Oh yes, this will be WTMI. It’s one of those dumb health posts y’all hate, but this is where I track my small intestine’s progress, so what can you do? If you want something more interesting and less graphic, you can jump over to SRM! and see my thoughts on sci-fi and fantasy.
So many rants are fully formed in my head. The news is making my noggin bleed purple fury. Supreme Court says child molestation isn’t all that bad (how much do I love Scalia and his scathing dissensions? Let me count the heart flutters.). Morons say it’s okay to poke fun at presidential candidates as long as they’re not black, which is totally retarded. And I have a ton of pictures to post and lots of thoughts on how World War II would have been a disastrous loss if we’d have had it today with our anti-American media.
But you know what keeps me from doing all of that?
Celiac. No, no, I’m not blaming celiac for my lack of blogging, and I’m not all woe is me for having celiac (it was actually the best diagnosis I could have wished for, honestly). I’m blaming the IBS that comes along with celiac, that comes along with identifying even more things besides wheat that apparently constipate you for years on end until you think that there’s no way you will ever be able to poo again. For pete’s sake, all you really want is to be able to drop the kids off in the pool, but they’re just hanging out in your most un-motile small intestine, waiting for you to drink a whole carton of heavy cream so they can skate on down.
So I’ve been listening to my body more lately. I know that wheat stops me up, and dairy runs right through me, taking everything else along with it. Corn has the same effect as dairy. I didn’t think I had much, if any, of an egg sensitivity, but yeah, I’ve noticed that when I have eggs, whether boiled or scrambled or baked in a loaf of bread, I’m at least as constipated as when I eat wheat. But so far that’s the only symptom I’ve noticed with eggs — no seizures, no migraines that I’ve picked up on, no whole-body inflammation, no skin that screams when you touch it. Like comes with the wheat, dairy, and corn. But after three days of no-going, I’m staying as far away from eggs as I can, at least until my intestine is healed.
You know, they say it can take six months to heal. It can also take two to three years. I’m guessing I’ll fall in somewhere around the three years. I had the migraines and diarrhea for three years before going gluten-free, and two years in was when I developed the epilepsy, muscle pain, nerve pain, and skin tenderness. So I think I’m still in for a long haul before I can even try dairy again (have I mentioned how much I crave cheese now? Much.). That is, except when the discomfort and pain of not being able to doooo anything makes me resort to drastic measures, as I did today. Yep. I know that tomorrow I will have seizures, migraine, inflamed body, etc., but if I’m able to get a little relief, it will be worth it. I ate cheese on my avocado chicken wasabi orange salad tonight. A decent helping of cheese, at that. Colby Jack. It was so good. My only regret is that I didn’t have shredded parmesan on hand when I resorted to my drastic poo-helping measures.
I know I’ve said it before, but I’ve missed cheese more than anything I’ve given up. All other dairy is replaceable with something that tastes better. But cheese can only be replaced by more cheese. Pizza? Bah. Give me a broccoli salad topped with parmesan, Chebe rolls with parmesan baked inside… cheese inside a chicken chimichanga…
Ok, I have to stop now, because I made myself promise that the cheese tonight was for emergency purposes only and that I wouldn’t have any more. And there’s a giant block of it in the fridge calling my name.