i swear, they need paranoid people like me working for the feds. baby formula and prescription liquids are allowed on flights.

1) have passengers make a deal with the pharmacy. i turn in my liquid meds here, and the pharmacy in the city where i’m going gives me the same amount when i arrive. let’s all work together here. we’re all Americans.

2) have passengers take their baby formula on in powder form. when everyone is all tucked in, give the mommies water for the bottles.

3) i still giggle every time I hear Putin referred to. it’s funny.

4) they’re throwing this liquid stuff people bring into a bin? all of it in a bin in the airport terminal? and what, no random no-show student is just going to throw his cell phone into the bin where his no-show buddies already threw their leaky sports drinks and blow up the terminal with just as many people as are on a plane? who comes up with these airport procedures, Daffy Duck? i’m telling you, that’s what the feds are missing. the terminals. and don’t think i’m giving ideas to the terrorists that they haven’t already been planning for.

they need to check every person’s carry-on at the check-in counter. liquid in your carry-on? put it in your checked luggage right now. if you have carry-on luggage only, and you try to carry on liquid stuff, you’re under suspicion. maybe your meds just make you stupid. maybe your boyfriend gave you a Christmas or Ramadan present and you don’t know what he gave you because you haven’t opened it yet, once you’ve been cleared of suspicion, you miss your flight. period. you’re sent back through security, you have to toss your stuff or take it to your car or mail it to yourself or whatever you need to do. if you’re not cleared of suspicion, or if you’re deemed to be here illegally — meaning you’re an illegal alien, whether on an expired student visa or you jumped a fence or crawled through a ditch — you’re arrested and actually prosecuted. if you’re here illegally, you go home or go to our secret prisons forever.

every time i’m in a terminal, i feel more uneasy there than on an airplane. i used to love flying, but ever since a United flight from Harrisburg to Chicago one year during a storm when i truly thought i was going to die (i’ll never fly United again, ever), i’ve not cared much for it. i much prefer road trips. anyway, i used to like the people watching in the terminals. now i don’t like all those people milling around.

5) i’m just so frustrated today. as Liz pointed out in the comments below, it’s all about global warming, isn’t it? that’s what’s going to take us all down. global warming. not people who want to die for their precious cause to kill the evil west.

i’m having seizures right now. straight for the last 5 minutes. feeling them in my tongue. i’m noticing that they come when i’m under stress or very frustrated. since weaning onto my meds, i have very few. but i notice they’re triggered by stress. and i’m on two epilepsy meds.

6) keep security tightened forever. these nutjobs are going to do this forever. they let scissors back on a while back, and we barely heard about it. nobody touched it! why do they let scissors back on?? what moron at the TSA decided that scissors can no longer cut things? what about utility knives? can they not cut things now either? in 6 months, they’ll decide that the liquid thing will be ok.

7) any jerkface who whines about his inconvenience, about not getting to take his iPod on the plane (should it be banned like they’re doing in Britain), about not getting to have his Juicy Juice or his sippy cup, about having to leave his lip gloss in his suitcase just needs a good do-pop (that’s pronounced dough-pop) in the kisser, as my grandpa would say. i’m guessing it’s gonna be a much bigger inconvenience to have no breath in your body, so shut your face.

8) again. fire that guy who gave the kids the visas. stop forgetting we’re at war. stop forgetting that these people live here, among us, in our country.

8 Responses to ineptitude

  1. The ineptitude is maddening. I have been on the verge of a migraine all day because everything is so unbelievably frustrating. We have islamic fanatics in our own country siding with the enemy in Dearbornistan, and where is Michael Chertoff and ICE? They’ll do a body cavity search on a grandmother but let 11 Egyptians sail right through unscathed so they can go meet up with the rest of their sleeper cell.

    Am I in the twilight zone?

    I know that the thought of the earth warming one degree in the past 100 years is a terrifying fact meant to strike fear into everyone’s hearts, but this islamofacist thing demands immediate attention, too. If only the so-called “objective” media could forget about Mel’s bigoted rant and Bore Gore’s superstitions for one minute and focus on what is really important, for crying out loud! These politically correct, agenda-driven, Stalinist maniacs are going to get us all killed!

    (Sorry, I just had to vent :-))

  2. yes, let’s seize bottles of diet coke and be all pc, when all we really need to do is profile foreign men between the ages of 18 and 50 — something that would be a MILLION times more conveniant and effective

  3. I want to preface this by saying that I am right with you on the whole “alledged” thing. They’re terrorist. We should call them and treat them as such. But I have to wonder if making us, the born-here-and-darned-proud-of-it American’s give up ALL of our rights (come on, you can’t take a liquid of any kind on a plane now?!) is the right way to go about this. Personally, I think that’s a huge win for the Bad Guys. The more stupid stuff they pull, the more rights Americans lose. Really they don’t need to kill us, here soon those Armed Gaurds at the airport might just accidently do it for them because someone has a pepsi in hand, and even if that doesn’t happen…we are losing the one thing this Great Country was founded on above all else. Liberty. I, for one, don’t think it is worth it. It’s time to start taking names, kicking butt, and not looking back. And if anyone doesn’t agree with that, there’s a country just north and just south of us where they’ve already lost their freedoms. I’m sure they’d welcome anyone who thinks America’s Freedom’s are too much.

  4. sirkisser, i think i covered all of the profiling bit. profile profile profile. don’t even let them on our planes, as far as i’m concerned. but also do all of the above.

  5. I sat and listened to them whine at work all day. We all fly, just about weekly. Is it gonna be a pain in the neck? Yep. It sure is. Do I like having to check my laptop? Nope. Not at all.

    Will I do it with a smile on my face? Yes, yes I will. Because we have no choice. We.Are.At.War.


    End of discussion.

  6. have a “speed line” at the airport where you can bypass a number of redundant security checks. just eat some fresh sizzling bacon and wipe your mouth on the koran. then walk on through.

    call me crazy, but maybe it is time for us to consider re-writing the bill of rights — as in, I have a right to not be blown up by islamofacist terrorists, and you have no right to engage in islamofacist practices.

    yes, it is a dangerous move. but we live in dangerous times. if you don’t like this idea, move to france.

  7. According to the London Daily Mail this morning, among the arrested plotters was one Don Stewart-Whyte, a caucasian convert to Islam. There was also the white Belgian female suicide bomber down in Iraq. Admittedly, the vast majority of the bad guys are Middle Eastern/South Asian men, but we can’t completely ignore other ethnicities. This is a matter of some personal interest to me as I am getting on a plane Aug. 18th (2 days after the projected day of the attack) to go to Edinburg. I, for one, think the British authorities did exemplary work in this case.

  8. I am shocked and appalled with your editorial SarahK.

    I am an American. I have rights! I must be allowed to walk on any plane I want. I should not be subjected to security checks. It’s a violation of my civil rights to expect that I can’t take my box cutter, contact lense solution, Estee Lauder astringent and Starbuck’s mocha with me in the cabin. I mean, what if I need them…in the cabin. I could have an emergency and have to apply my suntan lotion…at 30,000 feet, in the freakin’ cabin.

    I will contact the ACLU if I am not allowed to have my iPod, Blackberry, portable DVD player and cell phone with me. I cannot and will not be inconvenienced. I will call Human Rights Watch and Amnesty International and Kofi Annan.

    Of course, if any of my loved ones are killed by a terrorist attack on an airplane, everyone I can think of will be sued because my government did not protect them. I can collect big fat settlements from the U.S. government and the airlines while spending the charitable donation payouts supplied by people like you.

    Thanks, I feel better!