super-spies for Bush!!
NZ Bear has the Heroes for Bush Roundup goin’ on over at The Truth Laid Bear. i’ve gone out and recruited my favorite heroes to stump for the President as well. gather round and listen to what three of my favorite super-spies have to say… or they’ll spy on you.
My name is Sydney Bristow. Eleven years ago, I was recruited by a secret branch of the CIA called SD-6. I was sworn to secrecy, but I couldn’t keep it from my fiance. And when the head of SD-6 found out, he had him killed. That’s when I learned the truth. The SD in SD-6 is a French term Section Disparate.
A French term!!
That’s why I support President Bush. Eleven years ago, a Democrat was in the White House, and the French were allowed to infiltrate the CIA! But while President Bush has been in power, I have never once been asked to work for a “French” part of the agency, I have only been asked to shoot French terrorists. So vote for Dubya, or work for the French.
My name is John Donohue “Jack” Bristow, but I go by the alias Spydaddy, Master of the Universe. As Master of the Universe, I assure you, I am omniscient, omnipotent, omnipresent, and omnibus. I have seen things your pathetic miniscule brain could not even fathom, things that would compel you to awake screaming in the middle of the night. Those things I do not fear, for I was the creator of most of them. I have killed many people, mostly foreigners, for the greater good of the United States of America and the world. All fear me.
All, save one.
George W. Bush is not afraid of me; he even threatened me once outside my Tai Kwan Do class, and I almost wet myself a little. Why, you ask? Why would I tremble in front of a man who is half my size, has half my knowledge and can only be in one place at all times? You don’t have
the clearance to hear the answer to that question.
However, in the interest of world-wide freedom and national security, I am willing to adjust the rules, as doing so will help me, and therefore, mankind. It’s simple, really. George W. Bush signs my paycheck. Oh, and he kicks terrorist… you get the idea.
So vote for President Bush. And I won’t hunt you down. Have a nice day.
Uh, hi, uh, I’m Marshall… ahem… Flinkman. Please don’t hurt me. Hey, is this… thing on? Uh, you wanted to know who I support in the election this year, right… Say, can I offer you a nice sugar-free candy? A bagel? I’ve got some… cream cheese over… Uh, right. Anyway, as someone who knows… heh heh… a thing or two about… guuuh… national security, I’m voting for President Bush. Because he, uh, lets me play with really cool stuff when I’m not out saving the world. Like this gadget here? I made it, of course, I mean, let’s face it, I’m the brains in this War on Terror, but George– uh– Mr. B– President Bush, he… uh… approved it. And… uh… my gadgets help Miss Bristow and Mr. Vaughn kill lots of bad guys… I don’t like bad guys… I kinda like working for the good guys.
images courtesy of the Vartan Hos, ABC and Touchstone TV.
Since I can’t vote for Bush, am I gonna die some horrible death that my family will for the rest of eternity believe was a result of my love of France? Please no! Don’t make them suffer so! I’ll do anything. ANYTHING!
October 22nd, 2004 at 7:59 pmHeroes For Bush: Roundup
October 22nd, 2004 at 8:06 pmWithout further delay, we present the Heroes for Bush blogburst. New submissions will be added to this post throughout Thursday evening and Friday. Check back often! Latest Via Sine Qua Non, John McClane: “”Yippee-ki-yay, motherf****r.” Bonus: Tracy…
LOL! Great, you captured Jack to a Tee. As for Marshall, the geekiness comes through. The Jennifer Garner pic isn’t too shabby either. But what about Vaughn? Surely he wasn’t a Clinton-era spook.
I agree with Truth, Die Hard is definately a Bushies movie. Auf wiederseh’n alle Terroristen.
October 22nd, 2004 at 8:20 pmHi, SarahK:
You could browse Blaockbuster and look for “Trancers” on DVD and learn of my namesake.
Though not really a spy. Anyone who enjoys time-travel, occasional violence and re-runs of “Peter Gunn” has got to be a Republican!
My second choice would be William Devane and a young Tommie Lee Jones as POWs returned home seeking vengeance south of the border in “Rolling Thunder”. Which is on VHS. No DVD yet.
Jack.
October 23rd, 2004 at 12:01 amthat last guy seemed a little efeminate to me.
Jus’ sayin’
October 23rd, 2004 at 12:23 amgreat post. im thinking that syd, jack, and marshall would all vote Bush. But what about Vaugn?
October 23rd, 2004 at 8:25 amVery, very good!
October 23rd, 2004 at 10:20 amWow, you have google ad for Gumbo File. I guess it did exist :)
October 23rd, 2004 at 11:20 amThe Bear, i suggest a move across the border. ;)
martin and mark, i write jack and marshall way better than i write vaughn, so he got left out.
thanks y’all!
frank, stay on topic or i’ll ban you! ;) i mean, haHA! i told you!
October 23rd, 2004 at 12:31 pmand it’s pronounced FEE-Lay….
jus’ sayin’
October 23rd, 2004 at 1:52 pmFee-Lay—isn’t that the song Eunice used to sing on Mama’s Family?
October 23rd, 2004 at 9:11 pmAhem. I know, that was retarded…