The truth about Kegels

When you’re pregnant, all the books tell you to make sure to do your Kegels every day. They’re the exercises you do to strengthen your pelvic floor. You basically flex and hold the muscles that you use to stop the flow of urine. You do these in sets until you work your way up to three sets of ten Kegels each day, holding ten seconds on each Kegel. Or something, I could be wrong on the frequency. You do them to prepare for childbirth and then after childbirth, you do them for the rest of your life.

Anyway, they tell you that Kegels serve a couple of purposes. First, they strengthen the pelvic floor so you don’t tear, or don’t tear as much, during childbirth. They also help that whole area get back, um, in shape after delivery. And you’re reminded to do them in the months after childbirth, not by books or doctors, but every time you cough and then have to run to the bathroom with your thighs tightly clamped together so you don’t pee on yourself. And they supposedly help ensure that you don’t become incontinent in your old ladyhood. There may be more benefits that the experts cite, I don’t know.

But the real reason Kegels are important isn’t listed in the books. The real reason is that one day you’ll sit down on the couch and start feeding the baby, and at the precise moment that you start feeding her, you’ll realize that you need to pee. And you drink 60 plus ounces of water per day, and you’ve just downed 24. So you’ll hold it while you feed the baby. And then the baby will fall asleep eating, and since she doesn’t nap enough during the day and because she’s unbearably adorable when she sleeps, you won’t want to wake her. And you’ll sit there for two hours while the baby naps for that long for the first time in ages. That’s when your Kegels will come in handy. When you’re trying not to pee on yourself, and you can’t even do the pee-pee dance (clinically proven to keep the pee in!) because the baby sleeps so peacefully on your lap, completely unaware of your dire situation.

6 Responses to The truth about Kegels

  1. It is a proven fact that upon seeing the word kegel, all women will immediately start squeezing them.

  2. As a woman who was lazy enough not to do my Kegel exercises, and after 3 children is paying the price of said laziness, I would highly recommend all women to DO THOSE KEGELS. Your bladder AND your husband will thank you for it over and over. Nuf said.

  3. hahahahaha…and you are right Fianna. When I saw the word, the squeeze began! hahahaha

  4. Ahhh! so true! and Fianna is right as well…squeezing began at the title of your post.
    After 4 kids though I can tell you, I did my kegels and I can still hold my pee :)

  5. Ha! I’ve so been there and done that – for the full 2 hours. I really laughed at this one. Great blog post!

  6. So these are only supposed to be for women?