SARAHK [in horrified Hermione voice]: You’re doing it all wrong. You’re wasting Doritos. If you’re going to eat them like that, you shouldn’t eat the Fiery Habaneros at all.
FRANK J.: What are you talking about?
SARAHK: I need to buy you some more Nacho Cheese [I don't like Nacho Cheese Doritos, they don't have enough salt on them, so what's the point?]. You’re a waster of Doritos. The proper way to eat a Dorito is this. You lick the salt off of the Dorito. Both sides. Then you eat the chip. Then you lick your fingers. There is no point to a Dorito if you don’t taste all of the salt. Why are you even eating it?
FRANK J.: I’m going to pretend you didn’t say anything. [pops Dorito into mouth, crunches, swallows, licks fingers.]
SARAHK: Well, at least you licked your fingers. Waster.
So tell me… how do you eat Doritos? The right way? The wrong way?
Me? I look into the bag and select the visible Dorito with the most salt and eat it the right way. If it turns out to be a false advertiser, I throw it back.
Funny I don’t have a generic “neuroses” category. You’d think I’d have created one by now.