In defense of our nation’s youth (24), I didn’t know anything about politics until I was getting divorced at 27. I just knew that R was better than D in most cases. Sizzle only knows what I tell her about politics. And, as you will read, what she reads in magazines. Bless her heart.
SIZZLE: I’d say I’m not a liberal, and I’m also not, you know, a…
SARAHK: I think she means conservative.
SIZZLE: I’m probably like in the middle kinda or something.
SARAHK: No she’s not, she doesn’t know enough about politics to even be in the middle. Knowing what I know about you, you would probably fall libertarianish.
SARAHK: Oh yeah. You don’t know what that means.
SIZZLE: Yes I do!
SARAHK: I didn’t say that you try to understand but just can’t comprehend something so complex, I said that you just don’t know what that means.
SIZZLE: Well, it’s because I just don’t really…
SARAHK: I know, you don’t care.
SIZZLE: Oh. Okay.
SARAHK: You have to be for a strong national defense, or you can’t be my sister.
SIZZLE: I’m for a strong national defense, fine. Patronizing tone!
SARAHK: Ok, so you’re gonna vote for Fred Thompson then. [Oh, and before you Giuliani peeps start up with me, lemme just say I don't know how you can be for a strong national defense and a weak self-defense. I just don't. And if you buy all his politicking about "Well gun grabbing was good for New York, but it wouldn't be good for America, so of course I wouldn't take away America's guns," please line up, I will sell you some lovely pyrite-laden genie bottles at a very inexpensive price.]
SARAHK: [Looking at Frank to see if he heard that. I told her she was on speakerphone. I always inform about speakerphone.]
SIZZLE: [Laughing.] Just kidding. But you know what? Do you know why I know who Fred Thompson is? They had an article about him in Rolling Stone–
SARAHK: Rolling STONE? I can’t even imagine what they had to say.
SIZZLE: Just that he was running for president. But don’t worry, I don’t even vote.
SARAHK: Ok, I can’t even talk to you anymore. Ever again.
SIZZLE: A’ight. Bye.
SIZZLE: Fine, I’ll vote, whatever.
Moving on from politics.
SARAHK: Oh, so Rachel Lucas was talking about bad fashion trends and doughy girls who wear their shirts so tight over their fat rolls that you can pinch the dough right through the shirt, right? [And um, Rachel, maybe they got fat from their gluten challenges, and none of their t-shirts fit anymore because they don't want to buy new shirts because the ones they have will fit again after the gluten challenges are over!]
SIZZLE: Uh huh.
SARAHK: And she was also talking about those tattoos like that one you have.
SIZZLE: Uh huh.
SARAHK: And she called them something. And I decided I can’t wait to use it on you. Are you ready?
SIZZLE: What? Tramp stamps?
SIZZLE: Yeah, everyone at work gives me a hard time about it. Jessi, your tramp stamp is showing, blah blah blah.
SARAHK: You let people SEE it?
SIZZLE: Not on purpose!
When we get to Texas, she’s grounded. Forever.