Last night, I was finally comfy in bed, and Frank pushed his arm under my giant maternity pillow.
ME: Uhnnnnnn. [my whiny grunt]
HE: What?
ME: You’re lifting me. I don’t know how you’re lifting me, since I’m a cow, but you’re lifting me.
HE: I’m super-strong.
ME: Not the appropriate response.
HE [laughing]: I can lift massive things!
He’s not even trying to pretend I’m not huge right now. Yesterday, I’m walking through the house…
ME: Ugh, I sound like an elephant stomping through the house.
HE: You have a big baby belly.
sounds like you should take out his voice box for awhile… or put the shock collar on him.
shock collar! I vote for that one!
I didn’t try when my wife was pregnant either. Stupid idea, because she would have known that I was lying. On the other hand, when she would complain, “I’m fat”, I’d reply “Honey, you’re pregnant. After baby comes, you’ll be much thinner. I need the pizza to stop coming before I look thinner.”
Shock collar is a little rough. Hitting him in the nose with a rolled-up newspaper while saying “No! No!” doesn’t work?