RACHEL (SIDEWINDER): I need a piece of paper.
TOM: Here, how’s this?
SYDNEY: Sidewinder, I’m approaching the vault. What’s your status?
TOM (to Rachel): They’re ready for us.
SYDNEY: Sidewinder?
TOM: We’ve gotta go.
RACHEL (to Tom): Do you wanna come over here and do the advanced binomial calculus? Because I’d be more than happy to stand there and watch.
TOM: Sidewinder’s gonna need a little more time.

THUG: Isn’t that what the Bible says?
VAUGHN [in priest garb]: What, do I look like some kind of an expert?

JACK: Is something on your mind, Agent Vaughn?
VAUGHN: No, not really…. I’m not sleeping very well.
JACK: It’s Lauren, isn’t it?
VAUGHN: I think I see her sometimes. I mean, I thought I saw her in Algeria. Does that ever happen to you?
JACK: You mean, do I see Lauren?

VAUGHN: I miss you. I want to say that I miss you.

VAUGHN: i didn’t know you wore glasses.
JACK: only during surgery.
VAUGHN: well, i’m gonna go download the blueprints from the digital camera. but we’re still gonna need security codes to get into Camp Williams.
JACK: try Marshall. he should be able to log onto the NSC archive from his station at the Rotunda.
VAUGHN: that’s gonna be a little tricky with all the NSC agents crawling everywhere.
JACK: yes… if only Marshall had a well-trained CIA operative to assist him.
VAUGHN: you’re starting to like me again.

CASINO GUARD: Sir, I have an urgent message for you… outside.
DIXON: Yes, of course.
[guard throws Dixon against wall.]
DIXON: Hold on! What is the meaning of this?
GUARD: Your attache just called. Apparently, you’re stuck in Jamaica.
[long pause]
DIXON: I suppose there are worse places to be stuck.

SARKYPOOH: I’d offer you passage back to civilization, but my submersible only seats four.
SYDNEY: It’s the thought that counts.

MCKENNAS COLE: you don’t remember, do you? i, i didn’t at first either. we’ve met before.

it was about 5 years ago. here at sd-6… which was really rare for me, ’cause i was a freelancer, but i was here. and i saw you in the coffee room. you were wearing pigtails. and i asked you out…

now. i know i’m not the subtlest guy when it comes to women. and i probably said something insanely inappropriate, because you told me if i ever talked to you again, you’d break my kneecaps. which just … made me love you.

i’ve thought about you, these last 5 years, i have. um, just every once in a while i think, “i wonder whatever happened to pigtails?” and, um, you know, what i took away was the fact that you didn’t wanna go see some mediocre romantic comedy with me, sit in my pontiac in the parking lot where we talked for an hour before i made my move. you didn’t wanna kiss me. remember?

SYDNEY: no, i do not. but i can see not wanting to kiss you.

SLOANE: i need to find your employer.
SARKY-POOH: you raise an interesting point. given my current state of affairs, it doesn’t seem as if my affiliation with mr. khasinau is long for this earth.

not to worry, sarky baby, the whole CIA is no match for you. and neither was SD-6.

WOMAN IN SHADOWS: i have waited almost thirty years for this.
SYD: mom?

SYD: dixon, do you copy?
DIXON: wow, that’s loud.
SYD: you told marshall you wanted it louder. i was there.

ROBERT LINDSAY: If you’re finished — this is the men’s room.
SYD: Who let you in?

WILL: good guys or bad guys?
SYD: neither. my father.

MARSHALL: ok, um, this place you’re going to is … swank. i mean it’s, like, super-swank. which is why i made you these puppies … now. not only do they take pictures silently and have a telephoto lens, but … they’re super-swank.

SYDNEY: does that mean i’m in?
VAUGHN: no, not yet. they’re still reviewing your statement. you…wrote a lot.
SYDNEY: i know.
VAUGHN: i mean, it’s, like, tolstoy long.

WILL: you ever have a dream where you’re, uh, back at school? and they won’t let you graduate because you failed a test? that’s — i had that last night.
VAUGHN: well, we don’t screen for general knowledge. it’s strictly a psych profile.
WILL: so i can’t fail. but i can find out i’m a sociopath.

VAUGHN: let me make one thing very clear, mr. hassan. the extent to which i am willing to service you … is when i offer you a soda.

um, is it just me, or does vaughn offer a lot of sodas to detainees?

HALADKI: i’m not scared of you.
WEISS: well, you should start being scared of me.

VAUGHN: i’m agent vaughn. has anyone offered you a drink? i’m sure i could find you a soda.
long pause
VAUGHN: this is not a good time to be a terrorist, manolo. a couple years ago, you would have had some civil rights. now we just throw you in a cell, no attorney, no due process. so. who were you working for?
long pause
VAUGHN: ok. in that case, we’ll just let the pictures tell the story… satellite photos from four days ago showing you rigging a plantation building in the jungle near sambava. those photos are all we need to put you away for the rest of your life… so i’m gonna ask you one more time. do you want that soda?

VAUGHN: you’re cleared to read classified documents and you get a government salary, which isn’t much.
WILL: compared to what I make now it’s… much.

SYDNEY: hey!
WEISS: hey?? three months in the hospital, and i get a hey?? how about some sugar??

JACK (to SLOANE): personally, i would have found it anticlimactic. that after expecting to assemble a weapon of ultimate power, you ended up with a revelation you could have acquired from a fortune cookie.

SYDNEY: my math skills are above average, but i can’t do advanced calculus in my head.
SLOANE: that’s why you’re going in with marshall.
MARSHALL: marshall who?

SARK: whatever arvin sloane pays you, it can’t be enough. would you consider coming to work for me if it meant i’d let you walk out of here? i believe if you took the time to hear a comprehensive offer, you might actually say yes.
SYDNEY: you’re cute, but i’ll pass.

VAUGHN: last week when you talked about quitting sd-6 –
SYDNEY: i was being naive.
VAUGHN: — no, but . . . um, what you said about wanting to go to a hockey game, wanting me to be part of your life. i, uh . . . i think i wasn’t clear about something. . . that it would be nice. to be seen in public with you, to actually get to look at you. grab a pizza, or go to a hockey game. i just, i wasn’t clear that i would really like that too.

SYDNEY: i just wanted to rip his finger right off again. does that make me a bad person?
VAUGHN: no, but it might have blown your cover.

MARSHALL: we’re verifying the data now, sir, but it looks legit . . . legitimate.
KENDALL: yeah, i know what “legit” means.

WILL TIPPIN: oh, i got my thirty-days sobriety chip. even though i was never really a drug addict, i’m kind of proud.

WEISS: uh, flinkman, you know what would be great? english.
MARSHALL: oh, i’m sorry. i forgot. you’re not that astute.

MARSHALL: mr. bristow! mr. bristow!
JACK: yes, marshall.
MARSHALL: hi. i was doing some spelunking on the cia network. mapping it, really. just for kicks. and well, you can relax, because the death star plans are not on the main computer.

SYDNEY: have you seen vaughn?
WEISS: that’s all i am to you, a conduit to michael vaughn. have you ever seen vaughn and asked, “hey, where’s weiss?”?