This morning, we had a guest preacher, an older feller. I think he lives in Oahu or somewhere like that and is currently travelling around Florida with his daughter. Anyway. Frank was doing the Scripture reading in worship this morning, and he asked our regular preacher, Brother A, Alcazar’s dad, which Scripture he should read. He said, “Oh, you’ll need to go ask Brother D, he’s gonna be preaching this morning.”
Frank didn’t recognize the name. “Brother D? Who is that?”
Brother A said, “He’s, uh, wearing a beige jacket. Light-skinned brother?” Hahahaha. He could have said, “The only other white man in the building besides you.” Frank and I found it amusing. We would have done the same thing. “Oh, the guy in the bright purple suit with matching purple shoes. He’s also black? Maybe you spotted him?” Nobody wants to note the race that might single someone else out from everyone in a group, so we all go to the clothes first, because hey, they picked those clothes out. Or accessories! “She has giant triangular earrings with flashing lights on them. Also she’s the only Asian in the room.” Or with me, they say, “The blonde woman,” rather than “the white woman.”
So during the sermon, which started out being about baptism, went to how the children are our best assets, somehow got to guns, went back to the children, and then ended up back at baptism… here’s what the preacher said:
BROTHER D: Now girls. One day, you’re gonna grow up. And some boy is gonna try to tell you that one thing is the most important thing in the world.
ALL THE SISTERS IN THE CONGREGATION: Uhhhh huh. Amen.
BROTHER D: Well, lemme tell ya something. You better run! You better get a gun!
Everyone laughed. I was vigorously nodding, as I could see lots of heads turning in my direction. Kisha and I made eye contact. So I said, loudly enough for Kisha, a row in front of me, to hear, “Amen!” She had a giggle fit.
BROTHER D: Just do whatever you have to do. You get away from him. He’s no good.
At the end of the sermon, he told the congregation that we are all family. And then he sang it. I tell no lies, peeps, he sang. “We. Are. Fa-mi-ly… I got all my sistas and me.” I covered my face in shame and did my nervous embarrassed giggle for all white people and felt like I should make a public apology. Oh, everyone roared with laughter. Because they were all thinking, “White people are crazy.”
I was just so amused by the gun talk. I’ve never before heard guns in a sermon, that I can recall. So after worship, when we were milling around in the corridor thingy, I gave the nice preacher man a pat on the back.
SARAHK: Hey, I appreciated the gun talk this morning! I’ve never heard a preacher preach about carrying guns. I like that.
BROTHER D: Well, yeah! We should preach it more. Jesus himself said [Brother D really said this, y'all, I tell no lies], when his apostles said we have two swords, Jesus said one is enough.
SARAHK: Well, I don’t like the idea of having only one gun, but I do like sermons about guns.
And Alcazar’s dad was standing there just looking at me like, “I let my son go to their house. What was I thinking?”
I had no idea what Brother D was talking about. I looked it up. He was talking about this.
36 Then He said to them, “But now, he who has a money bag, let him take it, and likewise a knapsack; and he who has no sword, let him sell his garment and buy one.
37 For I say to you that this which is written must still be accomplished in Me: “And He was numbered with the transgressors.’ For the things concerning Me have an end.”
38 So they said, “Lord, look, here are two swords.” And He said to them, “It is enough.”
Brother D may have been recalling (from rote) a different translation. This is the NKJV.
Anyway, it was a fun day at church!