needle torture and electrocution

If your neurologist ever tells you he’s sending you for “nerve conduction studies and muscle stimulation testing,” what he really means is he’s sending you for needle torture and electrocution.

But at least I got to meet Dr. Wonderful’s wife. I gushed about Dr. Wonderful for a while. I might have overwhelmed her just a little. And then she apologized. “It’s my first time to meet you, and I’m going to torture you with needles. I’m so sorry.” She was adorable.

The electrocution actually hurt more than the stabbing with needles. Make that, “I’m going to stab you with this needle. Ok, 1, 2, 3. Now that I have stabbed you with the needle, flex your muscle while the needle is in your muscle and nerve. No. You’re doing it wrong. Do it better. Give me your best effort. Ok, now I’m going to push against you, and you resist me. Ok, now flex your muscle that the needle is in. Ok, now relax.”

Sure thing. But what really hurt was when the guy (not Dr. Wonderfullette) electrocuted behind my knees. Because they have to use a higher voltage to stimulate the nerves between your knees and your feet, and that does not tickle.

6 Responses to needle torture and electrocution

  1. oh, the wonderful electrical shock tests. i’ve had my share of those. i really learned to hate electrodes.

  2. good thing you didn’t tell me, I would have warned you. It was better you didn’t know…..

    I hope your sweetie did nice things for you to make up for it.

  3. I had nerve conduction studies done twice. Once about fifteen years ago and once about six months ago. I told the neuro this last time that I didn’t like it very much the first time. He said,”Then you’re probably not going to like it much this time”. Zap!
    He was right.

  4. Not to make light of your pain, but I have to tell you something funny about your post:

    I wasn’t paying close enough attention, so I misread and thought you were writing about MR. Wonderful, not DR. Wonderful. So when you said you met his wife, I instantly thought that meant you discovered his secret double life or something.

  5. ha! um, no, Gullyborg, that would be my EX-husband. the current husband loves me. and is not stupid.

  6. Okay. My entire brain was shutting down just reading this! I cannot believe you had to go through that.

    Owee-owee-owee-owee-OWEE.