I’m a gross, ugly witch

Bee stings hurt.

I went back for my follow-up with Dr. Super-Fantastico today. She’s being downgraded to Dr. Average for the time being. I was sitting in the exam room waiting for her to come in, and I actually heard her say, “Yeah, why don’t you go ahead and start with her, and I’ll come in later. I’m going to skip ahead to this other patient.” I was the patient being skipped, and considering that I was on time for my appointment, it did kinda annoy me. She sent in a PA student, bless her heart. I felt for the girl, she felt rather clueless. She did fine.

Long story short(ish, Kate P, short-ish), the homocysteine was normal and the MMA results aren’t in yet. Dr. Average did not check my calcium levels, but my vitamin D levels are good, and the two usually go up and down together. I did ask her about checking my calcium, and she kinda seemed disinterested in that and basically blew me off. She checks it on everyone else when she runs just a basic blood panel, but she didn’t check it on me, because we skipped the basic and went right to the specifics. The PA student told me that most people are well above 800 on the B-12, so 271 is lower than they usually see, even though it’s normal. Since the MMA results aren’t in, Dr. Average is considering it normal and doesn’t want to pursue a B-12 deficiency. She basically told me I can take a B-complex if I want, but she doesn’t think it will do anything. And then she had nothing to offer. I looked right at her. “So… you’re out of ideas? What about calcium?” She ignored that and asked if I’ve tried Prozac for the tingling. Prozac. When are doctors going to stop implying that I’m depressed? I’m chronically ill! You expect me to be yippy skippy when I walk into your office and you tell me you don’t know what to do about me and you act like you’ve given up after running one set of tests?! This is why depression is a symptom of most chronic illnesses. People get tired of being sick and tired of doctors asking if they’d just like some Prozac. I calmly and non-confrontationally told her that I’m not a fan of taking random meds just to see if they’ll work, don’t like meds in general, and I prefer to find out the root causes of my problems rather than just throw band-aids at them. She offered nothing, and I was stunned. Last appointment, she seemed so thorough and interested, and this time, she skipped ahead of me and ignored everything I said. She said they’ll keep checking for the MMA results, and we’ll see you in two months. For what? To go over the results of the additional tests you’re *not* running? Run my calcium or refer me to an endocrinologist. Please. Of course, I didn’t think to ask for the referral again until I was already out of downtown. I just left dejected and got weepy. Maybe I should have said yes please to the Prozac.

Oh, she also ignored that my lymphocyte count on my labs came back barely under the low end of normal. It’s bolded and starred on the report (yes, I did get a copy), and she didn’t even mention it.

Meanwhile, as the student PA and I had waited for Dr. Average to finish with the patient she’d skipped me for, PA student asked if there was anything else… I said, “Yeah. Do you know what this is?” I held up my index finger. It’s had this thing on it for over a year, a blistery-looking thing, and it drives me nuts. I’ve pulled it off, cut it off, and dug it out — all three of those give me the same results — lots of blood and a recurring thingy on my finger. It’s gross, and I always pick at it. Student PA looked at it and said, “Yeah, I think I do.” “Is it a wart?” I could barely choke out the words, but whatevs, maybe she could help me not be so gross anymore. “If you pick at it, do you get little black flecks?” Um, gross, and yes. “Then it’s a wart. We can freeze it off for you if you’d like.” Sure, why not. And ew. I have a wart. I’m the Wicked Witch of the Pacific Northwest.

When Dr. Average was back in the room, PA Student got to remove my wart. I felt so sorry for her. She shaved layers off at a time with a razorblade, and it didn’t hurt until she got down to the capillaries and I started bleeding. When they were sufficiently happy with the amount of blood pouring forth from my disgusting little friend, they got out the liquid nitrogen to freeze it so they could try to kill the virus. Did y’all know warts are caused by HPV? Me either. Ok, so they said that it would feel like a bee sting when they froze the wound. I’ve never been stung by a bee, so I was like, yeah, ok, go ahead. Holy crap. I don’t ever want to be stung by a bee. And they froze it three times. My finger still hurts. Hopefully soon I’ll have a normal finger.

16 Responses to I’m a gross, ugly witch

  1. ugh. I had a wart on the bottom of my foot years ago that they froze off. I couldn’t even drive.

  2. that is weird of the doc. maybe she neede prozac for her bi-polar disorder! i just have such a low opinion of doctors…i even take the one i have with a grain of salt because it seems i know more than he does about medicine…what happened to doctors who actually grew a nut and treated you instead of bowing out of treatment? i would stick with the first doc that you liked (the neuro) and let them handle it. tell them you don’t want to be handed about. or go to the mayo clinic or john hopkins and let them take about 3 days to actually help you. we watched some show the other night where this person had gone through a lot of the same scenarios you have and finally went to the mayo clinic in Minnesota and 2 days later knew exactly what was wrong. i’m just frustrated because i know it sucks to be sick and not find answers and i don’t know how to help. love you!

  3. oh…and you have a wart.

  4. Hope that killed the wart.

  5. I am so sorry that Dr. was phoning it in yesterday!
    That really sucks!

  6. Funny that Mom says bipolar, I was thinking the same thing! I had plantar warts on my feet when I was a kid, and man did they hurt to get burned off! The doctor grabbed my foot and just pressed the swab in until he thought it was done. Few years later my little brother was brought in to the same doctor for the same thing, and he stopped with the burning when me brother cried! Course, it just meant the doctor had to press like 3 or 4 times, so maybe my punishment was better.

    oh, and I second Mayo Clinic.

  7. we’re only 60 miles from the mayo — very handy

  8. Ahhh, how disappointing. I hate it that your doctor turned out to be average! If you want your calcium levels checked, can’t you go to a walkin clinic and request that? And she wouldn’t give you vitamin B shots? Bad doctor!

    And I’m just so mad right now about the prozac thing! Bad doctor!

  9. /maybe she could help me not be so gross anymore./

    Hahahahaha. (I couldn’t help laughing.) And you’re not the Wicked Witch of the Pacific Northwest; you’re the adorable sarahk. Wart and all.

    But, seriously, OW.

  10. Your poor sweet little 2nd cousin had a doctor tell me that this big thing on the top of his head was a wart and I let the man freeze it on the top of his head- ow – it ended up just getting bigger, so I took him to a dermatologist and it was a creepy mole that usually only old people get and he ended up having to have it cut off. Blake will never forgive me for letting that man freeze his head! Hope yours doesn’t come back!!

  11. There used to be a very gentle topical compound called Vergo that worked fabulous on warts. So obviously they took it off the market. I put some on a wart on my finger, and the plantar wart that I’d had on the sole of my foot for quite some time vanished also.

  12. Short enough–you know I just want to make sure they’re not trying to keep you there forever b/c they like having you around–they have to share you with the rest of us! :)

    Low end of normal results are annoying, aren’t they? Like, how do they know that’s the normal range for YOU?

    Hope your finger heals up nicely. I had something frozen off when I was a little kid and the incentive was that I got to throw the remainder of the liquid nitrogen against the office door! (Mom said good thing the nurse didn’t open the door right then.) They should let everybody do that. Now I want to go watch “Uncle Buck”: “Buck Melanoma, Moley Russell’s wart. I mean her growth.”

  13. I was worried when I saw the top of the post that you did get stung by a bee. I too have never been stung and hope I never do. Best advice I ever heard came from my niece when she was about 6:

    “Don’t squeeze the bees!”

  14. OK, I get to out gross you. I wound up with warts all over my elbows (triple gross) and wound up having to have them burned off.

    Local anesthetic into each wart, then burn the wart, scrape and burn some more.

    Needles hurt a little, didn’t feel any pain from the burn until the doc went just a little outside then OUCH (jump).

    Hang in there. Unfortunately Doctors are just egomaniacs (for the most part). The doc didn’t see what she expected, so since it wasn’t what she thought, she’s written it off as “In your head.”

    Don’t give up. You are smarter than the doctors because you keep digging. Not relying on your first suspicion.

    We are with you.

  15. SarahK,
    Have you tried going to an applied kinesiologist? Its a form of chiropractic that basically works with the whole body, nutrition, muscle testing, etc. Its not your typical chiro., and they very much handle things that are not “chiropractic” issues. Check it out at http://www.appliedkinesiology.com/.
    You can even find a Dr. that may be in your area.
    If that doesn’t work and you try Mayo, we’re pretty nearby to that too :)

  16. I’ve been stung by bees, wasps, and hornets.
    I’ve had Plantar’s warts frozen off the soles of my feet.

    NO comparison whatsoever. They were blowin’ smoke. The wart removal hurts far worse than bee stings.