SARAHK: Did you finish cleaning the grill?
FRANK J.: Yes. You saw me cleaning it.
SARAHK: Yeah, but it didn’t take you very long to clean the grate. Did you clean it?
FRANK J.: Yeah, I cleaned it with the brush.
SARAHK: Yeah, but did you really clean it? Because when I put these burgers on the grill, these gluten-free burgers, the only way I will get gluten from them is if there is gluten on the grill already. You know, I’ve cooked a lot of na’an on that grill.
FRANK J.: Yes, I cleaned the grate. And you’re going to be killing any gluten that may be on there anyway, because you’ll be using fire.
FRANK J.: That’s how we kill everything. Bacteria, all that stuff is killed with fire. It’s the standard for everything.
SARAHK: No. You need to actually get the gluten off the grill.
FRANK J.: I scraped it. But you’re telling me that fire will kill deadly diseases but not gluten? [Nevermind that gluten intolerance and celiac have deadly complications -- doctors can say all they want that gluten intolerance doesn't have the complications of celiac, but I ain't buyin'.]
SARAHK: It doesn’t work like that. It’s not a bacterium. It’s a protein. Even if you kill it, it’s still there.
FRANK J.: No, it’s fine.
SARAHK: Well, when I end up glutened, it will be your fault.
SARAHK: Well, I’ve gone over everything I’ve eaten. My muscle aches started up good yesterday morning [Thursday], were horrible by evening, and they’re still going strong today. My nerve pain in my butt is really bad. And this morning my poo was bad for the first time in four days. I had three days of really good poo before this morning.
FRANK J.: Uh huh.
SARAHK: Considering when my symptoms started… it was the gluten on the grill that did it to me. There was no other gluten in the meal.
FRANK J.: Uh huh. [Not listening.]
SARAHK: So what I’m saying is, it’s your fault I got glutened.
FRANK J.: I’m sorry. [Completely patronizing tone, which is why I continued to nag.]
SARAHK: In the future you should listen to me.
FRANK J.: Okay.
Because maybe I know a little more about it than he does. He keeps saying he’s going to read the books, but I think he’s planning to just learn it all by osmosis.