My mother called me when I was in Boise for Christmas. “Sarah. You have to go to JC Penney for me and get Frank a present. I’ll send you the money for it, but you have to do this.”
“What is it?”
“They’re these Aquaman pajamas with feet, and they’re the funniest things, and when I saw them–” she’s laughing now “–I thought Frank just had to have them. But they only have large here, and they’re way to big. Go to JC Penney there and see if they have them.”
“Oh good grief. Alright. I’ll do it.” Because I knew, y’all. I knew she was right. He had to have them. I mean… it’s Aquaman.
So I went with Frank’s mom on the 23rd, or it might even have been Christmas Eve, I don’t remember. We went to Penney’s, and I looked for the super-secret present that I had been instructed to buy. Unfortunately, they were out of the Aquaman footed pajamas. But they did have Aquaman boxers. My word, I actually stood on line to buy Aquaman boxers. My MIL bought him some Homer Simpson boxers for his stocking, too.
So these things were on clearance for six bucks, because let’s face it. If your willy is in trouble, do you really want to entrust it to Aquaman? Help me, Aquaman! Ask a fish to swim my wee to safety! Not so comforting knowing that AC’s got your back(side), right?
Anyway. Other than his Dubya-2, guess what his very favorite Christmas present was. Yep. Those six dollar Aquaman boxers. The first day he wore them, he was practically giddy to put them on. Like suddenly his wang could talk to fish now. And then the next day, I saw him putting on his jeans, and he was still wearing his Aquaman boxers! I said, “Sweetie, you can not wear those boxers!” “Why not?” “Because you wore them yesterday! You put on clean boxers!” And the look on his face. Like a little kid whose toy was being taken away at playtime. He said, “But they’re mine!” He took them off anyway.
He is so cute, y’all. I’m telling you, I just don’t know what to do with him. Last night, there he was, getting ready for bed, and there was Aquaman, on those bright green boxers. I forgot to check and make sure he wasn’t trying to wear them again today.
I have noticed that when they go into his drawer, they are the first ones that come out the next day. Like they’re his best new clothes now.
I love that man.