SPEECH! SPEECH!

Oh, wow, I, uh…

**fans self**

Wow… I didn’t expect to win…I’m just so, wow! Thank you all so much! It was an honor just to nominate myself, and to be in the running with all of these other hot babes! I didn’t even prepare a speech… but since I love to hear myself talk, I’ll give it a shot… Ever since I was a tiny 5-ft.-tall girl of 27, I have dreamt of being a t-shirt model, nay, more! I have dreamt of being the one and only IMAO T-Shirt Babe!!

**pauses for gratuitous applause**

Yes, thank you.

**pauses as a fellow in the audience named Dan shouts “We love you SarahK!!”**

Oh, I love y’all too, thank you. Anyway, I’ve thought of some people to thank and blah blah blah. First and foremost, I would like to thank God, who made me into a hot babe; I suppose I should thank my parents, too, Bikermommy & Spidade, without y’all, well I wouldn’t be here today (obviously). And second only to God, my deepest gratitude to the great Frank J, my new employer and agent…

**waits impatiently as the IMAO crowd offers a standing ovation in honor of Frank; many shouts of “First to stand up!” and “I poop my pants!” echo throughout the blogitorium.**

Yeah, ok, this is about me. Anyway, I would like to thank the judges who voted for me. I don’t know who you are, except that you are not John Hawkins (bah), but what really matters is that my traffic has substantially increased, mostly due to hits from IMAO and Blackfive, which makes y’all my favorite judges… And to the other babes, I would just like to say that y’all all deserve this at least as much as I think you do; what a hot readership Frank has! I would also like to thank my new fans out there; whether you’ve become a new regular and/or commenter on my blog or sent me fan mail or unsolicited photos (you know who you are!), you have made me feel like a totally hot babe, I love y’all! Finally, I would like to thank John Kerry (who, by the way, served in Vietnam), the French (who surrendered to my photo immediately upon seeing my Smith & Wesson), hippies, commies and terrorists, all for being such easy targets for ridicule; you increase my hawkishness exponentially.

I hope to make Frank J, the IMAO readers, the other judges, etc., proud as the IMAO T-Shirt Babe. God bless our troops and our President, and God bless America.

UPDATE FROM THE GREEN ROOM: I forgot (actually didn’t, but when you think it out all day in your head before you’re actually out of the black hole and can post something, things come and go through your empty head.) to thank my dear long-time friend Juan, who got me started in this whole blogging thing. I figured if he could do it, so could I. ;) So thanks J.

UPDATE FROM THE AIRPLANE: What a horrible oversight! A gracious reader has pointed out that I didn’t thank the photographer! Um, my bad, little sizzle! Anyway, I would LOVE to thank the little sizzle, Jessi, who shopped w/ me for the shirt, provided props (except the gun prop, provided by her neighbor – thanks Alison, I can’t carry mine, I have no license yet and am a law-abiding citizen) and endured the grueling 3-hour photo shoot. Sista, I love you!!

36 Responses to SPEECH! SPEECH!

  1. That was great.

    I’m pretty certain that you are the first to use the the word “blogitorium”. But I haven’t googled it yet, so don’t hold me to that.

    Congrats again.

    Hey, wait. I thought YOU were supposed to buy a shift key, not me. What’s up with me today?

  2. Don’t hold John’s bad taste against him. He cannot help it. Remember cream always rises to the top.

  3. now that the contest is over and spysissy is the winner,(and might i biasly say,deservedly so), let me warn some of you guys about what comments you have made or may make.she’s still my little girl and i will hunt you down.btw,i don’t need a gun! AIN’T SHE GREAT?

  4. now that the contest is over and spysissy is the winner,(and might i biasly say,deservedly so), let me warn some of you guys about what comments you have made or may make.she’s still my little girl and i will hunt you down.btw,i don’t need a gun! AIN’T SHE GREAT?

  5. Nice speech!

    I especially liked the part about beating up hippies on the weekly anniversary of your victory, and using your special IMAO babe powers to conquer all evil and Democrats throughout the land.

    I know I know… you didn’t explicitly say all that, but I can read between the lines!

    Now…if I could only figure out how to start the wave in a blogitorium! :P

  6. That is wonderful Sarah! *big grin*
    I also love to see the new photos. It makes things more personal.

  7. *Crazy Applause* What a prize-winning speech that was! Give her the Pulitzer, folks!! And how about a fashion show?

  8. Dave in Texas

    As a dad of two over teen daughters, I can respect the double post threat from a dad.

    Not only will I never give you a reason to hunt me down – if you want, I will help you hunt down any jerk who has it coming dad.

    there!

  9. That’s right, I’ll take some credit.

  10. It’s getting a little misty in here…CONGRATS AGAIN!

  11. You neglected to thank the photographer…fame it just goes to the head! I’m just saying…

  12. Evil Midnight Poster what Posts at Midnight

    Congrats again Sarah!

  13. Sarah,

    Was that fellow in the audience named Dan me?

    Once again, congrats!!

  14. Congrats to a worthy winner and wow, that was one heck of a speech!

  15. If it’s any consolation, you would have been #6 =D

  16. The Flying Burrito

    Loved the speech! I laughed!!!! CONGRATULACIONES!

  17. wow, Frank, my first-ever trackbacks (i think)!

    wow, if i invented a word, that makes me supercool, jeffrey! woohoo! but i’m sure i’m not the first, though i did think of it on my own, so if i stole it, i take no responsibility for that. and thank you.

    cowtipper, i’ll try.

    btw, how come no one has quoted yoda to me for the end of my speech?

    aw, spidade, so protective! thank you, but don’t run everyone off, the future mr. sarahk may be reading!!

    thank you donna, sean, evil midnight poster wpam (can i abbreviate? thanks), Emperor Misha I (especially if you voted for me), dan, flying burrito (gracias)!

    thanks, krakatoa, all that other stuff was a given, so i didn’t think i needed to say it. btw, i can’t beat up all hippies (just most), because i do have tickets to 2 DMB concerts this summer, and i hate to see them go to waste..

    JAL, i knew you would. :P

    john hawkins, it’s a little consolation, but not much. but Jesus taught me to forgive, so i will forgive you some day. i’m glad i’ve never read that verse about not letting the sun go down on my wrath, though, or i’d have to forgive you right away. ;)

    dan, yes, of course he was named Dan Me! you started all the sarahk love!

    dave in texas, don’t make fun of spidade, he didn’t mean to double post! and i’m sure he’s grateful for the help (me too) and may call on you, since you’re in such close proximity (depending on where in texas you be).

    mahatma, doggone! you’re right! i’ll fix that, especially since the little sizzle knows where i live…

  18. You wouldn’t be interested in a Navy Nuke vet that is a going to be a Lutheran pastor, would you?

    Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you:
    For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.
    –Matthew 7:7-8 KJV

    Why not ask? All that they could do is say no.
    –Advice given to sailors filling out special request chits

    P.S. Congrats!

  19. You wouldn’t be interested in a Navy Nuke vet that is a going to be a Lutheran pastor, would you?

    Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you:
    For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.
    –Matthew 7:7-8 KJV

    Why not ask? All that they could do is say no.
    –Advice given to sailors filling out special request chits

    P.S. Congrats!

  20. Sorry about the double post. The mouse is on the fritz and I accidently double clicked. Again, I sincerely apologie.

  21. thanks, Crusader for the congrats and the offer (no worries on the double post). i like to keep my options open, so you never know. ;)

  22. Jessi aka " little sizzle"

    Dear Mahatma,

    I would like to thank you for reminding my(much older)sizzle in her self worship not to forget her indebtedness to me for my hard work!

    I walked “the mile” twice for her that night (around the mall once is a mile)stayed awake into the wee hours of the morning (12:00 AM) and still the much desereved recognition ignored in her spiel…

    *short pause…*

    not to mention having a gun pointed at your head for 3 hours can be a little nerve racking!

    Sincerely,
    Jessi

    Just kidding sizzle. It was fun…much congrats to ya. I am very proud to be able to say that my big sis is the one and only IMAO T-shirt babe!
    You will go down in the books, or should I say blogs? Love ya.

  23. wow, little sizzle! i didn’t know you were funny! oh wait, yes i did. but you’re stretching the truth a little… the gun wasn’t pointed at you for the entire 3 hours, some of the time i had a katana! and it’s not self-worship, only self-praise; worship would be if i were singing hymns to myself (oh. nevermind.) or bowing at my feet, which is really hard to do.

    and who was wearing the world’s cutest yet most uncomfortable shoes in the trek around “the mile”? that’s right, me!

    thanks, bebe, love you too!

  24. I’m sure photogs the world over are relieved that your lil sis survived the experience. :D

  25. Sarah, any marriage proposals yet?

    I was hoping you’d wait out for me but then again I can’t expect you to wait forever :)

  26. i’m sure they are, krakatoa.

    dan, none so far. are you serving time in prison or something? just wondering what all that wait talk is about.

  27. Well I gotta save up to come out to where you are (hence the wait)…although I’m gonna try!

  28. ah, so if i see someone stalking me, i’ll just turn around and say, “hi, dan, i’m sarahk!” well, i hope for your sake that you’re a sports-lovin’, outdoorsy conservative Christian, because i’d hate for you to move all the way out here from wherever for naught. oh, yeah, and looking like orlando bloom, mike modano or frank j wouldn’t hurt. ;)

  29. Thank you. You brought a much-needed smile to a vet.

    God Bless,

    Crusader

  30. I’m not a stalker :(.

    I guess I should give up my dreams of dating the IMAO babe

    *sigh

  31. crusader, glad i could make you smile. smile again. now.

    dan, you smile too, i was only teasing about the stalker thing. :D

  32. Pingback: IMAO

  33. Pingback: IMAO

  34. Pingback: Wizbang

  35. Pingback: Whomping Willow

  36. Pingback: Different River