mooch desuhhhved sex

Occasionally, we two crazy kids will have us a good old roll in the sack and then… well… we talk British. Or Oirish. We cahn’t tell the defferehnse, really. I think we switch back and forth a little. The funny thing is, I find the accent soooo sexy, so it’d probably do us better to drop into our fake accents before we actually hit the sack.

I felt like I deserved a lettle bet of sax cuunsedering ai’ve behn a lettle bet preoccupied with paying taxes so you lazy lot can live off our contribution to what was once a capitalist society and what grows to be more socialist (and ridiculous) every day. Some days I think it’s hardly worth making money off a blog, because at the end of the day, we only get half of what we make. Still, part of that half that the government gets (I’d say maybe 10%) goes to defending this great nation, and I fully support that. In fact, let’s get all the moochers who just don’t feel like working (I don’t consider the disabled and the elderly to be moochers, obviously, but maybe I need to make myself clear), toss them in a bog, and let the whole half go to raising military salaries and whatnot. Then I wouldn’t complain on tax day.

Alas, that’s not going to happen without a fair tax and a constitutional amendment (way harder in real life than it is in my dreams), so we suck it up and pay for plasma screens for the lazy. Whatevs. It is what it is, because it always is what it is. Have I ever mentioned the passion with which I hate that stupid phrase? I’m sure I have, because every time I hear it, I roll my eyes so furiously that I really think they will disconnect permanently from the optic nerve holding them inside my head, because really I just want to scream, “When is it NOT what it IS, people?” Stupid phrase. Whoever made it up is forever on my list.

At least I got sex out of the whole deal. Before:

Me: It’s bedtime. If you hurry, we can DO IT.
He: [All I really heard was something like a tornado around the house. I think he put away dinner, took the dog out to pee, turned off all the lights, and came upstairs within thirty seconds of my declaration. Men are easy.]

After [we'd been in full-on British mode for several minutes now]:

He: Things seem to be looking up right now…
Me: Of course things ahhh looking up. Ye jest hahd sex.

He was talking about the house sale, prospect of work, and whatnot. But in the back of his mind, I know he meant sex.

As for taxes, I’m still working on 2006. I have finally finished the corporate return for NTM. Had to prepare an extra form, and TurboTax couldn’t file it online just because of this extra form, but it’s ok. I had overpaid with the extension for NTM (that does not make me happy, but I only overpaid by $66), and I already did the personal return about a year ago, so now I just drop the info from NTM into the personal return and be done with 2006. 2007 will be easy. NTM was winding down, blog stuff is easily obtained from Paypal, and holy Spartacus, y’all, I’m pretty sure we are going to get money back considering our moving costs, COBRA payments, and all that we had to pay in 2007. Again, I don’t get all giddy about giving the government an interest-free loan for the amount we will get back, but I’ll be so happy to be done with it for another year that I just don’t give a crap. And 2008 will be so much more simple.

I’m starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Hence the sex.

I hope your tax returns resulted in such fun times too, pippa. Tracey, I said pippa! Please forgive.

One more thing. Those people who write the tax code and the instructions for the tax forms? Crack smokers, every one of them. CAN I get an amen, y’all.

18 Responses to mooch desuhhhved sex

  1. I did my taxes, but got no sex. AND i had to pay. a lot (for taxes).

    BOO!

  2. Francesco Poli

    >The funny thing is, I find the accent soooo sexy, so it’d probably do us better to drop into our fake accents before we actually hit the sack.

    I’m calling Rule #36 on this.

  3. Amen. But if ye didn’t file ye 2007 by tonight at midnight, well…ye won’t be gettin that additional $1500 in May…what r ye thinkin me lass?

  4. ewwww ;)

  5. Amen and amen, sistah. Hey I did our taxes last year but didn’t get any sex for my efforts. Ah, youth.

  6. Oops. Hate the snappy comebacks a couple of minutes too late. Youth…Ai duzn’t haz eet.

  7. AAAAMMMMEEEENNNN!!!!!! Our electedofficials who sign off on this garbage without even understanding it should be forced to fill the forms out personally under the supervision of someone with some d–n common sense

  8. Huh. I (well, my accountant) just did my corporate tax for 2006 also. And even though I never owe Texas Franchise Tax, I always get the forfeiture of corporate privileges letter every year. Sigh…. One of these days Texas and I will get on the same page.

    So, actually, Quickbooks and I made up this year while I was puzzling out how to get all my 2006 information input (I actually figured out how to do stuff in QB) and I got my 2007 stuff off to the accountant before April 15th… though he’s gonna file an extension anyway because there are others ahead of me with more pressing tax issues.

    Just think, how many accountants and bureaucrats would be out doing other productive work with a flat tax or national sales tax. My only fear is without a constitutional amendment to abolish the income tax we’d end up with both kinds of taxes.

    Somehow I missed out on the sax part although I listen to jazz regularly, my spouse was concentrating on other matters…… Maybe I should try the fake foreign language thing, maybe it’ll help the bedroom music better, eh? (Or maybe a can of Bush’s best bar-b-que beans otherwise.)

  9. Thanks – I’m probably going to speak British this weekend when I’m with my fiance.

    Am I the only geek that did her taxes the second week in February??? Of course, when you’re getting a refund, there’s motivation to do it I suppose.

  10. sarahk — You had sex! And said “pippa”! I am howling!

    Okay. Here’s the deal: You can use “pippa” — for 25 cents per pippa. You make money off your blog; I need to start making money offa “pippa.” I think there’s real potential here. (And there’s someone out there who’s gonna be getting a big ol’ bill from me — grrr.)

    Although, you ARE so adorable, I may just let it slide. Drat you, sarahk. I’m torn between capitalism and your adorableness. And now I’m all worked up.

    Where’s my husband? I need me some Oirish sex.

  11. Pingback: Snark Raving Mad! » Complete lack of testicles.American Idol S7 top seven elimination

  12. 25 cents a pippa! That’s a pippin’ nightmare, pip!

  13. >>bikermommy: …But if ye didn’t file ye 2007 by tonight at midnight, well…ye won’t be gettin that additional $1500 in May…what r ye thinkin me lass?

  14. Let me try this again:

    If you mean that by missing the deadline, you forfeit your rebate, I’ve not seen anything to indicate that’s the case. It’s been stated that in order to receive your rebate, you must file. But not anything about losing your rebate…
    Also, my understanding is that the checks will begin to be mailed in May, on a first-filed, first receive basis. So if a person waited until 4/15 to file, they might not even see a check until June or July anyway?
    (or perhaps I misunderstood your comment completely…?)

  15. Is it worth filing all the extra tax forms and schedules to earn merely 25¢ per “pippa?” Or the hassle and expenditure on bookkeeping and tracking usage?

    What I’m sayin’ is, pippa everywhere just gotta be free.

  16. NF — Hahahahahaha!

  17. Does it count as sex if you’re shouting at Turbotax and think the IRS is screwing you? No? Rats.

    I hope tracey doesn’t audit my blog for pippas b/c I think I owe her some back royalties.

  18. …I am completely at a loss for words now…