is feeling the tears down their face as your father does every time the camera goes in, on him. SARAHK: WHAT??? Flurgy markova duvnok to you too, Paula. SIMON: Round 1, you were slaughtered. Now, this was your best of the season yet again. SARAHK: Oh, and I hate the blouse. Or curtains from Oprah’s house, whatever she’s wearing. BTW. Since she made such a big dumb deal about this, I’m gonna make a big dumb deal too. Katharine was wearing an earpiece so the piano could prompt with her starting note. It didn’t work this time, and Kat is beside herself that she actually started on the right note. Um, if you can’t hit a key on a dinky keyboard backstage and then come out 30 seconds later and mimic the note you just heard 30 seconds ago backstage, you shouldn’t be in the AI finals. It’s simple playing by ear. Or singing by ear, as it were. That makes me so much less impressed by her performance. Maybe I’m a music snob because my entire family can hear something and sing it back. I certainly wouldn’t praise myself with such surprise in front of 40 million people for that. /rant. REWATCH: Katharine at her best. McDad still crying.

2/4/6… Taylor’s second song is “Levon”. I think I was the only one that liked this the first time he sang it. Taylor looks good in this shiny suit, and his pants aren’t too tight. I thought this was even better than the first time he sang it. I am probably the only one in that camp, but I loved it. It wasn’t spastic, a little understated, but in a good way. Well-sung. RANDY: Nice song, pitchy, you know I have to keep it real. A little pitchy. PAULA: Part 2 of the “Can We Decipher Paula” game… I don’t know, Randy. I think what may be pitchy to you is the essence of who Taylor is, and Taylor’s just getting in to the song… SARAHK: Mwu-huh?? Are you saying that pitchiness is Taylor’s essence? SIMON: Paula, you make no sense. You walked the first round, Taylor. 2nd round goes to Katharine. It’s up for grabs. REWATCH: Loved it. Much.

1/3/5… So now Katharine is singing her first single.

Lemme ’splain about the single. No matter who you are or how well loved, you are going to have a cuh-rappy first single from American Idol. I don’t know who vettes (sp?) the songs and gives the big thumbs up that says, yes. By gum, let’s take this superstar we’ve made this year and have everyone who hears the first single by said superstar empty their stomachs via esophagi and immediately turn the station. If it’s not hurl-worthy, it’s not good enough for American Idol. Last year, Carrie Underwood’s first single was “Inside Your Heaven”, which has lyrics such as, “I wanna be inside your heaven, take me to the place you cry from…” Where does that even make sense? Take me to your tear ducts, I come in peace, Mr. McPhee. Only in Tamyra Gray’s inspirational artistic heartstring does that make sense. The worst part is that it’s apparently an unwritten requirement that the song MUST be one of those “you’re my inspiration” or “I’m inspired to dream” or “You inspire me to dream about you” songs. The two elements being inspiration and dreaming. By definition, those songs are B-E-A-T-I-N-G-S. So here’s what we’re up for: each contestant will be given a snooze-inducing cuh-rappy song to sing. Whoever makes their song sound the least sucky wins.

1/3/5… Back to Katharine. Singing Sucky Song #1, called “My Destiny”. Her dress is way too tight, she can hardly move in it. It’s a pretty color on her, but the cut is horrible. Ok, first off, Sucky Song #1 is way too low for Katharine, and yes, Mr. McPhee is still crying. I’ve noticed something Katharine does. I used to do this, so I’m very self-conscious about it when I’m singing, whether in the car or the shower or on a stage. When the words are slow and/or the tone low, she looks very sad. When the notes get higher and/or faster, she gets happy. Unless the note is hard to hit, then she looks pained. Doesn’t matter the words. Mr. McPhee still crying. Anyway, she should mind her facial expressions. That said, I think when Katharine learned and rehearsed this song, she focused on two things: getting the words right and making faces. Not so much on hitting the notes. This performance was awful, hideous, screechy, off-key (in LOTS of places), and she took an incredibly boring song and did absolutely nothing to make it better. Not a star, not a champion, not your next American Idol. RANDY: Dawg, first, you look gorgeous. Uh-oh. Keeping it real. You sounded really good. I did not love the song. But you sounded good. PAULA: That is not your fault, you are brilliant. SIMON: You went from brilliant to quite good in one song. You are a great potential artist. I hope your fans remember the second song. SARAHK: Absolute mess. REWATCH: Trainwreck followed by a Brevard County wildfire. But I know why it’s too low in the beginning. Because it’s too high at the end. Ick, it’s way too airy. Sometimes airy is good, but when airy is because you can’t hit the notes strongly, airy is bad. McMom crying too.

2/4/6… So it’s down to Taylor’s first cuh-rappy single. And then no more singy. And SarahK can rewatch then go to bed. Taylor’s cuh-rap is called “Do I Make You Proud”. He starts off holding back but gets into it pretty quickly. See, this is what good artists do. They take cuh-rap and make it bearable. And Taylor’s making this more than bearable. Insert record scratch here. What’s with the Baptist choir? Seriously, they were there for Kat’s love song, and now they’re very proud of Taylor. Insert record scratch again, and there is no question. Taylor took his song and made it the best he could make it. Katharine took hers and tried not to screw it up. There is absolutely no question. Taylor wins. RANDY: Slightly better song, but you know who Taylor is and you make all the songs your own. PAULA: You are better than the song. I love it, all the judges are dissing the cuh-rappy songs. SIMON: Assuming it was tied after the 2nd round, you’ve just won American Idol. REWATCH: Soul Patrol!

No question about it. Taylor wins, hands down. Now everyone vote. For Taylor and his cuh-rappy first single.

Congratulations, Taylor. Most nights, you earned it. Especially tonight.

Wait, pause, I have to dance before the rewatch. The AI producers love me after all. Weird, I’m having a seizure, and now I know when I’m having them, so it’s very strange. Where’s my helmet? Anyway, Daniel Powter is here, live, to sing “Bad Day”. And now I shall get on my knees and dance and wave my arms and sway to the music. I LOVE this song. All I need for a good song is a good melody and that the words don’t suck. Oh, and it helps if there’s a lovely tenor voice thrown in. This melody rocks my soul. I love the words too. And the voice. But it’s the melody that sucks me in every time. My soul, people, my soul. First person to send me this .mp3 from tonight is my new best friend for 30 seconds. REWATCH: I’m not ashamed of my love for this song. My soul, y’all.

Ok, it’s to the rewatch, but there’s really no point. Taylor, Taylor, Taylor. SOUL PATROL! Good night.