I’m so freaking tired of all this green talk. I can’t escape it, you can’t escape it, and it’s all becoming a little suffocating and a *lot* infuriating. Especially on TV. (If you’re one of those people who doesn’t watch TV because you’re better than the rest of us and like to feel superior, then carry on — you’re not as affected by this as I am, and yay for you. Yet another reason you can shout every chance you get about how you don’t watch TV. If you’re one of those who doesn’t watch TV because you don’t have time or don’t really care for it, I have no passive-aggressive opinion on your choice.) The green stuff we’re having to ingest daily with our TV shows, news, commercials, interwebz, billboards, signs next to the dam — it’s giving me green, grassy diarrhea.
What are we gonna do? Food color it blue? What does that even mean? Don’t litter? Only little punk retards litter anyway — the rest of us know that it’s bad, because you don’t just throw trash all over the place where you live. That’s where all your stuff is.
Aside: Damming rivers is unnatural, unless you’re a beaver. So stop lecturing on your religious signs about the greenery until you stop damming the natural flow of the river to suit your own needs and save your homes.
You know what my religious signs say?
Jesus loves you.
Know what they don’t say? “You must love Jesus. I command it.”
So last week was Earth Week. Remember when it used to be Earth Day? The creeping socialists and forced mediocrats have moved us so far away from reality that there’s now an Earth Week during which we are all commanded to worship Gaia and use only 100% biodiesel. Watch, within a few years, we’ll have Earth Month. Then Earth Quarter. Earth Christmas. No, wait — we can’t say Christmas anymore.
You know what would be better than all the lecturing and billboards? Leading by example (I’m looking at you, Goracle). If you really and truly believe that the earth is suffering because humans dare to live upon it, live like Leo DiCaprio. I actually have respect for him. However wrong I think he is about the effect that minimizing and living “green” actually has on anything at all, he doesn’t preach it — he lives it. He believes it, so he changed his lifestyle.
My friend Mensa doesn’t preach to me about being green — she went green a couple of years ago, and when she and I talked about how I have to eat fresh foods now because of celiac(ish) and how expensive it is to eat that way, she simply stated that yes, she and her household started buying organic and using natural cleaners “for other reasons” a couple of years ago, and she knows it is expensive. She didn’t tell me, “Yeah, it’s good that you have that celiac problem, because you need to be green anyway so you don’t singlehandedly cause the death of Mother Earth.” I know her well, and she has always been mildly into the environment (not rabidly like the Goracle and his religious friends), so I knew exactly what she was saying to me: “We went green because we believe it’s the right thing to do for the environment.” But the thing is, she didn’t preach it, or even say it, for that matter. She just acknowledged that she’s living that way. And hey, more power to her for that. Now, if she got all preachy about it, I’d roll my eyes and tell her she has bought into a steaming pile of green manure and that we’ll just have to agree to disagree on that one. Just like when we were in high school, and she was a Jehovah’s Witness, and I was a member of the church of Christ (she’s not anymore, I still am). We didn’t agree on a lot of things, but we had open discussions on religion, neither of us forcing the other to accept a point of view, and neither of us ridiculing what the other believed.
How much hot air is produced by all the preaching and chest-thumping about the baloney that is global “climate change” (I can be all preachy here, because this is where I vent my own hot air) and about how enlightened the people are who have jumped on the Church of Climatology’s front pew because it’s in vogue at the moment? More than you “save” when you’re spending more petroleum just to *produce* the ethanol you’ve embraced as your corny god than you are to produce a gallon of gas.
When I walk into the Co-Op here, I always want to wear a sign on my forehead that says, “NO! I’m not buying organic because I’m like you hippies! I have health problems!” Organic coconut oil or not, I won’t be the girl buying up all the “Blue Girl Red State” stickers a the membership counter. Blerg. That’s why I like to drive Frank’s car to the Co-Op — there is no NRA sticker on mine, and I feel like I need to hold on to some semblance of reality when I get around so many hippies at once. But I don’t (wear the sign on the forehead). Because I’m not a pushy twit who needs to guilt others into being just like me so I can feel a superior sense of accomplishment.
All of that is not to say that I don’t think we need to reduce waste and pwn every kid we see throwing a candy wrapper out of his car window. No, really — in 2008, I actually saw that the other day. This little punk was sitting in his car in front of me at the intersection, banging his head to heavy metal, paying very little attention to anything besides how totally, like, awesome he looked shaking his head in the mirror. He was even air guitaring, I’m not lying — surely he thought he was totally killing on Guitar Hero at that moment. He held his arm straight out of the window (during a pause in his awesome head antics), looked with disdain upon the candy wrapper in his hand, and threw it down onto the pavement with such vigor and such a look of satisfaction on his face (I watched his snot-nosed facial expressions in his sideview mirror) that you would have thought he had just been made King of the Pavement. I wanted to throttle his little punk head. Just wail on him for awhile. If that weren’t enough, he reached down and scooped up all the crumbs off of his stomach, held them in his hand, stuck his arm straight out the window *again*, and dropped the crumbs on top of the discarded wrapper.
I, of course, was ranting and raving to Frank. I was yelling something like, “You’d better be glad he’s holding me back!”
Where was I? Oh yeah. There’s respect for one’s surroundings (and I am a bit of a nature freak, so believe me, I don’t want to trash the planet), and there’s religion. I don’t buy what the Church of Climatology is selling. And selling. And selling. And selling. And selling.
Enough already. Let me live in peace.
This is my favorite clip from that one week when NBC decided to pay homage to the green peacock:
I love the disdain on Adam Baldwin’s face. Praise Gaia for that.