Ok, well, sort of a book review. Mostly just me griping about how much I hated it. In bullet point form. Here’s the message I sent to my friend who recommended the book (edited a little, with added bullet points!):
I finally finished the book last night. You want my thoughts? Ok, I give you them. WARNING: CONTAINS SPOILERS.
*First, thanks for recommending a vamp novel (this doesn’t apply to you, readers. I happily thank you for not recommending this cup of crap.). If this wasn’t a vamp novel, I wouldn’t have been able to finish it. Period. I would have quit somewhere in Part 2. At least the vamplore stuff gives me something to relate to. Second, I don’t blame you for how badly this book sucked (this *does* apply to you, readers). Had you read it first and then recommended it, I might have wanted to reevaluate our recently reprised friendship. (Again, not you.)
*It was about twice as long as my patience. I had to actually MAKE myself keep reading.
*I mean, I’m glad that a minor got to be the one to bludgeon Hakan to death but um, how, since he’s a vampire? I still don’t get how he’s dead.
*I wanted to bake Oskar a pie throughout the book. I don’t really even blame him for helping Eli against Lacke or Jocke, whichever one he was, at the end, because 1) Lacke was going to be miserable forever anyway and just needed to be put out of his misery and 2) it was out of love for Eli.
*The whole Eli-is-asexual-but-used-to-be-a-boy thing? I didn’t get the point of it. Why even bring it up? I really want to know the answer to this question, because it was pointless, really. It made me think a little of the Buffy/Satsu thing.
*I liked Mr. Avila very much. Also liked Virginia and Lacke (less than Mr. Avila). Alas.
*I liked how the unrelated storylines ended up together, but I thought that was done pretty poorly. It could have been done much better.
*And I hated that pretty much everyone in the novel was a loser. It was like Vampires Go to Loserville–Guess Who Wins! Everyone’s miserable. The whole book is miserable.
*At the end, after Eli has saved Oskar and beheaded the horrible teenagers (I was glad for that), I assume that’s Eli in Oskar’s trunk on the train? I would hope so.
*What was the point in even bringing up that the Russian sub had run aground? I waited all through the book for that to come into play, because the way it was presented was WHOA. THE RUSSIANS ARE HERE. WHAT THE HELL. BIG THINGS WILL HAPPEN! And then nothing. Just, oh, that’s why they stopped talking about the ritual killer, hoodehoo. Now we’ll stop talking about the submarine incident, hoodehoo.
*I take serious offense at the cover of the book. “Chilling,” “Sweden’s Stephen King.” Srsly? That rubbish? I don’t think so, scooter. I was not chilled, I was not scared. It didn’t keep me up nights. It had me wishing for a sleeping pill, but not because I didn’t want it invading my dreams. Only because staying awake would mean I’d have to read more crap.
*Anyway. Is the movie like the book? (You readers can answer this if you know, as my friend will take a while to respond.) I’m wondering how they can make that into a movie without serious redoing. I’m interested in seeing the movie just to see how they change it.
*I stand by my early assessment that the author is a total perv. Likes children kind of perv.
*I don’t recommend this book. But if you want to read it, here:
Better yet, send me postage money, and I’ll send you my copy. And that’s saying something–I have a strict rule about never getting rid of books (also guns).