I think we may be the class clowns of birthing class

Ah, but what did you expect from us? We never take anything seriously. I mean, I guess we’ll have to once the baby comes, but until then, we are 100% silly.

Side note: There were seven couples in our class, and only two of us (including me) have had no Braxton-Hicks contractions. I wonder if that means Buttercup will be late. (Not necessarily, I know.)

During the “here’s a very disgusting video about labor” video…

ME: They’re showing us porn.
HE: Then it’s negative porn, because I am so not turned on right now.

HE: I’m supposed to be supportive and tell you you’re doing a great job. I think I’ll say, “You’re doing an okay job, but would you be open to some constructive criticism?”

The video tells us to note the color, odor, amount, and time if the water breaks. Frank says to me very seriously, “So make sure to carry a measuring cup around with you.” I’m a perfect lady, so naturally I mime sticking a cup between my legs and raising it for a toast.

Then there were the relaxation techniques.

ME: Don’t forget to watch my chest and count my breaths.
HE: [Straight-up OGLING of the girls.]

The instructor nurse later had us try to relax by visualizing something super relaxing while breathing deeply. I was doing okay with this, but the ogling already had me giggly. I was visualizing myself finishing hiking the Grand Canyon, getting back to the trailhead, smelling the dirt and grass and seeing the aspen trees… it was lovely. She was trying to make me go to a meadow and walk up a little hill and leave my stress at the top of the hill and look at dandelions, but I was only half-listening and hanging out at the Grand Canyon. And then she said, “The billowy clouds…” and my eyes flew open. I almost said, “Really?” I felt like I was at a hippie poetry reading. Frank, still ogling per the instructions, saw my eyes and leaned over and said, “You be sweet.” At which point I lost it. And I couldn’t even do the quiet laughing fit. I was like the kid who’s trying so hard not to laugh that she laughs almost as loud as if she’d just let it go.

Teacher didn’t like that so much and started telling everyone (2 or 3 couples started laughing when I did) that it may seem silly, but it really helps to visualize. Her face got all stern and stuff.

Then later when Frank was doing all these relaxation techniques on me (raining, hailing, fluffing me like a pillow, smoothing me like bedsheets), he kept whispering to me that I need to think of it like a power-up during a video game. “You know how you have to hold the wand straight up for three seconds to get your spell to charge enough in Harry Potter so it makes your opponent stay down longer? Breathe like that.” “I’m not visualizing video games.” “I’m just saying. Take your power from the earth. Like in a video game.” “No.”

There were many more jokes he made that I can’t remember, and I didn’t write them down. I do remember one thing he said on the way home. “When it’s time for you to push, I’m gonna say, ‘Let’s make this INfant an OUTfant.’”

If he can keep me laughing through labor, I think I can deal.

12 Responses to I think we may be the class clowns of birthing class

  1. Very sweet of him to joke around. I like hearing all this. :)

  2. You two will do fine. You already have the gift that makes everything easier. Even hard work like labor. Laughter!

  3. That made me laugh! Also, I’ve got some good news for you. Children love silliness. We’ve had four and we didn’t have to give up our silliness. Truthfully, kid silly is even more fun.

  4. Sarah (the best one)

    hahaha!! We totally lost it every time the “instructor” pronounced medical terminology wrong–nerdy of us, I know, but it was SO hillarious to us. And Aaron would purposefully ask questions that would make her say those particular words just so we could hear her butcher them :)

  5. Bailey, I wish I could remember the rest, because he had me laughing the whole time.

    Ma, I did tell him just to make me laugh during the contractions so I’d be distracted. “No, you need to focus on breathing during the contractions.” He’s very helpful.

    Rebecca, oh, I don’t mean that we’ll never be silly again after the baby comes, just that we might have to take parenting seriously now and then so we remember to feed and change the baby.

    Sarah (the okay one), ha! Y’all were worse than we are! We were laughing during the film when the narrator said standard English words wrong. She’s got a clearly American accent, and she says posterior with a long o?? I was like, “What are you, Canadian?”

  6. Teacher didn’t like that so much and started telling everyone (2 or 3 couples started laughing when I did) that it may seem silly, but it really helps to visualize. Her face got all stern and stuff.

    She needs to relax. She should visualize all the stuff she’s describing.

    FRANK & SARAHK – hahahahahahahaha giggle *snort*
    TEACHER – *billowyclouds, billowyclouds, billowyclouds BILLOWYCLOUDSBILLOWYCLOUDS*

  7. I guarantee that if he makes you laugh DURING a contraction, one of two things happen…1)if you’re laughing during your contractions they’re not very hard yet, or 2)you laugh and it really hurts and you punch his face.

  8. glad to hear you’re enjoying your pregnancy

  9. The awesome thing is that there’s no principal’s office. Teacher would’ve sent you there in two seconds flat. (Her problem.)

  10. Thanking God is what really eased the contraction pain for me, not imaginary clouds. Really being greatful cut the pain down to discomfort.

  11. I am so happy for you all still. Frank is awesomely funny (even if he never responds to my tweets like you do *gives squinty eye look at Frank*.)

    I wish I could hang out with you all. Honestly, when Buttercup makes her appearance I suggest a road trip to Dallas so we can hang out.

  12. Laughter in labor is great; it’s a fabulous stress release, and stress is one of the things that makes labors longer and more uncomfortable – anything that reduces stress is good!

    For our first munchkin (we’ve got 5), hubbie only came to one midwife appointment (near then end); they hardly knew him before getting to the hospital. I think they’d formed some rather unflattering opinions about him!

    So you could have killed a grizzly with the glares he got as he teased me and we bantered back and forth as things progressed. But there was a point at which he said something to me and I glared at him (probably transition). He shut up immediately, and they finally relaxed as it became obvious that he knew me well and would take my cues.

    Laugh away – it will do you both good; he knows you well enough to “read” when it’s time to move out of joke mode. Blessings!